Are you happy?

[The Y-man]

Apparently estrogens in alcoholic beverage congeners exerted estrogenlike effects in both animals and humans, ergo; all alcoholic beverages are girly drinks

Lets get back on topic regarding Happiness or the pursuit thereof

This thread proves excess alcohol brings about arguments and unhappiness.

The Y-man

 

[truong]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Kipling, a true yogi. Thanks willair for that.

Did he come across yoga while living in India? Did he meditate? There's no mention of this in his biographies, which goes to show that there are many ways to inner happiness and every culture has its own.

 

[willair]

Kipling, a true yogi. Thanks willair for that.

Did he come across yoga while living in India? Did he meditate? There's no mention of this in his biographies, which goes to show that there are many ways to inner happiness and every culture has its own.

I just like the quote,always gives me a lift reading that quote plus they keep most of his biographies very clean,but to write the way he did there would have been another side that very few saw..

 

[truong]

You can't always be happy. Sometimes horrible things happen and the sane response is to feel horrible. If you are happy at a funeral then you've probably got to get yourself checked out.

Happiness is dependent on circumstances. Satisfactions or contentment is less so dependent on circumstances, but can still be highly influenced by them. All the mindfulness and meditation etc... will only help you so much. In my line of work I've supported people going through some very F'd up situations, and at no point would it be reasonable for me to try and spin things to be a positive or even expect them to be satisfied with the situation. "Your child is dying... okay now lets look at the bright side...."

I can imagine it’s difficult to ask a parent to start meditating in such terrible circumstances however I'm not sure the situation would have been the same if they had done meditation before.

I was in the same predicament many years ago when my son was dying in my arms and our situation was doubly dreadful because I knew no help was coming. But I came through the ordeal with an insight that transformed my view of the world.

I had been meditating a lot before that event but stopped for a few years when my life hit a very rough patch. Now without asking for it, all my previous practice came back in a flash. I realised that the turn of events (and therefore any event) was meant to be that way and that it was just how the universe was going about its business. Seeing myself in the millions of wavelets dancing without purpose on the surface of the infinite ocean (we were on a boat) it came to me that there was a Life beyond life and death, or more exactly, that life and death, pleasure and pain, thoughts and emotions were just a sort of dance while Life was watching. And I was Life.

You must think I was crazy or delusional but I felt almost thankful and happy – yes, happy – about what was going on.

Language is very awkward in trying to express that sort of feeling. Happiness usually means enjoyment of some kind but there’s nothing for me to enjoy nor grieve over. I was completely detached but at the same time completely in it. Maybe the closest word that would describe how I felt was “union” – not contentment, acceptance, pleasure, satisfaction, relief or words to that effect.

There's no such thing as positive or negative. At least that was my reality.

Have to go, will come back later.

 

[Tim86]

I can imagine it’s difficult to ask a parent to start meditating in such terrible circumstances however I'm not sure the situation would have been the same if they had done meditation before.

I was in the same predicament many years ago when my son was dying in my arms and our situation was doubly dreadful because I knew no help was coming. But I came through the ordeal with an insight that transformed my view of the world.

I had been meditating a lot before that event but stopped for a few years when my life hit a very rough patch. Now without asking for it, all my previous practice came back in a flash. I realised that the turn of events (and therefore any event) was meant to be that way and that it was just how the universe was going about its business. Seeing myself in the millions of wavelets dancing without purpose on the surface of the infinite ocean (we were on a boat) it came to me that there was a Life beyond life and death, or more exactly, that life and death, pleasure and pain, thoughts and emotions were just a sort of dance while Life was watching. And I was Life.

You must think I was crazy or delusional but I felt almost thankful and happy – yes, happy – about what was going on.

Language is very awkward in trying to express that sort of feeling. Happiness usually means enjoyment of some kind but there’s nothing for me to enjoy nor grieve over. I was completely detached but at the same time completely in it. Maybe the closest word that would describe how I felt was “union” – not contentment, acceptance, pleasure, satisfaction, relief or words to that effect.

There's no such thing as positive or negative. At least that was my reality.

Have to go, will come back later.

Sounds like you were able to find some meaning in the midst of the horrible experience that helped you get through it. My own individual meaning given that experience wouldn't be the same as yours because I have a different world view but that's okay, we are all unique

 

[ok180]

"Conan, what is best in life?"

"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and hear the lamentation on their women!!!"

 

[redwing]

Thanks for Kippling, I like Eric Idle also

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...​

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...​

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
​

Life's a piece of ****
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life.​

 

[truong]

So to answer the OP

1) Has your level of happiness permanently increased as your income/net worth has?

