I HATE MONEY!!! All It Does Is Cause Strain & Stress!!!

[BoatBoy]

I actually had a look at Greenvale several months ago at a block of units that were for sale for about $40k each

Are they thinking that this will get up therefore driving prices up?

http://www.brr.com.au/event/BCN/2106/18213/

http://www.brr.com.au/event/GGY/902/24689/wmp/ocgh41w0s1

Dave

 

[wylie]

Do you have any siblings? If so, can they help out?

Wylie

 

[HandyAndy888]

Parents move in with you, their house is rented...the rent offsets their repayments...pay excess money back to the council...by this time a year will pass...sell house!

 

[Dean1337]

Why aren't they concerned? Because you've said you're going to pay the bills for them? And what are they going to do differently to make sure this doesn't happen again, other than gambling on the fact that their house is going to appreciate quickly in the near future?
Alex

I'm with Alex, I think you're helping them in wrong way and your plan could end up making your relationship with your parents difficult. Assume you lend them all this money and six months later they still need more money to keep the house or business. How are you going to feel then? Are you going to loan them more? What if, instead, you decide enough is enough? How are they going to feel about that? Are they going to feel abandoned because you've loaned them money before and now you not willing to do so?

What if the market drops, are you sure you are not going to feel any resentment? Often what we say we will feel and what we actually feel can be two different things. This path leads to so many possible problems, all in hope that one property will rise in price within 2-3 years. Not worth it.

The fact that so many here have suggested that the property should be sold is a good indication of what your parents should do. Convince them to sell the property and do not lend them any money. It’s harsh but far less stressful.

Best of luck, you have some hard decisions to make.

 

[Watermelon Man]

I'm with Alex, I think you're helping them in wrong way and your plan could end up making your relationship with your parents difficult. Assume you lend them all this money and six months later they still need more money to keep the house or business. How are you going to feel then? Are you going to loan them more? What if, instead, you decide enough is enough? How are they going to feel about that? Are they going to feel abandoned because you've loaned them money before and now you not willing to do so?

What if the market drops, are you sure you are not going to feel any resentment? Often what we say we will feel and what we actually feel can be two different things. This path leads to so many possible problems, all in hope that one property will rise in price within 2-3 years. Not worth it.

The fact that so many here have suggested that the property should be sold is a good indication of what your parents should do. Convince them to sell the property and do not lend them any money. It’s harsh but far less stressful.

Best of luck, you have some hard decisions to make.

I appreciate some of the comments here however I also feel you & Alex & maybe others have no emotional attachment to their parents - where is the "LOVE" here? I think those comments are heartless. My brother was killed in a motorcycle accident 12 years ago so it is just me & my folks. Because of that I feel much closer to them. How can I abandon my folks at a time when they need assistance; financial that it may - if you're just going to look at this situation without an emotional attachment related then IMO the relationship you have with your parents is purely business not emotional. And as others have made harsh comments; this comment may be harsh too.

Thank you for all of you who have contributed with words of encouragement & positive advice - I appreciate it!

 

[Watermelon Man]

Why aren't they concerned? Because you've said you're going to pay the bills for them? And what are they going to do differently to make sure this doesn't happen again, other than gambling on the fact that their house is going to appreciate quickly in the near future?
Alex

They weren't concerned prior to me suggesting that I would consider helping them out.

Honestly Alex, why am I not surprised at your hard-edged no emotion responses?? You've always been like that with me.

 

[Norwester]

WMM,

Rule # 1

Beware of the mudcrabs

Rule # 2 See above.

I really appreciate your sentiment in regard to your family, but if no behaviours are changed then the issue will only occur again. If it was a once off event that led to their demise - well OK fair enough.

It is very simple - you cannot spend more than you earn - end of story.

ciao

Nor

 

[alexlee]

They weren't concerned prior to me suggesting that I would consider helping them out.

Honestly Alex, why am I not surprised at your hard-edged no emotion responses?? You've always been like that with me.

I'm like that with everyone. Some people like it, some people don't. I actually take it as a complement, since lack of emotion is a good trait when it comes to money matters. Seriously, though, given the situation do you really just want the emotional feel-good comments? I think you might benefit more from some cold analysis.

Do you think their lack of concern is a good thing, given that it's what got them into trouble in the first place? Whether you help them or not? Given that their attitude hasn't changed, don't you think that means 6, 12, 18 months from now it's all going to happen again?
Alex

 

[wylie]

I believe you should help them to the extent that you do not give up what you have already gained. Do as much as you need to do to avoid having someone sell their house out from under them. Is their own house rented?

I understand that your father's feelings about his worth are tied up in the business, but perhaps it is something that can be looked at with a financial adviser or counselor. I know my father was absolutely lost when he retired - his role and purpose were gone.

Because you are the only "heir" then helping them now is a much easier choice than if there were other siblings who did not help out financially, but would share in a future estate (if any). I have seen the bitterness this can cause in my husband's family (long story), but as you are the only surviving child, this will not be an issue for you.

I think they need your support, but they need to address their situation honestly and realistically and maybe make some changes.

Good luck, and I hope one day you have someone who will take as much care of you as you are of them (frustrating though it may be).

Wylie

 

[ani]

Hi WM

It is nothing to do with loving your parents or not; sometimes tough love is called for. I can't believe they aren't concerned and think it is ok for you to bail them out all the time

All I can see happening here is good money following bad and you ending up in dire financial straits also which will help no-one!

They seriously need to look at their beliefs about money and see a debt counsellor.

Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.....

