Dealing with pessimistic attitudes

[Dazz]

property investing is a little scary for me, as we are doing this by ourselves, and nearly everyone i know knows nothing about property investing.

I reckon that is why this forum is so popular for property investors. It's comforting to know that you aren't the only one struggling to make your way, and you aren't that weird because you find the plastic doodads in Harvey Norman a complete waste of space and a royal rip off.


It's not an ideal environment, as there are the same jealousy / emotional issues swirling in here as there are out on the street.....humans involved unfortunately, but at least you feel a little more comfortable discussing issues with half-like minded people.

 

[vincenzo]

True Dazz.

And it's great to find very succesfull people like yourself here, not just to learn from but it's a good reality check. I used to think i knew a fair bit about property, that there were just a couple of things i didn't know about yet... but since finding this place i realized how little i know

I wish i did more research into property earlier on, it would have made the trip less scary, and we'd be doing better, but I'm happy with how we're going though, so it's all good.

 

[josko]

I don't really tell anyone about my investing, but i don't lie about it when asked, so a few people know, and at least a few more have found out through them. I don't cop any attitude, i just get nice comments like "wow" or "that's good", and then there's those that seem to be showing intimidation or something, as they just go "ohh" or "hmmm" whilst looking down or away. The intensity of these responses gets a tiny bit more with each purchase, and that's about it.

Now, enough about me. The wife loves to tell people, allthough i've warned her many times about how people will get jealous, say nasty things, etc, so don't tell more than a couple of your closest friends.

Well she's told most of her friends, and nearly all of them, have always said things like "be carefull" and "do you know what you are doing/getting into" etc but with each purchase, she seems to be copping more flack/higher stress levels when being asked these questions.

One comment she copped today, was "be carefull or you'll lose everything!" and this level of stupidity pissed me off. I feel like going up to that person and telling them off, but it was her boss, so i'm reluctant to do so

I'm sure heaps of you cop the same sort of stuff, so i'm curious how do all you guys deal with it? And what sort of stupidity do you cop?

I've always expected that as the years go by and the portfolio gets bigger, that our results would speak for themselves, eliminating anyone's doubts, setting our credibility in concrete!
I seem to have assumed wrongly however, i roll my eyes when i see negative comments directed at some of the bigger players around here for example... i'd like to know how someone deals with stupid pessimistic comments when they have around 20 years or more in experience, and around $10m or more in assets

We all know where you are coming from.

It's called a green-Eyed monster. With my Mother it's just called "I told you so". She can't wait to hear that something has gone wrong....I rarely tell her anything now.

Unfortunately, you will have to learn to bite your tongue and not say anything. If you are lucky, you will find a friend or maybe even two that you can discuss your pros and cons with and chat about the next purchase or the nasty tenant...but in the end, you will only get worked up and waste valuable energy if you waste your time trying to talk to these kinds of people.

I learned that lesson from family, so I just don't think about it while around friends now.

That's why SS is SO SO great!

Regards JO

 

[Rob Williams]

If you are lucky, you will find a friend or maybe even two that you can discuss your pros and cons with and chat about the next purchase or the nasty tenant...

For those of us in Adelaide, we can hang out at Xenia's Real Estate Wealth Network meetings. Lots of positive energy and love in the room!

 

[Player]

Love your family........choose your peers

Love your family............choose your peers.

Do not allow mind-viruses of the nay-sayers or no-sayers detract fom the journey and goals that everone here has set.

With negative family, I just ignore them. I'm nice, but try as much as I can to love them from a distance. Whether that's a literal physical distance or a metaphor in terms of time spent with them, depends upon each one's circumstances.

I just spend less time with them, yet still satisfy social and family obligations. I guess we all have different groups of friends that we spend time with for different reasons, such as a common sporting interest or old school catch-ups, etc.

I do however aim to make my core group as positive and proactive as possible and we feed off each others successes and mistakes (learnings). We celebrate each other and support and encourage each other. This group (myself included) totals only four. Only one other is interested in property, the other two are moving forward in business endeavours.

Josko is correct about this forum. I only discovered it recently (a year ago), however there is possibility for support, learning and celebration albeit online. Sometimes I have to catch myself if I ever start justifying or explaining to someone why I have something or why I have the asset base and achieved the success so far that I have.......I excuse myself politely before they start to impact my mindset with lack, risk and fear beliefs.

