Self Defence

[virgo]

Hiya

My son, 10 years old has been "head-locked" by this big bully in school.

I am thinking of some self defence classes for him:

Which would you recommend:
tae kwon do/jujitsu/karate/martial arts or whatever?

would love to hear if you have personal experience on how effective it is!

thanks so much!

 

[Peter_Tersteeg]

Not to sure about Jujitsu, but different martial arts tend to have different focus'.

Karate is mostly about fists.
Judo is wrestling.
Tae-Kwon-Do is mostly kicking.
Kung Fu is mostly weight management (works well for the little guy).

Of course they all have a lot of common ground too. I wouldn't say that any one is more effective than an other, especially at the elite levels. The most effective will come down to the individual.

I don't know that learning martial arts will give your son the ability to fight back against bullies, at least not initially. To a certain degree strength, size and weight can make up for some lack of ability, especially at basic levels.

Hopefully though it will give him the confidence and the awareness to avoid being bullied in the first place.

 

[Cdro]

I don't know much about martial arts, but it sounds like the issue is more about this bully at school.

Maybe you've already tried this, but I'd suggest contacting the school, letting them know what's happening, and seeking their help to discipline the bully. If he's doing it to your son, he's doing it to other kids too...

 

[myoung]

I practice Karate along with my son, both of us are brown belts. Whilst he is vastly better at defending himself than he would be without it, i doubt he could take out a kid who has a big size/strength advantage and the attitude to go with it unless he was composed and struck the bigger kid first in the right spot.

EDIT:Actually any of them will help as they are practice for physical confrontation and that is a big part of it, especailly for kids. For most kids that is the big shock and the thing to get used to.

If you really want to stop a bully, the best way is to put up one hell of a fight. I know this will get the PC crowd up in arms about discouraging violence and mediating etc, but Bullies are basically cowards looking for easy prey, If your son fights back and goes nuts, and hits like a helicopter and gets a few in, he may not win, but will make the bully think twice about approaching him again, as he is no longer so easy.

So next time he headlocks him, tell your son to either hit him in the nuts, or grab and tear at them for all he is worth, it will leave the bully with a lasting memory for the next time he considers having a crack at your son.

I bet that skinny kid hasnt gone near the fat kid he was bullying that was all over the TV after being picked up and thrown around.

 

[FormerLurker]

Muay Thai. I'd have said Jujitsu but it would take longer to get him proficient enough for it to help.

 

[The Y-man]

Previously dabbled in Karate.

Depends a bit on his character and to some extent his build etc.

There are "hard" and "soft" martial arts.

For example, most schools of Karate is "hard" - it is often about "striking", and can more potentially be "misused" as an offensive technique.

If you feel a more "defensive" art is for you/him, then something "soft" like Jujitsu (which is more about movement and pinning) might be for you. It is particularly effective for smaller bodied individuals to deal with larger opponents.

Don't be fooled with the "soft" tag either - google or wiki "Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu" and "UFC"

The Y-man

 

[Macca]

Hi, I would be letting the school know first, if it happens again then complain again.

After that, if it happens again your son has the right to explode. He just has to say he was terrified to be bullied again and the school has not helped.

Tell him to just go berserk, yell, swing, kick etc at balls, head, eyes etc the bully is usually that surprised he leaves that "nutter" alone

Worked for me but my big brother gave me plenty of practice

 

[NedKelly]

There is no doubt in my mind that Aikido is the best self-defence technique to learn. Look at some of the youtube video demonstrations.

 

[BuildingBlocks]

Or good ol boxing.

 

[motivated 5555]

Few things that have worked time and again when my kids were bullied

Talk to the school

Talk to the parent of the bully if they are nice people. this often works but in some schools with all types of families and families who get very sensntive about being told their son is a bully then be cautionate how you speak.

Go to school and talk to the bully
Tell them you heard what they did and you don't want to hear it happening again .
I used to say it respectfully sandwiched between two compliments and it worked every time .

Tell your son or both him and the bully
to keep away from each other
They don't have to be friends but they don't have to be enemies tell them to stay away from
each other

I personally did a 2 day self defence course with a teenage child of mine and it was extremely empowering .

