experiences and opinions on long distance relationship pls.

[RumpledElf]

You generally don't move in with someone you just met, you spent a few months going out to dinner and movies, stay the night at his house, stay the night at her house, go on a weekend away, meet the parents, maybe go on a bigger holiday together, that kind of stuff. At some point, one or the other of the couple ends up with two sets of toothbrushes and a piece of their closet set aside because the other person sleeps over so often. And THEN you move in together

That's all I meant by the early part of a relationship. It can drag out for years, unless you're one of those crazies who moves in within a few weeks. No idea if it happens faster or slower if both of a couple still live with mum, spose it depends how good the soundproofing on their bedroom is

My partner's mum kicked him out after 3 months of him dating me. Just packed all his stuff in boxes and put his furniture in the shed.

 

[Ocean Architect]

I've never had good experiences with long distance relationships. I find them frustrating, emotionally exhausting, and inevitably, one of us meets someone local and jumps ship, leaving the other feeling out of position. Then again, things may be different for people who have the means/time to fly over regularly, or who have lower physical expectations. The girl would have to be absolutely fabulous for me to get into that game again, with reasonable expectation of relocation within a few months tops. Otherwise I view it as an opportunity loss in that I could have spent all that time/emotional energy forging a relationship with somebody nearby and not have to deal with all that pain.

Just my opinion/experience

 

[motivated 5555]

yes well i think most say that its too exhausting.
I guess i've known for a while what type of guy i've wanted and this guy has alot of those things. These quality, smart, motivated, hilarious, good company, kind, caring guys do pop up occasionally, but not always will i like them and they like me and so far that seems to be the case.

someone once said they prefer a better quality person long distance than a mediocre person nearby. time will tell if it will progress more.

The funny thing is that becasue of the travel he kind of stayed and popped completely into my life for some days 24/7 and then i did the same going over to him and popping completely into his life 24/7 for several days. so it may have been 2 trips but probably equivalent to many many dates since we spent 24/7 with each other and did so much including meeting family, kids, friends. It gives a very good picture very fast, besides all the emailing.
Time will tell if i'd ever leave my adult kids and grandkids here whos company i really enjoy and move there at some stage.
I did meet someone who first time around when they didnt have kids they seriously travelled back and forth on weekends for a full year before one moved here and then they married and had kids.

 

[Perp]

people who are only dating and haven't got around to cohabiting yet.

You generally don't move in with someone you just met

It wasn't the timing that amused me, it was the assumption that if you were dating, you'd obviously move in together. In my mind, people who are just dating wouldn't be living together, not because they hadn't gotten around to it, but because they hadn't yet decided to commit to a permanent relationship.

Back to the topic at hand, I think, motivated 5555, that maintaining a long distance relationship is much easier when you're more mature. A 50yo (picking a number - sorry if you're younger! ) is less likely to be putting themselves in situations laden with temptation - ie they generally don't go out socialising and drinking with all their single friends "on the pull" every Friday and Saturday night. And more significantly, IMHO, at 50, a person generally has their own full life - and this certainly sounds like it's the case for you - and so the physical absence of your partner doesn't have as big an impact on your life as it would on an emotionally needy younger person who's worrying about whether they'll ever find "the one", and whether their current partner is that one. So emotionally, I expect you're a lot less demanding on each other than young people would be. (None of this is a criticism of 25yos, just a reflection of the different life stages.)

So I don't know that the experience of under 30s in long-distance relationships is necessarily pertinent to your situation; your odds of making it work are much better, I would think. In any case, people who really "float your boat" don't come along too often, as you've acknowledged, so give it the best chance possible of succeeding, without too drastically changing your life until you're sure that you're both committed. Good luck, and enjoy finding out where it's headed.

 

[RumpledElf]

In my mind, people who are just dating wouldn't be living together, not because they hadn't gotten around to it, but because they hadn't yet decided to commit to a permanent relationship.

Same thing isn't it? I'd wager the bulk of relationships never even get to the cohabiting stage for whatever reason (just look at the protecting assets while dating thread) but 'moving in' in this country is often the next step on the path to a permanent relationship, whereas 50 years ago if you moved in with someone it was because you'd just got married and moved into the newly purchased marital home. These days you can shack up together for a while, discover you really hate your partner's personal hygiene and move on before you're so attached you end up in court fighting over assets!

Average age of marriage these days is 30 (and climbing), so the young folks today get their entire 20s to play the field before finding someone who lives up to their ever increasing standards of Mr/Miss Perfect, but that's a whole other topic ...

I spend too much time reading the Ask Bossy and Women on Men blogs over on new.com.au lol

 

[Deltaberry]

Depends on age. If I had a long distance relationship - esp if I was in China - I'd be worried about what I'd do.

 

[darkage]

Interstate doesn't sound too bad, especially when I think about my situation and my partner coming from China which is a 10 hour flight away.. kept on flying over almost every 6 months. 1 hour flight away interstate sounds good! It could be worse..

 

[weg]

I know someone who for over 5 years flew to Geelong from Adelaide every Monday morning for work and flew back home on a Friday night.

 

[Wunderbar]

now that's commitment

 

[Andrew_A]

Family act like gravity I have discovered, unless they come from another universe where the laws might be different.

Easy to stay away for a year or two but in the end gravity has it's say.

Is a 48 hour trip including two long haul and one short three hour flight considered long distance?

Good luck making general rules here I think.. relationships are hard to pin down with generalizations I have found.

 

[AlmostBob]

Family act like gravity I have discovered,

They just drag you down?

 

[Andrew_A]

They just drag you down?

Only if you are living in the Northern Hemisphere, otherwise up

 

[motivated 5555]

i've confirmed we still both really like each other
we;ve both gone out with others who we dont like the same
not many people do float our boat so i'm interested in persevering when he doesnt havemonths of work deadlines and pressures as he currently has
his work is long hours 6 days with current deadlines for a couple of months and regular months with deadlines every few months

but the distance coupled with his work pressures is difficult
organise flights, shuttle buses, packing, flight expenses, just to get a couple of dates is a real hassle

he likes someone around to go out with causally to movies and meals, and i'm not there to go out a bit with him

i like someone for a bit of company at night, and hes not here for that

maybe i have to just soemtimes go over there
and stay in a backpackers place or something nearby
so he can go out with me during those days
without the added pressure of me staying at his home 24/7
and him feeling he has to care about what i'll eat and making sure i'm ok 24/7 during those days
though i'd love to iron for him and take off some pressures from him during that time

i think i would leave my family for love
they are old enough and have alot of family support
and i think it would be good for me all round for starting a new life after decades of childrearing

time will tell if we will find others or persevere

we do like each other but find the distance difficult