Importance of living near family?

[Of The Vultures]

A year ago we moved to Tassie (from Perth) so that our son can be near his grandparents. My FIFO job means that my husband has been able to stay at home for the past year but I don't think he considers that a positive (he's somewhat of a workaholic). He doesn't seem to be totally enamoured with the place and has suggested moving again.

I think perhaps if the roles were reversed, he'd be much happier doing FIFO and I could stay at home (not much work in Tassie, and not well paid). This is a possibility in the near future.

Tassie is admittedly a bit sleepy even for me, but I think having my son's grandparents nearby while he's little is more important than living in a more "exciting" place.

Thoughts? If you had a choice between living somewhere you really like and somewhere "ok" because the family is nearby, what would you choose?

 

[wylie]

For me, family would be the deciding factor, particularly my parents.

I couldn't imagine that we could have lived in another city from our families when the kids were little. It certainly would not be my choice anyway.

 

[EN710]

Really depends on what you're looking for?

I have no kids and no close family in Australia and that's actually good in a way.

But I also have friends with young kids that find it really helpful to be near the grandpas and grandmas, especially because kids are handful even when one partner stay at home.

Other than moving, can your partner look for a part time role/ project in Tassie? That might curb some of the boredom of staying at home.

 

[Peter_Tersteeg]

I've watched my brother and sisters have children. My brother used to live interstate and they were fine with their first child. When the second one came along, they couldn't move closer to the grandparents quickly enough. It wasn't the only factor in moving away from Sydney, but it was a major factor in where they ended up.

My sisters have been (and are) heavily reliant on the grandparents. I recently joked with my Mum that I'm the only one who truly appreciates her because I see them only for their company and not for baby sitting services.

I guess it depends on how much you rely on grandparents. What happens if you have a second child? My observation with friends is that with one child they're still fairly active and social. Once number two comes along the only social things they do revolve around their kids.

Damn these small humans! They've cost me more than a few good friends!

A bit unrelated, but don't ignore the fact that living in TAS is giving you some decent opportunities to find properties with good yields.

On the other hand, I also know how much you do want to get out of the FIFO work cycle. My Dad had a job which entailed a similar work schedule which was probably even tougher. Mum managed and coped, but it wasn't easy for her and we all missed him a lot when he wasn't at home.

 

[lizzie]

I have never really lived near family, so don't know any different ... my family is overseas and hubby's closest are the parents-in-law about and hour drive away.

I admit that I do miss my mother terribly some times - but not because of the kids - more because we are two crazy (but intelligent) like minded people who understand each other who both like to renovate and build and run businesses - but are also fascinated by the likes of bio-dynamic farming and "alternative" beliefs

 

[LoneWolf]

In my 20's I wanted to live as far as possible from my family, in fact I did and was approx 16891.36KMS away
My friends and life style was far more important compared to anything else

Now that we are getting older, family is my number 1 priority.
You start to realise all those other variables that you considered important in your 20's starts to fade.

We now reside 5kms away from my parents place.

 

[kathryn d]

I have always lived within 40 minutes of my parents and we would visit probably once a month..maybe a bit more.

With our own kids, 2 live downstairs, in their own apt.
The youngest lives an hour away, but we don't get to see him very often.
Hope eventually he will..he moved for job opportunities.

I convinced my daughter and her fiance to move back (they also lived an hour away). The fiance was FIFO, and she was alone, a lot of the time.
They moved back last week
I will get to see her/them lots more when we are back in canada.

Of the Vultures,
I guess the question is...how much does your son actually see his grandparents now?

 

[JASA]

Have you had a real heart to heart with your partner about what is and isn't making him happy and what he really wants? You say you what you think he is feeling. ( I get in trouble for assuming I know what my husband is thinking/feeling all the time.)

If there is a real possibility of switching roles and you staying home for a while. Why not try that first? It's important to be happy but sometimes it's difficult to appreciate what makes you happiest until it's gone. I lasted 10 months living away from my parents when my girls were little. I loved where I lived but very much missed the support I had taken for granted. I bought and sold a property within 10 months (taking a big financial loss) just to get back to that supportive environment. I think children thrive when they are surrounded by lots of people who truly love them.

 

[geoffw]

Both our sets of inlaws were a long way from us.

Now our children have tasted travel, and are unlikely to settle down in one place for a long time.

 

[weg]

I love being very close to family too and I know grandparents and grandchildrens lives have been richer for having a close relationship with each other.

It's definitely not a babysitting thing for most people and then you fob them off when you don't need them - although used formal child care myself.

much of my extended family which includes aunts, uncles and cousins live close by.

I didn't mind moves where we were clear they were to be temporary but I wasn't ever going to consider moving away for a longer term.

Husband thinks the same and interestingly his mother was the only one that stayed behind to be with her parents and now husband and his brother are the only ones to do so too out of all the cousins.

Every one of his cousins on the mothers side moved away from their parents long term as well.

Edit: Oops, I lie, there is one near his parents.

 

[Of The Vultures]

Thanks all for the replies. It's a tough one isn't it? Financially we are ok and don't need to move away for work so I'm happy to make this my base at least while my son's little.

