Heya
Nope, have never had any treatment. I don’t feel depressed ALL the time, but I DO feel this constant unhappiness because I know that even when I’m spending time in places I love, that I have to come back eventually and that thought makes everything feel dark.
I’m from Melbourne originally and while I love it, I always wanted to live up here (on the Gold Coast), and we moved 8 years ago and rented for 5 years, very happily, even though as I said, no dishwasher, no pets allowed, not as nice in terms of carpet and quality of finishes, etc. But the location…it was WHY I moved, sort of. It was 5 doors from the beach, a lovely relaxing and uplifting 10 minute walk to my favourite place in the world…and a 10 minute walk to the big shopping centre nearby. Everything was nice, and EASY. We could get buses easily and go places with no real issues. The place was 3 bedrooms and although we still had too much stuff for it to feel properly spacious, it did feel like a house, because it was an L-shape and you couldn’t see every room from the lounge, like you can at our place now. I hate that. It feels SO claustrophobic. It’s just the layout.
I still don’t think I’m depressed because of other factors. I think it’s just that I’m simply not happy where I live, and haven’t been since we moved in. I mean, we couldn’t afford to keep renting (rent would go up by $30-$40 a week every 6 months) and wanted to get on the property ladder so to speak, but I didn’t really want to move…I loved living where we did, SO much. For many weeks before we moved, although as I said, I was distracted by renovations and stuff at the new place, I was just NOT wanting to leave…every week I’d count down and feel this sense of dread about leaving and being in the new place.
We just feel as if our place now is a temporary place…like we’re in limbo or something. It feels more like we’re renting than our last place did, because our old place felt much more like HOME. I remember walking home up our old street one day just before we moved, and wondering if I’d ever have that nice homely familiar feeling walking home to our NEW place down our NEW street…cause up until then, I always felt lost whenever I went there (to organise tradesmen, etc) and only felt happy and “safe” again when coming home to our old place. I assumed once we’d moved and had all our stuff in our new place, it’d feel like home and it’d then feel strange to come back to our OLD place and street. But you know what? It doesn’t. It STILL doesn’t feel safe or like home to walk up our current street…I often go back to our old street (not to actually look at the old place or anything. I’m not that strange. Lol.) and it still feels like home. It feels RIGHT.
And when I’d go to the new place after work to organise tradesmen and things (cause I could walk there from work), I’d always be in a rush to just get HOME, back to our old place. And I only felt right when I got back there…back to our old street. (well, technically I started, and still do start, feeling “right” when I get to this place about 10 minutes away from it. That’s my happy place, from there)…and then on moving day, when I came home from work to our new place and knew I wouldn’t be going back to our old place…it felt SO TERRIBLE! I felt completely trapped and physically SICK actually. Like I felt this fear and just wanted to go home. That feeling has obviously lessened greatly, but…it’s still there. Except now I don’t feel the specific need to go back to our OLD place, but I just want ANY place that feels RIGHT to me.
It’s hard to admit, but I feel like we’ve not really made any good happy memories since we’ve been at our “new” place…it’s as if it’s just all temporary until we can start properly LIVING again and continue on with our lives as we did before. How sad is that??!
Oh, and I do just want to reiterate, I do not HATE our place. I feel guilty for feeling this way. It’s just we had to find somewhere to move to, we had no real options, it was good on paper, it was in our budget, but…there was no FEELING when we went there. You know how you get that feeling when you walk into a place to inspect it? You either love it, hate it, or there’s just nothing…and this place was nothing. It’s as if it’s not for US. It’s still waiting for the right person who WILL love it. And I hope that happens…I really do. But I want to be able to love a place too, you know? I’ve been very lucky with my previous homes. They’ve all had that FEELING. I just took it for granted that this one would eventually too.
Nope, have never had any treatment. I don’t feel depressed ALL the time, but I DO feel this constant unhappiness because I know that even when I’m spending time in places I love, that I have to come back eventually and that thought makes everything feel dark.
I’m from Melbourne originally and while I love it, I always wanted to live up here (on the Gold Coast), and we moved 8 years ago and rented for 5 years, very happily, even though as I said, no dishwasher, no pets allowed, not as nice in terms of carpet and quality of finishes, etc. But the location…it was WHY I moved, sort of. It was 5 doors from the beach, a lovely relaxing and uplifting 10 minute walk to my favourite place in the world…and a 10 minute walk to the big shopping centre nearby. Everything was nice, and EASY. We could get buses easily and go places with no real issues. The place was 3 bedrooms and although we still had too much stuff for it to feel properly spacious, it did feel like a house, because it was an L-shape and you couldn’t see every room from the lounge, like you can at our place now. I hate that. It feels SO claustrophobic. It’s just the layout.
I still don’t think I’m depressed because of other factors. I think it’s just that I’m simply not happy where I live, and haven’t been since we moved in. I mean, we couldn’t afford to keep renting (rent would go up by $30-$40 a week every 6 months) and wanted to get on the property ladder so to speak, but I didn’t really want to move…I loved living where we did, SO much. For many weeks before we moved, although as I said, I was distracted by renovations and stuff at the new place, I was just NOT wanting to leave…every week I’d count down and feel this sense of dread about leaving and being in the new place.
We just feel as if our place now is a temporary place…like we’re in limbo or something. It feels more like we’re renting than our last place did, because our old place felt much more like HOME. I remember walking home up our old street one day just before we moved, and wondering if I’d ever have that nice homely familiar feeling walking home to our NEW place down our NEW street…cause up until then, I always felt lost whenever I went there (to organise tradesmen, etc) and only felt happy and “safe” again when coming home to our old place. I assumed once we’d moved and had all our stuff in our new place, it’d feel like home and it’d then feel strange to come back to our OLD place and street. But you know what? It doesn’t. It STILL doesn’t feel safe or like home to walk up our current street…I often go back to our old street (not to actually look at the old place or anything. I’m not that strange. Lol.) and it still feels like home. It feels RIGHT.
And when I’d go to the new place after work to organise tradesmen and things (cause I could walk there from work), I’d always be in a rush to just get HOME, back to our old place. And I only felt right when I got back there…back to our old street. (well, technically I started, and still do start, feeling “right” when I get to this place about 10 minutes away from it. That’s my happy place, from there)…and then on moving day, when I came home from work to our new place and knew I wouldn’t be going back to our old place…it felt SO TERRIBLE! I felt completely trapped and physically SICK actually. Like I felt this fear and just wanted to go home. That feeling has obviously lessened greatly, but…it’s still there. Except now I don’t feel the specific need to go back to our OLD place, but I just want ANY place that feels RIGHT to me.
It’s hard to admit, but I feel like we’ve not really made any good happy memories since we’ve been at our “new” place…it’s as if it’s just all temporary until we can start properly LIVING again and continue on with our lives as we did before. How sad is that??!
Oh, and I do just want to reiterate, I do not HATE our place. I feel guilty for feeling this way. It’s just we had to find somewhere to move to, we had no real options, it was good on paper, it was in our budget, but…there was no FEELING when we went there. You know how you get that feeling when you walk into a place to inspect it? You either love it, hate it, or there’s just nothing…and this place was nothing. It’s as if it’s not for US. It’s still waiting for the right person who WILL love it. And I hope that happens…I really do. But I want to be able to love a place too, you know? I’ve been very lucky with my previous homes. They’ve all had that FEELING. I just took it for granted that this one would eventually too.