Since the event just related, my net worth has increased many fold but my level of happiness hasn’t followed the same path. Rather, it has gone up and down as a function of my spiritual health i.e. how much of the insight I learned was able to be translated into everyday life.

It’s one thing to get a high during meditation and another to be able to act accordingly at every moment, and it’s this correlation (or lack of it) that determines my level of happiness.

For example my attitude to money. I’ve found it quite easy to have the barest of possessions when my inner life was in order but still be consumed by money worries at times of inner chaos.

From the above it seems to me there are 2 types of happiness. One that I’d call “external happiness”, completely dependent upon externalities. You’re happy when conditions around you give you pleasure, however when these conditions disappear your happiness goes out with them. When you talk about achievement, satisfaction, laughter, feeling good, enjoyment etc… it’s this type of happiness you’re talking about. If that’s what you pursue then you can’t avoid unhappiness at some stage. In fact to try to avoid unhappiness brings about a lot of unhappiness – a cycle very difficult to break.

And there is inner happiness that’s part of your “godly” nature. Sorry for using a word with a religious connotation but I think it’s very apt in conveying this idea of permanence and freedom from external conditions. I’ve used the word “union” but “inner peace” and “absence of ego” are suitable too. This is the state where you realise every sensation/emotion/thought (such as being happy or unhappy) is a product of the mind but not the mind itself. When these products are seen as they are, the ego just breaks down because it has nothing to hold on to.

I have come across happiness of this second kind but my experiences have been too brief and too random to allow me to describe it better.

2) Has your level of happiness permanently increased as your portfolio has?

See above.

3) What's had the biggest positive, longterm impact on your happiness?

Making mistakes. Looking back, my unhappiest moments have not been caused by lack of money, failures, illness, even death, but by not following “spiritual” rules – by this I mean when my wordly goals/desires were out of wack with my inner being. My greatest moments of turmoil and suffering have all been of my own making. So now I just don't do it before it occurs (in buddhist terminology, to not create karma).

4) What's had the biggest negative, longterm impact on your happiness?

Being careless, letting desires take over me when I least expect it.

5) Those who have reached "financial freedom", has your permanent level of happiness increased?

Yes, but not because financial freedom = happiness. Rather, when I have less financial worries I can lead a more balanced inner life and that gives inner happiness more chance to take hold.

Financial freedom is neither a necessary nor a sufficient condition for happiness. I know many people who have very little financial problem to worry about but still manage to create enough worries for themselves that completely torpedo their level of happiness.

There are the rare individuals that appear to be very happy with very little possession. And then there are lots of people (most of us) who struggle both financially and spiritually.

6) Any words of wisdom, insights, books, experiences, anything you recommend tor SSers to increase their happiness and wellbeing?

Don’t worry too much. You’re not diminished when goals are not achieved, and you’re not enhanced when they are.

7) How old are you?

60.

 

[redwing]

I've tried meditation, but my mind wanders/wonders

 

[MIW]

Pretty simply question in the title, but I want to break it down a bit more.

Note: when I use the word "happiness", I'm not talking about occasional spikes e.g. reaching a goal and feeling great for a short while, having a great holiday and buzzing for a week after returning etc. I'm talking about permanent changes in your moment-to-moment happiness. Happiness in each and every 3 second interval of your life (also know as "the present moment" – the ONLY time that ever matters. Right now. The past is a memory, and the future never arrives).

1) Has your level of happiness permanently increased as your income/net worth has?
2) Has your level of happiness permanently increased as your portfolio has?
3) What's had the biggest positive, longterm impact on your happiness?
4) What's had the biggest negative, longterm impact on your happiness?
5) Those who have reached "financial freedom", has your permanent level of happiness increased?
6) Any words of wisdom, insights, books, experiences, anything you recommend tor SSers to increase their happiness and wellbeing?
7) How old are you?

I ask only for considered, honest answers.

"Change your brain - change your life". I hope you enjoy it!
If you do personal development and understand how vital is your brain to your happiness, to your well-being, then you too can learn to became happy (as it's never constant)....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLKj1puoWCg

 

[Richard Feynman]

I've tried meditation, but my mind wanders/wonders

As does the mind of everyone else – even masters of meditation. The very first steps of (mindfulness) meditation involve training the lens of your mind to focus, to minimise wandering, and for you to quickly notice when it does. But it's still unavoidable. Thoughts simply arise.

You get much better at it with practice though.

MIW, I'm looking forward to watching this.

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Heads up, no drink can be girly or manly. They're just drinks.

What planet are you living on where this is even remotely accurate? Buy one of them Bacardi mix drinks for yourself or a glass of white wine, then go try pick up some broad and see how far you get.

I'm happy, because I'm going to see Virtue tonight. The singer/guitarist is hot. I will also be drinking beer, which is manly and avoiding drinks that are girly, because they are girly.

