Pointless moan

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serendip

I'm tentatively dipping my toe into developing & doing some feasibility on a block of land. I've briefly spoken to a town planner & am getting the contract of sale, I've exhausted my limited knowledge &, as this is my first development, plan on engaging a project manager, have a formal feasibility study done etc.

Today my parents came to look at the block with me, this was Mum's suggestion. Mum's very supportive & interested but as I'm single they often stick their nose in where they would not think of doing with my brother, we've had this conversation previously when I've asked them to back off a bit. Anyway, my Dad started catastrophising (totally a word, right??) over something on the block which I hadn't noticed. When I remained calm & simply said "yes, I'll need to look into that" he kept going & escalating about how I should walk away, it was obviously a problem etc. It's complete crap, he has no idea if it's a major issue, how much it would cost, I haven't made an offer on the land so it is completely not the drama he was making it out to be. Eventually, when I asked him to calm down & acknowledge I'd said I would look into it he stomped off in a huff. This is completely "normal" behaviour for my Dad.

My lesson for the day is to stop talking to them about this stuff & just get on & do it. It's none of their damn business & if they're, well he is, going to have kittens about something which may not even be a problem then clearly he'll just stress me out & not add any value what so ever to the process.
 
There's certain details I tell some friends / family and different certain details I tell others friends / family. I know which items will rile up some people or fly completely over their heads.

For eg I didnt tell my parents that my lastest house had structural repair work done during settlement cuz they'd worry.
 
Actually D.T,i'm opposite,rather be up front and you can take what you will from different opinions,be it negative or positive.Up to the individual right?

Ps.Live it up a little and let someone else blow there blood pressure lol.
 
Every house we bought - my mother in law would carry on and lament "what are you buying this old dump for" - and I'd hear about "the old dump" endlessly.

Then, when reno's were done and we were readying to sell before moving onto the next "old dump" she would visit and gush about how wonderful the house looked.

We've learnt very early to just nod and say "yes Nan" without actually listening.

Stay strong, nod politely, and do what you know is right.
 
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Hahaha... at least you tell them what you're buying... my parents only know I'm planning on buying one. They don't know that I'm on my way to the 2nd. Mum will totally gone OMG if she knows :D
 
Chin Up - Keep following your goals and don't listen to the noise. Plenty of support here.:)


We reduced our sharing but not enough as we learnt..

Hubby was excited about the last purchase and told his mum.
He needed his signature witnessed, it was explained to mum and she signed.
Two weeks later hubby gets a phone call asking him if he has used her house as collateral.
Mum obviously couldn't keep the purchase to herself and we suspect told his brother and sister (later confirmed).
They concluded that we couldn't buy such a property with our menial jobs so puts the idea into mums head that we must have mortgaged her house.

Next time he sees her and to put her mind at ease she is shown what she signed, reads it again and then he asks her where the title to her house is. Why? she asks. He repeats the question. She says with my solicitor. Why? ... he says have a think about it. Then she has a light bulb moment. Thanks for the little faith you in have in us mum.

Recently mum tells hubby his sister knows about the property. He says how can she we haven't said anything. Mum then blames one of our children for telling. Then back peddles when we point out the impossibility. So our suspicions were confirmed.

So we don't tell. There are long silences now because when we get asked 'so what have you been doing' we can't exactly say 'Oh spending time at this property or renovating this'. The standard answer is 'not much'.
 
serendip said:
I .. . Anyway, my Dad started catastrophising (totally a word, right??) over something on the block which I hadn't noticed. When I remained calm & simply said "yes, I'll need to look into that" he kept going & escalating about how I should walk away, it was obviously a problem etc. It's complete crap, he has no idea if it's a major issue, how much it would cost, I haven't made an offer on the land so it is completely not the drama he was making it out to be. Eventually, when I asked him to calm down & acknowledge I'd said I would look into it he stomped off in a huff. This is completely "normal" behaviour for my Dad.

... , going to have kittens about something which may not even be a problem then clearly he'll just stress me out ....
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Sorry, I had to have a bit of a giggle on this one. I know EXACTLY what you mean. The most important time you need their support, they get anxious and think only of the negative, which is NOT what you need at a time like this. You need either constructive criticism or suggestions or support. I get it too from my parents. And now, as a parent, I think that I sometimes do it to my children. I try not to, but it's hard not to be neurotic and anxious when it comes to your children. One of my children once said to me, 'Mum, don't pass your worries on to me'.

