Thinking about becoming Foster parents. Any advice?

Gordon Gekko

Gordon Gekko

Hello All,

My wife and I are thinking about getting involved in Fostering children.

Can anybody who has gone done this track give us some advice?

GG
 
Never done it myself but I thought you already had your own kids. If so - would you favour your blood over the foster kids and if not how would your kids feel about getting less attention from mum and dad?
 
cu@thetop said:
Never done it myself but I thought you already had your own kids. If so - would you favour your blood over the foster kids and if not how would your kids feel about getting less attention from mum and dad?
Click to expand...

I don't think the above is much of an issue really.

The reality is that foster children are generally removed from their families due to care concern.
Usually they have grown up in an environment which parents have drug & alcohol abuse.
They may have physical/psychological effects due to this. They may be hard work, may have diagnosis of ADHD, feotal alcohol syndrome etc which make it harder.
At the end of the day, these children need a lot of time and support compared to the average child who was not raised in an undesirable environment.
I would imagine that such an act would be very rewardable.
I advise you to speak to the organisations that coordinate this for more info.
Best if luck.
 
We were going to and started the training, however decided against it. As Minx says, many of the older kids come from less than desirabe backgrounds and can be a lot of hard work. We were told some nasty stories of what some vindictive street smart kids inflicted on their foster families.

In the case of some that have been through the wringer they know what to say & how to say it to get their new families into a lot of trouble. They only have to say the word "abuse" in passing and DOCS come down hard on the families.

After going through the teenage years with my own children who have lived a very loved & protected life, and witnessing first hand how vindictive & nasty they can get when they don't get their way, I can only imagine the trauma a foster child with an "agenda" could cause.
 
Great idea - My wife and I have thought about the same thing. I did see a doco recently (sbs) that highlighted some of the funding and other issues for foster parents. Tough gig but if you can do it then kudos to you.
 
We've done similar (shorter term stays than full fostering) thinking that my kids and family life would have had a positive effect on the kids staying with us.

What happened tho is the opposite, the foster kid had a negative effect on my children and it became very hard work as my kids started to change.

Children from a 'disadvanatged' background can be difficult and if their 'behavior' from their past is too ingrained it cant be undone, at least not by a family untrained in that stuff. So, unfortunately, we let it go. What we did do was rewarding tho.

Goo luck if you give it a go. I'm sure there are some good'ns.
 
There is a way to dip your toe in the water first.

A friend of ours has done weekend care for ages. We're planning to do it, too, now that our kids are older.

One weekend a month (or often more) she has the child of a single mum who needs some time out.

It's a good arrangement. They pick her up Friday arvo and take her home on the Sunday arvo. She's had a couple of holidays with them, too. She's a nice kid.
 
Definately try the weekends first. Like some people have mentioned, be prepared that it may be very challenging. My friend recently had to call the police on the 9yr old girl they were fostering for a couple of months. She defacated in her bedroom, smashed her window and was destroying their house. They would also get death threats from her with knives. It's probably a worst case scenario.
 
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it really depends on the age of the child - the older, generally much harder work. many of these kids have never experienced loyalty, and when they have, do not know how to deal with it.

having said that, generally the younger children are appreciative and haven't yet gathered enough baggage to do damage to your family.
 
i to have considered fostering and talked to a few people who do such. with further thought it has been put on the backburner until junior is older (and relatively independent) so that i will have the time to devote to a foster child, regardless of how difficult they may be, without detriment to my own child.
 
Hi Guys,

Thanks for all the feed back. I totally understand peoples thoughts and views.

So who will look after these kids???? If they don't go to families and they can't stay with their own family, what is the answer.

It is so very very sad !!!!!

We will look into it more.

Thanks once again

GG
 
I agree it is really sad. This particular girl will stay in an institution. My friend tried to save her from that but I guess there is no other answer. Sadly the girl is really damaged.
 
there are also options to foster or provide respite care for kids with disabilities. These usually don't have so many of the emotional challenges, but may obviously have some physical and social challenges.
Pen
 
I have a friend who is a foster mum and has been for 20 odd years - she has actually ended up adopting several of the kids she fostered (plus she has six of her own). One of the biggest things she told me that she had to come to terms with was the fact that she isn't able to help everyone. She has to be able to 'hand' the kids back, often right into the same abusive situation they came from. And some of the kids are so disruptive that she has no choice but to tell DOCS she cannot look after them, because she has to consider everyone in the house and the impact the behaviour of the foster kids has on them.

I think it is THE hardest job in the world. I have considered doing it and possibly might in the future, but don't feel that I could do it at this stage in my life, with my young kids. Maybe when they are older, or have left home even.
 
Hi GG,

Until 5 years ago, when my youngest was born, I had been a foster carer for quite a number of years.

It started when I was in my twenties, and not ready for children of my own, but wanting to give back to the community - and basically that I like kids.

We did respite care - taking a little girl for one weekend a month, to give her single father a break. There were other issues with her family too. We also fostered a baby once when her mum was in jail.
The little girl we had regularly ended up moving into a full time foster home shortly after I had my last child, so the need for our respite care stopped, and we weren't in the situation then to take in any more kids.

It is not the same as having your own children. We loved the little girl we fostered, but nothing like the way we love our own children. Still, it was difficult to see her in a situation that we couldn't control (when she wasn't in our care) and we often wonder how she turned out.

Fostering can be difficult, but it is also very rewarding. I wouldn't like to take on teenagers though, but that's just me.

Good luck with your decision.
Caroline
 
I have seen both sides, we took in my eldest sons best friend when he was 16, Mum always in trouble with the police, involved in drugs and dealing and a different dad for each of the 3 boys. He was going to run away to Sydney so we took him in, he had holes in his shoes, no warm clothes, never seen pocket money etc. He has been far more helpful around the house than my boys (read lazy) and is coming to the end of his trainee managership with Woolies, he has been with us around 3 1/2 years now - success story!

I tried the same thing with my other sons friend when he got kicked out of home but he turned out to be a drug dealer and got my son hooked and it was only after he got picked up by the police that he went cold turkey and the friend got kicked out but we had a lot of bad stuff to deal with at the time.

Conclusion is it will depend on the luck of the draw as to the child you take in and the influence they will have on your family, I would suggest getting one as young as possible before too much bad stuff kicks in!
 
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