We learnt to stomp on feet , kick in shins knee into groin , scratch bite poke eyes get out of headlock get bully off of us etc etc depending on size of bully

We were taught to do 2 or 3 different techniques fast and run . So just enough to slow down the attacker so we could run .


I would tell your son to walk around with straight back and shoulders upright, no hunched shoulders , asssertive confident stance keeps bullies away more than if you look like an easy sad unconfident target

they taught us also to shout but not like a scream, but like a deep grunting roar type of shout like a monster, that gives the message that i'm about to kill you!!!

unlike another poster, i would not advice him to act wild, though if it will keep him safe then he should,

but i say this because i had a son who would scream and rant and wave arms and go crazy like the other poster advised and it made him even more of a target for bullies who loved the spectacle. I feel so sad even thinking of it. Luckily his older brother found him once and saved the day but it was like a side show with people gathered around taunting his younger brother till he found him and got him out.

Your son should try to not walk alone or anywhere secluded, and not allow himself to be taken to a second location or to hang around where he could be targeted before or after school

also evelyn feild the bully busting expert talks about making jokes about any taunting, never to show that it upsets us. a bit like if a girl is called a b-***** she should say
yes i am it means beautiful intelligent talented etc
or she can joke and say , no that was yesterday today i'm a d********.
Just joke dont show it hurts as that attracts more bullying if they know it gets to you.

theres another expert on teens who has a great talk about how to handle bullying and new tactics that most dont realise to use with school bullies. I'm trying to remember his name.

if it goes on think about other schools if the school dont kick out the bully.

 

[twobobsworth]

I've done a few differnet styles of Karate. Any style is only as good as the instructor and/or school.

I have my 4 year old doing taekwondo and my 2 year old will start next year. I would prefer them to do Karate as there is greater focus on blocking and punching, but the local taekwondo is a full time studio with good equipment and one instructor for every 4 - 8 students. Much better than the school halls I used to train in.

You really need to go around to the schools in your area and see what they are like. I hope your son is also interested in doing it because there's a pretty regular turnover in the first 12 months. If you can participate at the same time it would be a great bonding experience. Too many parents just sit at the sides and watch.

To get anything out of it you need to train at least twice a week. Hopefully he'll learn a few little grappling moves to get out of headlocks, grabs or pushes, but I think the biggest thing will be his confidence. I've seen this with my son in just the last 12 months of doing TKD.

 

[Bon]

Pffft... don't bother with karate or any of that crap, they're not effective for anything other than lining the instructor's pockets and doing kata.

Stick him in a BJJ or wrestling class. Why? Because they actually get to wrestle/spar with resistance in a controlled environment which is the closest thing you'll get to a real life scenario without actually being involved in one... and if you ever do end up in a real life situation, you handle it like it's just another day since usually your opponent's skill level is very low.

The BJJ kids classes are usually based around the kids playing games to practice these skills to keep their attention while developing skills.

The skill level of some of the kids I'm seeing at BJJ comps lately is AMAZING! I'd bet any amount of money someone is willing to risk that the kids doing BJJ comps would towel your school yard bully up in a matter of seconds.

I've been in over 50 fights/scraps as well, I could count the number of times on one hand I've thrown a punch... BJJ & wrestling has always saved my ***

 

[Bon]

I absolutely hate the "self defense" aspect part of the curriculum most BJJ schools tend to cover at one point or another.... but, putting someone in a headlock is a big "no-no" in grappling/wrestling and it's something new guys tend to try do when they first come in, but anybody who's trained for a few months will slip out of that and put you in a compromising position! You learn very quickly when starting wrestling/grappling that headlocks are for people who are clueless and not to do them very quickly as it can easily be countered.

 

[VYBerlinaV8]

I absolutely hate the "self defense" aspect part of the curriculum most BJJ schools tend to cover at one point or another.... but, putting someone in a headlock is a big "no-no" in grappling/wrestling and it's something new guys tend to try do when they first come in, but anybody who's trained for a few months will slip out of that and put you in a compromising position! You learn very quickly when starting wrestling/grappling that headlocks are for people who are clueless and not to do them very quickly as it can easily be countered.