 

[our obsession]

Vincenzo:

I'm sure heaps of you cop the same sort of stuff, so i'm curious how do all you guys deal with it? And what sort of stupidity do you cop?

For me, it doesn't matter.

External attitudes, thoughts, opinions....toward me is someone else's luggage and baggage. What other people think of me is really none of my business. (Thanks that quote, I think? from Peter Brock).

How I regard myself, conduct myself, is what counts, I do not control what goes on, outside of me, but I control that which bubbles and boils/simmers and floats within me... I control my character, not that of other people.

I am a solutions orientated sort of person, optimistic about my life and opportunities and creative abilities.

Negativity, pessimism....all the contrasts out there for me exist merely as matters of contrast, from any of life's challenges I just derive a greater sense of determination, focus, appreciation for all that I am, that which I have, and that I can create.

 

[Aaron Sice]

i can't talk to ANYONE except my wife, business partner and FIL about my investments - no one understands or does the old "mmmm" comment.

i gave up a long time ago. i trade how i trade, buy what i buy, sell what i sell.

telling people only makes you a tall poppy amongst your peers, and we all know what happens to tall poppies in Australia.

 

[luvvit]

Vincenzo
I am also new at this, but am loving the journey. My family is very supportive of me gaining new properties, but dont want to know a huge amount about the "ins and outs" when I tell my mum that I've just bought a house, under market value, reno'd it, made 70k on the reno, and the rent covers the mortgage and the outgoings, thats all she wants to hear.

My best friends on the other hand, think im in "way too far over my head" and I had one friend who plain told me that I was mad, and that I'd loose everything as the market is going to tank and unemployment will be rife and "no one" will be looking for a house.

"people have to live somewhere" I responded, "your mad" was the reply.
thank you nostradamus for the insight into the future.

But to me, Im doing fine, Im happy, my SANF is brilliant, my plan is evolving, so now I dont say anything much to anyone except to my partner.

I think we all have to remember that we are not swimming with the tide, we swim against it with only a few companions. doesnt mean the journey is wrong, its just different.

I feel blessed and grateful for a resource like Somersoft and as my journey continues, know that like minded little fishies will help me along the way.

luvvit

 

[Rob Williams]

Great attitude luvvit. You rock!

 

[Dazz]

know that like minded little fishies will help me along the way.

Very true - until one of those big smily barracudas swans up beside you and asks "Howyagoin" ??

 

[oracle]

In the beginning I used to get very excited and talked to pretty much everyone about my new passion and knowledge about investing. Always, shared my knowledge around which I spend a lot of time acquiring (through reading books, from SS forums, talking with other ppl.)

But soon I realised it is useless coz all that happened is some people said good on you and others who didn't share the same views as mine argued their views against mine. All good in the end.

Nowadays, I kinda keep things to myself and have some kind of mechanism of identifying whether it's worthwhile to discuss investing with them or not. Firstly, ppl who show some interest in what I do I just ask them if they want to know everything I know then I recommend some of the popular property investing books. Give them a link to somersoft. I end any further conversions at that point.

I wait and see if they managed to take the initiative to go and read those books, then I would be bit more comfortable talking with them my experiences (both good and bad).

I feel most comfortable talking about investing with ppl who have actually gone and done something themselves (bought properties etc.)

So try and develop a strategy to filter out ppl that are just going to waste time and do nothing.

Cheers,
Oracle.

 

[HiEquity]

We generally try to keep things to ourselves. Not just with friends but also with family as some family members aren't very good at keeping secrets...

We used to try helping someone just starting, based on ourwish that someone on a higher level had taken us aside earlier and explained how it works in the real world. However, my experience is that we all need to first come to our own realisation about factors such as delayed gratification, living within your means and taking responsible risks for future gain. None of that can be imposed by others - if someone isn't already seeking for themselves then I have had more success talking to a brick wall - at least they don't treat you like someone from another planet!

In my experience, if someone is seeking for themselves then the conversation comes about much more naturally and there is no need to initiate anything. It's funny how that works...

 

[BayView]

Firstly, ppl who show some interest in what I do I just ask them if they want to know everything I know then I recommend some of the popular property investing books. Give them a link to somersoft. I end any further conversions at that point.

