Go to a mens shed group near you if you can. If there's not one, go do that course or start that hobby you have always wanted to. You said you have kids, the best thing you can do for them is not love them more, buy them more stuff or try to be super dad {All parents over compensate after a divorce} but be happy and relaxed around them. The happier you are the easier it will be on them.
Life After Marriage
- Thread starter macca446
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Oh dear, Macca. That's not good. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you :-(.
The same thing happened to a friend of mine very recently, and the hardest thing for them was trying to understand the 'why?' and battle with self blame.
Please know that it is most likely more about her than you, and also that once you have recovered, there is life on the other side. But do spend some time allowing yourself to grieve. It's really important. Light a candle and meditate on it if it helps.
Also, take one day at a time, and draw on as many support networks as you can to help you get through this time. That might mean through the course you are doing, your doctor, men's helplines, or any other connections you have. It helps to know that you are NOT alone.
Best wishes and take care.
Jennifer
The same thing happened to a friend of mine very recently, and the hardest thing for them was trying to understand the 'why?' and battle with self blame.
Please know that it is most likely more about her than you, and also that once you have recovered, there is life on the other side. But do spend some time allowing yourself to grieve. It's really important. Light a candle and meditate on it if it helps.
Also, take one day at a time, and draw on as many support networks as you can to help you get through this time. That might mean through the course you are doing, your doctor, men's helplines, or any other connections you have. It helps to know that you are NOT alone.
Best wishes and take care.
Jennifer
Good morning Macca
Just a note to let you know that you would, to the best of my knowledge, be eligible for respite care for your son. This can be in many forms, like domestic services such as an ironing lady or house cleaner, covering the costs of relaxation for yourself, such as a yoga class or massage, etc. I used to think these things were for carers looking after someone in a wheelchair but my time working for the Asperger Syndrome Support Network has shown me otherwise. My experience with families at my current work would tell me that you could be eligible to be funded for the long overdue holiday you and your son would enjoy.
If you don't feel up to making enquiries, perhaps your son's teachers or case manager would do that for you. Please forgive me if you were already onto this. Sometimes we forget that we are important and that these places exist to help us.
http://www.carersnsw.org.au/advice/services-supports/respite-carer-support
http://www.respiteoptionscc.com.au/
https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/aap
Cheers
Just a note to let you know that you would, to the best of my knowledge, be eligible for respite care for your son. This can be in many forms, like domestic services such as an ironing lady or house cleaner, covering the costs of relaxation for yourself, such as a yoga class or massage, etc. I used to think these things were for carers looking after someone in a wheelchair but my time working for the Asperger Syndrome Support Network has shown me otherwise. My experience with families at my current work would tell me that you could be eligible to be funded for the long overdue holiday you and your son would enjoy.
If you don't feel up to making enquiries, perhaps your son's teachers or case manager would do that for you. Please forgive me if you were already onto this. Sometimes we forget that we are important and that these places exist to help us.
http://www.carersnsw.org.au/advice/services-supports/respite-carer-support
http://www.respiteoptionscc.com.au/
https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/aap
Cheers
Thank you Angel for those links I have not even bothered with stuff like this yet,we do get carers allowance for our son but this is under my ex partners name,I have to wait till our tax is done to submit all those forms and their is so many I am struggling to do so then I can apply to be his carer and go from their,I will look into when I can thank you.
That would be hard to take at that age,i was standing in the front row of a Church the other day when a mate 61 years old got married again for the 4th time,he is a plumber and the lady is a high end gold coast real estate agent who herself has been married 3 times so never give up there is a lot of people out there just like you ,just take one day at a time you only have to walk down any street to see very quickly some worse off then yourself..
many marriages dont make it past 15 years, 20 years these days. I sometimes think if they didnt live together full time they might enjoy time to themselves as well as some company from their trusted partner. Sometimes having some separate areas, bedroom , tvs in the same home can mean for enough time to ourselves and a longer lasting love . I hve friends who believe that.
Many men in their 50S are divorcing after long term marriages, with kids of various ages. Women find guys in their 50S very hot, very attractice, especially one who has been so devoted to his family all these years.
Maybe she will regret and come back.
Maybe you will at some stage gain practice on dating sites and functions at meeting people, dating, and getting some emotional attention and physical touch, all of which can be very comforting while suffering shock.
There were oprah shows on a married woman going away for an entire year to find what she enjoyed and care for herself, while retaining her marriage. Apparently women dont get enough time to themselves if working and raising kids. It can help them to go away alone for a weekend or so every couple of months also if they feel like it.
Some men are lucky and after reading profiles, meeting a few people, they find someone wonderful and it lasts. Some take a few more tries. There are alot of good people out there and new friends, some attention, and touch can help.
The shock is the hardest the first months. I know others who just wanted to tell anyone who would listen. Who shook and felt nauteous for a few months. Touch of a caring person can help the shock hard as it is to move on, but you will decide what to do when. Many women leave or kick their husbands out only to regret it later.
You might decide to be caring but not intrusive or needy and see what happens. You might decide to get some touch from another woman dating.
STaying in bed can increase the shock, though you might need to be very gentle with yourself for months. YOu might find on days you have to get up for something that you actually feel better, so trying to do some things can help us emotionally.
Good luck with it all. I"m sorry to hear all of this and hope it resolves well. YOu have gotten alot of good advice already.
It can feel like life is over but very quickly with a new person in your life it can feel comforting and hopeful again if thats the direction you take at some stage.
