Bipolar people.

[Bon]

I've had a person in my life for nearly the last 12 months who I've just realised is bipolar... The abuse that comes when they hit their low is just inevitable, it's passive-aggressive emotional blackmail. I take it personally and nothing annoys me more than passive-aggressive anger, I can't handle it well at all.

If this was a negative person, I'd cut them from my life in a second.. But, given this is a mental disease they can't really help, should I be more accomodating?

This person has also wasted a lot of my time and money..

Have I just got to cut them and move on?

It really does effect me, I have trouble focusing, I even eat emotionally by binging... Nothing else gets me down to the point where I eat emotionally, it's only this one person.

 

[evand]

I think it depends what type of relationship you have with this person.

wife/husband? boy/girlfriend? live in? close friend? acquaintance? work mate?

 

[kathryn d]

Also, is this person taking their medication?
Or are they using this condition as an excuse "I'm bipolar, and I can't control myself".
That would determine whether wasting your health and sanity is worth it.
Maybe seek out a support group?

It also irritates me when women use Pre Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) or are in Menopause to act like a ******.
If I'm grouchy..it has nothing to do with me..it's your actions !!!

 

[willair]

I've had a person in my life for nearly the last 12 months who I've just realised is bipolar... The abuse that comes when they hit their low is just inevitable, it's passive-aggressive emotional blackmail. I take it personally and nothing annoys me more than passive-aggressive anger, I can't handle it well at all.

If this was a negative person, I'd cut them from my life in a second.. But, given this is a mental disease they can't really help, should I be more accomodating?

This person has also wasted a lot of my time and money..

Have I just got to cut them and move on?

It really does effect me, I have trouble focusing, I even eat emotionally by binging... Nothing else gets me down to the point where I eat emotionally, it's only this one person.

It would depend on the person,if you wake up each morning and look at who your sleeping with and after a year you find out they have a problem you would have to ask yourself some serious questions that if this is what's happening now,what will it be like in 2-5 years time but i do know some people that suffer from bi-polar and like everything you learn to deal with it in your own way.

 

[Perp]

I doubt that you're qualified to diagnose somebody as bipolar, but anyway, I guess your point is that they are behaving in a way which is detrimental to your relationship with them. How about you discuss it with this person, and get them to talk to their doctor about it? They may need medication, or counselling, or some other therapy, or a combination thereof.

Most people don't want to be miserable and grumpy, and if they're that way quite a lot, it may be that they're suffering unnecessarily and deserving of compassion.

Or it could be that they're just a pain in the a**. But you don't have enough information to know yet.

If this person is very significant to you, you need to tackle the issue head-on, and get them to do everything in their power to address it. If they're unwilling to address the issue, then you have to decide whether it's something you can live with, or whether it's not worth the cost.

 

[Macca]

My thoughts:

Visit a doc if not already diagnosed, get medication as it can make Huge difference.

If they won't visit a Doc and/or won't take the medication then move on, they will be like it until someone or something forces them into taking action.

You may choose to stay in touch in the hope that they will want to repair the relationship after they start treatment.

Tough love needed IMO

 

[rugrat]

How about suggesting to them to get help?

 

[weg]

Agree with Perp. Sometimes it's hard enough for the qualified person to diagnose, let alone the unqualified one.

Based on the scant information it sounds more like they have personality problems, not Bipolar Disorder.

 

[ldriver]

I have bipolar friends that I have lived with, and I have extended family who are passive aggressive.

The two are not necessarily the same. I haven't experienced external negativity when my friends have been manic.

You owe it to yourself to maintain your self-esteem.

There are a couple of options- 1/ don't place yourself in the firing line when there's a bad time, 2/ talk to them about it - its very possible that they don't realise what they are doing, or in a bipolar case, they don't take their medication as required because they think they don't need it or need their medication changed or 3/walk away.

Sometimes a person can just be toxic and you just need to walk away.

 

[Deena]

A few years ago I realised that negative people in my life bought me down, not them. So regardless of history or them being friends or family I realised I did not want them in my life. Sure I felt really guilty at the time. Best thing I did.

