Wife wants to move closer to in-laws

[soyabean]

Hi everyone

Wife wants to move back closer to in-laws in the Eastern suburbs, Adelaide so that means to buy back in the area is going to cost $$$ (I don’t intend to rent). We live around 20 mins away from them.

I’m a bit upset as we only lived in our current PPOR for the last 5 years and having to re-adjust to a new suburb etc.

Happy wife happy life? I think for me is our kids (2 yr old and one due in Jan) will get more time with their grandparents and access to better private schools in the long run.

Has anyone done this before, thoughts?

Cheers
Irawin

I was in ParaHills, moved to Burnside to be close to good schools (Burnside Primary , Marriatville are 2 great public schools) .So the money i would have had to pay for private schools was used to pay for a more expensive house. Did not move there to be close to inlaws but actually moved the inlaws there afterwards to be close to us. Having a close relationship with grand parents is a nice thing for kids imho.
Overall I think it was a good decision.

 

[irawin]

Thanks for all the posts everyone.

I understand where the wife is coming from looking at the long term bigger picture for our situation, it is probably the better move closer to in-laws.

I will assess our financial situation and go from there.

Cheers
Irawin

 

[willair]

Thanks for all the posts everyone.

I understand where the wife is coming from looking at the long term bigger picture for our situation, it is probably the better move closer to in-laws.

I will assess our financial situation and go from there.

Cheers
Irawin

Maybe just ask yourself the simple question what do you want and the tension between attachment,and the promise of a new passion..

 

[M.Investigator]

Major family decision. Weigh the pros and cons. I think having your property rented and get another one closer to in-laws will be best for everybody.
1) no hassle in travelling the baby
2) wife has emotional support
3) grandparents are happy
4) harmonious relationship

 

[Indifference]

Hi everyone

Wife wants to move back closer to in-laws in the Eastern suburbs, Adelaide so that means to buy back in the area is going to cost $$$ (I don’t intend to rent). We live around 20 mins away from them.

I’m a bit upset as we only lived in our current PPOR for the last 5 years and having to re-adjust to a new suburb etc.

Happy wife happy life? I think for me is our kids (2 yr old and one due in Jan) will get more time with their grandparents and access to better private schools in the long run.

Has anyone done this before, thoughts?

Cheers
Irawin

You must be $#@%ing joking. We live 20 hrs by JET AIRLINER away..... you can bl@@dy walk if you really had to.....

Only 5 years in your PPOR huh?..... I've never lived anywhere for 5 years... period. Actually I wonder what that would be like....

Get a grip! You are 20 mins away! 20 mins! Do you realize how insanely close that is??? Most people commute further to work EVERY DAY!!!

You have to be joking.... this can not be a serious thread.

 

[herewego]

You must be $#@%ing joking. We live 20 hrs by JET AIRLINER away..... you can bl@@dy walk if you really had to.....

nothing like a bit of compassion and understanding to smooth the cogs of social interaction....

 

[lizzie]

I wonder how many of the nay-sayers are

a) female, or
b) at home with very young children all day
c) to visit a much needed support group means an hour round trip - plus add another 30 mins (at least) getting ready

Only someone who has been there/done that can understand how the wife feels

 

[weg]

Only someone who has been there/done that can understand how the wife feels

Yes it is interesting how your own life experience dictates perspective.

I too saw the wife as needing that 'close' support you can only get from your mum when the day to day stresses of child rearing get too much.

And that's coming from someone that was away from the home working 3 days a week .

 

[Ergophobia]

I agree with others, 20 minutes is nothing... i suspect there are other motives

I'm in the opposite situation

We have 2 kids, 2year old and 1 month

We live in Perth with the grandparents in northern nsw

I want to move to Brisbane so the kids can see their grandparents more, but the wife doesn't want to.

 

[lizzie]

Perhaps you wife has a really good support network of friends in Perth and doesn't want to have to "rebuild" such with two very small kids in tow.

Brisbane is "not" emotionally closer to northern NSW if you still have to get in the car and drive for an hour or so to visit.

I was lucky that I had two really good friends who lived close as my family all live overseas (and I still miss them dearly) ... but the friends were 10 and 20 mins drive away and I very keenly felt the need for someone "in the street" - a pram push away - to have a cuppa and chat with.

 

[irawin]

Major family decision. Weigh the pros and cons. I think having your property rented and get another one closer to in-laws will be best for everybody.
1) no hassle in travelling the baby
2) wife has emotional support
3) grandparents are happy
4) harmonious relationship

M.Investigator pretty much sums up what I'm planning to do.

