I think that might be the wrong destination for partying.I am gonna party when i get to heaven
GP
Marriage and Money
- Thread starter GoAnna!
- Start date
GP
Yeah, sod that. Who would want to hang around for all eternity with a bunch of people who never partied when they were alive.
Mark
Mark
I'm not clear on what you mean Sue ?
But you don't party your whole life. You can grow out of it. I partied loads when I was younger but now the idea of it is just unappealing.
Dazz - for some people, money is really important coz they want to earn as much as they can to buy the best of everything. For some, they are so poor they need money to buy essentials. We're sort of in the middle and and happy to be that way.
I ask myself will I be happier if I was a multi millionaire? it's a bonus but not really happier and what sacrifices or effort do I have to take to reach that level? My husband is a teacher on a salary under $50k, prior he was in management and earning double. But he loves his job, if we we placed so much value on money then wouldn't I be telling him to do what pays more? there are lots of things money can't buy.
I feel lucky that I love property and have had some success in it but at the end of the day it's just a job. I admit that at one stage I was obsessed with property, being rich and being too greedy (each time causing losses).
There's nothing wrong either with loving money and wanting lots of it. I guess that's why some people are here on SS.
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Mark im curious how you come to the assumption that those in heaven have never partied when alive
Great thread, good read. Sue it sounds like you have it all sorted. Plenty of good points in your reply. Totally agree with you about "Life isn't rewarding when it's just all about you." All seems a little pointless if not sharing it all with loved ones, family, friends etc
I was never keen on kids but since having a little nephew and neice I could just see how they filled the lives of their parents. They have brung so much happiness to the families. And so dam cute they are
cheers Jayro!
Great thread, good read. Sue it sounds like you have it all sorted. Plenty of good points in your reply. Totally agree with you about "Life isn't rewarding when it's just all about you." All seems a little pointless if not sharing it all with loved ones, family, friends etc
I was never keen on kids but since having a little nephew and neice I could just see how they filled the lives of their parents. They have brung so much happiness to the families. And so dam cute they are
cheers Jayro!
Mark im curious how you come to the assumption that those in heaven have never partied when alive
It was a light hearted remark following on from Great Pig's post. Y'all need to relax a little. For the record, I'm atheist, so I don't beleive in heaven or hell.
Mark
I find this really interesting GoAnna. What changed for you, when you got married after 10 years together, which made it different to what went before? Clearly you were already committed to each other before you had the official ceremony. Was it the public nature of the marriage ceremony which cemented the commitment for you?
Ok interesting question and I will do my best to answer it honestly. For me marriage is a life time commitment so once married forever married. I understood that Michael felt the same. So during those first 10 years although I didn’t have any real desire to leave I think that the option was there is my mind. I could leave. He could leave. We haven't made any defining promise. During those 10 years we changed a lot as people and there was freedom within our relationship for us to change in different directions. At times we wavered and questioned but I think because we were not married we did not feel trapped at those times. So although we owned property together and after some years even began to pool our money and made joint decisions we still remained two free individuals. We did not however make any plans to have children as we both felt that if we were not 100% committed to each other than we could hardly commit to a child which is the greatest commitment of all. So I guess although our actions and words to each other looked no different than a marriage (actually we were more committed than many marriages we saw around us) there was at the far back of our minds a question - is this my life partner or not?
When we decided to get married there was no manipulation or reluctance on either of our behalves. We had not used “the rules” or withheld a part of ourselves. We came freely with a decade of knowledge of each other.
As I have said previously I was not interested in the cliché wedding and to the outrage of others we had the wedding that represented how we felt about each other and our relationship. It was as much a celebration of the past ten years as it was about the future. We did an old fashioned village carnival wedding. No white dress. No diamond ring. No wedding cars. No church. No bridesmaids. No hired venue. No name tags at tables. We had instead a day filled with as much fun and joy as we could. Wandering performers. Fairy floss stand and carousel. Fire eating juggling MC. Fire works. We had a ball and so did our guests. We promised to support each other’s dreams and that is now the underlying theme in our marriage now expanded to include our children.
Something did change between us that day. The question mark at the back of each of our minds was erased and the law recognised our significance to each other in shared property, in the right to make decisions on medical treatment etc etc. Now nearly 9 years on we have two children and significant property holdings. As many parents will attest those pre school years can be testing as have been recent financial stresses. But having made a lifetime commitment we know that we need to work it out and find a way forward together. Now 19 years down the track I still feel excited at the thought of Michael coming home after a day out and I imagine that is how I will always feel.