Agreed. For kids, a neat way to break headlocks is to get your kid to reach up behind the bully's arm (with the arm next to the bully's body), feel their way around to the face, put their thumb under their node and pull back/up hard. Bully will get a decent dose of pain and will be forced to release your kid, but won't suffer a serious injury.

I'd talk to the school first to resolve the problem, but getting your kid into martial arts is good anyway. I did several years of Wing Chun, and found it quite good. I have never used it in anger.

 

[myoung]

Reading through this thread again kind of took me back to the process i went through for choosing a martial art.
Now that you have recommendations for most of the major ones and the "my style is better than yours type posts", the main thing to consider is which one's are available to you, and which one SUITS YOUR KID. This is probably the most important factor in choosing the right one that your child will enjoy and grow the most from doing and stick with.

if you find the right one, any of the ones listed can be of great benefit to your child, not just in terms of self defence, but leadership, discipline, physical development(strength and fitness), confidence, coordination, self esteem etc.
I would spend some time reading up on a few different styles(wikipedia even as a place to start) and determine which ones aims and teachings align with what you want your child to get from it and that are available in your area, then follow some of the tips below as they are good advice.

Any style is only as good as the instructor and/or school.

You really need to go around to the schools in your area and see what they are like. I hope your son is also interested in doing it because there's a pretty regular turnover in the first 12 months. If you can participate at the same time it would be a great bonding experience. Too many parents just sit at the sides and watch.

.

Of course they all have a lot of common ground. I wouldn't say that any one is more effective than an other, especially at the elite levels. The most effective will come down to the individual.

I don't know that learning martial arts will give your son the ability to fight back against bullies, at least not initially. To a certain degree strength, size and weight can make up for some lack of ability, especially at basic levels.

Hopefully though it will give him the confidence and the awareness to avoid being bullied in the first place.

 

[kero]

for self defence, i like WING CHUN. bruce lee did a bit of it before going out on his own.

http://www.wingchun.edu.au/

 

[josko]

Hi virgo,

I am actually a boxing instructor..amongst other things...

ANY sort of defence will give your boy the confidence he needs to hold his head high and look the bullies in the eye.

A study has been taken on how a bully picks his target and why the victim is the victim.

To cut a long story short- Body Language.

While your son, should never have to use violence to protect himself...his body language can do it for him.

I have had several friends bring their boys to my classes for training and confidence.

Do it and let your son choose.

Regards JO

 

[Peter_Tersteeg]

I couldn't agree more josko.

Victims attract the bully, not the other way around. Self defence training gives people the confidence and ability not to become the victim in the first place.

Since taking up martial arts I've never found myself in a situation I couldn't get out of very easily.

 

[Aaron Sice]

Victims attract the bully, not the other way around. Self defence training gives people the confidence and ability not to become the victim in the first place.

bleeding heart alarm alert

this is true. you cannot change a bully's mindset immediately and confident people tend to be bullied less.

that said, sometimes a bully will specifically target confident people to "bring them down to size". that is when self defense is needed.

they may use other methods if direct bullying doesn't work, like infiltration techniques etc and this is what generally does more damage. but anyone witha good amount of confidence can usually get their own back - and my goodness it's awesome when it works because you only need to retort two or three times and the bully becomes embarrassed to try it again.

but the issue is bullies themselves. if they are consumed by anger or hate, your retorts can (but not always) fuel the fire and you become more of their focus.

some bullies also rely on no-one saying anything, like the "no dobbing" silent code of ethics amongst boys. once they are challenged, they need to be challenge don all fronts, publicly (school-institution), personally (victim standing up every time and fighting back) and privately (personaly development).

victims do attract bullies, so a confident step is needed to reduce that personal risk and then methods used to curb the bully's behaviour when it arises with someone else.

 

[cu@thetop]

How about a cyber bullying campaign directed against the bully through Facebook.?

Or grab him in the balls at the next headlock.