Extreme Parenting

[MsAli]

Hi Weg, it was abusive parenting. But having come from a culture where there is no sense of awareness on what is acceptable I'm not surprised that was the case. The connection was based on academics and success in general. I think that is really sad. I am a high achiever as a result. Fortunately I have learned to have the best of both worlds now and I'm glad I have gone beyond academics and I see property journey as a way to find and express my creativity (but I know some would call it being a workaholic).

I'm fortunate to have the awareness and have walked the path of changing me, and when I do have a family, I intend to be the most gentle parent I can ever be.

It goes from generation to generation with people repeating the same mistakes. But eventually a generation arrives that changes it all.

 

[Aaron_C]

Just curious Aaron and NsAli, would you say it was abusive or bordering on abusive parenting, or just that you were aware of being unhappy growing up?

I wasn't subject to tiger parenting, thankfully. I guess it came from my parents' knowledge/comfort that genetically speaking I was smart enough so large amounts of pushing wasn't required. There was discipline but that's no different from normal. I was happy with how I was brought up, I was a late bloomer anyway and achieved the pinnacle when it counted in year 12.

Also what would you do differently with you're own children regarding learning and time spent studying?

I would approach it the same way that I was raised as I think that this isthe appropriate balance.

 

[wylie]

Forcing is not right but I wouldn't consider getting them to learn something as tiger parenting especially swimming!

I probably didn't explain myself well. We had all three boys taught to swim from young ages. I was more thinking of the kids who were pushed to attend "squad" three or four days a week, after school, up and down the pool for an hour or two. Many kids told me they hated it, and I thought it a bit sad that they had no choice in this.

We never pushed our boys into squad. Oldest son was not sporty at all, so we never forced him, though he did a six week football clinic. He didn't kick a ball after that, but got a backpack and drink bottle, which he was happy with .

Next son is still playing soccer at a top level (but not professional) at age 21 and loves it. He plays or trains probably five times a week and coaches a junior team. He is very involved in his club.

Youngest son played club soccer but has only played school soccer three years of his high school years - last game yesterday. He won't continue, but I'll encourage him to either join with friends and play futsal or maybe soccer at his old club.

We never pushed the boys into any sport, or a musical instrument, though oldest son did want to learn piano, which he did for a while before losing interest.

A friend had an asian student stay with her for a while. Her parents were pushing her to study hard to get into dentistry. Father was a dentist. She wanted to go to the Con (music). She was told if she rebelled, she was coming straight back home. She was so unhappy she started cutting herself.

I've seen quite a few very unhappy kids who were forced into doing things they weren't interested in, but whose parents pushed and bullied them into continuing on, even knowing they were unhappy.

 

[VYBerlinaV8]

We (monalisa and I) had tiger parenting. We didn't like it. It did help us become very disciplined but it has many many downsides most tiger parents cannot empathise with.

I was subject to tiger parenting until I was about 16, but only in the context of academic achievement. It was kinda difficult because I never had tutors and went to a crap school.

The end result was that I crashed and burned in year 11, because I was so mentally exhausted. It took some years to get over this.

Because of this experience, I am much more focussed on balance with my own children, and on taking the lead on making sure they receive a wide-ranging, balanced and rich education.