Smacking kids

[lizzie]

i am a firm believer that anyone who "does not" have kids shouldn't say what they would and would not or pass judgement on parents.

was i smacked as a child?

to right and bloody well deserved it - i used to taunt my mother until the wooden spoon would come out. only then would i know i'd gone to far. after a while it only took the threat of the wooden spoon to stop me in my tracks.

do i smack my own child?

on rare occasion, yes on the bottom. when she too has gotten to a stage where no amount of reasoning would get thru to her that something, some behavoiur, is unacceptable.

should it be outlawed?

see above. also, for those who think kids can be reasoned with - there is a huge amount of research that has indicated that you cannot reason with a child under the age of 4 - they do not have the adult ability to understand. there is a world of difference between a quick sharp smack to the bottom (which, believe me, hurts your hand more than the child) and a beating.

 

[Strannik]

smacking is good
i wish i was smacked more when i was a kid, maybe i wouldn't do certain things i did then

 

[natmarie73]

Do you smack your kids? I don't have kids (never will). Yay me!

Did you get smacked as a child? Yes.

Do you think smacking should be outlawed? Absolutely not. The ones that need a belting are those PC girlies who know nothing about proper discipline. When a kid is naughty and they get a good belting (like I did) they damn well know they've done something wrong and deserved it, little snot rags.

Mark

LOL LOL LOL! I know where you are coming from Mark.

Neighbours currently have grandchildren visiting - two screaming boys who NEVER stop crying and screaming that ear piercing scream that shatters mirrors. Do the parents do anything? Noooooooo just let them carry on without even a stern word never mind the rest of the neighbourhood who have to suffer day and night!

If I had my way not only would I be giving the kids a smack but the parents would be getting one to! I can see those brats turning into spoilt teenagers who expect to get their own way all the time.

I also don't have and never want kids, but I have had dogs who I've smacked (rump only with a slipper). I don't smack my cats though, as they run too fast, but they sure know when they've done something wrong!

My opinion is that animals of every kind physically disclipline their young - dogs, lions, monkeys etc etc so it is not an unnatural or "wrong" thing to do unless it does become abuse ie physical punishment continuously even if child is not doing anything wrong.

I was smacked as a child but only by mum, never dad. I think a little fear of doing something that is naughty goes a long way to making children think twice about doing the wrong thing. I sure do have memories of being chased by my (very large) mother waving the old wooden spoon around but it didn't make me disrespect or resent her. I think I would have less respect for her if she hadn't smacked me, and who knows where I would have ended up.

I don't think smacking should be outlawed at all. Child abuse should definately be outlawed, but a smack with the palm of the hand below the chest does not constitute child abuse to me. I think once a child (like a dog) knows it is going to be punished for doing the wrong thing, you don't need to punish it any further - the warning in the voice will be enough!

Like others who have posted, I think psychological punishment from parents/teachers is so much worse than physical punishment, I'd rather a hard smack which is over in minutes than ongoing psychological bullying, withdrawal of love/affection and the rest - words really can hurt for a lifetime.

 

[Ronulas]

Hi natmarie73,

Just a quick note in parents self defence. After a while being a parent, you learn to block out these sort of things, just to keep your own sanity

Not that I endorse parents letting their kids run rampant, just that it is not always easy being on their backs all the time. You get very tired.

 

[Twitch]

Neighbours currently have grandchildren visiting - two screaming boys who NEVER stop crying and screaming that ear piercing scream that shatters mirrors. Do the parents do anything? Noooooooo just let them carry on without even a stern word never mind the rest of the neighbourhood who have to suffer day and night!

Unless you've been a parent I really don't think you can judge. Kids are noisy. Kids often cry. Like it or not kids are part of our society so every now and again you're going to come into contact with them.

 

[Meisterin]

Mum v Dad's smack

Question:

Do you think there is a difference between a smack from mother or father?

From my personal experience, there is definately a difference.

My mother's was more of a threat and my father's was more of anger and want of subordination.

Wondering if other forumites experienced the difference?

 

[Ronulas]

I think it really depends on the parents personality. Gender has nothing to do with it. In our familly both parents do the smacking but it is a little more effective with me as the kids know I have little tolerance for disobedience.

 

[Justkate]

I disagee with you Lizzie, I'm not a mother and never will be but thats not by choice, however I am an auntie to 2 nieces and 2 nephews and another one on the way and being one of 11 children - I'm 3rd eldest - have baby sat more times than I can remember, and was a child once too and know what its like to be smacked - so yeh I do think us who don't have children can say what we would and would not do

I think Joanne hit the nail on the head - there is a difference between smacking and hitting.

