Will men change after married ?

[pennyk]

Agree with you, as long as they aren't staying together just because they are too comfortable.

I have seen quite a few times couples who ares together 5 or more years who should have called it quits after about 2. There is nothing worse than people who just make each other miserable rather than moving on.

There is something about sticking it out though, that I'm more and more aware of as I get older.
When I ask the people in my life who I think have the strongest marraiges, they all have said something "happened" or changed in their attitude/ feeling to their partner around btw yr 15 and 20 and had a very positive change in their relationship. At 17 years, I'm looking forward to experiencing that! I think my husband has in the past couple of years and I'm laggging behind a bit.
My parents were married for over 50 years, most of it relatively unhappily. But they "got the hang of it" after about 50 years and the last 5 years or so before my dad died were the best years of their married life (maybe apart from the first couple of years.... we just found photos of their honeymoon and early years that we hadnt seen before..... ..they clearly enjoyed themselves then!).
I think its that the commitment to the relationship and, for those who have done so, the vows they have made, even through the difficult times, which can create a depth in the relationship and in your own person, which is stronger than if you move on.
I think we all make each other miserable, to a certain extent.... its iron sharpening iron! But if we bend and allow ourselves to be changed by our partner and for our partner, then only good can come... it might just take some time!

BTW, I agree with Peter that, while this thread is interesting, that Amazing Angel might find her interest in dating/ married better met on a different forum!

 

[Belbo]

If you grow together in a marriage, you grow towards each other too.

That's the funny thing about it. You start off 'in love', all romantic and with star-filled eyes; then the romance wears off and those eyeballs fall out; then, if you stick at it, you grow to truly love each other.

This is where I'm at odds with you, Coastymike. You're not factoring in the necessary time for mutual growth. You can't make it happen, or work on it, or not sweat the small stuff in the process, either. Growth pains happen! You've just got to get on with it and trust in time to do this wonderful thing for you.

There's no explaining this. I didn't have a clue about this when I got married! Maybe only a lucky few get there. I honestly don't know, because I can't see inside other people's hearts.

But if there's any advice I can offer to the fellas out there, single and wildcatting their nights away, or married and playing around behind the sheds, you'd want to be ready to grow together with your partner over the long term if you really want your marriage to last.

Women aren't from Venus any more than men are from Mars. We just start out as selfish children and need to become loving adults. Marriage is the not necessarily what natured intended but I am sure it's what the adult heart desires. Same sex couples included.

 

[RumpledElf]

I've never married one, so I wouldn't know - been living with one for 6 years though and boy has he changed. For the better though. Still needs to change more, for his own good.

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Hahahaha 'for his own good'.

 

[BayView]

I've never married one, so I wouldn't know - been living with one for 6 years though and boy has he changed. For the better though. Still needs to change more, for his own good.

Based on this, he must have been bad then back at the beginning of your relationship.

Why did you get hooked up with such a loser in that case?

 

[Monopoly]

Stability and maintaining committment is very special

Yep!!

Anyone wanting to maintain a long term relationship should be committed!!!

 

[VYBerlinaV8]

I only believe in gay marriage when both chicks are hot.

 

[Rockstar]

Rockstar

Sometimes for many reasons. Maybe one partner grows and the other doesn't and then the love they once had grows cold and can't be rekindled. Maybe one finds religion and the other doesnt want to find out. Maybe one wants children and the other doesnt. Doesn't mean it wasn't good at the time but as people change so can the love and passion for another. Moving on isn't a bad thing in my view. It means moving onto something else but hopefully retaining the friendship you once had or at least recognizing what you had at one time was good. If people are happy in their long term relationships then this is good. If happy with shorter term relationships all good. Some people have open relationships and if it works for them then fine. We are all different beasts and that is the joy of humanity. A unique section of people all trying to make our way in an ever-changing and complex world.

Yes I can understand that some will not work out when radical changes occur in one of the partners and they simply become uncompatible. It's a really complex issue. I just had some good friends split up and I really feel for them both and their daughter. She went off and had a fling with someone in one of those "open relationships". He is hurting big time but I can see that she will suffer the most as she has to live the consequence of chasing some ephemeral pleasure and losing the family stability. At least he has kept a clean conscience.

 

[wylie]

They wish they had tapeworms. Disgusting things. beofre marriage it was all fake nails gorgeous tan beautiful smile, after marriage it was GAS (Greek **** Syndrome), rollers in their hair, cucumbers on their eyes, facemasks like a Startrek episode and voices that kill mosquitos mid air.
.

There is your problem......

 

[Monopoly]

There is your problem......

Wylie, don't go there....really, it's sooooooooooooooo not worth it!!

 

[Belbo]

I wouldn't call men wanting women to always look young and beautiful a problem, that's just the way nature programmed them.

Not being able to recognise that programming for what it is, and then consciously choosing to rise above it with the equally innate capacity for cognitive reflection, I would suggest is the real problem.

I'm not saying that men should deny their nature - heavens no! - but I am saying that they are denying themselves something of their own humanity to revel in its predilections alone.

