Empty Nest

[geoffw]

I have two daughters, 18 and 14, both living at home.

Until now.

I hadn't expected to have an empty nest so quickly.

The 18yo decided to move to Brisbane (subject of another thread). That came with very little notice. I had expected that, if she got into uni, she may go out of Canberra. But she's going up in two weeks, regardless of uni entrance. She has a job in Canberra, and has worked very hard- but was anxious to get out of home. So she arranged a transfer with that job to Brisbane.

The 14yo is going to Mexico to 7 months. She's going to be staying with her grandparents in Mexico City, and will be going to school (3-4 weeks after she arrives). Her Spanish language skills are very basic- but she has a real willingness to learn. She is flying out on December 5.

A big reason for her going to Mexico is for her 15th birthday in May next year. Birthday #15 is the big one in Mexico, and she will be having a big celebration. (#1 daughter had the big birthday in Mexico too, but that was as a part of a trip around the world rather than a stay in Mexico).

It's going to be hard for my wife to be able to deal with me, without the kids around.

Especially at Christmas.

 

[ethereal]

My kids are 2 and 4 and already I don't look forward to the day they 'leave the nest'. Now I've got 'em I can't imagine life without them on a daily basis. Though given 14 more years I may be looking forward to some peace.

At least Geoff the 14 y.o. will be back. Will you be going over to join in the big 15 party? What an experience for her!

Lou

ps I know how my husband likes to deal with me without the kids around!

 

[geoffw]

Lou

If you have girls, you will have a whole host of other problems you don't have now. I have been subject to the vagaries of hormones for a number of years now

MrsW will go over for the big party. As usually happens, I will have to stay at home to pay for the trip.

If I can't even plan a single day away from work, a longer period could be quite difficult.

 

[Belu]

i am 22 and my brother is 26 and we are still both at home. He is due to head off in Feb/March and im not too sure when i will go. I dont think my parents want me to leave just yet - and they make it so easy for us to stay with $70/month in rent.

Geoff from the other point of view dont take it personally that the 18 year old wants to get out, it will be the biggest adventure of her life to date and it is VERY appealing for Gen Y to get out and fend for themselves. Maybe she can come home for chrissy?

 

[geoffw]

i am 22 and my brother is 26 and we are still both at home. He is due to head off in Feb/March and im not too sure when i will go. I dont think my parents want me to leave just yet - and they make it so easy for us to stay with $70/month in rent.

Geoff from the other point of view dont take it personally that the 18 year old wants to get out, it will be the biggest adventure of her life to date and it is VERY appealing for Gen Y to get out and fend for themselves. Maybe she can come home for chrissy?

Belu

She won't come home for chrissy- she's flying out on the 20th. And she's paying a high rent in comparison to wages, so flights may be difficult. As might be absences from her job- in hospitality, possibly working many strange hours.

I certainly didn't want kids at home for a lot of years. If the average age of leaving is 28, I could not have stood that.

I wrote in her card today.

"You are leaving the nest for the first time. Don't expect to fly like an eagle the first time- it won't happen. But keep trying, and you will be able to soar".

 

[AlmostBob]

"You are leaving the nest for the first time. Don't expect to fly like an eagle the first time- it won't happen. But keep trying, and you will be able to soar".

try to stay away from the turkeys
Its hard to fly like an eagle when you are stuck dealing with the turkeys

 

[lizzie]

i know (sort of) how you feel. we're preparing ourselves to be almost empty within 5 years.

we have two with only 2 years left at uni each and both want to do post grad courses that are only held in other cities (sydney and brisbane), the third is doing hsc, so will be out of home in 4 years (after uni), assuming the uni course she wants to do is in newcastle - if not then she'll be gone at the end of next year.

so we'd only be left with junior (4 yrs old) at home.

my credit card is sighing already ...

 

[skater]

My 18yo wants nothing more than to move out. It will be hard for her as she is only on a training wage, so she has resigned herself to the fact that she has to stay home for a little longer. Second daughter is 16 & she too, would like to move out of home (the 2 girls fight constantly, so a peaceful existance it is not) & since she is now working too, she is making plans for that to happen in a couple of years. I don't think I'm ready for them to go just yet, although the peace & quiet of not hearing them argue with each other would be lovely.

 

[Lily House]

Not having your kids for Christmas.

I feel for you Geoff.
Lily

 

[geoffw]

Not having your kids for Christmas.

