Has anyone had difficulty deciding what to do with their kids should you pass away. We're doing our wills and not sure what we would do with our child. Grandparents are an option or sister-in-law, but how on earth do you decide on these things. Obviously we would have to ask the person and that may then upset the others if they knew.
Wills...what to do with kids
- Thread starter twobobsworth
- Start date
we've put in our will the choice of two families (my sisters and hubby's sisters), let them both know and then if the time ever comes the two families will decide who is in the best situation at the time to take on another child, with a moderator. we choose this path because, at the time, one couple didn't have any children and we didn't know how they'd be as parents, but the other couple were fantastic parents.
now - the fantastic parent couple have divorced and the no parent couple have a child and are fantastic parents, so probably about time we revisited the will ...
the hard decision was how to split the assets with hubby having three kids from a previous marriage who are nearly all adults, and junior was still a baby at the time - as the older kids won't need so much monetary assistance and still have inheritence/financial support from their mother and her husband, but with junior we're all she has/gets.
now - the fantastic parent couple have divorced and the no parent couple have a child and are fantastic parents, so probably about time we revisited the will ...
the hard decision was how to split the assets with hubby having three kids from a previous marriage who are nearly all adults, and junior was still a baby at the time - as the older kids won't need so much monetary assistance and still have inheritence/financial support from their mother and her husband, but with junior we're all she has/gets.
How did we pick...
1. Who would love our children the most
2. Is the family financially able to raise our boys...eg large house, private schools
3. Do they have the same philosophy in raising children as we do.
4. Will our boys be encouraged and allowed to continue with all their sports.
5. Can their family cope with an additional 3 kids...this is why financial ability to care for our kids was important.
We picked my lovely brother in law and his wife. I have no doubt what so ever my children will be loved and cared for as they would for their own childen.
As for all the other in laws, I dont care what they think. One couple in particular would not even pass my first criteria.
Hope this helps...Mrs Bird
1. Who would love our children the most
2. Is the family financially able to raise our boys...eg large house, private schools
3. Do they have the same philosophy in raising children as we do.
4. Will our boys be encouraged and allowed to continue with all their sports.
5. Can their family cope with an additional 3 kids...this is why financial ability to care for our kids was important.
We picked my lovely brother in law and his wife. I have no doubt what so ever my children will be loved and cared for as they would for their own childen.
As for all the other in laws, I dont care what they think. One couple in particular would not even pass my first criteria.
Hope this helps...Mrs Bird
this raises a good point lizzie.
the important question of who would look after the kids always used to be addressed by the concept of godparents.
but in todays society peoples locations and relationships change so much it becomes impractical. it all gets a bit tricky if for instance you had made the first couple the godparents. you can hardly take away godparentship!
so i think the move towards nominating multiple guardianships in a will is a much better approach.
just got to convince certain others in the family!
I'm a single parent so its not a matter of something happening to me they would have there father.
Now technically their father would have custody, but since its not really an option - don't think he would be interested. I have my mum down as executor as well, I also have a second option in case something happens to myself and my mum at the same time - my step mother.
I have also got specific instructions regarding education etc. in my will which won't be a problem if my mum or step mum is the executor. My mum is in a very good finacial position, my dad and step mum, just sort of plodding along. But basically my kids are going to be fairly well off if I die because I have more than adequate life insurance so i'm not to worried about that.
The fuinniest part of my will is the if everyone else dies before me my little brother can have everything.... I sit there and actually wonder if he is plotting the murder of my entire family for this to happen...Sad
Now technically their father would have custody, but since its not really an option - don't think he would be interested. I have my mum down as executor as well, I also have a second option in case something happens to myself and my mum at the same time - my step mother.
I have also got specific instructions regarding education etc. in my will which won't be a problem if my mum or step mum is the executor. My mum is in a very good finacial position, my dad and step mum, just sort of plodding along. But basically my kids are going to be fairly well off if I die because I have more than adequate life insurance so i'm not to worried about that.
