Real Estate Speak
- Thread starter moyjos
- Start date
1. "Absolute prime location".......the 17th best block in the street.
2. "Potential".....to make the place financially viable, you'll only need to submit 3 applications, take 4 years, survive a development partition from neighbours and 2 appeals to the Supreme Court and finally get formal written sign off from the State Planning & Development Minister. After that it's a snip, just a case of spending heaps of upfront capital and the place will be an absolute goldmine. You're so lucky to have found this opportunity......most people can't see it.
3. "basically"......everything after this word is complete and utter nonsense, and if you don't double and triple check the very fine print to find out what comes after the "basically", well then you basically deserve to be over a barrel.
4. "It's just the standard contract drawn up by the REI legal division"......magnificent, go ahead and sign on the dotted line without changing anything....I dare you.
2. "Potential".....to make the place financially viable, you'll only need to submit 3 applications, take 4 years, survive a development partition from neighbours and 2 appeals to the Supreme Court and finally get formal written sign off from the State Planning & Development Minister. After that it's a snip, just a case of spending heaps of upfront capital and the place will be an absolute goldmine. You're so lucky to have found this opportunity......most people can't see it.
3. "basically"......everything after this word is complete and utter nonsense, and if you don't double and triple check the very fine print to find out what comes after the "basically", well then you basically deserve to be over a barrel.
4. "It's just the standard contract drawn up by the REI legal division"......magnificent, go ahead and sign on the dotted line without changing anything....I dare you.
"Wonderful views of the river"....If you get your binoculars out and climb up a step ladder at the far left front side of the property you'll get a glimpse over the edge of a 20 meter cliff edge drop to a crappy looking mostly dried up river bank. Great for the fisher man that likes to wait for the longest drought in Australian history to break.
Agent - "The house has new wiring!"....Buyer - "When was it new?"....Agent - "1960"
Agent - "The house has new wiring!"....Buyer - "When was it new?"....Agent - "1960"
Wow, you could fit in the two bedside tables??? That really WAS a double bedroom
"character-filled" - it hasn't been updated for 100 years
"easy to maintain" - they've concreted very square inch of the lot, not a piece of vegetation to be seen
"mini acreage" - standard sized lot
"ideal family home" - the kids have already drawn on the walls with crayons
"recently renovated" - the paint is still wet, the previous owners have tried to pretty it up for selling, don't look too closely at the workmanship
"peaceful street" - middle of nowhere
Rent guaranteed for first two years, or cash back rental schemes = fishy
Jon Salvador
www.headinghome.com.au
Jon Salvador
www.headinghome.com.au
'Won't last at this price' = You will have to spend plenty in maintenance to make sure it does indeed last, a cheap sale price is it's best point.
'Development potential' = If there was easy money to be made you wouldn't even be reading this.
'Worst house, best street' = At least half of this statement is correct.
'Development potential' = If there was easy money to be made you wouldn't even be reading this.
'Worst house, best street' = At least half of this statement is correct.
oh funniest 1 ever, this is true.
my first house ever...
ad read;
Situated in a private area this 3 bedroom hardi plank home won't last long. Boasting large lounge room, separate dining room, spacious kitchen, 1 and a 1/2 car detached garage and is ideally located in a quiet location. Homes in this area and at this price don't last long so be quick to call.
this 3 bedroom hardi plank home won't last long. this was true, i knew termites had been in house, but they were active in roof. roof caved in 1week after buying.
my first house ever...
ad read;
Situated in a private area this 3 bedroom hardi plank home won't last long. Boasting large lounge room, separate dining room, spacious kitchen, 1 and a 1/2 car detached garage and is ideally located in a quiet location. Homes in this area and at this price don't last long so be quick to call.
this 3 bedroom hardi plank home won't last long. this was true, i knew termites had been in house, but they were active in roof. roof caved in 1week after buying.
I hate that too ...or when there is no price!! sheesh
Sort after area ... occassionally true
What about ...
Desperate vendor needs sale .... House about to collapse
Drastically Reduced ... overpriced to start
Must sell this weekend ... still there 4 weeks later
All serious offers considered ...if it's what I want
No wonder we don't take them seriously.
Here's a couple;
"There has been lots of interest, so I don't think your offer will be high enough",
and;
"There has been a higher offer made, so you'll need to make a counter offer".
This last one was after I made an offer on a block of land many years ago. I called the bluff by not making another offer; it was accepted.
Can't blame them; they have to get the best price for the Vendor, don't they?
"There has been lots of interest, so I don't think your offer will be high enough",
and;
"There has been a higher offer made, so you'll need to make a counter offer".
This last one was after I made an offer on a block of land many years ago. I called the bluff by not making another offer; it was accepted.
Can't blame them; they have to get the best price for the Vendor, don't they?
Owner will rent back while you renovate. - no one else would rent it in its current condition.
Same at auctions. They yell out every few minutes:
"Make no mistake... we're here to sell!!"
Like Skater said.
Vendor says sell: Its for sale
Vendor has purchased elsewhere: Its for sale
Must sell this week-end: Its for sale
Developer liquidates stock: Its for sale
Deceased estate: Its for sale
Mortgagee in possession: Its for sale
Vendor moved into retirement village: Its for sale
Won't last at this price: Its for sale
der der and double der!
Simpsons episode: In the Red Blazer Realty office, Lionel Hutz approaches Marge.
Lionel: Marge, I had a lot of calls about you! Customers love your "no
pressure" approach.
Marge: Well, like we say, "the right house for the right person!"
Lionel: Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Marge. The
right house is the house that's for sale. The right person is
anyone.
Marge: Well, that makes things a lot simpler,
AND
(Lionel shows Marge a realty catalogue. The first featured house
is extremely small.)
Marge: It's awfully small...
Lionel: I'd say it's awfully.. cozy!
Marge: That's dilapidated...
Lionel: Rustic!
Marge: That house is on fire!
Lionel: Motivated seller!
Aimjoy
Vendor says sell: Its for sale
Vendor has purchased elsewhere: Its for sale
Must sell this week-end: Its for sale
Developer liquidates stock: Its for sale
Deceased estate: Its for sale
Mortgagee in possession: Its for sale
Vendor moved into retirement village: Its for sale
Won't last at this price: Its for sale
der der and double der!
Simpsons episode: In the Red Blazer Realty office, Lionel Hutz approaches Marge.
Lionel: Marge, I had a lot of calls about you! Customers love your "no
pressure" approach.
Marge: Well, like we say, "the right house for the right person!"
Lionel: Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Marge. The
right house is the house that's for sale. The right person is
anyone.
Marge: Well, that makes things a lot simpler,
AND
(Lionel shows Marge a realty catalogue. The first featured house
is extremely small.)
Marge: It's awfully small...
Lionel: I'd say it's awfully.. cozy!
Marge: That's dilapidated...
Lionel: Rustic!
Marge: That house is on fire!
Lionel: Motivated seller!
Aimjoy
