Thx for ongoing input everyone. It is reassuring to get others' views as it is tough to know what the new normal is, or should be.
Amadio, Joan, Player, OP, very good points made.
Sunfish, we've never had an issue like this before. I was pretty gob smacked that he'd be so stupid. He is an officer in cadets and won an award last year which involved a free trip to Germany for 2 weeks, where he hung out with cadets from Canada, Norway, Germany, and England doing 'cool stuff' like shooting German machine guns and pistols, driving tanks, and mountain biking with packs and rifles. Big school accolades for that when he got back, and given extra responsibility by the principal......obviously though, it has gone to his head a bit and he thinks he can control things and can't put a foot wrong. He also was selected for an advanced survival course in Tasmania last year. So we've thought his judgement and understanding of our authority was clear.
Willair, drugs were on my mind, and I was going to go through all the rubbish bags, but realized there mightn't be much evidence.
We try to emulate the best of how our parents brought us up, which is reasonably strict and black and white, but it seems many other parents, hence their kids, are more lax and compromising.....as if everything is negotiable if the kids can make a well reasoned case. It's like there's a more diverse range of values out there these days then when I was at school. I appreciate that makes it harder for kids to determine what is normal.
One of the things that concerns me is the amount of money so many kids are given, and their lack of respect for property and possessions. Some kids in the 17yo's grade have their own cars worth over 40k and don't particularly treat them well. I knew kids like that when at school, and I thought it was p;ss poor.
Re the sex talk, being in the health field, I've covered that as best I can....shown them lots of big glossy full color close up pics of venereal diseases and the many varieties of herpes simplex, and how they can be related to ongoing cognitive, neural, and immune dysfunction, and several varieties of cancer. Basically, paint genitals and throats as a bacterial cesspit, and drive home why it is better to have fewer sex partners. I think both boys get that.
We've also focused on how important it is not to take advantage of girls, how some know no better than to throw their bodies around to get attention and acceptance from boys.....when the noble thing to do is lift them up and feed their self esteem, not slide down into that bad space they are in..... Also how important one's reputation is. The girls you might treat badly will still be around in 5,10,20 years time, maybe in the same suburb, working in the same company, kids at the same schools, and what goes around comes around.
also talked about techniques for sublimating male sex drive....more physical activity, focus on academic achievement, part time job, time limits on dirty joke sessions, focus on girl's personalities and character first, faces second, brains third, bodies fourth....engage their brains, talk to them about politics and how to make the world a better place, their dreams and ambitions, all this in addition to goofing off.
My focus over the next week is going to be how to bring out the best in himself and his mates, and steer them away from extreme behavior, before it happens....recognize the mood and read the situation that precedes these things.
To me it seems kids don't intend for things to escalate, but they've got so much energy and pack mentality, and so little capacity to draw a line in the sand, that things take on a momentum that is quickly lost control of. The lowest common denominator or most outrageous person, spirals the situation down, and the rest laugh and reinforce it.
Anyway, must get my head into other things. What I resent about these incidents is the amount of energy and time they occupy one's head and belly. Hard to focus on anything else for days.
... preferring for them to wait as long as possible to see such rubbish. ... There is enough time for him to see horrible, sleazy movies when he is a bit older. ... I'm curious to know of those who have seen Borat and Bruno, whether you think a 14 year old boy would enjoy them, or should be allowed to see them.
