How much board are you charging your uni student children?

[wylie]

Thanks for the replies.

My boys have certainly not been spoilt, but this number one son is extremely lazy and would sooner eat a muffin or muesli bar than take the time to cook an egg. He would miss a meal rather than cook something.

In fact, if you ask the boys, they would say we tend towards being a bit mean. Probably most kids think that of their parents. We want the boys to work towards getting what they want.

Until two years ago when we took them to the US for two weeks, the biggest holiday we had ever had was one week at the coast. Usually we do nothing but they have great holidays because our house becomes the hub for all their friends to swim, game, eat and sleepover and I feel they will appreciate that much more as they get older. I like that their friends all treat our home as a "holiday".

In his first year uni, he did what work he had to, and is doing extremely well, but had a lot of spare time which he spent watching the telly. He does have expensive taste, which is not a bad thing, but we make it quite clear that he has to work to pay for what he wants, and he does.

I just think that we are paying his HECS and he can pay for everything else. If he wants bigger and better, he can work a bit more.

He does his own ironing (but rarely wears things that require ironing anyway) and I do his washing with the rest of the family. He does help out when asked (usually has a grizzle about "what are the others doing to help?") but would never think to offer to help. (He, therefore, is NORMAL )

We make all the boys help give the house a good clean once a week (LOTS of complaints and arguments - but we persevere because they have to learn about real life). It would be so much easier to do it myself or get a cleaner, but I don't want my boys developing that mindset that someone will always pick up after me. (Personally, I could never let someone clean my house for me. I cringe at the thought.)

I suppose every parent has to make the decision about how much they do for their child. I know several parents who are paying their children's HECS so it is not like he is unusual or "special" among his peers. We had to grapple with the problem of whether we pay or not, but we decided if he can leave uni without a $35K debt then we have helped him enormously. I am sure he appreciates it, may even more so when his friends start their careers with a big debt. I would not be so happy to do it if he was out spending his money on living the high life.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I suppose it comes down to what WE are comfortable with. I think I will charge him 10% as board for the three months he is working full time, because I don't want him to have a totally free ride.

Thanks, Wylie

 

[natmarie73]

Hi Wylie, I realised I didn't finish my last post. I was going to add that as a uni student myself I know how much work you "should" put into assignments, homework and studying for exams and I know that I couldn't achieve the marks I get if I had to work as well. If you want your son to do the best he can at uni then probably don't charge him board during the semester so he dosn't have to work too many hours, but over the summer then I think if he will be working more hours he should pay some board just so he gets a feel of what the real world would be like and leans how to budget for necessary expenses ie rent/mortgage, food etc instead of keeping every cent he earns for discretionary expenses.

Like someone else said, he will graduate and move out of home someday, and the better prepared he is for that then the easier it will be for him.

 

[Sootygirl]

I never charged my kids board. I didnt need their money to survive and I never paid a cent in board to my parents. Ive inherited my parents soft touch? I did help out with their uni textbooks but never considered paying their hecs bill. If they have a hecs bill hanging over them, that they know will have to be paid eventually, there is more incentive to do well at uni.

If I had to choose, I'd charge them board rather than pay their hecs.

Wylie, you say your son cant be bothered cooking for himself. When your cooking a roast and he comes in and smells it, tell him its only $10 or $15 if he wants some pavlova for afters!

 

[Xenia]

I personally don't like the idea of charging board, I believe that family relationships are the cornerstone of success in every situation and anything that could put a strain on those relationships is not a good idea.

Your son is NOT a lazy incompetent person, this is just your own perception of him and if you changed that perception and started viewing him as a perfect human being that is doing the best he can with the resources and knowledge that is available to him, then he might begin acting in a way more suited to your standards because you believe in him.

If my kids and husband are not home believe me I would rather eat a piece of bread than cook too but I am in no way lazy!

Why not give him an incentive to save and develop a winning mindset that will make him successful in life, first of all you need to BELIEVE THAT HE CAN and secondly what about something like matching dollar for dollar what he has saved ie he saves $20,000 for a deposit against an investment property then match it with another $20,000!

Just a thought!

