Is silence golden ?

[saucy gibbon]

I have never discussed my investing with anyone other than the people I deal with on a professional basis (ie financial advisor, mortgage broker) and my parents.

My view has been that it will change things, that I will be viewed as being luckier, better off, richer etc etc. Its not something I want to have happen.

My brothers and I all had the same opportunities, I believe that both my brothers are more intelligent than I and yet I'm the one holding a couple of properties.

Both my brothers are destined for lousy retirements due to the complete lack of saving, buying whatever whenever.

I'm now starting to think that perhaps I should be trying to educate them, afterall I'll need someone to go fishing with up north.

My concern is that if I tell them they may not act and view me differently or if they do act and it comes unstuck then I'm the reason for their woes.

What say you O forum ? My relationship with my brothers is in your hands.

***cue dramatic music ***

 

[Xenia]

I think most people on this forum have the same problems with their own families and friends. That's why we are here, to network with like minded investors instead of people with poverty mentalities.

Both my brother in laws detest the idea of owning properties they would "rather be happy than rich" they have a belief that it is mutually exclusive. They also believe that you work hard in a job and the government has the responsibility to look after you at retirement.

We therefore don't offer any ADVICE or tell them what to do, but we DO tell them what we have and what we do.

After 5 years, one of them is now starting to question how we are able to buy one property a month when we don't have an income, it just dosen't make sense to him (he is basing calculations on negative geared properties and funding them from a salary).
Now, that we have his curiosity, we are starting to explain to him what we know, had it been before then, it would have been violently rejected!!

 

[Xenia]

The moral of the story is first arise an interest and some confidence in what you are doing and only tell them if they ask!!!

 

[wish-ga]

This is an interesting one... like that you want to have your brothers do well and put nicely with wanting company for angling expeditions ... someone's gotta pass you a chilled bevvie huh?

This predicament does come up from time to time. And although it is possible to search for threads maybe some of our new members would like to share in a brand new thread.

I am not successful enough to have anything to keep mum about yet... however I plan to keep pretty schtum.

People I've told I am really enthusiastic about Jan's investing concept say "must get the name of that book" but never get around to asking - funny.

I know a few forumites took the "Here... read this then we can have a chat" approach. I think it is a good lead-a-horse-to-water way.

My friend who owns her home outright has done nothing with the knowledge from the Jan Somers book I bought her. Another other friend borrowed my copy - has two ppor homes (city & coast) and dink status ie greater servicability/equity than I. Gave it back unread.

Keeping with the horses theme......

horses for courses... they may be doing other things I don't know about. *wink* Works both ways this keeping schtum.

 

[kissfan]

Hi SG.

You could possibly bring up investing (doesn't have to be houses) in a conversation, and see what sort of a 'bite' you get.

If interest is shown, maybe pass on a bit of knowledge/thoughts etc and see what reaction you get before proceding.

If your brothers are interested, they will let you know.

It's no good trying to help/educate someone if they aren't ready to hear it.

Regards
Marty

 

[The Y-man]

Ask them what they think of the new Govt ad's on TV about understanding money. Maybe tell them you are going to one of the seminars and if they'd be intered in coming along.

Cheers,

The Y-man

 

[Dazz]

No .

 

[Simon]

I have never had this problem and for the life of me I cannot think why.

I rarely raise the subject of my invesments but if it is I am happy to disuss with folks what I have done well and what I have done badly. Noone has ever abused me to date (knock on wood). Noone has ever told me that they thought me greedy or too money focussed.

I am not trying to big note myself in any way - but this questions comes up so often that it must be a very common experience.

The only difference I can think of, is that as a fellow over 40, people are not surprised that I invest. Perhaps this mostly happens with successful younger people? Is this shared by others?

 

[Tizzy]

Maybe its different when you raise the topic of "doing something together " with your kids than with your siblings, I'm not sure. But It works for us with our kids and we get a buzz out of doing property investing together. If I had siblings I probably would want to say... this is what I'm doing (and why), how about it? Want to get involved?
You'd know straight away whether to mention it again! If they don't take you up on it, then that's their choice. You've done your best. If they give you the fixed smile like you've mentioned belonging to some weird cult group then drop the subject.

With friends I test the waters very cautiously with property investment talk. I soon get the message if its a no go area. Luckily I have a number of friends who are interested.

 

[alexlee]

You can't help everyone. Just make sure they're aware that you invest, and if they're interested they'll talk to you. If they're not, you'll just end up fighting if you push too hard.

Find the fishing equivalent of Somersoft and find fishing partners there.
Alex

 

[Aceyducey]

Gibbon,

They've had the same opportunities as you - so rubbing their noses in the fact that they missed them is not a particularly effective strategy for helping them reach that lightbulb moment.

Most people prefer to live in denial, it's safer and less 'face' losing than admitting that they've wasted years of their life and thousands of dollars - particularly to family and close friends.

About the best you can do is not keep what you're doing a secret - without pushing it on them.

Let them come to you if they are interested.

Cheers,

Aceyducey

 

[Tizzy]

About the best you can do is not keep what you're doing a secret - without pushing it on them.

Thats spot on advice.

 

[Beach Bum]

I'd say don't put anything in the hands of an online forum first.

But if you insist, I'd add:

- Don't have a "patronizing" or condescending" attitude towards them (or others)
- Past is gone, what done is done, only look ahead
- Drop some subtle hints, but don't push the issue
- Ask for an opinion, ie "Hey bro, wadda think bout this as an investment I came accross".
I could be an opportunity for joint venture as well.

 

[stockt12]

I'd love to live in a world run by Bill and Ted.

I therefore help anyone and everyone in regards to all fields. I am new to this one.. and can only offer small bits, but the more I learn.. the more I'll offer.

