Life After Marriage

M

macca446

Hi All,
Well it has been 4 weeks since my sudden shock of my wife leaving after 35 great years,this I would have to say my feelings inside was as if she had passed away,just trying to function normal has been hard but my boy makes me get up ever day which helps,so now going down the road of selling up what a damm nightmare part of process and time.
I have dragged myself out a couple of times and it was terrible,I felt so alone and weird I am trying to see the light and future but 53 and starting over not fun do not even no where I am going to live later,relationship break ups are the pits and trying to be strong and make decisions are difficult how do people get overall of this.
 
I haven't been through what you're going through so I can't offer any specific advice but I just wanted to say stay strong, for both yourself and your son.

I wish you the best of luck and hope things start to look up for you soon.
 
omg, im so sorry to hear about it,

I was divorced in my 30s and it was painful enough,

if it happened to me at 53 id be beside myself

were there any warning signs?
 
TMNT said:
omg, im so sorry to hear about it,

I was divorced in my 30s and it was painful enough,

if it happened to me at 53 id be beside myself

were there any warning signs?
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Hi TMNT,
No warning signs we had a great relationship everything did not make sense,no other person involved all she said was she does not like her life and she has changed her feelings for me,we have had so many dramas in our lives from all of our 4 kids and her mum as well as my partner was taking care of her too in the way of shopping,medicines and such her mum has mental issues for a long time,I think every little thing has just added up to this,she did not want to try and talk or see anyone she had her mind made up,all other friends and family shocked as i was,I am a shattered man atm. and thx for support
 
Parents of a friend on mine finally split up after many years of marriage. They were in their mid fifties. She apparently said how happy she was initially, but later became bitter and nasty (and took it out on her kids a it). He was initially heartbroken but within a year had gotten over it, found a new partner and seemed relaxed and happy.

It is apparently a lot more difficult for the females after such a split, based on what others have told me.

Macca- early days are tough, real tough. Hang in there, one day at a time, and after a while the pain will subside to a scar rather than a open wound.
 
Hi Macca

Sorry to hear that . Again I haven''t experienced that situation , but both my sisters have been seperated and as a GP it's somethink I see on a regular basis and we have seen it multiple times within our circle of friends / parents of our childrens friends . Often seems to happen when kids finish school .

First piece of advice is see a counselor . It is well worth the time and will help you start moving forward with more purpose and direction

There is one major difference in how people handle things after coping with the initial shock , disbelief , depression etc and that is RSVP . My sister ( mid 50's ) met several very nice men ( with similar interests etc ) before marrying her new husband . They are much more compatible than she and her original husband and for her it is probably the best thing that could have happened to her.

Cliff
 
VYBerlinaV8 said:
Macca- early days are tough, real tough. Hang in there, one day at a time, and after a while the pain will subside to a scar rather than a open wound.
Click to expand...

I've never been married so anything I know about this comes from the experience of others and the above tallies with what a number have said. I was out with two older friends, both widowed, on Monday and in conversation they said that the hardest period was the 12-24 month period - at 12 months it seemed like the sense of loss would never end, by 24 they were looking forward, not back. That might not seem helpful at four weeks, but just trust that the pain does lessen but only it its own time.
 
Hello Macca

From another perspective, it looks like your wife needs a bloody big holiday. It is possible that she might come back out of the blue when you are least expecting it. Do not wait for that.

Managing another family affected by Autism, I can understand how hard it has been for you, along with all the other complications that go with these families. Outsiders can never possibly know just how hard it is to face each day. Our journey has also been 34 years and is coming to a happy ending, meaning that the crap is finally over and we are enjoying our lives to the fullest for once. But not without being estranged from both extended families for 20 of those years waiting for their mental illness issues to cease adding daily to our miseries.

I have been thinking of you since your previous post - Please go on a holiday as soon as possible and contact an experienced counsellor for families affected by Autism.

Bless you heaps
 
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Hey macca,

I feel sorry for you mate. Can't imagine the pain you must be in at the moment.

