Smacking kids

[Twitch]

Hi, I thought I'd start a topic probably close to every parents heart: whether to use corporal punishment on our kids.

Do you smack your kids?
Did you get smacked as a child?
Do you think smacking should be outlawed?

Love to hear your views, I've got 2 kids and struggled early on with the "what to do" question.


cheers

 

[Merovingian]

Do you smack your kids?
I don't have any kids, but if I did, I'm sure I would in the most severe cases, but I wouldn't enjoy it.

Did you get smacked as a child?
Yes, sometimes. It was rare, as my parents didn't really believe in its effectiveness.

Do you think smacking should be outlawed?
No. Outlaw smoking instead.

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

Hi, I thought I'd start a topic probably close to every parents heart: whether to use corporal punishment on our kids.

Do you smack your kids?
Did you get smacked as a child?
Do you think smacking should be outlawed?

Love to hear your views, I've got 2 kids and struggled early on with the "what to do" question.


cheers

Do you smack your kids? I don't have kids (never will). Yay me!

Did you get smacked as a child? Yes.

Do you think smacking should be outlawed? Absolutely not. The ones that need a belting are those PC girlies who know nothing about proper discipline. When a kid is naughty and they get a good belting (like I did) they damn well know they've done something wrong and deserved it, little snot rags.

Mark

 

[sailor]

Do you smack your kids?

Did you get smacked as a child?

Do you think smacking should be outlawed?

I don't have kids...I have a dog. He doesn't get smacked. He gets corrected and then rewarded for doing the right thing.

I got smacked once as a kid, and I never forgot it, and have had no respect for that person since.

Yes, I think all forms of corporal punishment for kids should be outlawed. Violence begets violence. Just because an adult is physically bigger, has all the psychological power, and legal responsibility, doesn't give them the right to abuse children in any way whatsoever.

If the child does something wrong, I believe they should be directed to either a) do it right or b) make reparation. Punishment won't stop them from repeating bad behaviour. Correction and learning the appropriate behaviour will encourage them to do the right thing in future.

cheers
Sharon

 

[duncan_m]

I have a 6yo and a 5yo.. They get smacked very occasionally, open hand on the bottom.. It makes a strong point, they pay VERY close attention when it happens..

I got smacked, actually positively beaten with a belt.. that was too much.,

 

[TomL]

we have a 3yo.

never had to smack her once, and i never want to. naughty chair works so well, hopefully never have to (thanks supernanny)

 

[Twitch]

Might as well answer my own thread.

I''m anti-smacking. I'm sure my experience has been pivotal in shaping my view. My father is a gentle man. However at the age of 6 I arrived home late from a friends house. I remember being surprised that my parents were angry as I didn't remember being asked to be home at a certain time, I was only 6 so a bit naive I'm sure. Anyway what followed was a beating with a belt that ended with me curled up protecting my head and face from a flurry of blows. Unfortunately this is one of my most vivid childhood memory.

By me adopting a principle that any type of violence is unacceptable means I have a much less chance of ever losing control like my father did on that one occassion. I never want to hurt my kids, lose their respect or be distant.

There are alternatives to hitting; time out, stand and think, withdrawl of privilages all do work. For me, 4 years and two well behaved kids all with no hitting means it is possible.

 

[Ricardo29]

i had the belt.
the ear twist.
the wooden spoon.
the cane..hands are bum.
the thrown up against the blackboard.
the throat grab.
the hair pull.
and the stock standard smack over the ear and bum.

none of which left me scarred or emotionally ruined.
and each time, i sure as hell didnt repeat the behaviour that had lead to the smacking.
dont know if i could smack, dont have kids so hard to tell.
but it certainly shouldnt (and couldnt) be outlawed by some nanny state politician. very underrated imho. it works...respect, good behaviour, right from wrong etc etc etc.

 

[Jamie]

Violence begets violence.

Did it lead to me being violent? No, it had the opposite effect.

Doesn't this negate your sweeping generalisation, Sailor?

Punishment won't stop them from repeating bad behaviour

As a child, I was punished 3 times, for 3 quite heinous actions.

I never repeated the behaviours for which I was punished.

Can you post some evidence for your claims, rather than just opinions? As you're a psychologist, I'm sure you must have some empirical basis for your beliefs.

Many thanks,

Jamie.

 

[Tizzy]

No I don't smack.

Yes I was smacked.

Most definately, I believe it should be illegal to smack children. You can't go around hitting adults when you don't like their behaviour, kids should have the same protection in my opinion. There are better ways to make children conform than having to resort to physically hurting them.

I have yelled loudly though at times.

Doesn't matter to me how softly you smack, its degrading and relies on shaming for effect.
And too many parents lose control and cause emotional damage that lasts a very long time, longer than the physical hurt.

 

[Jamie]

I have yelled loudly though at times.

Doesn't matter to me how softly you smack, its degrading and relies on shaming for effect.

Are you claiming verbal abuse (yelling loudly at children) is appropriate but smacking a child is not?

And too many parents lose control and cause emotional damage that lasts a very long time, longer than the physical hurt.

So you're saying above you've yelled loudly at your children, and this can cause emotional damage. But smacking isn't OK?

Just trying to grasp your perspective here.

Jamie.

 

[Tizzy]

No Jamie I'm not saying yelling at them is right. I'm just saying what I do. I prefer to remain calm and patiently deal with things. But, if I lose my cool then I will "yell". I won't hit.

 

[topcropper]

Yes, I smack my kids.

Yes, I was smacked as a kid.

It should not be outlawed. Sometimes it is the best way to solve a problem. I feel sorry for a lot of kids who are not disiplined as they should be. This of course doesn't mean they have to get corporal punishment, however if they had of at some time it would certainly should them who was boss and the parents would have a better chance of control.