In one way it makes some things a lot easier. With the new Suway opening next week, shopping time has been extremely limited. So they've been happy with shopping vouchers- and money.

We'll go out somewhere nice for Christmas, I think. Christmas dinner at home is a lot of work, and we'll be glad for somebody else to do that for us.

The 14yo will be OK. She will be in Mexico with her extended family, and there are a lot of new Christmas traditions for her. It will probably be one of the really special Christmas Days for her.

The 18yo will be at work- probably for the same company where we will be going for dinner. She will probably be quite lonely- but working on Christmas will bring her lots of much needed cash when she needs it most.

 

[AnneDe]

Don't worry Geoff, your oldest daughter will probably be back again before you know it.

I read somewhere that this generation is called the 'helicopter kids'. Meaning that they fly in and out of the family home. Two of our daughters left home only to come back again staying for periods of approx 2 - 18 months.

The reasons can be varied, but it is reassuring for them that they do have a place to go to, if things don't work out as planned.

Cheers,
AnneDe

 

[WinstonWolfe]

If you could have your time over again Geoff, would you bring your daughters up differently?

 

[geoffw]

If you could have your time over again Geoff, would you bring your daughters up differently?

No.

An interesting question, thanks.

We did the best we could, given the restraints of what we could do.

We (well, I) made a lot of mistakes.

The mistake which cost our daughter the dearest was investing in and agricultural tax effective scheme. That meant that we had to pull her out of her private school, and put her in a government school.

But that's water down a river, flowed away a long time ago.

I made a mistake going into Subway.

But I don't look back and wonder how I could have done better. It's too late for that.

Life is about playing the cards we're dealt with, to the best advantage. It's not hoping for a better hand next time, or wondering what may have happened if you played the cards differently last time.

Yes, if I suddenly had to raise a grandchild now (that's not a wish!), there's a lot of things I would do differently.

But that's based on the experience I now have, which I didn't have before. And it's based on economic knowledge which I know have. And the economic position I'm in.

I look to the future with a half full glass. Not into the past with a half empty one.

 

[Belu]

Yes, if I suddenly had to raise a grandchild now (that's not a wish!), there's a lot of things I would do differently.

who said it had to be a grandchild?

 

[geoffw]

who said it had to be a grandchild?

The child factory has closed.

 

[geoffw]

I have two daughters, 18 and 14, both living at home.

That's been all the negatives.

But 18yo graduated today.

I have to admit I was proud of her.

13 years of hard work to get to that point- and there's her hard work as well

But no boring speech night at the school assembly hall.

Dinner at the Grey Tall, Parliament House. (the picture doesn't make it look so tall and grey, but is is about four storeys high inside, from the look. the doors on the right are full height And at night, looking quite grey).

She did not get any special achievemnt awards or anything. But there were som many times that I had thought that it would never come to this.

She made it.

 

[nomadic]

Life is about playing the cards we're dealt with, to the best advantage. It's not hoping for a better hand next time, or wondering what may have happened if you played the cards differently last time.

wise words...

You've probably noticed how everything seems to work out ok in the end... if it's not ok, then it's not the end.

We've all got a pretty good life here in Australia and have many more opportunities than billions of others on this planet. I'm sure you played the best you could with the cards you were dealt.

Sometimes i complain about the most mundane and inane things that it's embarrassing when you see the daily hardships others go through just to survive and not be hungry.

I came across this awhile ago and it helped put things into perspective for me:

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won't survive the week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 20 million people around the world.

If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world.

If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all.

PS: Sorry for the hijack and congrats on your daughter's graduation

 

[asy]

Geoff...

Go out and source the book:

Oh the Places you'll go. By Dr Seuss.

It's his last book, and clearly his best. It's prophetic.

Give each girl a copy.

Make them READ it.

Twice.

Good luck to you and them!

asy

PS: HERE is a link to the text, but it's much better in the book with the piccies...

 

[mhore300]

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed....".
I have that quote on the back of my toilet door, I hope it helps my kids the many teenagers who visit to appreciate what they have. If nothing else it's good for them to get a bit of perspective.

 

[TheCamel]

Geoff - I have to say, you really come across as a good dad.

It's been difficult at times i'm sure (let's face it, which kid isn't, and I say this being still a kid myself)

But I can sense pride and joy in what you're saying. I just hope that your kids know you're proud of them, even if you haven't told them. (I think I sense some relief in there too, but that doesn't matter)

You're surrounded by teenagers still though, so at least it won't be cold turkey...