 

[lizzie]

we have two students in our house and we don't charge them any board, but then nothing is provided except basic board and food. if they want anything extra like clothes or entertainment then they have to work and provide it for themselves.

also, each of the kids gets a substantial asg scholarship when they start uni and how they spend it is at their discretion - but it is expected that they will spend it on their textbooks, travelling to and from uni and anything left over will go towards help debt. hence we pay nothing towards uni.

we did have a huge arguement a few years back when they were demanding i pay for expensive razors (some might recall that) - and after the long debate, when i eventually did by the razors because their father couldn't cope with the arguing anymore, they haven't asked for anything since.

however, we're not totally ungenerous - they get large gift vouchers for the large shopping centre each christmas along with a few trinkets.

i also wash, iron and cook for them because it's more trouble than it's worth letting then lose in the kitchen.

 

[wylie]

I said he was lazy, but I would NEVER say he was incompetent, and it is certainly not my perception of him. I suppose that is the trouble with putting these types of questions to a forum where people can only judge me from the little snippets given out.

I view him exactly how he is, a beautiful, caring, loving son who just happens to annoy the dickens out of me sometimes. I want him to be able to stand on his own feet.

I agree that with no family to feed, I would not bother cooking. After 21 years of cooking every night, it does get a bit boring and tedius. I wish I had a passion for cooking, but I only have a passion for eating something someone else has cooked for me

And believe me, he has the ability to do whatever he wants, and the brains to go with it, and he knows we believe in him.

I'm sorry if it sounded like I think he is a bad son in any way. But I am truthful enough to admit that he (and the other boys) are NOT perfect, any more than I am, and I don't want them to be.

I have lived for 20 years with a husband who also is imperfect (is ANYONE perfect - how boring would that be?) but whose mother things the sun shines out of his proverbial and is so gushy in her praise for everything he says and does that it drives him to distraction, never mind the rest of us. I think she would clap if he farted and say how clever he was.

Spare me from EVER boring anyone with how perfect my family is. We are normal, that is, we argue, fight and annoy each other, but I hope that under all that, we are a caring family.

I appreciate the comments, and I suppose only we can decide what we will do. I just want to avoid what happened to my brother, who left home to get married and didn't know how to fold a t-shirt.

He knows how to do that now

Wylie

 

[WinstonWolfe]

Gee I'd like to get the father's opinions about these lads......

 

[wylie]

Hubby's opinion is the same as mine, but he has less patience with their arguments, but then I would guess most fathers are like that because they don't live with it day in and day out. Most mothers I know can tune out the fringe noise. If not, we would go stark raving mad.

And I am sorry, but there are NO Brady Bunch families. Even families where I never seem to see a cross word, when I have a quiet chat to the mother, things are the same as in our household, just a bid less hidden from public view. Five individuals all trying to live under the one roof, all with different personalities and opinions.

That is what family is all about. I just hope my oldest appreciates what a fantastic father he has when is a bit older. The fact they are like chalk and cheese may not matter so much when the boy matures into an older cheese and realises he is not superior in all ways. Like I said, he is a NORMAL teenager.

Hubby and oldest boy don't really see eye to eye, which makes things hard. Neither seem to have much respect for each other..... the "I know more than you" of youth vs the "you are full of it" of maturity.

But it is actually hubby who said "let's pay his HECS" so, go figure. A big part of it is that hubby's father was an absolute (words escape me) and he has been very "hands on" for our boys, coming home to play cricket and soccer in the yard, take them to the park, build go-karts etc. All things, his father would never have done.

I think my boys do appreciate it because their friends always want to come here because there is so much to do and a father to do it with.

Wylie

 

[Pushka]

we did have a huge arguement a few years back when they were demanding i pay for expensive razors (some might recall that) - and after the long debate, when i eventually did by the razors

Oh gosh, and I thought I was the only one who had arguments with the 'kids' about their need for 'Mach 3' razors..........One son used the argument that we had paid for his schooling and Uni fees without a whimper(I cannot even imagine how many zero's that involved) yet here we were arguing about a couple of dollars for a razor!