Tizzy, it is degrading and it is shaming, and that is why it works so well.

See ya's.

 

[sailor]

Between "Supernanny" and "Honey We're Killing the Kids", there's no excuse for parents to resort to abusive behaviour to have their children appropriately disciplined.

cheers
Sharon

 

[Tizzy]

Topcropper its the fact that it works unfortunately thats kept the practice going for so long. Its easier to achieve compliance through smacking. It takes a bit of effort to learn other methods. There are lots of child behaviour management strategies available and lots of parents are learning alternative ways to discipline that don't involve the physical stuff.

 

[Jamie]

Between "Supernanny" and "Honey We're Killing the Kids"

This is meant as a joke, right? Channel 9's TV programming should be guiding today's parents?

Jamie.

 

[rj]

My backround is certainly not something that I enjoy talking about. I spent a lot of time in and out of various refuges and hostels whilst growing up and have experienced some pretty awful things.

I feel theres a fine line between just a "smack" and "hitting" your kids. Sure a whack on the backside with a stern "Dont do that again" I think is fine, but anything further is just wrong.

When I see parents losing control of their kids and resorting to "smacking" or "hitting" their kids, especially in public it makes me feel physically ill.

Some people just shouldnt have children.

RJ

 

[kero]

got smack so many times when i was a kid that i loss track on the number of times... i was a rebel anyway, didn't like my family... frens were more important then... nearly beat up my mom and godmother... so heck, i deserve it! would have gotten worse if not physically disciplined

for those religious ones, i think the good book mentioned about not sparring the rod when discipling kids.


i have no kids... just my 2 cts.

 

[Les]

A smack on the bum is needed - at times !!

G'day mdk,

Hmmm! Well, as most would know by now, I'm from the old(er) school. But smacking was mostly reserved for a "stop it right now" situation. With a one year old toddler, it might've saved them from burning their hands on the stove, or walking out in front of a car, or whatever. Saved for those situations when there isn't time for words, or where they badly needed to pull their head in.

Just "Get in behind!! We'll sort it out later".

Most of the time, we were able to bring up our two with words (sometimes harsh) and withdrawal of privileges. And, yes, there were times when we "could gleefully throttle them !!" At least that's what we told our friends (having a rant to friends can be a great escape valve ).

But, when they are young, and don't know what they don't know, a smack on the bum was an "I want your full attention NOW" wake-up call. I see lions delivering a swipe of the paw when their juniors are just too "over the top" - if it's natural for them, I figure it's probably natural for me too. Delivered in all cases without malice, and certainly NOT as an outlet for a besieged adult!!

Yes, we can all get annoyed, but belts, canes, etc. as a PARENT are too much. A smack on the bum, no problem. More talk, and love is what's required. But now and then something more is required. I can't remember smacking either of mine after they were 5 or 6 - by then, they had learned the limits, and I wasn't in need of any "power plays" for the sake of them. But there WERE some serious chats when needed.


And, yeah, I had my share of the strap, the cane, etc. at school. Strange, though, the respect didn't change afterward. I have had the strap/cane from teachers that I respected (not that often at all, was there more than one?) - and I still respect them. Had more from teachers that I didn't respect - maybe they knew it, and responded in kind. So, I don't believe the punishment changed much, except for showing me where the line was drawn at the time. And, in the end, I wasn't overly harmed by the experience.

Thinking more of it, perhaps my lack of respect for them was the catalyst. So, I was the lion cub, acting up, and I was back-handed accordingly. C'est la vie.


Re corporal punishment, what would you rather? That a teacher used an object as a deterrent (like the cane or strap) and used it sparingly? Or that they actually lay hands on your child? Like a smack on the bum, or clip over the ear? I'd prefer the "more distant" approach, if required. Kids learn quickly from other kids. So the threat of the cane is used as a deterrent - but, at times, it must be used to re-inforce it's use as a deterrent. Personally I don't recall any teacher using the cane more than once a month or two. The worth of the cane was in it's lack of use, but it's supposed omnipotent Power !! Kids talk !!! And thus learn !!!

But, in the end, I'm not Solomon - and maybe the new age with it's "timeout chair" or whatever could turn out as effective as a smack on the bum. Dunno - as that was then, and this is now. "Then" didn't hurt me overly - will "now" be equally beneficial to those that are acting up?

Regards,

 

[Ricardo29]

The legal situation (from wikipedia)
Corporal punishment of children in school is illegal in many western countries; it remains legal in roughly half of the U.S. states, although it is commonly practised only in the South. In each of these states, it is up to each school district to determine whether corporal punishment will be used, in what situations will it be applied, and the manner in which it is given – typically by a paddle. There are cases where school officials have lost their jobs for spanking students.

In the United Kingdom, The smacking of children by teachers was made illegal in state schools in 1986 and extended to all schools in 1998. An amendment to the Children Act 2004 to ban smacking by parents was defeated by 424 votes to 75 in the House of Commons; however, an amendment to ban parents from smacking their children hard enough to leave a mark was accepted by 284 votes to 208, and came into force in January 2005 [9]. In January 2006, the UK’s four child commissioners called for a full ban on smacking, but this has been rejected by Tony Blair's government (Tony Blair has admitted spanking his own children). [10]

Spanking of children within families is illegal in some countries (for example, Sweden, Switzerland, Iceland, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Austria, Germany, Italy, Malta, Cyprus, Croatia, Israel and Latvia). Similar initiatives in the U.S. have repeatedly failed. Parental rights groups have formed since the 1990s to prevent spanking from being criminalized.

The Supreme Court of Canada has, as of 2004, upheld a law which allows spankings by parents, caregivers, and teachers, but has restricted the law to only apply to children ages two to twelve.