Financial risks in new relationships. I wont go out with this man would you?

[Bargain Hunter]

I received an email from a guy and we are around 45-60 yrs old.

I receive emails everyday, job offers from randoms who 'saw my resume on seek'.... my resume is no where on line.

Why are you taking random emails, and then becoming emotionally attached or is there a whole lot of dialogue that I am missing here?

If you don't know him then delete the email and move on.

Regards

Andrew

 

[RumpledElf]

I was a penniless grad student when my wife married me . . . . Now my money is her money and her money is her money.

Awww ... yeah, sounds a bit like us

Been a bit over 6 years now. And we met on the internet, although not a 'random email'. He makes cute babies

 

[cu@thetop]

thanks for the good advice

some guys are successful, generous, trusthworthy themselves so they are worth expensive gifts and sharing assetts and being totally open with, but this one wasnt one of them!

It is an interesting dilemma for >40 yr old females (and males too I suppose). If by this stage they have not acquired assets (and retained them) they are losers. Everyone has a sob story but really only about 5% of stable sensible people end up in drama induced financial strife/bankruptcy through no fault of their own. Even on the short end of the stick a male will walk with 20% after a visit to the Family Court.

Google the first line of his email and see what comes up- google his name as well.

If a woman started giving me expensive gifts too early in the relationship I would run as she may be too insecure or perhaps a control freak. You should be going "Dutch" for the 1st few months anyway.

 

[pennyk]

Is this a hypothetical question, or have you met another man and dumped the employed, interstate guy .

.

my thoughts exactly.... and how is asking about it on a property investment site going to help!

i think its better to spend less time flitting through guys, and work on your own happiness. Someone will come along at the right time and in the right place. But if you start imagining every email from a guy, probably from a dating site, is going to lead anywhere serious, then your emotions just get trashed along the way. Slow down, enjoy life and relax.

 

[RumpledElf]

Someone will come along at the right time and in the right place.

That's exactly how I met mine! But at the time I didn't know he was a boy (let alone single and in the same city), and when I did I almost wrote him off for being too young. Good thing I'm so open minded!

I'm sure he'll give me hell when I turn 40 and he's a ditsy young 35. Our paths had almost-but-not-quite crossed when he was 18 too and I'm sure I would have written him off (more like not noticed) back then too for being the really quiet one at the back of the class, had he been one of my students. But then ... you know ... you're not supposed to do that with your students ...

For all you know Motivated, you already know The One and are brushing him off or ignoring him in your every day routine.

 

[pennyk]

I almost wrote him off for being too young. Good thing I'm so open minded!

I'm sure I would have written him off (more like not noticed) back then too for being the really quiet one at the back of the class, had he been one of my students. But then ... you know ... you're not supposed to do that with your students ...

For all you know Motivated, you already know The One and are brushing him off or ignoring him in your every day routine.

i almost wrote my man off for being too old (9 yrs older than me!)

Did you read my deepest darkest secret post...... I was also the really quiet one at the back of the class.

and I "lived with" my husband for around 3 years (he boarded with my family), worked with him, went to same gym, and when people regularly asked me if we liked each other, said I couldnt think of anything worse!! then one day it kind of clicked for him, but took me a little longer to be convinced. Interestingly a couple of weeks before we started dating. I had a D&M with a male friend of mine about not being able to find anyone I wanted to spend my life with!! I just had my eyes closed!!

 

[luce.rocks]

Nope. No way would I date him. Next!

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

how is asking about it on a property investment site going to help!

I'm glad someone finally asked this. Also can't help but think that if a bloke made a post like this, he'd be labelled 'shallow'.

 

[lizzie]

nope - we'd tell you to lose the bimbo and RUN

 

[cu@thetop]

nope - we'd tell you to lose the bimbo and RUN

Not a clear cut decision if she is stacked.

 

[Cdro]

Hmmm....you've only given us negative information about this guy, leaving us in a position where it's unlikely that we will give anything other than a negative response. So it sounds like you've already made the decision and are asking for reassurance. Why? Back your own decisions and trust yourself.

Only you know what you really want from a partner. What are the traits that are non-negotiable to the point that you would not accept any less? What are the things that you can live without but would be nice to have? Who do you really want to be with?

And most importantly, are you the sort of person that would attract someone that has all the things you want?

Hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[weg]

Hmmm....you've only given us negative information about this guy, leaving us in a position where it's unlikely that we will give anything other than a negative response. So it sounds like you've already made the decision and are asking for reassurance. Why? Back your own decisions and trust yourself.

Only you know what you really want from a partner. What are the traits that are non-negotiable to the point that you would not accept any less? What are the things that you can live without but would be nice to have? Who do you really want to be with?

And most importantly, are you the sort of person that would attract someone that has all the things you want?

Hope you find what you're looking for.

I find it strange that someone sends a negative email of themselves - don't most people on dating sites exaggerate their positives

If the OP values honesty this man could be a goer.

Btw, if he's close to 60 he'd be near retiring/old age anyway - he could have a job and lose it the week after he marries you OR has a stroke and ends up in a wheelchair. What would you do then? Food for thought .

 

[Peter 14.7]

actually i was the victim of a male who was a gold digger so learnt my lesson to choose carefully.

I just said i want someone with at least a basic average wage.

But yes the other post is funny.

Ok, I must be old school but don't you just fall in love? This a relationship not a business decision. Get a pre-nup but they don't work 100% percent.

Peter

 

[motivated 5555]

QUOTE=cu@thetop;800960]It is an interesting dilemma for >40 yr old females (and males too I suppose). If by this stage they have not acquired assets (and retained them) they are losers. Everyone has a sob story but really only about 5% of stable sensible people end up in drama induced financial strife/bankruptcy through no fault of their own. Even on the short end of the stick a male will walk with 20% after a visit to the Family Court.



yes i agree somewhat with the above!
I posted as i was in shock by the pressure he put on me,when i know what i want and what i have to stay well away from.
They dont say all this in their profile but i chat and screen, through email or msn, before meeting someone
The interstate one was fabulous and we both liked each other
but are finding interstate too hard
so i dont know if we will pick it up after his current work deadlines are over.
I am leaving it in his court as i feel trying to rush him is not going to help. If he wants to do things he will do them in his timing I've observed and thats fine.Either it will have its time or it wont.
He and i have extra things going on this year. Meanwhile we are both open to look at who else is local. Pity as he was particularly, loving, trustworthy, hilarious, calming, quality, sensible, smart, stable. I rarely am as interested and happy as i was with him.

Thanks for all the helpful answers.

I dont need more STDS ( sexually transmitted debts) been there done that when i was young, learnt my lesson very very well.

No its not just about falling in love with anyone in pants who has no income or incling to have an income and has a bad financial history not just currently but his entire adult life in 2 long term relationships. No falling in love with these sorry. I keep my feet planted well on the ground these days and my eyes open clearly.

 

[Deltaberry]

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was
16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a
passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything
was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened
suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was
totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so
dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did
mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me
miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very
energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some
ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted
firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced
me and took everything I owned.

Now I'm 40 and am looking for a girl with really big tits.

Should've stuck with the boring and stable one.