 

[Ridin-High]

I had a friend i don't know if bi-polar or not but certainly did show some traits of a person i don't want to associate myself with.

"it's passive-aggressive emotional blackmail"

Yep cut the person now, you don't have to put up with this ****...

 

[Ocean Architect]

Youre all going to hate me after I say this. But youll want to invest with me, because im tearless.

Ive known a few bipolar people. They fit into my "get rid of this person from your life because they bring you down and mess up your potential" category.

Yes its terrible that some people have a certain condition. Yes I feel bad for them. But Im not a safety net. I dont exist to prop up people who are going to fail to some degree anyway. If you enter my life and rip it apart with your ********, then get the hell out of my life. There are nearly 7 BILLION people on this planet. I couldnt talk to all of them for 1 second each without dying of old age. So if you have bipolar, and bring drama to my life - get out. Get out, and do whatever it is you are going to do. Just dont bring that into my life. I have enough problems, better things to do, and better people to hang out with. One of the 7 billion that arent going to rip a wrecking ball through my existence.

And I dont care how hot the girl is. Been there, done that, not again.

When you have someone who is going to reach rock bottom, the only thing you can do, if you intervene, is to slow the process, at great expense to yourself. Theyll still get there. Theyll still hit rock bottom. Your choice is simple - do you slow their fall and take a hit, buying them a little time, or step away and let them hit it faster, so that they can rebound faster.

Ive been burnt to ash by some such people in the past, and will not go that way again.

Terrible post, but I challenge anyone to fault the logic.

 

[Ridin-High]

Youre all going to hate me after I say this. But youll want to invest with me, because im tearless.

Ive known a few bipolar people. They fit into my "get rid of this person from your life because they bring you down and mess up your potential" category.

Yes its terrible that some people have a certain condition. Yes I feel bad for them. But Im not a safety net. I dont exist to prop up people who are going to fail to some degree anyway. If you enter my life and rip it apart with your ********, then get the hell out of my life. There are nearly 7 BILLION people on this planet. I couldnt talk to all of them for 1 second each without dying of old age. So if you have bipolar, and bring drama to my life - get out. Get out, and do whatever it is you are going to do. Just dont bring that into my life. I have enough problems, better things to do, and better people to hang out with. One of the 7 billion that arent going to rip a wrecking ball through my existence.

And I dont care how hot the girl is. Been there, done that, not again.

When you have someone who is going to reach rock bottom, the only thing you can do, if you intervene, is to slow the process, at great expense to yourself. Theyll still get there. Theyll still hit rock bottom. Your choice is simple - do you slow their fall and take a hit, buying them a little time, or step away and let them hit it faster, so that they can rebound faster.

Ive been burnt to ash by some such people in the past, and will not go that way again.

Terrible post, but I challenge anyone to fault the logic.

I agree with u completely. hear hear

 

[Dazz]

It doesn't matter who it is - you need to show them compassion and love.

If it costs you lots of time and money, along with truckloads of heartache - that's OK - they are human and therefore worth it.

I think all those folks who say cut and run are just big meanies.....if you were all my friends I'd cry and whimper in the corner until you rescued me.

Bon - do the right thing and put up with the troubles for the rest of your life....you'll feel so much better with yourself when you do.

 

[evand]

Imagine if everyone on this planet thought the same way. You can have that dystopian planet.

What if - one day - you hit a rough patch in your life and need to turn to someone? What would you do?

I find that strong, successful, and happy people have the capacity to help someone else and not have their life derailed by it.

People who think negative people in their life will ruin it have just barely enough mojo for themselves, let alone someone else.

People who want a life of eternal sunshine, happiness and positivity are in reality not too far from the person looking for help themselves.

If you have been burnt to ash before, i think that says more about yourself than the other person.

To tell you the truth i found your post offensive. I read another one the other day about body building or training and it was almost as bad as this one?

Youre all going to hate me after I say this. But youll want to invest with me, because im tearless.

Ive known a few bipolar people. They fit into my "get rid of this person from your life because they bring you down and mess up your potential" category.

