My mother cooks for us all and works 6 days a week - so fairly hectic and gets very tired for a late 50s person.
Your tired mother works 6 days a week but still cooks your dinner and you're complaining about a lazy teenager
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My mother cooks for us all and works 6 days a week - so fairly hectic and gets very tired for a late 50s person.
Why seriously? These are completely normal behaviours for a teen ... a modern light would use very little power and my 11yr old still sleeps with her light on (don't tell her I told you).
If it's causing your mother such issues, why don't you guys move back into the house with him ... and your mother can have her flat (and peace) back.
You need to involve him in more than family events - he needs to become part of the day to day life of your family ... shopping, gardening, watching tv, cooking dinner together, helping with homework ... all of the above and more.
If he speaks poor English then no wonder he's isolating himself - he must feel so alone and misunderstood. Getting angry, and laying down the law, is the worst thing you can do as he will only rebel and "jack up" further.
I kinda feel sorry for him ... and also reiterate ... if your sister in law is so "well off" can they at least contribute something to ease the burden of your busy family ... a cleaner or garden person?
Perfect opportunity to be the bad cop, but shift the blame!The biggest issue is that I'm getting pressure on both ends -the wife who thinks my mother is treating him unfairly and my mother who thinks the boy is slack and not doing his bit - both have their points but if I raise it, surely it will end in more tension.
I've had a pep talk to him in the past but I think a lot of my messages were not conveyed properly due to his relatively low standard of English....so I'm not sure how far that went...
This is my son exactly.To be fair, he has had some habits which are whilst normal for a teenager need to seriously be addressed:
1. Lights left on at night as a result of facebooking/surfing net on mobile and then falling asleep on the bed. Mother reminded him 3 times and has caught him again once or twice afterwards.
2. Extremely long showers for a bloke - 15 to 20 minutes is not uncommon.
Similar to the; "Eat your dinner'; kids in other Countries are starving!"I've stressed to him that coming to Australia is a privilege and not a given/right and constantly reminded him that he is one of the lucky ones in an impoverish country where it's common for people to even miss out on basic schooling. I think he gets the idea for about 2 weeks and then forgets it afterwards...
My son again - and every single one of his school class, it seems.We involve him on all family events, when my nephews and teenage cousins come around, we welcome him and try to give him a chance to practice his English. He seems shy - understandable but seems like all he wants to do is isolate himself in his room - on mobile.
Don't over-react to this sloppy behaviour - he can be saved. Even though my son's occasional laziness (aren't we all?) with cleaning up/lights etc gets annoying, I try not to "crunch" him - we are at the stage where I can say; "Can you put those things away for me?" and he jumps right to it. The key words there are can you?. (It's a management skill I learned a long time ago). They are more likely to comply if these words are at the beginning of the sentence. I rarely have to ask my son twice to do the cleanup, but occasionally he gets side-tracked.Thanks for all you input, I sincerely hope this works out!
This seems a bit severe to me.The next step may be asking his folks perhaps to contact the school for alternative accommodation of things escalate?
It may be the only place he feels is private enough to, um, do those private things that 14 yr old boys do.
Hi,
we are providing accommodation for a 14 yr old who is doing high school here - he is from Asia and mrs's nephew. We currently rent my mum's rear unit whilst she lives at the front with my mrs's nephew.
We do not charge him any $ for food and accommodation but he is required to help my mother and father out with his home duties - this includes cleaning his own room, upstairs rumpus (his exclusive use), own bathroom - all once a week as well as the kitchen (every 2nd day). My mother cooks for us all and works 6 days a week - so fairly hectic and gets very tired for a late 50s person.
!
You said he has his own bedroom and rumpus upstairs - why can't this become yours' and your kids area and he have the other bedroom?
Willister ... I know you are doing your best - and we might be being a bit harsh on here - but I want to ask a really vital question here.
Is this lad in Australia because "he" wants to be here and is eager - or did his parents think an English background high school education, in a land of opportunity, would be better for him?
..., he sometimes thinks he "belongs/lives here permanently...and consistently asks how does he get his PR after university."
The kid isn't that hard working or extremely talented/gifted in my honest opinion...and doesn't seem that interested in English/Aussie education.
I can't remember my younger self to be interested in Aussie education (or any education) ever. I do it because I need to do it. He needs to do it if he wants chance to get his residency.
It may be the only place he feels is private enough to, um, do those private things that 14 yr old boys do.