 

[Watermelon Man]

Do you think their lack of concern is a good thing, given that it's what got them into trouble in the first place? Whether you help them or not? Given that their attitude hasn't changed, don't you think that means 6, 12, 18 months from now it's all going to happen again?
Alex

I despise your comment above!! I'd like to see how you & a few of the knockers here would feel if your parents were in the same shoes as mine. Given your comments, I think you'd let them fend for themselves!!

My Folks don't like when I have to occasionally help them out; but honestly what should I do if they ask - "Oh sorry, I could help you but I'm not going to" - how heartless is that! Maybe if you don't have a very good relationship with your parents you'll respond like this, but when you lose your only brother & it's just me & them - I'm sorry but I'm not going to let my parents down as they haven't let me done in the past!

 

[alexlee]

I know more about this sort of thing than you think. Helping them only reinforces their behaviour: they have no incentive to change because they can't see the consequences. Habits are hard to change and in most cases a person won't change unless they are truly facing the negative consequences of their actions. It's cruel, but necessary.

In my case, we DID let that person fend for themselves. We are barely on speaking terms now, but you know, that person DID end up standing on his own two feet and now at least is getting by without help. In retrospect, I would do it again, but earlier.

Despise away, but I notice you didn't disagree with my comment that this situation might happen again. Don't think this is the end of it if your parents haven't made any changes.
Alex

 

[Dean1337]

I despise your comment above!! I'd like to see how you & a few of the knockers here would feel if your parents were in the same shoes as mine. Given your comments, I think you'd let them fend for themselves!!

My Folks don't like when I have to occasionally help them out; but honestly what should I do if they ask - "Oh sorry, I could help you but I'm not going to" - how heartless is that! Maybe if you don't have a very good relationship with your parents you'll respond like this, but when you lose your only brother & it's just me & them - I'm sorry but I'm not going to let my parents down as they haven't let me done in the past!

Understandable WM, it is easy for us to pass judgement when we are not the ones who are affected by this and you know your parents better than we ever will. Just be careful that the choices you make are wise ones rather than emontional.

Best of luck.

 

[steveadl]

For the record I have a good relationship with my parents, and even though they have pretty much lost everything a while back except the house they live in (and are now both on seniors pensions), they don't expect to be helped out by their children.

I stress I am NOT having a go at you, and I believe you should help your parents out if that's what you believe, BUT make sure you are helping to SOLVE the problem, and not just patch it up for a couple more years. Otherwise nothing has been resolved, and the same situation will reel it's head in another year or two.

A lot of people have given you good advice in this thread. The only thing I would add is in regards to the business. I believe this is EXTREMELY important - do not keep throwing money at a loss making business just to give your father something to do during the day.

I'm not trying to pretend I have the answer as to what he should do, but no good can come from continuing to subside a loss making business, especially if it is not showing any signs of growth/potential.

This is not an attack WMMan, as you probably are aware, I appreciate your input to SS. But I repeat - what ever action you take - you seriously need to look at solving the problem, not doing a bandage job.

 

[MarkB]

WM

Clearly you've made up your mind, so what anyone else thinks is irrelevant.

You can only do what you think is right.

So, whatever that is, do it.

M

ps. If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question.

 

[kingchevy]

Mate my parents wouldn't help me if I wasn't willing to help myself why should you do this for you're parents they have to be willing to make the decisions about there lives themselves maybe then they might understand why at there age they are in the position they are in.

I believe harsh cold reality is sometimes the best thing you can do to help someone what is the point of diminishing you're finacial abilitie to help them later on when they really need it ie lost everything at the moment the have the option of fixing all there problems instead of playing the I'm a poor pensioner I can't pay my rates...........

Sorry for been harsh I feel for you're situation but damn do you think what you're doing is really going to help at the end of the day...

 

[aaarghhh]

Hey WM

Make you own mind up on how you want to problem solve. Several members have given suggestions. Some good advice, some not so good advice.
You get to choose what action to take.

After all it's all about choices and informed decisions. Try not to take things so personal.

Aaron (advice suggestor)

 

[The Y-man]

Does one give them fish, or the net and instructions (and the short term pain that goes with learning something new)......

Cheers,

The Y-man

 

[GoAnna!]

They weren't concerned prior to me suggesting that I would consider helping them out.

Honestly Alex, why am I not surprised at your hard-edged no emotion responses?? You've always been like that with me.

WMM

You were telling us this situation was causing you enormous stress and tears and that your father was fearful he woudl lose his house. And now you say they were not concerned?? If they were not concerned and you were not concerned then why are we all responding to this thread which has such an emotive heading?

 

[skater]

I appreciate some of the comments here however I also feel you & Alex & maybe others have no emotional attachment to their parents - where is the "LOVE" here?

It's called tough love. Sometimes you really do have to be cruel to be kind.

Why not take them to an independant financial advisor. They need to be told what to do from someone other than their child as they will never see that you have more financial nous than them (been there too, so I know this first hand). They need to be forced to look at the big picture to realise that they have put themselves in this predicament & it is not your job to bail them out everytime they do it, because believe me they will be looking to their "rich son" to help them again & again. You need to put a stop to it ASAP, or your future will be what you see in your parents.

Currently they have a vacant house. Surely it could fetch something in rent? Wouldn't that help? They have several years of unpaid rates. Could they not have spoken with Council to do something about this? They have a Business that is not running as well as it could. Again, aren't there things they could do to help this situation?

Without knowing them personally there are 3 ways they could help themselves, but they don't. You need to let them get out of their own mess. Give them a hand up (financial advisor), not a hand out (never ending supply of money). You could offer to pay for the advisor for them because you are loving son.