20mins (on a good run on traffic as mentioned) is nothing - yes and no to each their own.

Forgot to mention earlier in post, we are making the move closer to in-laws because my parents live overseas so support network is a lot smaller.

 

[wylie]

Irawin, you need to do what suits YOU and YOUR WIFE best. Really, you will get such a diverse range of views here, and sometimes they are not expressed in a very supportive way, as you have noticed .

I always recall the first time my husband looked after two of our three kids on his own ALL DAY. He was so happy to see me walk in the door. He had been run off his feet, bored out of his brain and he totally "got" how difficult being stuck at home with no mental stimulation can be.

I also recall being stuck in traffic with a crying (screaming) baby when we had just one, and thinking I couldn't concentrate on driving. I have many memories of having to referee fights and try to stop the boys physically hurting each other in the car as they got older whilst also trying to concentrate on the road. It is NOT easy.

I loved being able to drive five minutes to my mother when I had nothing much else to do to keep sane.

If renting closer (rather than selling and buying closer) makes you happy, then you are both compromising. Neither of you needs the extra angst of feeling you've been pushed into something. By moving closer but not incurring the thousands of dollars in fees involved in selling and buying you both get a happy result and can change your minds later if circumstances change.

It is all about both of you, and not about others' perceived perceptions of what your life should be like.

 

[irawin]

Thanks Wylie!

I also recall being stuck in traffic with a crying (screaming) baby when we had just one, and thinking I couldn't concentrate on driving.

.

I can relate to this!

 

[Mamaof3]

We live 20 mins away from my parents in Adelaide and i have to say although not really considered 'far', its still a fair drive when you're tired, have screaming kids in the back seat or its late and they're due for their naps. My Parents always complain how 'far' we live from them and if we were just '2mins' away they could help out soooo much more with babysitting or dropping over some dinner

So yes i completely understand your wife's thinking with this one.

Do you have a good relationship with the inlaws and did it work ok when you lived across the road from them years ago? If so then by all means i'd look into it (don't jump into it)...the numbers, the house, the location, all that has to be a good decision.

If its not going to put you in a worse financial position then i'd say explore the idea

 

[Corey Batt]

We live 30 minutes from my in-laws, and 5 minutes from my family. Up until recently my family also lived around 25 minutes away. By moving closer, we all actually have much better relationships with each other. Cutting that 30 minutes out each trip means that coming over for minor things isn't a hassle at all ("where do I put the usb in the tv?!?!", "I'll come around in a minute and show you.")

 

[Nemo30]

We used to live 5 mins from my dad. He moved 1500km's away about 8 years ago. I do miss not having family close by. I would however consider 20 minutes pretty close.

My inlaws live 1500km's the other way - plenty close enough
We've lived in our house 8 years and none of my husbands family have ever been to our house.

 

[monty python]

We live an hour from my parents, and nearly 2 hours from my in-laws. For us, the hour in the car is a perfect stretch of time for a small child to have a nap, and that worked well for us on many occasions. My mum would often come for the day, or stay a few days when I was struggling with 2 babies 18-months apart.
I made a few good friends locally with kids the same age, one of these friendships has become one of our closest and our kids behave as cousins, and we have each other's kids once a week after school.
I miss being able to pop in to visit my parents, but for us living near either set of parents is not practical due to location of employment.

I agree with Wylie, it really needs to be an answer to suit you both - I would add that anything that makes a new mum better able to cope day-to-day is worth considering, it's a tough gig. Whatever you choose, you will all adapt and rest easy in the knowledge that it is the best choice for YOUR family. All the best.

 

[irawin]

We live 20 mins away from my parents in Adelaide and i have to say although not really considered 'far', its still a fair drive when you're tired, have screaming kids in the back seat or its late and they're due for their naps. My Parents always complain how 'far' we live from them and if we were just '2mins' away they could help out soooo much more with babysitting or dropping over some dinner

So yes i completely understand your wife's thinking with this one.

Do you have a good relationship with the inlaws and did it work ok when you lived across the road from them years ago? If so then by all means i'd look into it (don't jump into it)...the numbers, the house, the location, all that has to be a good decision.

If its not going to put you in a worse financial position then i'd say explore the idea

I have good relationship with my in-laws, I lived with them for 6 months when we were building our current PPOR and I love to cook in their kitchen!