The fuinniest part of my will is the if everyone else dies before me my little brother can have everything.... I sit there and actually wonder if he is plotting the murder of my entire family for this to happen...Sad
My oldest boy is nearly 19 so he would step up to the plate if anything happened to us. When they were small, it was left to my parents and/or brother to look after them.
It was understood that funds from our estate would help build an extension or a larger house which would have been needed to house our three plus their five.
I don't remember how we worded our wills but I think it was more of a gentleman's agreement, because our estate would have gone to my brother anyway.
I was asked by a friend if I could look after her kids should something happen to them. They planned to put in their will that a percentage of their estate come to us to do so. The marriage broke down so it never was an issue and never was organised, thank goodness, though I would have done it if required.
Turns out, she told me later her husband never liked me .
Wylie
It was understood that funds from our estate would help build an extension or a larger house which would have been needed to house our three plus their five.
I don't remember how we worded our wills but I think it was more of a gentleman's agreement, because our estate would have gone to my brother anyway.
I was asked by a friend if I could look after her kids should something happen to them. They planned to put in their will that a percentage of their estate come to us to do so. The marriage broke down so it never was an issue and never was organised, thank goodness, though I would have done it if required.
Turns out, she told me later her husband never liked me
.Wylie
It was easy. All money goes to kids and the kids go to my sister. No competition. We don't care if others are offended. All that matters is our children's wellfare. We know that she would love them and bring them up with the same values. We have not told other relatives apart from my mother (sole remaining grandparent)
Similar to us. My brother would look after them, but it is his wife I would be really worried about. However, we have no other option if something happened to us and my mother was not about (which she is - so she would be first cab off the rank).
Our idea was that if my brother took our kids on when they were younger how could be pay for eight children (five of his own).
If your money goes to the kids and the kids go to your sister, could she get hold of some money from your estate to pay for the kids. I know that if we suddenly had three more kids to feed, cloth, educate etc, we would have real trouble doing it without extra money.
I think from memory we had in our wills that our house could be sold to fund an extension or to help buy a bigger house, but that also could be abused in the wrong hands. It is a veritable minefield and I wish I had a sister in these instances. I know having a sister doesn't mean we would be best mates, but a sister-in-law is not the same.
Wylie
Wylie
Your assets could be kept in a trust by another executor who could then pay a reasonable weekly sum for the upkeep of your kids and all education, medical and other essentials at his discretion.
If you don't have another person you can trust then you can get a solicitor or professional trustee to do it for you.
If you don't have another person you can trust then you can get a solicitor or professional trustee to do it for you.
Yes she could access the money not only to pay for the care of ours but also the care of hers. I have 100% faith in her (otherwise I would not entrust my children to her care) and am not interested in having control beyond the grave.
You are so lucky because there are family members (hubby's side and mine) who I would not allow to look after my dog, so thinking that they would be shaping our children was a very real worry to us in years gone by. The biggest saving grace was knowing my mother was around, so it would only have really been an issue if she was not able to look after the boys.
However, now my oldest is nearly 19, and my mother is still very fit and healthy and would take over and manage the other two younger ones, the worrying part is mostly over.
But I realise this is a very real issue for some people, especially these days when siblings can be working overseas or far away.
Wylie
However, now my oldest is nearly 19, and my mother is still very fit and healthy and would take over and manage the other two younger ones, the worrying part is mostly over.
But I realise this is a very real issue for some people, especially these days when siblings can be working overseas or far away.
Wylie
Yes we like Wylie's solution (oldest child) ... our only snag is that our oldest child is only (nearly) 12 so we have to hang around for another 6 or so years before we get run over by buses ...
It is a worry and a bother and a source of concern. We go for ages ignoring the whole thing (that is by far the easiest) then some post like this gets us thinking again. Age, different belief systems, dislike, health ... take out so many of the possible candidates. The best solution really is to have Thomas and Ben grow older and look after the younger ones for us. So we are just waiting for that.
It is a worry and a bother and a source of concern. We go for ages ignoring the whole thing (that is by far the easiest) then some post like this gets us thinking again. Age, different belief systems, dislike, health ... take out so many of the possible candidates. The best solution really is to have Thomas and Ben grow older and look after the younger ones for us. So we are just waiting for that.
