Some fun: What is best comeback you have ever heard?

[Peter 14.7]

Giday All

With all the hot heated debate lately lets have some fun.

So what is your or someone best comeback you have heard? Clean them up if necessary!

Mine is recent hence this post:

BACKGROUND
Wife and I dated at 16, Country Kids in small Town, married 22 and built our life together. On the 28th June we closed the Financial year and all was good, Another financially profitable year. Wifes does the accounts I do the earning.

ME TO WIFE

Woohoo, I am SOOOO good at money. You know, do you ever wonder how you would feel it you have NOT married me?

You know, just married one of the other kids in our class, a local lad with no drive, no business or investment savvy. Just a employee instead of me? A excellent investor, provider, business owner?!?!?!

WIFE TO ME

No. Did you ever wonder how you would feel if you had married someone who was not Hot!

Touche!

Regards Peter 14.7

 

[marg4000]

Smart aleck kid to teacher "miss, are you a virgin?"

Teacher - "no, I'm a Sagittarius".

True.
Marg

 

[VYBerlinaV8]

True story while at summer camp many years ago.

Kid: "but I have to go and see the girls because one of them wrote a note and I was reading it so I didn't have time to brush my teeth"

Counsellor: <points to his own face> "ever seen one of these? It's face not caring" Get your *** to bed".

 

[HiEquity]

Nobody beats the late, great Winston Churchill

When Nancy Astor said to Churchill: "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee.", Winston riposted with: "Nancy, if I were your husband, I would drink it."

"Do stop interrupting me while I am interrupting you!"

On being accosted as he left a House of Commons bar by Bessie Braddock who said to him: "Winston, you're drunk!" he replied with "Madam, you're ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober."

 

[coastymike]

and two local QCs one whom I know

"captured by the story of the lift journey which Mr R P Meagher QC and Mr Linton Morris QC took in Selborne Chambers at a time when the adjoining premises of the Law Society were undergoing building works. As the lift descended, there was an enormous crash, and the whole lift shook. Morris said: “What on earth was that?” Meagher pondered the problem and said: “I think it was a common lawyer having a thought.”

 

[Aaron Sice]

"my gosh you're growing so fast!"

"yeah, you'll have to stick me in a cardboard box and blow cigarette smoke on me to stunt my growth".

 

[chilliblue]

Overheard:

Child: Mum. What's a virgin?

Mum: It's a type of oil.

 

[boomtown]

Classic Chilliblue

 

[dan c]

This is sort of the Glenn mcgrath arjuna ranatunga infamous incident....Google it.

It's actually Glenn McGrath vs Eddo Brandes, of Zimbabwe.

 

[Ed Barton]

Why do you always answer a question with a question?

What's wrong with that?

 

[Peter 14.7]

Looks like my thread is dying the death of a thousand moderations.

If we clean them up a little, perhaps they can stay. I think we will get the gist.

Here one:

My father in law was a old aussie type, panel beater and one of his favorite saying to anyone who brought in a banged up car and said it only has a few dints was:

"BS... this car has had more hits than a drug addict"

Regards, Peter 14.7

 

[BayView]

more hits than a drug addict"

Regards, Peter 14.7

Or; "more hits than ABBA"

(common reply used in the golf world after a round when asked how one played that day)

 

[Dazz]

We have the Zits cartoon as a regular in our local West newspaper.

There are always many many great lines in there. I'm not a comedian by any stretch, so don't recall much in the way of comedy, but in a recent strip, the son took a lawnmower up to his room to clean it up, rather than a vacuum cleaner.

The father initially thought it bizarre, but after the mowing, thought it looked much better, with actual lawn growing in there, fertilised by left over pizza.

The mother came along and asked the father "Why did Jeremy use a lawnmower in his room ?"

The father said "He was growing grass up there."

To which the mother nearly had a heart attack.

The father saw the reaction and said "Calm down, it wasn't that type of grass."

The mother had the same heart attack type reaction.

The father realised that her reaction was still appropriate, regardless of the lack of drugs.

...admittedly is wasn't a 'comeback line'....but then I did warn you I wasn't good at comedy.

 

[amy21322]

A couple of gay guys I know were going out on the town that night, but had a little tiff earlier in the day.
Just prior to leaving, one of them was standing in front of the mirror tarting himself up, when he turned to his mate and said...
"Well, how do I look?"
The terse reply came back...
"Compared to what!"

 

[Peter 14.7]

I can add another Gay ref.

I have a very good, at the time, single gay friend.

I was bemoaning how much effort it is to "get lucky" being straight and married. You know, you have to wine and dine and charm, etc... (this refers to other straight married men not men honey) where I said to him, when all you have to do is say "hi, my name is Bob, whats your name?!":

He turned to me and said totally straight (no pun intended) faced "you have to know their name?".....

Keep em coming, Peter 14.7

 

[geoffw]

I worked with a gay guy when I didn't know much about the gay scene. He asked me if I was married. I told him I wasn't- and quickly changed my answer.

His comeback. "Geoff, what makes you think I find you the slightest bit attractive?"

 

[Deltaberry]

Nobody beats the late, great Winston Churchill

How come Churchill and Menzies said the same thing?

 

[malaga]

I was teaching a group of TAFE students of mixed ages. One smartie said your old enough to be my father. I paused looked at him and said What was your mothers maiden name? Older students burst into laughter. Took him a while to work it out.

 

[Angel]

Giday All

ME TO WIFE

Woohoo, I am SOOOO good at money. You know, do you ever wonder how you would feel it you have NOT married me?

You know, just married one of the other kids in our class, a local lad with no drive, no business or investment savvy. Just a employee instead of me? A excellent investor, provider, business owner?!?!?!

WIFE TO ME

No. Did you ever wonder how you would feel if you had married someone who was not Hot!

Touche!

Hey Peter, I tell my hubby that I am great with money AND hot.

 

[Dylan33]

This isn't a "comeback " but an episode that happened to me in my younger Disco days. A friend who wasn't having any luck getting anywhere with the girls on the dance floor complained to me and asked what he should do.

I told him go up and dance with them and smile and initiate some small talk, may be compliment them on something they're wearing or how good they're looking tonight.

So. Off he goes and I watch him starting to dance with a girl and he starts smiling and leans over and whispers in her ear. She pulls back with a disgusted look on her face and quickly slapps him across the face!
He walks back to me with a dejected look on his face again. I said to him "what the hell went on there? What did you say to her"? He replied " well I took your advise and smiled and started talking to her and she slapped me"
I said yeah! But what did you say? He said. "we'll all I said was. You don't sweat much for a fat girl"

I rest my case. I think he's still single.