Just know that they love you, or else they wouldn't get so upset about it. They are just worried about your welfare. As you get older, you get more conservative and less able to take risks--that may be a part of it. My father was a property developer for forty years--until my mother told him that she didn't want to take on any more debt and he had to stop. poor love, she was always anxious.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, next time take someone who knows property and does not have such a vested interest in YOU.
 
ahhhh good old family input, been there, done that

my mother i warning me of a massive 40% correction..............since 1999!

they have good intentions, but what ive learnt is never take advice from soneone who hasnt been there and done that

only take life advice, from these sort of people!

would you take brain surgery advice from me???? (and no, I only did one year of medicine !)
 
I'm just really fortunate to have a very supportive mum. Our mum comes to every open home with us and has been there every step of the journey. Every contract has been signed with mum's input in there. She has a good eye for real estate. But sometimes she's very excited and looks at more than what fits our current budget / criteria....

Sorry....just thought I'd mention about it. Obviously not many have this experience.
 
MsAli said:
I'm just really fortunate to have a very supportive mum. Our mum comes to every open home with us and has been there every step of the journey. Every contract has been signed with mum's input in there. She has a good eye for real estate. But sometimes she's very excited and looks at more than what fits our current budget / criteria....

Sorry....just thought I'd mention about it. Obviously not many have this experience.
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I share every step of my journey with my family too, wouldn't have it any other way.
 
MsAli said:
Sorry....just thought I'd mention about it. Obviously not many have this experience.
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Why sorry? It's great to hear good experience ^_^
My parents will be supportive I think, it's just I'll hear the end of their worry if I tell them half of the story. I.e. if I tell them, I need to tell them my strategy, explain all the jargon and why it works in a certain way (AU govvie is working differently from my home country), assure them that the big debt is ok to have, then repeat the same explanation every couple of months. Then remind them not to tell anyone (they'll tell everyone in no time). I'm simply not ready to have all of those conversation, only one of my sibling know I am having 2 IP as she's supportive and know her boundaries :eek:
 
It's great to hear some positives too :)

My Dad loves real estate & my parents have been very good to me from a support perspective particularly over the last few years. I've always had a fractious relationship with my Dad, he's a bit of a PITA & often behaves worse than my 3yo :rolleyes: On the other hand my Mum is awesome & my rock..... denying anything is going on will be a challenge given my short term plan is to sell, rent & develop. I'll probably do a couple of developments then buy my own place again, at that point it will be easier to get vague :) I know that at the end of the day they just want what is best & once they get used to it & trust that I know what I'm doing it'll be fine. My Dad is actually an awesome researcher, I should probably figure out how to take advantage of a man who likes real estate & research & has time on his hands, he just needs a little direction ;)
 
mother knows what we do
My family only found out, when my brother wanted to send me email, rang and asked mum for my email address
@dockreyapartments.com
they went to the website
all of them suggest we can't afford that
all of them suggest we can't afford 8 month holidays
all of them freak at 'we have staff for that'
all of them suggest there is going to be huge reversal
family rule: don't listen;
its ok to be different
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I'm the odd one out, they'll all be working till they can't
 

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I reckon having parents who have been there done that would have been the absolute BEST

imagine being a 10 year old with parents with multiple Investment properties, development experience and contacts,

I would have had a 10 property portfolio by the time I was 19,

unfortunately, all my parents had was multiple credit cards, they were experts in that!
 
TMNT said:
I reckon having parents who have been there done that would have been the absolute BEST

imagine being a 10 year old with parents with multiple Investment properties, development experience and contacts,

I would have had a 10 property portfolio by the time I was 19,

unfortunately, all my parents had was multiple credit cards, they were experts in that!
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Then you should be all the more proud of yourself and your achievements. Kids who get it handed to them on a silver platter don't appreciate it or think that it is their entitlement. When you've gone without, you know the value of what you have.
 
property_girl said:
Then you should be all the more proud of yourself and your achievements. Kids who get it handed to them on a silver platter don't appreciate it or think that it is their entitlement. When you've gone without, you know the value of what you have.
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oh yeah agree, , quite content and proud of myself,

I have friend developer who he develops full time, has done a better job then his father, his father did the same thing but on a smaller scale, so he has asbosred the knowledge, money and contacts from his old man, and excelled,

good on him, but I wonder if hed be in his current position if his dad wasnt around.

oh well, no point being envious of others in this life ;) ;) ;)
 
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