Joke Thread
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Luigi (the father) says to his son, "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
The son says, "I will choose my own bride!"
Luigi says, "But the girl is a Bill Gates' daughter."
Son answers, "Well, in that case, okay."
Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates and says, "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates answers, "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Luigi says, "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates answers, "Ah, in that case, okay."
Finally, Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Luigi says, "I have a young man to recommend as a vice-president."
The president answers, "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!"
Luigi says, "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
The president answers, "Ah, in that case, okay."
And that, my friends, is how Italians do business
The son says, "I will choose my own bride!"
Luigi says, "But the girl is a Bill Gates' daughter."
Son answers, "Well, in that case, okay."
Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates and says, "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates answers, "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Luigi says, "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates answers, "Ah, in that case, okay."
Finally, Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Luigi says, "I have a young man to recommend as a vice-president."
The president answers, "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!"
Luigi says, "But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."
The president answers, "Ah, in that case, okay."
And that, my friends, is how Italians do business
A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, ?Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV, my iPhone5, and my laptop."
"Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me, and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.??
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend- Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary Clinton's election campaign!'"
"Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me, and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.??
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend- Mohammed. We're going to work together on Hillary Clinton's election campaign!'"
This is a joke thread, not a choke thread.
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i don't get it either 
Our Prime Minister has said that we have too many forests locked up. I disagree. I think it's important that as many forests as possible should be locked up indefinitely to deter other forests from coming here by boat.
Fraser Tustian Thornleigh
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/comment/smh-l...dup-cousins-20140306-349zb.html#ixzz2vVe2Uwlz
Fraser Tustian Thornleigh
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/comment/smh-l...dup-cousins-20140306-349zb.html#ixzz2vVe2Uwlz
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...)
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Keith's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?...)
some real estate jokes...
What does a real estate agent use for birth control? ...His personality.
Why didn't the hipster real estate agent show the oceanside mansion? ...It was too current.
What is the definition of a good real estate agent? ...Someone who has a mortgage loophole named after him.
Why did God invent economists? ...So real estate agents could have someone to laugh at.
Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Property Manager: That's great, I'll take two of them.
A small real estate agent was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST AGENTS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST COMMISSIONS. The small real estate agent panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own brokerage-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
What does a real estate agent use for birth control? ...His personality. Why didn't the hipster real estate agent show the oceanside mansion? ...It was too current. What is the definition of a good real estate agent? ...Someone who has a mortgage loophole named after him. Why did God invent economists? ...So real estate agents could have someone to laugh at. Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Property Manager: That's great, I'll take two of them. A small real estate agent was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST AGENTS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST COMMISSIONS. The small real estate agent panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own brokerage-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.
A programmers wife sends him to the store and says "get some bread, and while you're there pick up some eggs". The programmer never came back.
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