Bah, marriage. We don't have any plans to get married, although I do need to update my will (and he needs a will in the first place). Been together 3 years ... pushing 4 .... I'm getting old ... and we're similar enough in all regards that I don't see it ending anytime this century, although we do have occasional technical arguments about the finer points of fantasy lore and the intricacies of virtual slave ownership. We have a joint house now and a joint cute smelly roly-poly humanoid, that'll do.
The bad side is we're both terrible procrastinating lazy geeks, so said roly-poly creature was born late, doesn't crawl yet and only just learnt to roll over and she's 8 months old. We figure she's procrastination incarnate.
Other child was early with everything and still insists on planning ahead, ie asking if she can have a scone for morning tea next Thursday.
The bad side is we're both terrible procrastinating lazy geeks, so said roly-poly creature was born late, doesn't crawl yet and only just learnt to roll over and she's 8 months old. We figure she's procrastination incarnate.
Other child was early with everything and still insists on planning ahead, ie asking if she can have a scone for morning tea next Thursday.
Good on you Rumpled Elf,
I must say, if I met hubby at this age, I would not have the traditional marriage ceremony.
I also have to agree with Mr PIG, that I think we have a couple of partners out there. I DON'T believe in monogomy.
However, out of respect for my husband and the commitment we have, I play by the rules.
GoAnna,
I think it's great that you made your own kind of 'marriage ceremony'' up, if you don't mind me calling it that.
This is exactly why I think we need some sort of ceremony, religious, traditional or not.
I was only 20 when I married, my wedding was my Mother-In-Law's. All her taste, she wouldn't even let me have a chocolate cake! My sister-in-laws changed my table arrangements around to suit their family......I was way too young, having met hubby at 18 but that is another story!
Regards JO
I must say, if I met hubby at this age, I would not have the traditional marriage ceremony.
I also have to agree with Mr PIG, that I think we have a couple of partners out there. I DON'T believe in monogomy.
However, out of respect for my husband and the commitment we have, I play by the rules.
GoAnna,
I think it's great that you made your own kind of 'marriage ceremony'' up, if you don't mind me calling it that.
This is exactly why I think we need some sort of ceremony, religious, traditional or not.
I was only 20 when I married, my wedding was my Mother-In-Law's. All her taste, she wouldn't even let me have a chocolate cake! My sister-in-laws changed my table arrangements around to suit their family......I was way too young, having met hubby at 18 but that is another story!
Regards JO
Interesting thread.
I'm not married yet but as far as money goes I seem to be taking the lead as financial controller in this relationship.
Just a bit off track - has anyone here had an inter-faith marriage? I WISH i could have a custom ceremony like GoAnna but if i marry the current (likely) then it wont be the case. He = catholic, me = atheist. I think money is easy to sort out compared to that problem!
I'm not married yet but as far as money goes I seem to be taking the lead as financial controller in this relationship.
Just a bit off track - has anyone here had an inter-faith marriage? I WISH i could have a custom ceremony like GoAnna but if i marry the current (likely) then it wont be the case. He = catholic, me = atheist. I think money is easy to sort out compared to that problem!
If I was to ever get married, I'd definitely want this! That would so awesome.
When I was young, I went to a wedding at Fairy Park (I think that's what it's called) out at Anakie.
Mark
Be careful what you wish for. When hubby and I got married recently, hubby wanted fireworks, so we organised some. My little brother almost blew himself up (had a hole in his suit jacket elbow etc) as had become cocky after handling them many times in the USA during July 4 celebrations and got hold of a few. His stunt did not go down well, little bugger didn't see why I was so pissed off (ok extremely distressed my little brother was going to kill himself at my wedding), few tears over it but all good afterwards, just very very frightening whilst it was happening (tried sending hubby and a few of his friends in (all ex army) saying they knew how to deal with live fire - they claimed at least with enemy fire you knew who it was being shot at).
Back on topic
I'm definetly the pushy one - I've done the spreadsheets, constantly do the searching (only up to #2 hoping to grow soon), deal with the mortgage broker, property manager, bank etc. He's far more conservative and much more of a spender than myself, he's got a firm belief that the more we buy the longer we'll have to work to support it and is against buying anything more for a while. Having said that, he's heavily into speculative shares, doesn't get the concept of holding for long term (ie he's into fast money trading schemes - hence my hold of the reins), while I go for long term holding. He puts it down to me working in managed funds/investment analytics, I put it down to him trying to stay young as long as possible and being in denial about almost hitting 40. It gets interesting at times.
