Defacto & Dating
- Thread starter Tom84
- Start date
I'm pretty sure we've seen a very similar post to this one a year or two ago. A guy who lives between here and somewhere else in Asia has a girlfriend who's high mantenance and not really attached to, but wants to move in with, yet protect his assets. History definitely does repeat (especially when it comes to relationships).
I miss being young and stupid...
I miss being young and stupid...
There are so many red flags in this post. You don't sound like you are gaining any benefit except the obvious benefits. You have both acknowledged that there is no future so why, oh why, oh why would you even consider moving in together.
You are already looking to protect your assets from someone who has gone back on her word, who tells you there isn't a future together and ... I could go on.
Just enjoy being together. I cannot imagine the relationship going further unless you fall into the "this is too easy" and "he/she is like a comfortable slipper and why should I look for new slippers?"
It just sounds doomed from the start.
Maybe there is more, but your clear statements about her previous form and your statement that neither of you think this relationship will lead anywhere, just screams to me to "get out while you can".
And, as Lizzie pointed out, she is maintaining the lease but renting out her room. That is deceptive for starters, unless she has approval from her landlord, doubtful...
Sounds like she is looking for some easy money.
oh pleaaaaaaaaaase.......... assuming your 29, so your not a love struck teenager!
Is she one of the ones from Thailand?
Why dont you put the lease in her name and "promise never to be late on rent or vacate"
and as per your post. like most people ive met, their word means nothing unless it suits them otherwise
Think of it as a rental guarantee on an OTP, you get "the extra money would be great! " but then when all the dust settles, you are now $50k below the market, $100 per week extra for a year or two for a $50-$500k loss at the end....you do the sums
or a dog, they will give you unconditional love, wont play games with you, and wont take anything undeserved if they decide to leave, plus they have no sense of entitlement except for food and water
for $50k you could get easily get a high class escort depending on how active you are, probably for $5k in bangkok, for someone that you can trust (ie a business transaction), no hassle, no nagging, no complaing, no distrust
wth is wrong with the OP, seems like he is made up his mind and wants approval
geez us men can be pretty darn stupid when it comes to women, unfortunately, most of us never learn
Don't let her move in. It's not rocket science...
Also, based on what you have said here, she is clearly:
- flaky
- a liar
- self centred
When she says that "it's just enjoying the moment together and knows it won't last in the long term", when you translate that from Womanese to English, it means 'I am just spending time with you until someone better comes along'.
You know the answer to your question already, time to start thinking with your 'big brain' not the small(er) one.
1 - Worst Case - She's a manipulative man-eater hell bent on trying to get at your assets, so you should surely not let her move in. In fact, run fast in the opposite direction.
2 - Best Case - She's genuinely "into" you and deep down does not accept the "enjoying the moment" rubbish, believing that if she can get into your place she can maybe eventually bring you round to a long term thing.
If it's number 1 - Run before she takes you to the cleaners.
If it's number 2 - Why string her along if you've no intention of making it a genuine relationship? Do the honorable thing and call it a day with her, nicely. Let her move on.
Unfortunately, you're not really ever going to know which scenario, (or combination of), the above it is. What you do know is that they both should end the same way, i.e. with you breaking things off. Just do it in a nice way in case it really is scenario umber 2.
2 - Best Case - She's genuinely "into" you and deep down does not accept the "enjoying the moment" rubbish, believing that if she can get into your place she can maybe eventually bring you round to a long term thing.
If it's number 1 - Run before she takes you to the cleaners.
If it's number 2 - Why string her along if you've no intention of making it a genuine relationship? Do the honorable thing and call it a day with her, nicely. Let her move on.
Unfortunately, you're not really ever going to know which scenario, (or combination of), the above it is. What you do know is that they both should end the same way, i.e. with you breaking things off. Just do it in a nice way in case it really is scenario umber 2.
There is only one possible answer here as there is no circumstance where this idea makes any sense. It's all downside risk and no upside benefit. If you're looking at the physical aspect as an upside you need to work on giving that the value it actually deserves. Love is valuable beyond what money can provide, sex can just be valued at a pretty low hourly rate...
How do you think the conversation will go when you do find the love of your life and want to bring her home? Move on!
How do you think the conversation will go when you do find the love of your life and want to bring her home? Move on!
run! run! run!
This guy isn't stupid. If he gets screwed, it's all his fault.
Cue: 99 Problems
Cue: 99 Problems
Hey, it's your country's term for it.
Hardly a term you hear bandied about in my experience. Maybe at the roadhouse
Tom84
You say you are not in a relationship but the thread has the word defacto and dating as the heading.
Any girl interested in you would ask a little bit about you and you would have to say you have someone living with you or friends colleagues would mention this not knowing your actual circumstances.
Commit to a relationship or move on....don't keep her hopes alive that you will someone wake up up love her.
Sheryn
You say you are not in a relationship but the thread has the word defacto and dating as the heading.
Any girl interested in you would ask a little bit about you and you would have to say you have someone living with you or friends colleagues would mention this not knowing your actual circumstances.
Commit to a relationship or move on....don't keep her hopes alive that you will someone wake up up love her.
Sheryn
Hardly a term you hear bandied about in my experience. Maybe at the roadhouse
Hardly..I've heard it for the last 10 years.
Even Russell Crowe jokes about it when they sang the national anthem for the USA..."where they root, root, root for the home team...."