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

I disagree.

 

[Tim86]

1) Has your level of happiness permanently increased as your income/net worth has?

No, but that's because my increase in these things has been through very hard work, and it's making me and my wife exhausted. But the workload will calm right down soon and it's my hope that the time and energy I invested forms a firm foundation for later happiness for my wife and future family.

2) Has your level of happiness permanently increased as your portfolio has?

No

3) What's had the biggest positive, longterm impact on your happiness?

My wife.

4) What's had the biggest negative, longterm impact on your happiness?

Christianity when I was young.

5 -

6) Any words of wisdom, insights, books, experiences, anything you recommend tor SSers to increase their happiness and wellbeing?

I find personally, and according to Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, the key to happiness is low expectations. I have ONE basic rule for my life for me to be able to judge that I am happy. And that is that my wife is okay and happy. I hope I never have to adjust that rule But it means that I can have trouble at work, go broke, etc... but as long as I have my wife by my side life is okay. She means more to me than a property portfolio or millions of dollars, etc... And I'm not some sappy romantic either. I just know where my priorities are, and they are family and the relationships I have with them.

This is all very different from all the spiritual answers you will find to happiness. None of them rely on lowering expectations in order to be happy. Rather they go the other way. "You're not happy with your life? Well then expect God to exist. Or expect the universe to care about your wellbeing or to listen to you, or to intervene. Or expect that you have an inner god that you need to unleash. Or expect that everything happens for a reason. Or expect that all reality is unfolding for your benefit. Or expect that you are one of gods children. Or expect that god loves you and would do anything for you. Or expect that there is an afterlife where you will experience heaven! Or expect that god listens to your prayers and will help you. Expect, expect, expect ,expect, expect!"

In my opinion these expectations are great distractions, and if you can truly believe them then you are A VERY VERY lucky person. But as an atheist I've got to try and find happiness in other things because in my mind all those things are as believable as Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy, great fun if you can believe them yourself though. But I find that happiness and fullfilment in people. I work in a job where I help parents and kids when they are doing it tough. Because I exist there are tons of kids that are no longer getting bashed or sexually abused. There are even some people that would be dead if it wasn't for my work. And then there is just the general helping people throughout their day. And when I do something to put a smile on the face of those I care about, that's where I get happiness from. All I expect from life is the opportunity to care and to love and that's all I need. Everything else that is positive is just a bonus.

7) How old are you?

26yo

 

[Richard Feynman]

This thread continues to provide interest and insight. Cheers.

 

[truong]

I've tried meditation, but my mind wanders/wonders

Don’t sweat if you can’t do it first try.

OK, how do you treat an over-exhuberant child? You can’t strap them to a chair and ask them to cool down, right? Similarly, a mind that has a habit of doing its own thing, and lots of it, can’t be tied down and asked to meditate at once. A bit of preparation and strategy is required.

So let's do a (quick and rough) analogy between the two so you can picture the different steps, keeping in mind that preparation is the key here.

For a hyperactive child: First, you need to bring a bit of peace and order in the house by having a regular schedule/routine for everyone. Do this in an incremental, relaxed way.
For a hyperactive mind: First, you need to lead an orderly life with moderation in most things. Be firm but give it time to adjust.

Child: Give them wholesome food and avoid pre-packaged food laden with sugar.
Mind: Give it wholesome thoughts/projects to think about and starve it of those that may be emotionally destructive.

Child: Give them plenty of structured physical activities e.g. team sports and start with the ones they like.
Mind: Make it work hard but only on tasks/subjects that YOU have chosen. Start with the ones your mind likes thinking about.

Child: Push them to their limit so they learn to focus their energy and become single-minded. But have no expectation whatsoever.
Mind: Push it to the limit of its thinking process by being exhaustive, focusing on underlying causes rather than phenomena. But don’t set a goal.

Child: Once they have focus, make the activities less physical and more mental but always well-structured. Try solitary activities.
Mind: Once it can concentrate, switch subjects from external objects to internal ones. This is where meditation really starts.

Child: Once comfortable, give them the freedom to decide what they want to do and how they want to structure it.
Mind: Once well mastered, switch from meditation with seeds to seedless meditation (this is IMHO mistakenly called “empty mind” and not something to be attempted right at the start).

In Zen literature the mind is pictured as a wandering buffalo that needs to be found, brought home and tamed before it's set free and let go.

Hope you get some inspiration from the above.

 

[Rentwithpets]

And as you know, this extends to sensations, emotions, situations etc. Grasping the impermanence of everything and also viewing things as objectively as possible will do wonders for wellbeing.