Back on topic
I'm definetly the pushy one - I've done the spreadsheets, constantly do the searching (only up to #2 hoping to grow soon), deal with the mortgage broker, property manager, bank etc. He's far more conservative and much more of a spender than myself, he's got a firm belief that the more we buy the longer we'll have to work to support it and is against buying anything more for a while. Having said that, he's heavily into speculative shares, doesn't get the concept of holding for long term (ie he's into fast money trading schemes - hence my hold of the reins), while I go for long term holding. He puts it down to me working in managed funds/investment analytics, I put it down to him trying to stay young as long as possible and being in denial about almost hitting 40. It gets interesting at times.
If you can afford it, have two weddings.
Years ago I went with a friend to her friend's weddings, where the bride was Anglo-Australian and the groom Indian. They had a traditional Indian wedding and then a western-style wedding (or maybe the other way around - I forget now).
GP
You will both have to compromise. It's not a big problem really. I mean you agreed to marry him knowing he's catholic.
Eventhough hubby and I are christians but out of respect for our parents and some guests, we chose a garden ceremony with a celebrant but the wordings was a bit religious.
Hubby is lapsed catholic, me lapsed Presbyterian. Married in the catholic church 22 years ago to appease his mother, who has very strong faith. No mention of anything about bringing up the children as catholics until during the actual ceremony when it was slipped in as part of the wording.
I would call us both athiests or agnostics.
We had the boys baptised catholic to shut up the mother-in-law and stop her nagging. It also meant we could send them to a catholic school if we wished to. They all went to the local state primary and an Anglican high school.
If we had had our wish, we would have had a registry wedding, but sometimes it just pays to let the mothers do their "thing". I am an only girl, so my wedding was really something I did for my mother. Hubby's mother clucked and fluffed about as well. We just wanted to go home and be done with it.
Neither of us really enjoyed the day, which is not sad at all, because to both of us it was just something we did for our parents. If we had our time again, we would go to the registry office.
I would be more wary of marrying somebody from a different culture than a different religion.
I would call us both athiests or agnostics.
We had the boys baptised catholic to shut up the mother-in-law and stop her nagging. It also meant we could send them to a catholic school if we wished to. They all went to the local state primary and an Anglican high school.
If we had had our wish, we would have had a registry wedding, but sometimes it just pays to let the mothers do their "thing". I am an only girl, so my wedding was really something I did for my mother. Hubby's mother clucked and fluffed about as well. We just wanted to go home and be done with it.
Neither of us really enjoyed the day, which is not sad at all, because to both of us it was just something we did for our parents. If we had our time again, we would go to the registry office.
I would be more wary of marrying somebody from a different culture than a different religion.
Ah yeah, mothers. Everyone in my partner's family is married - his sister married fairly recently, and his parents are divorced but both have remarried, also quite recently. So his mother went through their wedding photos book, shuffled it around a bit so there was 1/3 of the book for her wedding, 1/3 of the book for her daughter's wedding and rather pointedly showed us the empty part at the back. She gave up on us after a while and started hassling for grandkids. Now she's got grandkids from both kids (and within 4 months too, but that's another story) we hardly hear from her. You'd expect slightly more interest, but ... whatever. She's peculiar.
My side of the family has a shocking underabundance of married people. We've got a divorcee who now lives with the woman he was having an affair with when he was married, a divorcee who was only married for a year who is now breaking up with his long-term girlfriend, a couple who got married in hippy clothes back in the '70s, the couple who aren't happily married but who had the huge expensive wedding with all the frills, and someone who has been cohabiting with a man 12 years her junior for the last 2 decades. It means noone can tell me off for cohabiting with MY younger man and keep a straight face while doing it
My side of the family has a shocking underabundance of married people. We've got a divorcee who now lives with the woman he was having an affair with when he was married, a divorcee who was only married for a year who is now breaking up with his long-term girlfriend, a couple who got married in hippy clothes back in the '70s, the couple who aren't happily married but who had the huge expensive wedding with all the frills, and someone who has been cohabiting with a man 12 years her junior for the last 2 decades. It means noone can tell me off for cohabiting with MY younger man and keep a straight face while doing it
