To slap or not to slap...when it's someone else's child?

[pennyk]

At one stage, I worked in a school and I learned the "teachers voice".... it is something every parent should learn. There is a way to talk to kids in that calm, malicious voice which immediately lets them know you won't take any crap. Thats come in very useful in this type of situation (both with my own kids and others)....... unfortunately it seems to have lost its effectiveness as my children are heading towards becoming teenagers!
Definitely dont smack a child in public, otherwise you could face legal action and I wouldn't smack any one else's child anywhere. But I would certainly step in if there was violent behaviour.
But, its better to intervene early to stop a bad, violent behaviour rather than letting it happen a few times, and then get angry about it and over-reacting. Kids need to know consistently what the rules are.

My challenge with my son when he was little was more dangerous behaviour rather than bad behaviour. He was always the one climbing on the outside of the playground equipment, onto the roof of the playground equipment (or the house!) , running away, climbing out of windows etc. It was certainly a challenge to learn how to manage his adventurous spirit! I guess he was probably often on his own, cause the other kids wouldnt follow where he was going. So, that was one way to avoid having to deal with conflicts with other kids.

 

[Lil Skater]

They're little kids. Get used it it.

This is the problem with parenting these days. Everyone is of the opinion that kids know no better and just to "get used to it, because they're kids".

Discipline should be enforced, you don't have to smack your kid around, but you should punish them if they've done something wrong. This is why there are so many little brats around, because their parents are too scared to make them cry and will feed them with a damn silver spoon.

Love and care for your children, but if they've done something wrong they need to know it or they won't learn otherwise. If you're too scared to discipline your child, perhaps you shouldn't have had one. Unless you can teach them to grown up as a respectable adult, don't do it, it just means there's more idiots wasting tax payers money.

I don't think you are EVER entitled to hit / slap anyone elses kid.

I agree wholeheartedly.

Nowadays there's debate over whether you should even touch your own child.

Unfortunately the trend is that you can't say no to a child with fear of harming their self worth. Preschools no longer say no to children (and God forbid they get told they are naughty).

My parents spanked me when I was naughty and washed my mouth out with soap when I was maybe 5 or 6 and swore, in this instance I didn't know any better, but it worked.

I don't know if i'd spank my children, but I do know that if they did something wrong - They'd know it. The severity of the punishment would fit the "crime".

I wouldn't hit another persons child, they can decide how to discipline their own children, but if they hit my child I would say "no".

 

[pennyk]

Its not the same as this situation, but the other side of the story is that I do strongly believe that children need to stand up to bullies.
Having myself been bullied and also been a bully, and seen my children experience bullying (no reports of them being bullies yet thankfully!) I think that being nice and polite, or having the parents/ teachers step in wont solve the issue.
We need to teach our kids how to stand up for themselves in a way which is calm and confident so they nip bullying in the bud.
Pen

 

[weg]

My observation over the last 18 years is children with over protective parents end up with less harmonious relationships and fewer friends.

Who wants a friend who's parent is always watching out for the evil in them, or turns on them over a minor issue.

Many a parent like this has crucified a nice child because they feel their child is 'in the line of fire'. Word gets around.

Mostly though it's because some of these children run straight to the parent with their version of the 'major' issue.

Stepping back, taking a breath and not over reacting is a good thing.

 

[Luv2Travel]

My parents spanked me when I was naughty and washed my mouth out with soap when I was maybe 5 or 6 and swore, in this instance I didn't know any better, but it worked.

I got this too, didn't think about it at the time, but I hope it was a new cake of soap and not the communal one out of the shower!!!

 

[Lil Skater]

I got this too, didn't think about it at the time, but I hope it was a new cake of soap and not the communal one out of the shower!!!

Eww! I never thought of that one!

I hope so too

 

[Delilah]

Bullies are actually 'created' from authoritarian parenting. Continue to punish and slap children and we will continue to have bullies.

You can discipline a child without hitting, slapping and punishments. These disciplinary techniques work by creating fear in the child. The child is too fearful to do it again or make a mistake etc because they will be slapped or punished accordingly. I want my children to respect me not through fear and to do 'good' because they want to do 'good' not because the opposite will result in a slap or an hour in their rooms alone.

 

[weg]

Eww! I never thought of that one!

I hope so too

Try having a used perfume free soap from a school toilet (1960's ) shoved in your mouth.

Not only that, I was dragged by a sprinting teacher, feet/legs partly airborn, for about 20m, with kids following and looking on in horror... for saying 'shut up' .

