Somewhere in between accepting all that comes our way are dealt cards, and the Law of Attraction, wisdom might be found...
Empty Nest
- Thread starter geoffw
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Somewhere in between accepting all that comes our way are dealt cards, and the Law of Attraction, wisdom might be found...
But thy're all Gen Y though. (Of course, my kids aren't
)
Hi Geoff, interesting post this one and one that most of us will face at one time or another. Our job as parents is to enable and empower our offspring to jump from the nest and (with inevitable mistakes) fly off to start their own lives.
We have 4 daughters aged 24, 22, 19, 16 and love them all to bits. They are very aware of financial management and domestic skills; 2 fairly important life skills.
We decided (after my eldest sister's advice), that the cutoff age for leaving the nest is 25 and they all know this. No.1 married in May this year so is ahead. The other 3 have this still ahead (No.2 may engage soon and marry within 18 months).
Skater, I feel sorry that you had to report your girls fight constantly; we've never had that apart from the occassional scrap. We never tolerated sibling rivalry or bad-mouthing the others. But all families are a different mix with volatile and compliant personalities all part of the mix.
We have 4 daughters aged 24, 22, 19, 16 and love them all to bits. They are very aware of financial management and domestic skills; 2 fairly important life skills.
We decided (after my eldest sister's advice), that the cutoff age for leaving the nest is 25 and they all know this. No.1 married in May this year so is ahead. The other 3 have this still ahead (No.2 may engage soon and marry within 18 months).
Skater, I feel sorry that you had to report your girls fight constantly; we've never had that apart from the occassional scrap. We never tolerated sibling rivalry or bad-mouthing the others. But all families are a different mix with volatile and compliant personalities all part of the mix.
Skater, I feel sorry that you had to report your girls fight constantly; we've never had that apart from the occassional scrap. We never tolerated sibling rivalry or bad-mouthing the others. But all families are a different mix with volatile and compliant personalities all part of the mix.
We don't tolerate it. It drives us crazy.
And yes, it is the combination of 2 very different personalities added with the teenage female hormones. I was once told, by an older friend that had several grown-up female children, that they turn into little monsters at around age 13-14 & slowly revert back to being human around the age of 20-22.Well, hang in there then! In a couple of years you'll be able to do a hi 5 with your husband!!
It was 14yo's big birthday celebration today (though her birthday is not for 2 more days, so I can't call her 15yo yet). MrsW is there- and so is her 18yo sister.
The celebration is even bigger than I expected. A church service (and she's very proud that it is at the same church we were married in), formal photos (also where we got our own wedding photos), and a big formal party- involving grandfather's business associates, and many others, along with many friends.
She has done a fantastic job along the way, and I am a very prod father. She has done a great job, of coping with another language for six monrgs, and not only surviving, but thriving. Her level of knowledge before she went was basic, and her accent was so Aussie.
I realise that many other exchange students have done this many hundreds of thousands of times before.
But hey, it's my right as her father, to say how proud I am of her.
As I am also proud of my 18yo daughter, who is studying full time in Brisbane, and working 40hrs+ pw at the Hilton.
But today was my younger daughter's special day.
She has not only coped well in a new language- she has thrived. She is going to an international school, with English and Spanish subjects- but she recently got her best grade in "Civics"- a subject, in Spanish, which looks at the Mexican system of government and how it works.
In recent phone calls, before my wife went over, my daughter was just as comfortable talking in Spanish as in English.
But the down side is I can't practice my limited Spanish with her any more. I used to try to help her improve her accent in Spanish- now she laughs at mine.
My business does not allow me the time to get away- I regret that profoundly.
But at least the rest of the family are there for her big day.
My parents made it very clear that leaving home was a permanent decision. I'm sure if we were really in trouble we could have returned, but the point was that we were to think carefully about our decision to leave, and consider it an irrevocable choice. I think this was a good policy; none of us returned after leaving.
I remember in the 80s after Greg Chappell resigned as Australian cricket captain, about 2 years later he was asked "in retrospect, do you think you made the right decision?". Greg's answer was excellent, and mirrors your thoughts. I'm sure I'm paraphrasing, but he said "well, two years ago I didn't know what I know now. You can only make a decision based on the best information that you have at the time. Then after you've made the decision, your entire focus is on making that decision right." That's a real winning attitude, IMHO. Good on you, geoffw.
Congratulations, geoffw. At 38, I'm still Daddy's girl. It's a very special relationship.
Geoff
On a side note. I can't understand why you have to be there 7 days a week. I thought one of the big points of a franchise was that their operations manuals were so good they could just about run themselves.
I do have businesses by the way(not franchises though) but with good ops manuals I don't actually work in them, just pay thebills and make the big decisions. So I am not coming from a naieve background but as I said with the franchise systems I thought your involvement would be minimal.
With the example you gave with your link in this thread where you had staff not showing up, I would not of even known this was going on. Staff on duty would ring other staff, find replacements etc.
Don't mean to be rude just very curious as Subway had crossed my mind years ago as a good franchise business.
RPI
On a side note. I can't understand why you have to be there 7 days a week. I thought one of the big points of a franchise was that their operations manuals were so good they could just about run themselves.
I do have businesses by the way(not franchises though) but with good ops manuals I don't actually work in them, just pay thebills and make the big decisions. So I am not coming from a naieve background but as I said with the franchise systems I thought your involvement would be minimal.
With the example you gave with your link in this thread where you had staff not showing up, I would not of even known this was going on. Staff on duty would ring other staff, find replacements etc.
Don't mean to be rude just very curious as Subway had crossed my mind years ago as a good franchise business.
RPI
Hi Geoff,
I admire your dedication and drive in providing for your family, whom you obviously adore (and I'm sure it's reciprocal). I get the feeling, though, that you are experiencing a sense of inner turmoil with the realization that you are stifling your personal being as a consequence of your work...this is gnawing at your spirit. Obviously, providing for your family will always win-that's a given-you put yourself last as a parent; just remember you have to create sufficient time for yourself. And you deserve it. Maybe something needs to change and it sounds like it's calling. You are no doubt a wonderful husband and father, just remember to be kind to yourself as well.
Your girls sound lovely and you should be proud. Hope you find your feet in this strange new world of yours...mine's quite a distance away! All the best to you and yours.
I admire your dedication and drive in providing for your family, whom you obviously adore (and I'm sure it's reciprocal). I get the feeling, though, that you are experiencing a sense of inner turmoil with the realization that you are stifling your personal being as a consequence of your work...this is gnawing at your spirit. Obviously, providing for your family will always win-that's a given-you put yourself last as a parent; just remember you have to create sufficient time for yourself. And you deserve it. Maybe something needs to change and it sounds like it's calling. You are no doubt a wonderful husband and father, just remember to be kind to yourself as well.
Your girls sound lovely and you should be proud. Hope you find your feet in this strange new world of yours...mine's quite a distance away! All the best to you and yours.
Geoff,
Much happiness to you all......reunion is such a very special time, particularly for families.
Enjoy it all.
Amy
You have 1 more night to emulate that famous scene from Risky Business without the risk of being caught by your daughter
All the best for the reunion
I guess in addition to your daughter being home, you'll have the usual volume of friends dropping by again Although mine are much younger I really struggled last time I had to go away for work for 10 days. It cost us something like $350 USD in phone calls, that said they were 4 and 2 1/2 and staying with different relatives. We have to head off again this year without them - another 10 days, this time they will be 6 and 4 1/2, but they will be in our home with the grandparents.
Cheers
Buddybee
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