Yes its terrible that some people have a certain condition. Yes I feel bad for them. But Im not a safety net. I dont exist to prop up people who are going to fail to some degree anyway. If you enter my life and rip it apart with your ********, then get the hell out of my life. There are nearly 7 BILLION people on this planet. I couldnt talk to all of them for 1 second each without dying of old age. So if you have bipolar, and bring drama to my life - get out. Get out, and do whatever it is you are going to do. Just dont bring that into my life. I have enough problems, better things to do, and better people to hang out with. One of the 7 billion that arent going to rip a wrecking ball through my existence.

And I dont care how hot the girl is. Been there, done that, not again.

When you have someone who is going to reach rock bottom, the only thing you can do, if you intervene, is to slow the process, at great expense to yourself. Theyll still get there. Theyll still hit rock bottom. Your choice is simple - do you slow their fall and take a hit, buying them a little time, or step away and let them hit it faster, so that they can rebound faster.

Ive been burnt to ash by some such people in the past, and will not go that way again.

Terrible post, but I challenge anyone to fault the logic.

 

[evand]

There is a whole world between 'cut & run' and 'putting up someones troubles the rest of your life'.

Its been my experience that people who use extremes to prove a point really have no point.

It doesn't matter who it is - you need to show them compassion and love.

If it costs you lots of time and money, along with truckloads of heartache - that's OK - they are human and therefore worth it.

I think all those folks who say cut and run are just big meanies.....if you were all my friends I'd cry and whimper in the corner until you rescued me.

Bon - do the right thing and put up with the troubles for the rest of your life....you'll feel so much better with yourself when you do.

 

[Ocean Architect]

Imagine if everyone on this planet thought the same way. You can have that dystopian planet.

What if - one day - you hit a rough patch in your life and need to turn to someone? What would you do?

I find that strong, successful, and happy people have the capacity to help someone else and not have their life derailed by it.

People who think negative people in their life will ruin it have just barely enough mojo for themselves, let alone someone else.

People who want a life of eternal sunshine, happiness and positivity are in reality not too far from the person looking for help themselves.

If you have been burnt to ash before, i think that says more about yourself than the other person.

To tell you the truth i found your post offensive. I read another one the other day about body building or training and it was almost as bad as this one?

I'm sorry that you found my post offensive, I'm merely speaking my mind, based on my experience.

I'm one of those people that likes to help others - always have been - and have several times found myself in circumstances where someone that I'm trying to help has bled me dry of emotional energy because I was out of my league.

I can handle people who go through regular things like divorce, loss etc, but people with mental conditions are out of my depth, will drag me to the bottom, and I decided after being burnt to a crisp once upon a time that I would fight the battles that I can win, and leave the ones that I can't well alone. Bipolar, schizophrenia, drug psychosis etc are battles that I can't win, and so I leave them well alone and walk away.

As for my post on training, I am abrupt because I know what I'm talking about, and am long used to hearing people offer completely wrong advice from the sidelines that I'm pretty sure they learned in a copy of Womens Weekly from 1965. If you want to hear what I have to say, great. If you want me to lay down my entire bodybuilding history and write 5000 word posts to convince you that I know better than some guy whose definition of a workout is a few pushups and a stroll around the park, and who advised you to do something dumb like "do more reps for tone, and fewer reps for muscle building" then please, be on your way and leave me alone.

 

[evand]

Thats a completely different tone to:



Ive known a few bipolar people. They fit into my "get rid of this person from your life because they bring you down and mess up your potential" category.

"Yes its terrible that some people have a certain condition. Yes I feel bad for them. But Im not a safety net. I dont exist to prop up people who are going to fail to some degree anyway. If you enter my life and rip it apart with your ********, then get the hell out of my life.

There are nearly 7 BILLION people on this planet. I couldnt talk to all of them for 1 second each without dying of old age. So if you have bipolar, and bring drama to my life - get out. Get out, and do whatever it is you are going to do. Just dont bring that into my life.

I have enough problems, better things to do, and better people to hang out with. One of the 7 billion that arent going to rip a wrecking ball through my existence."



Did the same person write both posts? i think the bolded parts say so much more about you than a person with bipolar (or any other problems they might have) would.