I had my grandparents around when I was a kid, and then we moved half way across the world and have only seen them twice in 20 years. I'm glad I had them around and I want the same for my kid(s). Particularly as we don't have a large extended family in Australia (and the ones on my husband's side we never saw even though we all lived in Sydney).

PT_Bear and kathryn_d, I don't rely on my parents much for babysitting as they're 45 mins drive away and mum doesn't drive. Plus they're busy building their house. I wish I could sometimes but it's not really practical on a day to day basis. My son still sees them about 3 times a week though.

And yes, these small humans are awfully disruptive to all your plans lol.

I have no doubt we'll move again, but that's a fair way off. For now I think my husband needs a job, fast!

 

[marg4000]

My son married a Melbourne girl and now they live there. Naturally I would prefer them closer to home (Brisbane) but that is the nature of parenting, the whole point is to let the child develop into an independent adult. Son's inlaws live nearby so there is family support for them which I am very happy about.
Marg

 

[vmay]

A year ago we moved to Tassie (from Perth) so that our son can be near his grandparents. My FIFO job means that my husband has been able to stay at home for the past year but I don't think he considers that a positive (he's somewhat of a workaholic). He doesn't seem to be totally enamoured with the place and has suggested moving again.

I think perhaps if the roles were reversed, he'd be much happier doing FIFO and I could stay at home (not much work in Tassie, and not well paid). This is a possibility in the near future.

Thoughts? If you had a choice between living somewhere you really like and somewhere "ok" because the family is nearby, what would you choose?

The other thing to consider is when the grandparents might need your help. Our family is going through this now. Family is mostly in Perth but not really close enough to each other for support. Dad really needs a lot of help suddenly and he has to move to be closer and its very hard for him. I guess it depends on how much family you have and where they are and how close you are to them.

 

[BayView]

A year ago we moved to Tassie (from Perth) so that our son can be near his grandparents. My FIFO job means that my husband has been able to stay at home for the past year but I don't think he considers that a positive (he's somewhat of a workaholic). He doesn't seem to be totally enamoured with the place and has suggested moving again.

I think perhaps if the roles were reversed, he'd be much happier doing FIFO and I could stay at home (not much work in Tassie, and not well paid). This is a possibility in the near future.

Tassie is admittedly a bit sleepy even for me, but I think having my son's grandparents nearby while he's little is more important than living in a more "exciting" place.

Thoughts? If you had a choice between living somewhere you really like and somewhere "ok" because the family is nearby, what would you choose?

Only live near family for the free baby sitting.

We never could, and it was tough.

But; at least we got to avoid the family we don't like to associate with.

So, bite the bullet, take the "emotional cost" and live near them for on-tap baby-sitting.

 

[sanj]

Only live near family for the free baby sitting.

We never could, and it was tough.

But; at least we got to avoid the family we don't like to associate with.

So, bite the bullet, take the "emotional cost" and live near them for on-tap baby-sitting.

sounds like youve got rubbish family, sorry to hear.

for me living near family is a non-negotiable. i really wouldnt enjoy living far away as we're extremely close.

 

[Nemo30]

We have no real family close by. I have two siblings about 30mins away but we aren't close and might see each other a couple of times a year if lucky.

My mum died before meeting 3 of her 4 grandchildren. She lived about 10 hours away anyway - I often wonder if she would've regretted moving so far away.

My dad lives 12hrs the other direction. He chose to move closer to his mum and siblings about 10 years ago. She has now passed away and I think he would like to move back here, but unlikely to happen. I know he misses his grand children.

My husband hasn't spoken to his mum in close to 30 years. None of his family have ever been to our house and I think I could count how many times mine have been here.

 

[nhg]

I have lived hours away from home for over half a decade.

Earlier this year it hit me how much I missed them so I made the decision to move back. Unfortunately i've moved too close (moved back home) lol.

Too everybody loves raymond for me thanks. There should be SOME space.

Our family is pretty close overall, not much family in Australia until quite recently, and even though sis lives in Tamworth, she spends a lot of time at my parents place with my little niece now too. It's been great reconnecting though has been emotionally draining at times.

 

[westminster]

The opposite happened to me.

My parents decided to leave Australia and live in the UK. They were gone 8 years and in the end came back partly because they had missed so many milestones and precious moments with their grandchildren.

Hindsight for them makes them question their decision to leave.

They made it back for my #3 to be born but missed so much of #1 and #2 plus my sisters 4 kids and my brothers #1.

 

[BayView]

sounds like youve got rubbish family, sorry to hear.

for me living near family is a non-negotiable. i really wouldnt enjoy living far away as we're extremely close.

No, I've got some beauties. My brother and I are pretty close, despite our age diff - he's 11 years and one day younger.

But, I like the distance from all of them, whereby I get to select the ones I want to interact with, and the tyranny of distance helps me. MY brother is very similar in that regard

But, I also only like to spend limited time with almost everyone I know....catch upevery few weeks/months etc is enough for me.

Maybe it's an Aquarianism.