Separating
- Thread starter Ian (WA)
- Start date
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. What a nightmare!
It sounds like you are managing it very maturely......at some stage though, you may need to really vent and get angry and "let it all out", and its likely to be very ugly.
Try to find a safe place/ person who you can begin to do that with now, so that you are at least a little prepared, and try not to be a pressure cooker, and hold it all in and then explode.
big hugs from us and hope that things work out as well as they can
It sounds like you are managing it very maturely......at some stage though, you may need to really vent and get angry and "let it all out", and its likely to be very ugly.
Try to find a safe place/ person who you can begin to do that with now, so that you are at least a little prepared, and try not to be a pressure cooker, and hold it all in and then explode.
big hugs from us and hope that things work out as well as they can
i see a lot of divorces and men basically bend over and got rogered. Men have many advantages over women in this world buy boy is the family law against them. Not a bad gig, earn nothing, bring $$ to table at start, be the homemaker with a little assistance from cleaner, Gardener, dog walker, pool cleaner, ironing lady and walk away with 70% plus all costs for kids paid and lifestyle maintained.
u need to try and settle asap so you can move on.
Once the friends get in the ear and the lawyers see a pile of cash it becomes a nightmare that lasts years.
I swear 99% of divorce lawyers have no soul and just drag it out as long as possible to collect as many fees as they can regardless of effect on everyone involved. It often appears both lawyers get together at start, work out a settlement and then decided how long they will drag it out and how much they want to charge before it settles, ( ie, wife gets 70%, hubby 30% of what is left after we charge our $150k each, "yep sounds good that will take 18 months" "deal")
Ian I would suggest getting a trades person around to clear those cobwebs away, make sure everything is functioning properly so you can start enjoying your freedom and some dodgy nights at the sportsman club.
u need to try and settle asap so you can move on.
Once the friends get in the ear and the lawyers see a pile of cash it becomes a nightmare that lasts years.
I swear 99% of divorce lawyers have no soul and just drag it out as long as possible to collect as many fees as they can regardless of effect on everyone involved. It often appears both lawyers get together at start, work out a settlement and then decided how long they will drag it out and how much they want to charge before it settles, ( ie, wife gets 70%, hubby 30% of what is left after we charge our $150k each, "yep sounds good that will take 18 months" "deal")
Ian I would suggest getting a trades person around to clear those cobwebs away, make sure everything is functioning properly so you can start enjoying your freedom and some dodgy nights at the sportsman club.
Yep. But then there are times when that doesn't happen. I've seen some very amicable partings with no lawyer involvement and sensible outcomes. It seems like things were on track for a sensible parting before this event. Who knows what precipitated the panicked flight back to Adelaide. Hopefully, after a few raw weeks things can get back to a rational footing.
'Afternoon All,
Thank you all for your good wishes, kind words, observations & advice; I am grateful.
I too have seen how these types of issues have impacted on families we have known and colleagues I have worked with and none of them have been smooth & clear cut. Most of them have been highly emotional for the people involved. I would prefer that we don't end up in that space; so far it is working (apart from her actions last week that is). I've tried to let the dust settle these last few days, but will be ramping things up next week in terms of finding out where she is going with all this.
My wife has already made it very clear that she wants a complete separation as soon as possible and doesn't want to be tied to me by a financial umbilical for years to come e.g. selling off assets over five years to pay out 'x' $$$ etc.; this sentiment is mutual, child maintenance notwithstanding as that is a given until the boys are older, no problems there.
Our intentions were / are to have an amicable situation as much as practicable. A speedy but sensible severance would also be desirable. However, as we have a network of assets under various entities, things will by default take a tad longer than a simple PPOR & two IPs split.
We have our long time accountant acting separately for each of us and most importantly as a conduit for communication which is good because it prevents any flare ups on the phone. Once she has a good grasp on what my wife will be seeking then we can assess my position and determine a course of action.
I firmly believe we can have a sensible carve up managed by our accountant and then we can lock things in with Court Orders ASAP thereafter.
What I might do now is just ask one of the Mods to close this thread for the time being, but ask them to reactivate it again once I have anything more substantial to offer by way of information. I'll certainly re-post after formalities are complete to let you know just how much, by how many & how hard I get shafted.
Thanks everybody!!
Ian
Thank you all for your good wishes, kind words, observations & advice; I am grateful.
I too have seen how these types of issues have impacted on families we have known and colleagues I have worked with and none of them have been smooth & clear cut. Most of them have been highly emotional for the people involved. I would prefer that we don't end up in that space; so far it is working (apart from her actions last week that is). I've tried to let the dust settle these last few days, but will be ramping things up next week in terms of finding out where she is going with all this.
My wife has already made it very clear that she wants a complete separation as soon as possible and doesn't want to be tied to me by a financial umbilical for years to come e.g. selling off assets over five years to pay out 'x' $$$ etc.; this sentiment is mutual, child maintenance notwithstanding as that is a given until the boys are older, no problems there.
Our intentions were / are to have an amicable situation as much as practicable. A speedy but sensible severance would also be desirable. However, as we have a network of assets under various entities, things will by default take a tad longer than a simple PPOR & two IPs split.
We have our long time accountant acting separately for each of us and most importantly as a conduit for communication which is good because it prevents any flare ups on the phone. Once she has a good grasp on what my wife will be seeking then we can assess my position and determine a course of action.
I firmly believe we can have a sensible carve up managed by our accountant and then we can lock things in with Court Orders ASAP thereafter.
What I might do now is just ask one of the Mods to close this thread for the time being, but ask them to reactivate it again once I have anything more substantial to offer by way of information. I'll certainly re-post after formalities are complete to let you know just how much, by how many & how hard I get shafted.
Thanks everybody!!
Ian