And you talk about your extensive body building knowledge like people care.

I'm sorry that you found my post offensive, I'm merely speaking my mind, based on my experience.

I'm one of those people that likes to help others - always have been - and have several times found myself in circumstances where someone that I'm trying to help has bled me dry of emotional energy because I was out of my league.

I can handle people who go through regular things like divorce, loss etc, but people with mental conditions are out of my depth, will drag me to the bottom, and I decided after being burnt to a crisp once upon a time that I would fight the battles that I can win, and leave the ones that I can't well alone. Bipolar, schizophrenia, drug psychosis etc are battles that I can't win, and so I leave them well alone and walk away.

As for my post on training, I am abrupt because I know what I'm talking about, and am long used to hearing people offer completely wrong advice from the sidelines that I'm pretty sure they learned in a copy of Womens Weekly from 1965. If you want to hear what I have to say, great. If you want me to lay down my entire bodybuilding history and write 5000 word posts to convince you that I know better than some guy whose definition of a workout is a few pushups and a stroll around the park, and who advised you to do something dumb like "do more reps for tone, and fewer reps for muscle building" then please, be on your way and leave me alone.

 

[cu@thetop]

I've had a person in my life for nearly the last 12 months who I've just realised is bipolar... The abuse that comes when they hit their low is just inevitable, it's passive-aggressive emotional blackmail. I take it personally and nothing annoys me more than passive-aggressive anger, I can't handle it well at all.

If this was a negative person, I'd cut them from my life in a second.. But, given this is a mental disease they can't really help, should I be more accomodating?

This person has also wasted a lot of my time and money..

Have I just got to cut them and move on?

It really does effect me, I have trouble focusing, I even eat emotionally by binging... Nothing else gets me down to the point where I eat emotionally, it's only this one person.

Ive known a guy for 34 years- went to school together. Always a bit different which I like but in the last 15 years the slow spiral of mental illness started.

I would never of thought of cutting and running until I went to visit him in the psych ward about 2 years ago when he had been checked in for the 2nd time in his life. I realized that we couldn't even carry on a meaningful conversation.

It proceeded to get worse;; the belligerent attitude followed by bouts of generosity and rare normality. My health started to suffer at a time when I was juggling many other things in my life and I couldn't afford the constant energy drain. There was no upside to the relationship for me- I remembered the good times at school together and hoped he would come good (the spiral down had commenced when he left his wife for reasons never really explained) but after the visit in the Psych ward I knew he was probably lost for good.

So I weigh up my priorities: outside of my 60 hr work week do I spend time with my friend's attention seeking self inflicted dramas or time with my kids?

I always prided myself on being a loyal friend so this was a difficult decision for me- but the mental illness and his antics (I refuse to accept that he had no input into his behaviour and that it was all controlled by the bi polar) wore me down- and I do not consider myself a weak person by any means.

What else can one do in the face of such belligerent unpredictable and time consuming behaviour? Self preservation must take priority.

Diplomatically disengage and remind yourself that despite any implicit or explicit threats of suicide that if someone wishes to kill themselves that 24 hr padded supervision is about the only way you can prevent it and you are not capable of providing that by yourself nor is it your job.

 

[PI141]

It so hard and so personal - I don't think anyone can judge another on this - it will all depend on the person and yourself.

For me I have someone very close to me who has a mental disorder - they have gone from a very good position in society and family to living in a mental hospital.

I am a strong person - but I tend to take on others problems - but after a reality check I came to the conclusion that -

1. Can I influence the outcome of this person ?
2. Can this person influence the outcome of my life?

I cant influence the outcome of this person - directly - but other people can like health professionals and social workers I can orgnaise that.

They can very much influence my life if I was to be a major part in theirs. My safety and the safety of my family is very much compromised. My thoughts would be all consumed by this person and their problems - in turn affected my children and my marriage.

I woke up one day and told my self I have a great chance of making my marriage a really good one - and having happy kids - and having a big influence on their life - and that there was only so much of me to go around in order for me to be effective and happy myself.

We all have a job on this earth - we just need to realise where and what it is.