 

[lizzie]

One son used the argument that we had paid for his schooling and Uni fees without a whimper(I cannot even imagine how many zero's that involved) yet here we were arguing about a couple of dollars for a razor!

drawing the line had to be done.

it was the principal of the matter - if we paid for the expensive razors (i use the cheapies myself) then where does the "forking out" stop? i was prepared to pay for basic ones, but if they wanted the $15ea jobs then why should i pay the extra ... i know it seemed awfully petty, but the boundaries had to be set somewhere.

occasionally we do buy something requested, like a special food or drink, but i want it to be at our choice, not their demand.

personally i think it's part of maturing and taking responsibility for your own choices - amazing how suddenly they discovered more subdued tastes when they have to pay for it themselves.

 

[Dazz]

At 18 we were kicked out of home and told to toughen up and fend for ourselves by our parents. The gravy train and free motel days were now officially over. We did. Unbeknownst to me, the wife's parents were doing the same to her as well. It was this aspect (being quenched in life's tough reality) that attracted us together. We had respect for one another.

Board was never an issue cos it wasn't available. It was full rent and expensives for everything that we NEEDED. It was a piece of cake to fund. Wife worked part time being a barmaid and baby-sitting throughout the academic year. I got jobs on the rigs for 12 weeks straight over the summer break, which paid $ 2,000 per week 15 years ago.....enough to survive the whole year and live a decent lifestyle to boot.

Had to endure some extremely disgusting greasy jobs in 50 deg desert heat and freezing cold desert nights, but it transformed me from a whinging soft student into something quite different.

HECS was never an issue either. We both graduated with full HECS debts hanging around our neck. We simply made it into a challenge to see who could pay it off the quickest with their now graduate salary coming in. We continued to live modestly instead of having "refined expensive tastes". The wife took 4 months. I took 5 months. She won, therefore I had to take her out to dinner. It was a reward savoured by both of us.

We informed our children some years ago that they shall also be leaving home at 18 and fending for themselves. They mention it every now again, so we presume they are looking forward to it. Either way it doesn't matter whether they are or not.....Mum's hotel is not open for business after they turn 18.


As Dr Thomas Stanley has found from massive amounts of research, wealthy parents providing economic outpatient care (EOC as they call it) for children does them far more harm than good in the long run. A fact that has been established over many thousands of cases.

Anyway....different opinions and mindsets create different outcomes.

 

[skater]

I have 2 teenage girls. They both work part time. They have expensive tastes & constantly complain that there is nothing to eat (lunches etc). I provide all the basics of food, shelter & adequate clothing etc. If they want extra, then they are required to pay for that themselves. Most of their wages (after I take 1/2 for their savings) goes on junk food (eldest) or clothing (youngest).

The eldest will be starting full time work shortly & will only be paid a trainee wage, however, she is aware that as soon as she starts work she will be required to pay board. We won't charge a lot, but she will be required to make a contribution.

She also has exceptionally high sporting costs. We will continue to fund this for her at this stage, but will taper off the support as her income grows. She has been selected to represent Australia again next year in a minor international meet in New Zealand, as have hubby & myself. We have made the decision not to attend as we need some time to recover from the amount we spent this year, but told her if she wants to go, we won't stop her, however she will have to pay for this one herself. She has decided that she will sit this one out as she would prefer to save the funds for her first house.

 

[wylie]

Unfortunately, kicking your kids out of home doesn't always end up how you think it might. Ask me about my older brother some time.

Anyway, no way would I ever kick my kids out at 18. There are other ways to toughen up to the world.

I have a girlfriend who was kicked out of home at 17. She has three boys like me and used to say her boys would be leaving home after high school because she was made to do that. Oldest boy lives at home, just done first year uni. She denies ever saying they would not be welcome after senior. People change. Families change.

We will do what suits with each of our boys. They are so different that what would suit one, will definitely not suit the middle boy, and the younger one is still too young to know. I would miss them if they left.

They are welcome in our home until they are ready to go, as long as they live clean and respect the family.

Wylie

 

[Trogdor]

I think its pretty sad behaviour to charge a child rent to live with you. My folks would never have dreamed to do such a thing for us, and nor would I if I had kids.

