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Australian politician eats his hair in Parliament
From the local paper comes this story of a Brisbane couple who drove their car to ALDI, only to have their car break down in the car park.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the chassis.
Unfortunately, although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones..
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the bonnet and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by watching.
The RACQ mechanic however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
So a CCTV installer walks into a doctors surgery...
From my 4 year old son last night...
"What do you call a dinosaur that snores?"
"A snorasaurus!"
And some time there will be no more Stevie WonderAmerica was once the greatest country on Earth.
They had the best country/western singer: Johnny Cash
They had the best comedian: Bob Hope
They had one of the greatest entrepreneurs: Steve Jobs.
And no Wonder.Wow, how things change: Now they have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.
1. if you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. presto! the blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.
3. avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. for high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. remember to use a timer.
5. a mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. if you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. you only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. if it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. if it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. if you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.