During periods of intense meditation I've occasionally been able to "turn off" physical pain and simply observe it without any unpleasant sensation or negativity remaining (no, I didn't eat LSD for breakfast that day!). The mind is a powerful tool we can sharpen significantly to our own advantage.

Vipassana is wonderful, glad you had a chance to attend a course

Impermanence is so simple in theory, yet not so simple to grasp without insight. Insight can be experienced at random moments, but can't really be taught. By drawing attention to impermanence, I've avoided a lot of suffering...but not everything yet.

I've also found that physical pain can sometimes be turned off by observing the pain with mindfulness. Even sleepiness can go away with mindfulness. Yes, the mind is a very powerful tool that can be trained to limitless potential. In this sense ethics is very important as the mind can be trained to do wholesome activities, or unwholesome activities that harm ourselves and others. Mindfulness contemplation helps us determine what thoughts and actions are ethical....everything comes back to mindfulness

 

[Rentwithpets]

Don’t sweat if you can’t do it first try.

OK, how do you treat an over-exhuberant child? You can’t strap them to a chair and ask them to cool down, right? Similarly, a mind that has a habit of doing its own thing, and lots of it, can’t be tied down and asked to meditate at once. A bit of preparation and strategy is required.

So let's do a (quick and rough) analogy between the two so you can picture the different steps, keeping in mind that preparation is the key here.

For a hyperactive child: First, you need to bring a bit of peace and order in the house by having a regular schedule/routine for everyone. Do this in an incremental, relaxed way.
For a hyperactive mind: First, you need to lead an orderly life with moderation in most things. Be firm but give it time to adjust.

Child: Give them wholesome food and avoid pre-packaged food laden with sugar.
Mind: Give it wholesome thoughts/projects to think about and starve it of those that may be emotionally destructive.

Child: Give them plenty of structured physical activities e.g. team sports and start with the ones they like.
Mind: Make it work hard but only on tasks/subjects that YOU have chosen. Start with the ones your mind likes thinking about.

Child: Push them to their limit so they learn to focus their energy and become single-minded. But have no expectation whatsoever.
Mind: Push it to the limit of its thinking process by being exhaustive, focusing on underlying causes rather than phenomena. But don’t set a goal.

Child: Once they have focus, make the activities less physical and more mental but always well-structured. Try solitary activities.
Mind: Once it can concentrate, switch subjects from external objects to internal ones. This is where meditation really starts.

Child: Once comfortable, give them the freedom to decide what they want to do and how they want to structure it.
Mind: Once well mastered, switch from meditation with seeds to seedless meditation (this is IMHO mistakenly called “empty mind” and not something to be attempted right at the start).

In Zen literature the mind is pictured as a wandering buffalo that needs to be found, brought home and tamed before it's set free and let go.

Hope you get some inspiration from the above.

Great analogies! Here is another one (I think from Sattipattana). Training the mind is like tying 6 bulls (6 senses of sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing, and thoughts) to a tree. At first the 6 bulls will struggle, then eventually they settle down once they realize that struggling will not get them anywhere.

According to the book "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Gunnaratana (which has been verified by my own personal experience), the best cure for wandering mind is "mindfulness". By drawing our awareness to the wandering mind, we can bring the mind back to focusing on the breath or body (or whatever we have chosen as the focus of our meditative practice). My teacher also gave me the advice to meditate for as long or as short as I can, without expectation or time constraint, which has also helped reduce the wandering mind. Hope that helps.

 

[BayView]

Great analogies! Here is another one (I think from Sattipattana). Training the mind is like tying 6 bulls (6 senses of sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing, and thoughts) to a tree. At first the 6 bulls will struggle, then eventually they settle down once they realize that struggling will not get them anywhere.

According to the book "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Gunnaratana (which has been verified by my own personal experience), the best cure for wandering mind is "mindfulness". By drawing our awareness to the wandering mind, we can bring the mind back to focusing on the breath or body (or whatever we have chosen as the focus of our meditative practice). My teacher also gave me the advice to meditate for as long or as short as I can, without expectation or time constraint, which has also helped reduce the wandering mind. Hope that helps.

You blokes are scaring me.

Try this for some inner peace; go for a run/ride/swim/whatever, glug down a really healthy fruit/veg smoothy, have a shower and read a good book with a glass of your favourite wine.

 

[Tim86]

You blokes are scaring me.

Try this for some inner peace; go for a run/ride/swim/whatever, glug down a really healthy fruit/veg smoothy, have a shower and read a good book with a glass of your favourite wine.

I think imagining yourself as the fruit/veg smoothy would be much more useful. Then trying to focus on the universal implications of a shower, before reading a book about meditation. Wine of course should not be drunk, as it's basically an invite for bad energy.