I think my parents (especially dad) sometimes went overboard in their reasons for hitting me and my siblings, the day he stopped was the day he was hitting my younger sister and she was begging for him to stop and I just saw red and called the local police station and asked them how I could get dad to stop hitting my sister. Needless to say from that day on my parents never raised their hand at us kids again!

I do think emotional abuse can be far worse. My dad was a great one for saying to me and my siblings 'What are you - stupid?' when we did something wrong or 'You're blonde, you can get by on your looks, you don't need to got to uni - hahaha'...that to him was funny, that made me go in my room in tears and I remember that more than any smack on the backside I got!

I do think hitting with a raised hand or impliment should be outlawed and I think that people wanting to be parents should go through a series of tests of sorts before they can do so as one does when they want to adopt or foster a child.

Kate

 

[units4me]

We've got 2 boys (9,11 Y.O.).
They did, very occasionally get a mild smack to know we meant business when they did something seriously wrong.
Now they are very well behaved, adventurous etc. but know the boundaries.

We associate with other families who don't believe in the odd smack. Most of their kids run absolute riot where they shouldn't, and their parents run round behind them most of the time trying to dish out their own form of half assed calm verbal discipline without result.

Definetly not my place to discipline others' kids, but it saddens me to see their kids ignoring any type of authority, and how they will be affected in a few years time by this ADULT DISCIPLINE DISORDER.

 

[natmarie73]

Unless you've been a parent I really don't think you can judge. Kids are noisy. Kids often cry. Like it or not kids are part of our society so every now and again you're going to come into contact with them.

I realise this and don't have a problem with normal child behaviour, god knows I put my own mother through it plenty of times.

I don't think it is an excuse for parents to allow their kids to misbehave though. I guess it is up to each individual parent to decide what constitutes misbehaviour and deal with it as they see fit. I am merely providing my opinion on what I think misbehaviour is. If they were my children, I would be dealing with it in a different manner than how the parents are. All I can do is gripe and count down the days until they return home.

 

[leapyeah]

Someone much bigger than me against whom I have no control or redress thumping me? Domestic terrorism.

Memories of being walloped sully my reflection on my childhood. All my siblings have gone on to thump or be thumped. What a legacy.

Think twice. Do you really want your kids to look at you secretly for the rest of their lives and think "you were great in some respects, but thanks for the decades of fear and debilitation your 'loving discipline' brought me"?

Do you feel like a strong and reasonable person when you see that look of fear and panic in their eyes as you whack them in order to make them more balanced people?

Just a friendly query.

 

[Ronulas]

Someone much bigger than me against whom I have no control or redress thumping me? Domestic terrorism.

Memories of being walloped sully my reflection on my childhood. All my siblings have gone on to thump or be thumped. What a legacy.

Think twice. Do you really want your kids to look at you secretly for the rest of their lives and think "you were great in some respects, but thanks for the decades of fear and debilitation your 'loving discipline' brought me"?

Please leapyeah,

You misquote what has been said. No one is condoning thumping or walloping their kids. " Decades if fear abd debilitaion"......?

I'm sorry you had such a horrific childhood.

No one here is condoning this behaviour. We are simply saying that a firm smack on the backside does not constitue child abuse and is not harmfull. I seriously doubt my kids have been emotionally scarred from the dicipline they have received in the past.

 

[sailor]

...Domestic terrorism.... What a legacy.

Think twice. Do you really want your kids to look at you secretly for the rest of their lives and think "you were great in some respects, but thanks for the decades of fear and debilitation your 'loving discipline' brought me"?

I do agree that kids can't and shouldn't be allowed to run wild. They need discipline and guidelines to help them feel emotionally and physically safe and secure. There are other alternative forms of discipline, which IMHO are far more effective and don't leave either physical or psychological legacies.

Parents do have a CHOICE....they don't need to just REACT emotionally (and often out of frustration) to their kid's bad behaviour.

Kids basically need two things from their parents...to be safe and to be loved.

There's been much discussion on other threads on this forum about purchasing IP's with the head as opposed to the heart. This same principle applies to child discipline.

cheers
Sharon

 

[leapyeah]

How do you know what you consider "reasonable force" is being perceived as reasonable by them, so much smaller and younger than you?

Many would perceive my childhood as a perfectly normal "spare the rod and spoil the child" type. What perhaps matters at the end of the day and what forever affects the extended family dynamic is how the little, defenceless me perceived it.

 

[Ronulas]

I do agree that kids can't and shouldn't be allowed to run wild. They need discipline and guidelines to help them feel emotionally and physically safe and secure. There are other alternative forms of discipline, which IMHO are far more effective and don't leave either physical or psychological legacies.