Have you done anything to try to win her back if thats the tact you want to take, though giving her peace can help possibly, but cards, books of memories you appreciate, loving words might help.
Some women do make drastic changes in menopause. Some regret, some are happy alone, can care for themselves and have peace and quiet.
Good luck , take care of yourself, eat, sleep, go out, have a walk, socialise, have some caring friends, seek counselling, google articles on break ups, or whatever you are going through there is alot on the web to google that is very helpful.
Many men in their 50S are divorcing after long term marriages, with kids of various ages. Women find guys in their 50S very hot, very attractice, especially one who has been so devoted to his family all these years.
Maybe she will regret and come back.
Maybe you will at some stage gain practice on dating sites and functions at meeting people, dating, and getting some emotional attention and physical touch, all of which can be very comforting while suffering shock.
There were oprah shows on a married woman going away for an entire year to find what she enjoyed and care for herself, while retaining her marriage. Apparently women dont get enough time to themselves if working and raising kids. It can help them to go away alone for a weekend or so every couple of months also if they feel like it.
Some men are lucky and after reading profiles, meeting a few people, they find someone wonderful and it lasts. Some take a few more tries. There are alot of good people out there and new friends, some attention, and touch can help.
The shock is the hardest the first months. I know others who just wanted to tell anyone who would listen. Who shook and felt nauteous for a few months. Touch of a caring person can help the shock hard as it is to move on, but you will decide what to do when. Many women leave or kick their husbands out only to regret it later.
You might decide to be caring but not intrusive or needy and see what happens. You might decide to get some touch from another woman dating.
STaying in bed can increase the shock, though you might need to be very gentle with yourself for months. YOu might find on days you have to get up for something that you actually feel better, so trying to do some things can help us emotionally.
Good luck with it all. I"m sorry to hear all of this and hope it resolves well. YOu have gotten alot of good advice already.
It can feel like life is over but very quickly with a new person in your life it can feel comforting and hopeful again if thats the direction you take at some stage.
Have you done anything to try to win her back if thats the tact you want to take, though giving her peace can help possibly, but cards, books of memories you appreciate, loving words might help.
Some women do make drastic changes in menopause. Some regret, some are happy alone, can care for themselves and have peace and quiet.
Good luck , take care of yourself, eat, sleep, go out, have a walk, socialise, have some caring friends, seek counselling, google articles on break ups, or whatever you are going through there is alot on the web to google that is very helpful.
give him a break, his wife of 35 years just walked out without any notice or without him knowing of any problems (possibly his fault as well),
I assume its a massive disaster, he is just trying to sort himself out
Keep your chin up mate!
I genuinely do not think "dragging yourself out" so soon after after a life event of this significance is particularly helpful, psychologically. If the intent is to meet other women with a view to replacing your wife, then I think that would be particularly unhelpful. A chance to grieve, reflect and not think about complicating things would be helpful. Again, my opinion entirely.
At no point replacing her has entered my mind ,I would do anything to get her back with me but everything depends on her as it was her decision to leave me ,i am just picking up the pieces,she is a beautiful,caring and smart women and only got better with age to me , I have loved her from day 1 to now as we have shared so much in life and to say that I want to replace her is so way off the mark,I could be a player and go crazy with women as I look very young for my age this is not me at all and I always will be a one women man and that will never change.
Well next 4 days is going to be hard ex wants complete solitude and time to herself so no contact at all,I so struggle with this as all I want to do is see her and talk to her,I think I have walked so much running out of daylight every day I know deep down I have to let go but this is a struggle I really have I have been talking a lot to family but time goes so slow and deep thoughts.
Macca I'm sorry to hear of your pain. The term "if u love somebody set them free" comes to mind. I believe that if you live your life as best you can and let her have the space she needs, she may come back. It could take some time but don't discount it.
If in the end she decided to walk away for good then at least you have become accustomed to life without her and become a strong independent man. And if she does want you back the ball is in your court as to whether the new-found you wants her back.
If in the end she decided to walk away for good then at least you have become accustomed to life without her and become a strong independent man. And if she does want you back the ball is in your court as to whether the new-found you wants her back.
You want her back but nothing you can do will change her mind. Anything you do try will make you seem desperate and needy and push her away.
My only advice to you is to go on with your life as well as you can. She may see that and decide to come back. She may not.
If you want her back then attract her back by being strong and happy in yourself. Is the only option in my limited experience.
Is a shitty situation mate and I feel for you. As we always tell others, time is the only real healer of these wounds. But is always tough advice to give to yourself.
My only advice to you is to go on with your life as well as you can. She may see that and decide to come back. She may not.
If you want her back then attract her back by being strong and happy in yourself. Is the only option in my limited experience.
Is a shitty situation mate and I feel for you. As we always tell others, time is the only real healer of these wounds. But is always tough advice to give to yourself.
Extremely good advice, I was about to write something similar.
Simon,
Tonight I have actually realized this from talking to her and Simon I believe your words are true and you know what I have decided from now to be strong ,pass my course ,get my job,be their for my son and be as happy as I can for now and move on .
Thanks all who has posted and been reading my position in life now I have got a lot from you and now it has to be about me,we have history and memories but that is where it has to stay.
Some great posts about getting on with your life that I agree with
And I particularly agree with the stinking of desperation comment about being too soppy
But where do you draw the line? You have to be undertstanding and be there for them, but as mentioned, you don't want to be a doormat either..
And I particularly agree with the stinking of desperation comment about being too soppy
But where do you draw the line? You have to be undertstanding and be there for them, but as mentioned, you don't want to be a doormat either..
