Is it OK to date an old friend/work colleague's ex-wife?

[sword_fish]

OK the rundown - I used to work in an office for 4 years with an old friend/work colleague of mine (we are the same age) - he was my sales manager. He wasn't part of my social circle - just work colleagues. We occasionally went out socially with other work mates & the annual Xmas party; hardly "friends".

Now in Jan 2011, he separated from his wife (who I had spent like 1 hour in total talking to over the past 4 years at various points in time). I was still working with him up to Oct 2011. Around mid 2011, I ran into her & got talking & then developed a friendship over the past few months (catching up with each other - purely friendship).

Now, he hates his ex-wife (divorce pending) & around March 2011 started dating his best mate's ex-wife & are now they are boyfriend/girlfriend (another story for another day...)

I have since quit my job at the office with the sales manager & had a falling out with him over some work things.

Now, his ex-wife & I are becoming a bit more than "friends" & I want to date her; however I feel this may be "crossing the line", but on the other hand I feel it's OK for the following reason.

If the sales manager & I were "friends" & he was part of my social circle, then I would say "don't go there, it's a friend & I wouldn't want it happening to me on the other foot", but he's hardly a friend (we had a falling out), so it's OK to proceed.

What do you think?

 

[pennyk]

I think if you are no longer working together, and arent in the same social circle, then its fine.

One complication may be if you need him as a referee down the track... but it sounds like that would be a complication already, if you've had a falling out.
Another maybe if you have friends from your old workplace and they are friends with both you and him, and there are some social events that you are both invited to. But you and he will just need to deal with that situation as it arises.

But he has obviously moved on.... so there is no reason why his ex-wife cant also move on.

 

[Gremlin]

What an interesting first post to a property investment forum!

Have you considered her unimproved value? Are you looking for a short term lease or a long term investment? How would you be financing the arrangement? Interest Only may not necessarily be the best option for this kind of deal.

 

[pennyk]

What an interesting first post to a property investment forum!

Have you considered her unimproved value? Are you looking for a short term lease or a long term investment? How would you be financing the arrangement? Interest Only may not necessarily be the best option for this kind of deal.

oh, I didnt realise it was a first post... I wouldnt have spent so much time replying!
But I think you have made some excellent points!

 

[Lil Skater]

I never realised "Somersoft Property Investors Forum" actually meant "Somersoft Relationship Helpline".

 

[evand]

It's obviously a forum member under a new name.

 

[Scott No Mates]

Could there be a better way of getting back at an ex-colleague than to go off with his ex?

 

[Rockstar]

It's obviously a forum member under a new name.

Who already knows what such wonderful counsellors we all are.

 

[eggnog]

Could there be a better way of getting back at an ex-colleague than to go off with his ex?

Sure there is. When you're done with his ex try for his current girlfriend also

... & around March 2011 started dating his best mate's ex-wife & are now they are boyfriend/girlfriend (another story for another day...)

 

[RumpledElf]

Who already knows what such wonderful counsellors we all are.

That explains why so many people make this kind of post as their first post in the coffee lounge

 

[kathryn d]

He's not your friend. You don't travel in the same social circles.
You had a falling out.He hates his ex wife.
He has a new g/f.

Seems pretty clearcut to me.

 

[womble66]

no matter what anyone says expect some reaction from the guy. its just one of those things and it wont matter how long its been or how many relationships he has been in since its just the fact you know him and you knew his ex-wife.

its shouldnt matter and I dont think you are doing anything wrong it just one of those in-built male mechanisms that is part of our makeup. seen it raise it head several times in my life and usually ends in some form of drama.

you might be lucky and he isn't concerned about you "looking for a long term investment'" or "refinancing to take advantage of her unimproved value" that her failed to realise. (tic)

good luck.

 

[Macca]

He seems to have moved on so it is fair enough for you and her to do so as well.

Good luck, I hope it turns into a long term hold

 

[Pa1nter]

I don't see a problems as long as no children are involved

 

[Bon]

Grow a pair, for christ's sake.

 

[Terryw]

would make a good seinfeld episode.

 

[weg]

The only thing that could be a problem is his input into future references, otherwise I don't see what the big deal is (especially as you didn't socialise with him and his wife before hand to have him suspect something was going on behind his back).

You've already had a work related problem between you resulting in you leaving the job, so no love lost either way.

 

[Piston Broke]

The nic "Sword Fish" is definitely well chosen! Classic!

Well I 'd say first checkout how many assets they have and how much she's gonna get from him when they divorce.
Then tell her you lost all your money in a bad biz venture and you might soon need a place to stay. Use this to get info on what assets she may have coming her way.
If they don't have a PPOR and at least a couple of IPs, then don't waste your time. We are here at the end of the day because we are interested in Real Estate aren't we?
If they dont have assets and you told her about yours...then your the next schmuk..uhm no i mean escape plan.
Hangout with her on the weekends, and tun up early if she can cook.
As time goes by, regurgitate to her those SS tightarse posts you been reading on here for years about how you drive miles or spend hours just to save $2.78, as if they were your very own (maybe they were).
Then start the the "biz gone bad" story, and see how long she hangs around.
If she's still interested after that, you may have something.
If she's giving you the sob story of nowhere to live... then it might be interesting times ahead.

Good luck with that sword!

 

[capitalist]

Francine ??

 

[Casserole Dish]

Francine ??

Bwahahaha! Good one. Perhaps the male version?

I like Piston's take on it all. Honestly, why get so tangled with 'ex' ppl? They are ex's for a reason I'd say and damaged goods. Get a nice unmarried lady without baggage. You're just not trying hard enough.

This belongs in "Ask Bossy".