Wife wants to move closer to in-laws

I

irawin

Hi everyone

Wife wants to move back closer to in-laws in the Eastern suburbs, Adelaide so that means to buy back in the area is going to cost $$$ (I don’t intend to rent). We live around 20 mins away from them.

I’m a bit upset as we only lived in our current PPOR for the last 5 years and having to re-adjust to a new suburb etc.

Happy wife happy life? I think for me is our kids (2 yr old and one due in Jan) will get more time with their grandparents and access to better private schools in the long run.

Has anyone done this before, thoughts?

Cheers
Irawin
 
What do you mean "only" in PPOR 5 years ... sheesh ... we've had 9 (or was it 10) in 14 years! :D

I can completely understand your wife with very little kids - she is at a time when the contact with her own mother would be very important, without a 40+ minute round trip just for a cuppa tea.

I also found, being a stay at home mother with a baby/toddler, that I was desparate for adult company during the day - all the other mothers of older kids worked and there wouldn't be another living sole in the whole street.

We had no family living close and I felt it rather keenly. The local playgroup with brainlessly pathetic. I am forever grateful for a couple of very close friends, and an understanding hubby, who kept me sane.
 
Be a man and put your foot down. You live 20 minutes away, not an hour or more. If the grandparents want to, they can come to your place.

You have goals you want to achieve, which will clearly have a huge dent put in them if you buckle and pander to her demands. She may think living 20 minutes away is too far (20 minutes is too far? Really?), but how about you think about the additional YEARS this move will cost you in having to stay at work, simply because she thinks a 20 minute trip is too far...

Let's not forget that the kids will be in school in a few years as well.
 
I honestly don't see the point for 20 minutes.

My partner is 20,000kms from her parents to put it in perspective.
 
20 minutes? Pfft. If I lived 20 minutes away from my parents, I'd feel like I lived with them.

I understand that you have young children so it's important to have a support network nearby, but 20 minutes is nearby.
 
Thanks for the comments.

We used to live across the road from in-laws 5 years ago (yes, my nickname is Raymond from Everybody loves Raymond). I lived with them for 6 months when we built our current PPOR.

20mins on a good day yes - 30mins on Greenhill road in the morning can be annoying ;).

Puuting on my investor's hat - I sort of prefer the two prospective IPs in the 'bush' (western suburbs) is better than one in 'hand' (new PPOR in Eastern suburbs).

Thinking of the long run.....
 
Fifth said:
20 minutes? Pfft. If I lived 20 minutes away from my parents, I'd feel like I lived with them.

I understand that you have young children so it's important to have a support network nearby, but 20 minutes is nearby.
Click to expand...

Mr. Fabulous said:
Be a man and put your foot down. You live 20 minutes away, not an hour or more. If the grandparents want to, they can come to your place.

You have goals you want to achieve, which will clearly have a huge dent put in them if you buckle and pander to her demands. She may think living 20 minutes away is too far (20 minutes is too far? Really?), but how about you think about the additional YEARS this move will cost you in having to stay at work, simply because she thinks a 20 minute trip is too far...

Let's not forget that the kids will be in school in a few years as well.
Click to expand...

I think the above comments (in particulae the one from Mr Fabulous) are a bit harsh as we ultimately dont know the family dynamic. For me 30 mins would be pretty far, i would want to be closer to my family but we are extremely close.
 
I think the people who are posting saying it isn't far have never been home for months on end with no company other than littlies. Most men would have no idea how much a woman at home needs to be able to connect with her mother, friends, whoever it is that is important for her to connect with.

A 20 minute drive (or 30 with traffic - possibly several times a week) is a loooooong drive if the baby or toddler is crying or having a tantrum.

I can see both sides, but if it is important to your wife, why not keep the place you are in and rent it and rent closer to her parents. I know you said you don't want to do that, but it would save you the selling/buying costs and give you more options without feeling you are being forced to jump one way or the other.

It means you both compromise on what you both ideally want. Isn't that the secret to a happy marriage. Happy wife, happy life is all well and good but it cuts both ways. If you start to feel pushed into a corner, you will be unhappy and that is not good either. You both need to be comfortable with the decision.

Win/win.
 
After reading sanj and wylie's posts, I concede I may have been a bit flippant.

I guess it's a matter of deciding which option will overall improve your family's quality of life. Each person/family is different and there are no right or wrong answers for personal decisions.
 
happy wife happy life. Sell the PPOR and buy a new one. Or if its got investment potential, and your finances and risk profile allow, keep the current PPOR and rent it out.
 