Cheers,
Oracle.

Now, this is interesting!

I've done the same, and when I ask these same people if they've looked up the SS site some months later, guess what?.....

They haven't.

 

[Piston Broke]

Here Vincenzo, have a box of tissues.
The only negative & pessimistic person seems you in that scenario, as your the one doing the complaining.
So so stop thinking about what everybody else thinks of you (no, they don't really care) and do what you think you oughta be doing.

 

[pully]

just a few thoughts. to deal with pessimistic attitudes i would think that people can express those attitudes but i do not have to take it on board personally. its their attitude not mine. thats ok.

next if my partner was expressing that negative comments had been given re investing i would ask how they felt about that.

is it possible for example that your partner is discussing your investing with others because she is having some concerns etc?? i think your words were something like it puts her under pressure when exposed to others negativity?

i like to keep private details of financial stuff but we are all different.i do not mind if people are pessimistic. they are entitled to an opinion.
regards

 

[vincenzo]

My other half used to be alot more concerned when we first started, but as the years have gone by, she's much more relaxed about it, and understands a lot of it.
She's become more and more helpfull as she learns, found our last purchase, and has pointed out things that i otherwise could have missed.

It's true that teaching others improove's your own knowledge, as your thinking gets challenged at more angles when someone other than your yourself is doing the analysing.

I'm noticing now that she's quite tough, and can actually take negative comments better than me!

Thanks to all the very helpfull replies to my questions guys! I hope at least some of you enjoyed the little rant aswell

 

[Player]

No one ever harmed their eyesight by focusing on the bright side. I've enjoyed this thread Vincenzo

On a similar theme, if the grass is greener on the other side.......then water your own lawn; i.e: if you can't see the bright side, then polish the dull side.

Everyone is entitled to their own internal representation of "their" world. This depends on may internal filters such as life experiences, conditioning, beliefs, etc., etc. There is nothing good or bad about having a negative/pessimistic attitude or having a positive/upbeat attitude. Those conditions "just are"...... they exist in all of us; not outside of us.

Whilst positive thinking won't allow you to do anything (without action and labour), it will allow you to do everything better than negative thinking will.

 

[sparky23]

Before my career change, when I worked at the newspaper office I was surrounded by very supportive people some of whom also invested in property but had never really talked about it before I got the bug and got excited about it. They came on the journey with me and shared my excitement and there was really no negativity at all from anyone, I was very proud to have influenced one of my young employees so much that she went out and bought herself an investment property shortly before I left.

On the other hand there are the in-laws.
They have always been extremely negative about everything we have ever done and exhibited shameful behaviour toward my boys from when they were very young, eventually I refused to see them any more and apart from husband speaking to his mother by telephone once a fortnight that is the only communication that exists. We haven't seen them for many years and my boys hate them. It has almost been as though the MIL wills bad things to happen to us and last year when we could have used some help I was careful to let my other half know what he could and couldn't say on the phone calls so that we didn't have the gloating and 'told you so's'. Jealousy is the only possible explanation for the way that they are and the best thing we ever did was to put a state between us!

 

[Nathan]

I tell people what i do, but dont brag about it...

I dont go into details, i be humble about it, if they want to talk i will talk if they neg, i talk dumb stuff like pub talk... i guess its a matter of mirroring ones personality type...

not everyone agrees, not everyone is cut out for it... and thats fine aswell..

they way i look @ it, is when i have negative slack, i think great... if i didnt have people thinking this i wouldnt have tenants!

 

[natmarie73]

My suggestion,
1) Tell your wife not to talk about these sought of things, she could end up loosing friends.
2) Who really cares, its your wealth, if you are wrong you will pay the consequences, if you are right you will reap the bennefits. Are we doing this to win some sought of popularity contest, or to improve our futures.

Excellent response Chilliaa.

Why talk to other people about your investments anyway? If they ask you about them thats great but if your just blurting out that you own all these properties then what is your point - to brag or what? No wonder people respond negatively to this sort of conversation it sounds like you are big-noting yourself and belittling them at the same time. Not a good way to make or keep friends.

If you have nothing else to talk about in company besides investing then I suggest you get out a bit more.