Hi I just had to post this !! hope you find it as funny as i did.
Regards Simon H
>Subject: FW: Do you Fly Qantas ?
>
>
>After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which
>
> >conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
>
> >during the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a
>
> >piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the
>
> >problem, which the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the
>
> >lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on
>the
>
> >plane's next flight can review the form before taking off.
>
> >
>
> >Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
>humour.
>
> >Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses with P =
>
> >the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken
>
> >byengineers.
>
> >Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
>
> >accident.
>
> >
>
> >P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
>
> >S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
> >
>
> >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
> >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> >
>
> >P: Something loose in cockpit.
>
> >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> >
>
> >P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
> >S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> >
>
> >P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>
> >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> >
>
> >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>
> >S: Evidence removed.
>
> >
>
> >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
> >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> >
>
> >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>
> >S: That's what they're there for.
>
> >
>
> >P: IFF inoperative.
>
> >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> >
>
> >P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>
> >S: Suspect you're right.
>
> >
>
> >P: Number 3 engine missing.
>
> >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> >
>
> >P: Aircraft handles funny.
>
> >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>
> >
>
> >P: Target radar hums.
>
> >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> >
>
> >P: Mouse in cockpit.
>
> >S: Cat installed.
>
Regards Simon H
>Subject: FW: Do you Fly Qantas ?
>
>
>After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which
>
> >conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
>
> >during the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a
>
> >piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the
>
> >problem, which the mechanics read and then respond in writing on the
>
> >lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, so the pilot on
>the
>
> >plane's next flight can review the form before taking off.
>
> >
>
> >Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
>humour.
>
> >Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses with P =
>
> >the problem logged by the pilot, S = the solution and action taken
>
> >byengineers.
>
> >Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had an
>
> >accident.
>
> >
>
> >P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
>
> >S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
> >
>
> >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
> >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
> >
>
> >P: Something loose in cockpit.
>
> >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> >
>
> >P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
> >S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> >
>
> >P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>
> >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> >
>
> >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>
> >S: Evidence removed.
>
> >
>
> >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
> >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> >
>
> >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>
> >S: That's what they're there for.
>
> >
>
> >P: IFF inoperative.
>
> >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> >
>
> >P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>
> >S: Suspect you're right.
>
> >
>
> >P: Number 3 engine missing.
>
> >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> >
>
> >P: Aircraft handles funny.
>
> >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
>
> >
>
> >P: Target radar hums.
>
> >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> >
>
> >P: Mouse in cockpit.
>
> >S: Cat installed.
>