I agree with renting your place out and renting somewhere else closer to her parents. We did this, although where we were moving to was cheaper than where we were living. I felt really isolated being so far from my family (while it was only a 45min drive on the weekend it was a few hours before 11am weekdays). I didn't know whether I liked the idea of moving or that I really wanted to, but with a tiny baby I knew I needed a change and more support. We rented a nice big house 15mins from the fam and it was great to check out the area and decide if it was right for us. In the end we've bought our own place in the next suburb but it was nice to know in the beginning that if things didn't work out we were not committed to stay and our place in the east was still there if we wanted to move back.
 
beachgurl said:
I agree with renting your place out and renting somewhere else closer to her parents. We did this, although where we were moving to was cheaper than where we were living. I felt really isolated being so far from my family (while it was only a 45min drive on the weekend it was a few hours before 11am weekdays). I didn't know whether I liked the idea of moving or that I really wanted to, but with a tiny baby I knew I needed a change and more support. We rented a nice big house 15mins from the fam and it was great to check out the area and decide if it was right for us. In the end we've bought our own place in the next suburb but it was nice to know in the beginning that if things didn't work out we were not committed to stay and our place in the east was still there if we wanted to move back.
Click to expand...

... and it was a mutual decision.
 
Mr. Fabulous said:
Be a man and put your foot down. You live 20 minutes away, not an hour or more. If the grandparents want to, they can come to your place.

You have goals you want to achieve, which will clearly have a huge dent put in them if you buckle and pander to her demands. She may think living 20 minutes away is too far (20 minutes is too far? Really?), but how about you think about the additional YEARS this move will cost you in having to stay at work, simply because she thinks a 20 minute trip is too far...

Let's not forget that the kids will be in school in a few years as well.
Click to expand...

I agree,20 minutes travel in Adelaide is nothing,you have to be kidding you are seriously going to do this.
 
irawin said:
Hi everyone

Wife wants to move back closer to in-laws in the Eastern suburbs, Adelaide so that means to buy back in the area is going to cost $$$ (I don’t intend to rent). We live around 20 mins away from them.

I’m a bit upset as we only lived in our current PPOR for the last 5 years and having to re-adjust to a new suburb etc.

Happy wife happy life? I think for me is our kids (2 yr old and one due in Jan) will get more time with their grandparents and access to better private schools in the long run.

Has anyone done this before, thoughts?

Cheers
Irawin
Click to expand...

I was always wondering if an 'adult moment' would have to be made for DH and I to move to be closer to good schools etc. We are currently 20mins from the kids private school and ideally we'd like to be closer one day.

I think in your case you can see the happy wife happy life helps. It's not about pandering to a wife who wants to move for no reason I'm sure she has very good reasons for wanting her support network around for 2 small children with the bonus of good schools.

My parents lived in UK for many years of my kids life's but now live 1km away and look after my 4yo 2 days a week. They are really enjoying this time with her that they didn't get with their other grandkids. I personally might get on better with my parents in another country but my kids love having them within walking distance.

Sometimes a PPOR isn't about investment it's about other things. You can still be a good investor for other stuff but have a 'heart not head' PPOR
 
irawin said:
Hi everyone

Wife wants to move back closer to in-laws in the Eastern suburbs, Adelaide so that means to buy back in the area is going to cost $$$ (I don’t intend to rent). We live around 20 mins away from them.

I’m a bit upset as we only lived in our current PPOR for the last 5 years and having to re-adjust to a new suburb etc.

Happy wife happy life? I think for me is our kids (2 yr old and one due in Jan) will get more time with their grandparents and access to better private schools in the long run.

Has anyone done this before, thoughts?

Cheers
Irawin
Click to expand...
Fortunately, my wife thinks her parents are as annoying, tight, out of touch, miserable...as I do, so we try to put more distance between us and them, and only have visits on birthdays and Xmas.
 
Western suburbs to Eastern suburbs may be 20 minutes or it may be 40 minutes depending on the traffic and where you're travelling from in those regions.

Still not far but at the same time not a case of it being a matter of popping in which close and supportive families like your wife's see as important.

I had, and still have all immediate family (except brother who is now 20 min away), aunts, uncles, and cousins living 5 minutes away from me, and it's been great for all - I've had many comments of how lucky I am to have family who are so involved with each other.

Other benefits are... better public schools, nicer area that's not necessarily prohibitivally expensive, and happy wife (who by the sounds of it is the main caregiver and may need the extra support that parents can give) because she's better able to cope with the demands of parenthood.
 
Your increase in quality of life by moving to the Eastern suburbs should also be taken into account, unless you are currently living on the beach at Henley or West Beach or similar?

Adelaide eastern suburbs are a pretty awesome place to live and raise a family, if it's not going to set you back too much financially I'd go for it.
 
irawin said:
Happy wife happy life?
Click to expand...

Before you subscribe to this nonsense (although it's in all likelihood too late - but never too late to change!), I suggest reading this blogpost:

http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/05/dude-got-minute.html

While you're reading it, think about this:

The guy that wrote it (and the rest of the blog)


  • has been happily married to the same woman for over 20 years
  • is a writer, so doesn't make a lot of money
  • his wife is a player in the pharmaceutical industry, so makes tons more than he does
  • he does the majority of housework and takes care of the kids
So he's not some 50's nostalgic throwback who thinks women should be barefoot, pregnant and chained to the sink. If you enjoy that post, I suggest reading the entire blog, you really need it. Hopefully you'll swallow the Red Pill and come join us down the rabbit hole! If not, well, you can't say you didn't know.


For what it's worth, I have read about half the posts so far and agree with absolutely everything he says.
 
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