I'm in no position to advise you but the best I can offer from witnessing other people go through losing a partner to divorce or death is that time will heal you. I wouldn't rush into anything if I were you. Others have suggested going on dating sites etc but that's probably a bit rebound I reckon. You have been married a long time, you need to find who exactly you are yourself again before moving forward.

Good luck. :)
 
Thank you every one for your kind support I have been talking to my family a lot which helps,when you are on receiving end of something like this for no relationship reason it is hard my ex is a lost person too it is not that she is seeking something I think it is all about finding herself and happiness I do not have any anger at all with her just sadness of a great marriage broke,she is a strong women who has made her mind up and I know will never return.As some may know not working due to work injury has taken a toll on me just another kick I guess but on the bright side I start a course next week in which I have a passion for and hopefully at the end find work I have to much time on my hands.So many things to sort out but one day at a time is all I can do for now and I really appreciate the replies it all helps.
Thanks
 
Macca,

I feel for you mate. We will be completing our 10th year in couple of months. I cannot even imagine life without her. Again, I cannot give you words of wisdom. But, can just say, hang in there.
It will be alright. You have friends in us and can share your feelings.
Take up other members' advice about trying some counselling, or going on a holiday. Can someone take care of your son for sometime and you can have a short break to get yourself together?
 
Macca, stick with it, things will get better. Like Angel, my first thought was that after a complete break your wife might just realise that she just needed a break, and may rethink. I agree with Angel not to wait for that to happen, but to move on at your own pace.

I believe once the pain subsides you will find someone to fill the void (if that is what you want). Take your time, don't rush into anything, look after yourself and your son, and know that you have people here to listen anonymously if you need to vent.

Good luck. You sound like a good man.
 
rajnhets said:
Macca,

I feel for you mate. We will be completing our 10th year in couple of months. I cannot even imagine life without her. Again, I cannot give you words of wisdom. But, can just say, hang in there.
It will be alright. You have friends in us and can share your feelings.
Take up other members' advice about trying some counselling, or going on a holiday. Can someone take care of your son for sometime and you can have a short break to get yourself together?
Click to expand...

Unfortunately no ,you really have to know how he ticks he is a great boy but a lot of work living on the coast I have no family here but also everyone have their own agendas and would not be able,my ex is the only income coming into the house hold so we are leaving until we can sort properties out and I find work,it would be unfair if what feels like spending her money later I can .
 
wylie said:
Macca, stick with it, things will get better. Like Angel, my first thought was that after a complete break your wife might just realise that she just needed a break, and may rethink. I agree with Angel not to wait for that to happen, but to move on at your own pace.

I believe once the pain subsides you will find someone to fill the void (if that is what you want). Take your time, don't rush into anything, look after yourself and your son, and know that you have people here to listen anonymously if you need to vent.

Good luck. You sound like a good man.
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Some wise words here Macca.
I have been through an almost identical situation, but was a bit younger.

Its very tough at the start, to redjust and even to know what to do.
Just take it one day at a time. It will get better. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends.

I am now about 12 yrs down the track, very happily remarried to an amazing woman and life is great. PM me if you want to talk more.
 
I haven't got experience in this regard, however I sympathise with you.

I have seen quite a few family friends and even friends come out of very long relationships.

As mentioned above, it took them about 2 years before they really saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Take it slow and it's perfectly okay to feel however it is you feel, angry, sad, or perhaps nothing at all, it is all part of the mourning process.

I wish you all the best and hope to hear how things have progressed in the future.
 
chindonly said:
Some wise words here Macca.
I have been through an almost identical situation, but was a bit younger.

Its very tough at the start, to redjust and even to know what to do.
Just take it one day at a time. It will get better. Keep yourself busy. Talk to friends.

I am now about 12 yrs down the track, very happily remarried to an amazing woman and life is great. PM me if you want to talk more.
Click to expand...

Thank you I will
 
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