Is silence golden ?

[HotRod]

Only people that know we have property are our ex next door neighbours who now live on the Sunshine Coast and two lots of friends.

They are like minded and easy to talk to about IP investing as they know and also want to learn.

Have never told parents or family as they would be more judemental (already enjoy some of the trappings of IP investing which they know of but don't know how nor have asked how we came by them, so them knowing we have more would really raise their ire) and worry about us having $1.4M in debt against $3.0 in property . Would give my mother-in-law a heart attack (mmm maybe I should just..... )

They would worry about the debt and not think about the $1.6M in equity to do more with.

"equity maaaaate"

 

[oc1]

i don't mention our investments to any family except my mother - and she is thrilled to talk property with me, as she has several of her own, but doesn't tell anyone else.

Same here...except its my father.

The only other people I share what I do are the investors I work with. Easier to keep it this way IMO.

Oscar

 

[Monopoly]

I have never discussed my investing with anyone other than the people I deal with on a professional basis (ie financial advisor, mortgage broker) and my parents.

My view has been that it will change things, that I will be viewed as being luckier, better off, richer etc etc. Its not something I want to have happen.

My brothers and I all had the same opportunities, I believe that both my brothers are more intelligent than I and yet I'm the one holding a couple of properties.

Both my brothers are destined for lousy retirements due to the complete lack of saving, buying whatever whenever.

I'm now starting to think that perhaps I should be trying to educate them, afterall I'll need someone to go fishing with up north.

My concern is that if I tell them they may not act and view me differently or if they do act and it comes unstuck then I'm the reason for their woes.

What say you O forum ? My relationship with my brothers is in your hands.

***cue dramatic music ***

IMO the only time "silence is golden" is:

when the listener has a headache
when the listener is hard of hearing (literally or figuratively)
when the listener is dead, or
when YOU farted!!!

Seriously, they are your family so you should be able to communicate openly and honestly with them; share your concerns/ideas with equal amounts of passion and TACT to ensure it conveys a clear message that you are only trying to guide, not dictate!!!

If after all your efforts, your advice falls on deaf ears; bow out gracefully and if it goes pear shape for them in years to come (because they are "family" don't try doing the little "I-told-you-so" dance; it's a relationship killer!!!)

Bottom line, when it comes from the heart, your sincerity will be felt. But if it comes out of egotism, it too will be noted, and RESENTED!!

In short....SILENCE IS NOT ALWAYS GOLDEN!!!

 

[Beach Bum]

Wow some of those replies are an eye opener.
My family memories are about real estate, business, banks, building & renovating. My parents did'nt have all that much, but they were always looking at the long term. Interest rates, banks, business, oil crisis (it was the 70's) politics was normal "dinner talk" in my house.
I remember from the age of 10 or 11 years old and being asked what I thought about "us" buying an IP, land, business etc and even what I thought about a relative of mine buying the business he worked at, when I was 14.
Looks like I'm the odd one around here

moral of the story:
Don't talk to your kids about finance & business. They'll become vociferous, obnoxious, insolent, opinionated know it all's retired by 30 with even more time to annoy everyone else

Now I can go back to sucking my golden spoon (my soapbox is ful of them )

 

[Monopoly]

moral of the story:
Don't talk to your kids about finance & business. They'll become vociferous, obnoxious, insolent, opinionated know it all's retired by 30 with even more time to annoy everyone else

Ahhhhhh dozen matta....there's always THERAPY!!! Besides, if the talk fest with a shrink doesn't straighten them out, relax...the consult bill certainly will!!!

 

[skater]

Our family know we have property but not how much. When we bought the first IP the response was "Good onya" "Building a future" "Wish I had done that" etc. With the second the response was "Oh, another one" "So soon" "Bit risky" etc. The third one got "That's just greed" "How many do you need" etc.

We haven't told them about any more, with the exception of one of Hubby's brothers who has one of his own, however even he only thinks we have a few. I don't know what it is, maybe tall poppy syndrome, maybe jealousy, but when we told it wasn't to gloat as I would love for some of them to follow suit.

Some of our older nephews have bought property, but the funny thing is that not once have we been asked for advice (they know we have property), although we would have gone out of our way to help, they have instead gone to their own parents (who don't own anything other that a PPOR & have no understanding of anything to do with investing at all).

 

[Beach Bum]

Skater (and others) I think it goes both ways, they see us as "tall poppies" and we see them as losers.
We're greedy, they're lazy etc etc

 

[skater]

Skater (and others) I think it goes both ways, they see us as "tall poppies" and we see them as losers.
We're greedy, they're lazy etc etc

On the contrary. I don't see any of them as losers. They don't have the same goals as me, & I'm fine with that. None of them are lazy, but they do perceive us as greedy. I think it goes with the fact that a lot of people truely believe that to be wealthy you either have to screw people, be extremely lucky, or to be doing something illegal.

 

[lowb]

Thinking about it another way, is it really possible to keep owning many IPs a secret from family?

And actually, its pretty difficult to keep it a secret from close friends: for example, a friend asks you what you are doing on the weekend...

 

[geoffw]

Thinking about it another way, is it really possible to keep owning many IPs a secret from family?

And actually, its pretty difficult to keep it a secret from close friends: for example, a friend asks you what you are doing on the weekend...

I kept everything but my first IP secret from my parents.

And then there was a magazine article and a TV thingo, which blew the lot.

 

[Monopoly]

Thinking about it another way, is it really possible to keep owning many IPs a secret from family?

And actually, its pretty difficult to keep it a secret from close friends: for example, a friend asks you what you are doing on the weekend...

Keeping silent doesn't (have to, and IMO shouldn't) mean keeping secrets.

There is a big difference between keeping things low key and not putting stuff in other peoples faces, and having to make up lies about how you've been spending your weekends.

Besides, if you get caught out (lying) and inevitably you will, it won't do much for your relationship(s).

Be honest, be open, and above all be tactful!!!

 

[lizzie]

personally i've never lied - and do tell when asked what i've been up to ... but i tell the bare minimum and then leave it to either be asked further about or not.

i've made it a policy not to lie in life - one always, always gets caught out eventually.