I rarely say shut up now, because the F word is far more effective .

Funny how you remember some things in your childhood .

 

[Lil Skater]

Not only that, I was dragged by a sprinting teacher, feet/legs partly airborn, for about 20m, with kids following and looking on in horror... for saying 'shut up' .

Okay, now that's worse!

I remember in Kindergarten I brought one pack of lollies to school and shared them with my friends. My sister had the same and had it all to herself and told the teacher that i'd taken more lollies then I was allowed (possibly something else though..) anyway, teacher came up and was yelling at me, picked me up by my ankle and slapped me three times in the thigh and dropped me at recess in front of everyone. The teacher didn't get fired.

This would've been 1997, if that happened now the teacher would've had one huge law suit on hands!

 

[Luv2Travel]

Try having a used perfume free soap from a school toilet (1960's ) shoved in your mouth.

Ewwwwwww THAT is gross! I was a teacher's pet, so never got in trouble.

Funny how you remember some things in your childhood .

Grossest thing for me was in about grade 1 or 2, standing in pooh in the girls toilets. WTF, who takes a crap on the floor?? Will never forget that!!!

 

[weg]

Ewwwwwww THAT is gross! I was a teacher's pet, so never got in trouble.



Grossest thing for me was in about grade 1 or 2, standing in pooh in the girls toilets. WTF, who takes a crap on the floor?? Will never forget that!!!

You know if I didn't get the soap shoved in my mouth I wouldn't have remembered saying shut up, and would have been a nice girl .

I have no idea who I said shut up to .

All I learned from that particular situation was that the teacher was a real COW and to keep right away from her.

 

[jaycee]

There was never a suggestion of hitting jaycee. It was merely put out there to see how others have dealt with situations where one kid may be a little pr*ck.

I also found it interesting that my initial response was to grab the blighter. However, i refrained from this & just told him 'don't hit'.

It's interesting the inner feelings that are stirred up when a member of one's own clan is perceived to be 'in the line of fire'.

I guess the ideal is for humanity to treat everyone with dignity & respect & protect those who can't protect themselves.

It was just a study in how we as adults and on another level as (imperfect) humans handle these situations.

I have no idea what

Yes there was.

Your topic heading literally said: " To slap or not to slap...when it's someone else's child? "

Ianvestor told us of a situation wher ehe rough handled a young kid enough to bruise her arm and he smuggly took del;ight in laughing about it

- this is what I responded to and his attitude that it is ok to do walk up & hit other children he doesn't even know.

So it's ok for ian to sugest he's sallwoe dto defned his daughter from an 8 yr old or something, by hitting them, but I shoudl not be allowed to do anything if it was muy child he hit - he couldn't be wrong ? I don't have the same right to defend my child ?

It was the suggxstion having hurt an innocnetn kid and him laughing about it and going on about doing it again which made me feel uneasy.

I apologise if this is wrong but I chonestly cannot see it.
Can of worms allright, you started a topic about hitting other kids and got annoyed that people didnt agree with you.



biggles, thanks for feeling you need to tell me how to feel

 

[jaycee]

I don't buy the "just a kid" bit... kids can do REAL DAMAGE. I suppose if your kid is 12 and another 12 year old goes at them with a knife, you're not going to knock their block off?

Maybe you should just say "NO!" and point your finger sternly at their knife.

Pfft.

We were talking about bloody 5 yr olds in a playground pushing each other in the back and you suggested an adult should hit a kid for it

If we were talking violent behaviour etc you know as well as I bloody do that it's different
and I would have responded differently, which you already know, what hwith being a human being and having commons sesnse and stuff obbviously....

So stop trying to pretend they are the same thing in your posts and trying to paint me to be an idiot, Im not the only person you look like an idiot in front of, nor the only person who reckons you have no right to hurt children jsut cause you dont like them or the way they behave in childish situations..

 

[skater]

My parents spanked me when I was naughty and washed my mouth out with soap when I was maybe 5 or 6 and swore, in this instance I didn't know any better, but it worked.

From memory you were a little older than that, and you did know that swearing was not allowed. You did get your revenge though, when you caught your father swearing, if you remember. For those who are not a part of our family, this is what transpired.

Hubby swears, Lil says "Hey, swearing is bad. You need your mouth washed out." Hubby, being the good dad that he is, said "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to." and Lil replies "Sorry is not good enough, I had my mouth washed out, so you should too." Hubby then says that she is right, that there can't be different rules for each member of the family, so Lil gets very excited and says that she will do it for him.