I can understand your feelings mate... sometimes people seem to not deserve help and aid... then there are the selfish souls who have worked hard all their lives and would rather not offer anything of themselves. To a degree I really appreciate their thoughts...

But, I am not here for such ideals.

Best Regards

 

[Pablo]

then there are the selfish souls who have worked hard all their lives and would rather not offer anything of themselves.

I really hate these people. I started out as a toolmaker in a workplace where there were allot of toolmakers about to retire, these guys were very skilled and had built themselves a small empire where they were the kingpins all becuase they would not share their tricks of the trade with the younger guys and of course all these skills retired with them and are now lost.

So I always make a point of answering Q's and encouraging people when prompted.

While I dont promote my interest in investing I don't hide it either and when someone sees me reading a property book during my lunch hour and starts asking me Q's I will gladly share what I know.

This can hurt when you create competition for yourself though, but it will only make you stronger in the long run.

During easter I went to a BBQ at my mates and a lady started to enquire about investing, my mate who is into shares started raving on about how good shares are and I of course started on about property. I think that I must have been the most convincing though becuase a couple months later my mate was competing against me at an auction for a property. (We both missed out though as we were looking for somthing below market value).

All the best Pablo.

 

[lowb]

they're your family I guess.

for me, I would just be very generous with them (in terms of money), they would be happy about that.

 

[Macca]

Anytime I have tried to encourage members of my family to invest, the eyes start to glaze over.

I now just mention what I have been up to and if they ask for any more info then I expand the discussion.

I always say that I am happy to help in any way if I can and leave it up to them.

One member has been going to "call me soon" every time we have met in the past 3 years.

They have to be ready, you can't push them, it will only cause problems IMHO.

 

[Aceyducey]

quote=stockt12 - then there are the selfish souls who have worked hard all their lives and would rather not offer anything of themselves.
I really hate these people. I started out as a toolmaker in a workplace where there were allot of toolmakers about to retire, these guys were very skilled and had built themselves a small empire where they were the kingpins all becuase they would not share their tricks of the trade with the younger guys and of course all these skills retired with them and are now lost.

pablo,

I know how you feel.

People who have a 'scarcity' mindset work on the basis that by hoarding their knowledge they make themselves more valuable and powerful.

Whereas people with a 'plenty' mindset are willing to share their expertise and knowledge on the basis that as the net reach and scope of knowledge grows they will benefit, as will others, from the new perspectives, ideas and growth in the economy.

Modern society was built on a plenty mindset - plenty of energy, no limits to knowledge or to human achievement.

Whereas the stagnant middle-ages were built on scarcity - protect what you had, limit knowledge and resources through control and force. (fortunately a series of natural disasters wiped out a large % of the population and thus broke down the control and made people more valuable...which together with the opening of the gates of knowledge due to a few forward thinkers lead to today's plenty society)

Of course, a plenty mindset also has to factor in natural limits - and overcome them through greater knowledge sharing and co-operative effort.

Or turn inwards towards a scarcity mindset....

I believe we're at one of those inflexion points now as a global society

Cheers,

Aceyducey

 

[arg821]

An interesting subject. Going back a few years, after I had already purchased a couple of IPs, I remember being over the parent's place for a family get together. I have one Brother, and one Sister, both married and therefore their other halves were there also.

I had recently purchased two more properties and had informed the parents, as I do, so that they have an insight into where we're going with our future, and Dad was really interested in the concept of property investing which was so foreign to him.

Well, out of nowhere Dad suddenly gets all excited and says to everyone "and guess what Andrew & Gerry have just bought" and left me to finish the sentence etc... Talk about completely embarassed (not because of what we'd purchased, but the way it was having a spotlight shining on it). !!!

Lets just say that my older sister quickly changed the subject to a new TV and surround sound system that they had just purchased!! Talk about competition here we come! My wife and I felt a bit awkward after that. Whilst I was happy to continue talking about what we were doing (in a low key effect for everyone elses benefit), it was easy to see a sudden bit of nervousness in the room. Really, how pathetic!

I think from that moment onwards, we have observed just how competitive people can be - family and friends for that matter. As soon as you mention you have paid off your own home and have been investing in R/E for a while you get to see whether people are interested or just jeolous (especially as I was just 30). I have spoken to my work collegues about investing, as most of them are young also (I'm 35 now and have 7 IPs), purely from an educational point of view. I would rather them hear a few of my success stories (said in a definate non-bragging manner) and get keen to check it out themselves than have not shared at all and see them struggle the rest of their lives.

Incidentally Dad kept telling everyone every purchase we made, it got kinda funny in the end because I really didn't care anymore. We never boasted about what we were doing, but we were providing some limited information that they could follow up on if they so wished to. Incidentally, we spent a lot of time explaining things to my Brother, and now he too owns some IPs (2 at this stage).

Needless to say, my Sister and Husband are still paying off their PPOR. She is a stay at home mum who seems has a bit of a toffee nose as far as I'm concerned, and unfortunately her husband is going to be working the rest of his life like so many other people I know. It is a real shame. I would like to show them that there really is a "better way", but you know with some people you just need to let them go and do things their way, as after all it is their lives.

Andrew.

 

[lizzie]

i don't mention our investments to any family except my mother - and she is thrilled to talk property with me, as she has several of her own, but doesn't tell anyone else.

i pulled my head in at ip #3 when i was excitedly talking about its potential and my sister accused me of being a greedy snob ... that stopped me in my tracks!

mind you, she chose to have 5 kids, drives a clapper old van that keeps breaking down and pays a fortune to her church. her hubby is on good money but it just seems to get sucked away.