Parents do have a CHOICE....they don't need to just REACT emotionally (and often out of frustration) to their kid's bad behaviour.

Kids basically need two things from their parents...to be safe and to be loved.

There's been much discussion on other threads on this forum about purchasing IP's with the head as opposed to the heart. This same principle applies to child discipline.

cheers
Sharon

Are you saying that dicipline can not be administered without losing your temper? Emotions do not come into it. I can add one more thing to your list of kids basic needs. Proper discipline. I believe a large percentage of the problems youth are having today is the lack of discipline.

You can love a kid, make them feel safe but these things in them selves do nothing to teach them about right and wrong. When a child is tempted to steal... what is going to make them stop... nice calm words about how wrong it is or perhaps that they are loved and shouldn't steal.

Or maybe that if they get caught Dad or Mum is going to be terribly disapointed and give them a hiding as well as make them return the item in embarrasment.

You can not assume that children will allways do the right thing just because they are loved and cared for. Children as well as adults learn that there are consequences for their actions. If the consequences are not harsh enough what is going to make them stop ... and reconsider.

Take a major crime for instance. How many people on this forum have at one time or another have felt the justice system was not harsh enough to preturb a criminal from re-offending? I certainly have. Sometimes the penalty for doing the wrong thing is not harsh enough to stop them from doing it. If you get caught - so what? Stand in the corner for 10 min? Lose X-Box privilages?

 

[Ronulas]

How do you know what you consider "reasonable force" is being perceived as reasonable by them, so much smaller and younger than you?

Many would perceive my childhood as a perfectly normal "spare the rod and spoil the child" type. What perhaps matters at the end of the day and what forever affects the extended family dynamic is how the little, defenceless me perceived it.

If administered properly you should of perceived it as you did the wrong thing this was the punishment, don't do it again.

We're not talking about child abuse here. No scars, broken bones, permanant physical injury. The key words here are administered properly.

 

[Twitch]

Just a reminder that "no smacking" does not mean "no discipline".

Whether or not to discipline a child is not up for debate. What is up for debate is whether we should hit children in the process of disciplining them.

Is hitting kids a good teaching method?

 

[Ronulas]

I guess using your analogy, no one should be diciplined at all because no one can know the effect it will have on us. I mean even putting a kid in the corner may be perceived as rejection, non acceptance, love withdrawn.

Society can not survive on the individuals perception. Nor can a familly. There must be a common rule by which things are measured.

For instance, my daughter continually kept forgetting to bring her homework home to complete. After a few months of trying different things like writing in homework book, notes in lunchboxes ect I changed tactics. You see, after so many attempts to reason, cajole and bribe her I found that there was no real incentive for her to do the right thing. This was no longer forgetfullness, this was disobedience. After 2 warnings I gave her a good smack.

She has never forgotten her homework since. Emotinally scarred.... you may say so but I doubt it.

 

[Ronulas]

Just a reminder that "no smacking" does not mean "no discipline".

Whether or not to discipline a child is not up for debate. What is up for debate is whether we should hit children in the process of disciplining them.

Is hitting kids a good teaching method?

OK. I believe that smacking a child is a valid and viable means of discipline. I received smacks for bad behaviour. I am not emotionally scarred.

 

[sailor]

Just to get the story straight. Smacking is not just open to parenting preference. In our country...Australia...is it a legal issue.

Physical abuse
Physical abuse refers to the non-accidental physical assault inflicted upon a child by a person having the care of a child. This can range from single or repeated incidents of inappropriately punishing a child (smacking with a cane or belt, smacking to the head or face, or smacking that leaves a mark or bruise) to serious shaking, punching, kicking, strangulation, scalding or burning. In extreme cases the child is permanently disabled or dies from the assault.

Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse (also known as ‘psychological maltreatment’ or ‘psychological abuse’) is a pattern of behaviour by a person having the care of a child which results in damage to a child’s self-esteem or causes the child to suffering some form of significant emotional deprivation or trauma. Emotional abuse is based around verbal rather than physical harm. It includes patterns of ridiculing, denigrating, or scapegoating a child; threatening, or scaring; rejecting or ignoring a child; isolating a child from normal social contacts; and involving a child in antisocial or inappropriate behaviour, such as crime, violence or substance abuse.

These days, children’s experiences living in a household where there is domestic violence (violence between parents or intimate partners) is often considered as a form of emotional abuse as a child may be emotionally harmed even when that have not directly witnessed the violence.

There are few physical indicators of emotional harm. In severe cases, emotional abuse may cause delays in physical, emotional or mental development, such as speech disorders, self-harm, depression and failure to thrive.

REF: http://www.napcan.org.au/what.htm

cheers
Sharon