Well, she gets the soap and puts it in his mouth, makes him stick out his toungue and rubs it on there too, then gets his toothbrush and soaps that up good and proper and cleans his teeth with it. She took her time with it and gave him about ten times the treatment that she got. She was just pure evil. Poor Hubby really got the once over by her, but he just let her do it, because, well, he was in the wrong. OMG! I learnt after that event to be very careful about what I said, especially in front of Lil.

 

[Lil Skater]

From memory you were a little older than that, and you did know that swearing was not allowed.

Well, she gets the soap and puts it in his mouth, makes him stick out his toungue and rubs it on there too, then gets his toothbrush and soaps that up good and proper and cleans his teeth with it. She took her time with it and gave him about ten times the treatment that she got. She was just pure evil. Poor Hubby really got the once over by her, but he just let her do it, because, well, he was in the wrong. OMG! I learnt after that event to be very careful about what I said, especially in front of Lil.

No, it wasn't long after we got Smokey. I was 5 or something when we got him, plus he was still a kitten when I did it and was still at Bellambi - So I was under 8 at the very most. I'm sure I was still in Kindergarten.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yes, I remember that VERY well

 

[mary&mat]

I'm having a wine jaycee, but I can still type....

In my defence, I have a pretty warped sense of humour & the visual that ianvestor created with that post just made me laugh...sorry I'm not being politically correct & saying what you want to hear.

I would never laugh in seriousness about a child getting bruises & I seriously don't think ianvestor meant it either.

Gosh, don't we all have fantasies at one time or another about wanting to punch someone in the face...but not really wanting to do it in the real world? Or are there only some of us willing to admit that?

At the moment a stern 'uh-uh' with a degree of what penny described as teacher voice does the trick with our lil one.

I remember the humiliation of being hit & would never want to inflict that on another person. I also remember the soap in the mouth but would never do that either. But I certainly don't think my parents were child abusers for doing it.

There are some children though that are horrid little beasts & deserve a good slap. I believe there's always someone bigger & badder in the world & once these so and so's come up against them, they will get a punch in the face or worse.

 

[jaycee]

I'm having a wine jaycee, but I can still type....

In my defence, I have a pretty warped sense of humour & the visual that ianvestor created with that post just made me laugh...sorry I'm not being politically correct & saying what you want to hear.

I would never laugh in seriousness about a child getting bruises & I seriously don't think ianvestor meant it either.

Gosh, don't we all have fantasies at one time or another about wanting to punch someone in the face...but not really wanting to do it in the real world? Or are there only some of us willing to admit that?

At the moment a stern 'uh-uh' with a degree of what penny described as teacher voice does the trick with our lil one.

I remember the humiliation of being hit & would never want to inflict that on another person. I also remember the soap in the mouth but would never do that either. But I certainly don't think my parents were child abusers for doing it.

There are some children though that are horrid little beasts & deserve a good slap. I believe there's always someone bigger & badder in the world & once these so and so's come up against them, they will get a punch in the face or worse.

Ian was serious about bruising the hcild and he was laughing at it.

He was not joking, he was serious, rad the post, he said he didn't care...

Why are you suggesting he was not ?

That's great that you are drinking wine ? I'm drinking coffee so what ?
oh, you're poking fun at my typo's, that negates the point I'm making shows everyone how wrong I am, oh I get it now

 

[ianvestor]

you suggested an adult should hit a kid for [pushing each other in the back]

This claim is false - check the thread.

Im not the only person you look like an idiot in front of

This one is totally true, it's a regular occurrence.

 

[mary&mat]

No jaycee, it doesn't negate your points, it was just an observation. (Must be great coffee though!)

Don't get so defensive, we're all entitled to our opinions & perspectives.

Maybe a wine would be a good...relaxant? See the funny side of life sometimes

 

[ianvestor]

Ian was serious about bruising the hcild and he was laughing at it.

He was not joking, he was serious, rad the post, he said he didn't care...

Why are you suggesting he was not ?

Here Jaycee, I will quote my own post so you can point out to me a) where I was laughing, and b) where I said I didn't care.

At playgroup one bully pulled my girl's hair with all her strength.

I immediately grabbed the little ***** in both hands and literally through her to her dad like a football, with a yell to match.

Probably bruised her arms.

'Rad' the post!