For me, and by no means intending to downplay the insidiousness of its effects, the really tragic thing about misogyny is how utterly sad it is.

 

[RumpledElf]

Hahahaha 'for his own good'.

He has social phobia. He's in therapy. Believe me, its for his own good. And mine too, it gets a bit wearing being the only one in a relationship who'll use the phone or answer the door.

 

[Ocean Architect]

There is your problem......

Wylie, don't go there....really, it's sooooooooooooooo not worth it!!

Hey seriously I don't have a problem with girls wearing fake nails etc etc, since I'm a huge fan of the "why buy the cow if you get the milk for free" theory.

After having had a lot of relationships with very attractive (and very annoying) girls (that some here might term ADD party girls), something that I found was that I gravitated towards girls who weren't quite so hot, but a lot more pleasant to be around. So long as they're over a certain level of attractiveness, it's the same thing really. I do have a list of black flags when it comes to the partner selection process:

1) Cankles. If I can't tell where the calf stops and the ankle starts, the girl is only appropriate for a maximum of 3 months before age 24

2) Bellybuttons that pop out. Alien is one of my favorite movies, and flashbacks of that stuff totally kill it for me

3) Big feet. Whilst good for swimming fast, big feet give me images of cave trolls stomping down the hallway

4) Man Hands. You know that any chick who can hold a basketball with one hand isn't going to turn out so good after a while

5) Light facial fluff. Very cute at age 21, but fast forward a few years and you haev a serious chewbacca on your hands which, whilst saving money at fancy dress parties since they can go as themselves, isn't so hot

6) Girls that barely eat, yet are of normal body size. Girls like that grow up to be women who put on weight just smelling food.

7) Even the slightest hint of a gap between her front teeth. In 20 years that thing will widen so that it looks like the slot on a coke machine.

Trust me on this fellas. I know. What I have seen cannot be unseen

 

[Dazz]

Dunno 'bout anyone else, but I'm ROFLMAO....

 

[Nards]

hahaahaa..me too!

 

[Ocean Architect]

Yep!!

Anyone wanting to maintain a long term relationship should be committed!!!

to a mental hospital?

edit: shucks guys you're making me blush

I hope you all don't take me too seriously though. This is what happens when a guy who used to work as a professional DJ in some very nice clubs in Adelaide comes to Darwin, otherwise known as the Sexual Wastelands of Australia, tumbleweeds rolling across it and everything, with potential partners that must have been conceived in Chernobyl.

The women here are simply horrific. Beer gutted, grog guzzling, eagle claw toe having wildersloths with attitudes. Some of them are so disgusting that my mini me scrams the hell out of there back into my body like the cord on a vaccuum cleaner, and I have to pop a viagra just to pee.

No seriously. It's true. I swear on ma hart

 

[Monopoly]

to a mental hospital?

Yeah was wondering if anyone would pick up on that!! It usually gets a double take on reactions from people. Can't imagine why??!!

I believe in commitment to a relationship (absolutely) but I also can see the funny side and reckon anyone going into a long term relationship should be committed (or will be by the time they've been in it a while)!!

No really, I'm a true romantic; I believe in the institution of marriage; been institutionalised twice now and though I love my man dearly, if we ever part ways (be it due death or divorce) I ain't going back in for a third time. Even I'm not that silly!!!

 

[Cupcakes]

After having had a lot of relationships with very attractive (and very annoying) girls (that some here might term ADD party girls), something that I found was that I gravitated towards girls who weren't quite so hot, but a lot more pleasant to be around. So long as they're over a certain level of attractiveness, it's the same thing really. I do have a list of black flags when it comes to the partner selection process:

LOL this is so stupid! I know so many beautiful, intelligent women with amazing personalities! Men are so lucky that they don't have to choose between looks and intelligence/personality when they're dating. Lots of women have both!

I think it's because women take much better care of themselves and take a lot more pride in their appearance than men do. That's why the ratio of attractive women to attractive men is like 4:1. If it were attractive homosexual men to attractive straight women the ratio would be more 1:1 because homosexual men take care of themselves!

When you're a woman you always have to go like 2-3 levels of hotness beneath you when you're dating because of the disproportionate amount of beautiful women to beautiful men. That's why you always see stunning women with average bfs, but you rarely see stunning men with average gfs.

Maybe your were confusing attractive with skanky?

 

[RumpledElf]

I have a beautiful man, but his grooming budget is rather high

But then the same ingredient that makes me allergic to chocolate is also in makeup, I can't wear the stuff for more than about an hour without getting puffy eyes and itchy skin so I couldn't be a painted lady if I wanted to. My freckles are on show for the whole world to see.

And the MIL is now having the stuff I'm allergic to on her breakfast every day. Apparently its a miracle cure-all. I just thought it was a waste fat they stick in cheap confectionary and makeup instead of using better, more expensive ingredients. I think there'd be more medicinal value in sticking fruit not fat on your breakfast ...

 

[wylie]

What is the ingredient that you are allergic to? You have me guessing?