Have a think wylie - would you want your son to have an arms length relationship with you as you age, or a caring, generous, reciprical one?

I dont think this leads to being spoilt. We ended up quite sucessful compared to our peers. If anything we have more drive than others our age.

 

[skater]

I think its pretty sad behaviour to charge a child rent to live with you. My folks would never have dreamed to do such a thing for us, and nor would I if I had kids.

Have a think wylie - would you want your son to have an arms length relationship with you as you age, or a caring, generous, reciprical one?

I dont think this leads to being spoilt. We ended up quite sucessful compared to our peers. If anything we have more drive than others our age.

Trogdor, Wylie's son is 19, hardly a child. You can still have a caring generous relationship with your offspring while teaching them the facts of life. Living costs money & the sooner the 'child' learns that the better. The reality is that kids respect what they have paid for from their own earnings much more than something that is handed to them on a plate.

 

[WinstonWolfe]

I agree with Dazzling in many respects.....in that one has to learn to be resourceful and disciplined in life, to really excel......sure, there'll be some exceptions, like the one in 100,000 kids who is unbelievably talented at golf, tennis, footy, and becomes a pro....or who makes it big with some IT commerce thing gleaned from messing in his bedroom with puters all through his teens.

What about the rest of us....

Seems people are taking either of two sides in this thread....in my experience I see far more kids adversely effected by overprotecting than the opposite. And sure, some of you will say some kids turn out bad when they are kicked out of home at 18....well who said things would have been different if they stayed at home?....

And consider this....every year a parent provides an opportunity for their kids to not save for or buy a house, they are making it signficantly harder for that kid....why?

consider a sub median home $350k...it grows on average at 7%pa.....
if your son or daughter delays for 5 years getting into property...because they in all their worldly wisdom had something better to do.....after 5years the kid will be 140,000 worse off, because that's how much the property went up in that time.

So next time your kids tell you they'd prefer to lie on the couch or goof off down the beach or buy a new spoiler for the car, remind them that delaying buying shelter for themselves is costing them $110 a day in pre tax income...

 

[Belu]

Well i am just finishing up at uni, i dont smoke but drinking and running with wild women? Sometimes

At uni no board, and my parents help us with our HECS (my brother and I) so we get the 20% discount, but we have to pay them back. Now that my brother is working and I will be next year its only $70/month which just contributes to bills. They want us to get on our feet and save a decent amount first i think.

Each to their own, i currently owe my parents $10k for the HECS i didnt pay for (4 years of uni at about $5k a year so half and half). Could pay it straight back now but they dont want it. Ill make sure its there for when they want it though.

 

[wylie]

Thanks for the view from another student Belu.

I have been thinking on this more, and I believe one of my problems is that my kids (certainly the two older ones) know that while we have big debt, we also have big assets and they also know what my parents have, because they have helped paint, renovate, landscape their IPs.

So, following on, they know that one day they will be very wealthy, barring something catastrophic happening and us losing our money.

I think I just want to make sure they don't just sit and wait for the money that will come to them and not get ahead by their own efforts.

This is something that I have not had to grapple with because my parents bought their first IP when I was 15, so my boys are the first generation of kids in our family who will be handed "something for nothing".

The other thing is that I am actually happy to pay his HECS because he is NOT wasting his money on other things. I think I would feel quite differently if he was wasting his money, but that is not the case.

Now that we have made the decision to pay his HECS, I look at it like a continuation of paying private school fees for him. Nobody makes their kids pay their private school fees.

Plenty of his peers are having their HECS paid by their parents, and I suppose it is something I am happy to do, if he works hard. If he slacks off, we will review it, of course.

Anyway, my parents are very supportive, so I suppose I am doing for my kids what my parents do for me, though I didn't study so the HECS thing was not an issue. But supportive in so many ways.

Great to hear your view.

Wylie

 

[Pushka]

Paid our last private school fee this week - after 19 years of it for 2 boys - from Reception to Year 12. In heaviest years it cost us $24,000 a year......doing a little happy dance......

 

[Tizzy]

I would like to have paid my kids HECS also and I would have if it was feasible. I think it does make sense because it is an expensive debt to start off working life with. Especially medicine