I think many kids would also appreciate being able to interact with people their own age occasionally as well as being in an enviornment that is a bit different from home. I don't have kids but I don't agree with the notion that kids need to be with their parent/s 24 hours a day to "turn out fine"
For those with children - did you become a stay at home or work?
- Thread starter warrioress
- Start date
I completely understand the mentality.
Looking after kids is tiring, boring, repetitive, intense etc. Its not that I dont love them...but I'm not good at child care. Kids are teenagers now, and its far easier for me at this age. I know some of the mums who were great with preschoolers are struggling now.....
I'm not particularly good at thinking up activities to do with them. I found the lack of structure difficult to manage. The tasks never end.... I'm very much a project person and need clear ends and beginnings. you change a nappy and you have to change it again in a few hours time. you sweep a room, and its messy again in a few hours time. it never ends.
I think both they and I were much happier when mixing paid care with care from us.
I think we have unrealistic expectations of parents these days in the west... its no longer a community bringing up the children, and we frown on helpers.
I think its much easier, and better for families, where maids/ nannies are cheap, and where there is more community involvement in child care.
Even when I was growing up, all the neighbourhood kids played together. Our parents only saw us when it was meal time. Now, we expect parents to be managing pretty much on their own, and for it to be 24/7. and we throw in work as well.
Before having kids, I was definitely stuck in a rutt. I had been in the same job for 9 years and was earning good money, but I hated the work. Between Nov 2007 and Dec 2010 I had 3 kids. When I went on maternity leave in 2007, I was well and truly ready for a change. After my second child was born in Feb 2009 I realised I was starting to get a little bored and felt quite house bound with two kids 14 months apart. I decided to pick up a small bookkeeping job that only took up a couple of hours a week, and that I could do from home. This kept my mind ticking over. After the arrival of number 3 I knew that my desire to work again was definitely back. I am lucky that I can do the majority of my work from home, but I was desperately wanting some adult interaction so I rang a friend that I knew was looking for a bookkeeper and organised to do a day a week in her shop. This meant putting all 3 kids in daycare. I organised a half day, so I drop them off at 12.30 then my husband picks them up at 4ish. I then stay at work till 7 - 7.30pm. This has worked really well for us, and I haven't looked back. I now have 6 regular clients on my books I feel like I am contributing to the family income again. I certainly don't regret taking time off to have the kids, I needed the break to become motivated again. I love my job and now have a nice little small business as a result.
1. Did you stay at home or return to work?
2. How long were you out of the workforce?
My wife stayed at home for the first 12 months, then returned to complete her studdies and is now working full time.
3. Did you use childcare or family/friends
Our boy loves daycare and i believe it is teaching him independance and valuable life skills as he has no other siblings (for now)
4. If you were out of the workforce for an extended period of time, were you easily employable when you chose to come back?
N/A
2. How long were you out of the workforce?
My wife stayed at home for the first 12 months, then returned to complete her studdies and is now working full time.
3. Did you use childcare or family/friends
Our boy loves daycare and i believe it is teaching him independance and valuable life skills as he has no other siblings (for now)
4. If you were out of the workforce for an extended period of time, were you easily employable when you chose to come back?
N/A
I also worked because I enjoyed it better than being stuck in a house all day in a mind numbing routine (it actually wasn't about getting away from the children). I also worked for a whole lot of other reasons.
This alternative meant a really together mum, socialization for everyone, better quality time when I was with them (didn't spend time on the internet or watching TV when i was with them, and the time together was cherished moreso than when I was with them days on end), the kids spent a lot more time alone with dad, and we had an extra, above average income coming in, that DID make life a hell of a lot more pleasant and secure for everyone, short and long term. Lot's of positives, hardly any negatives.
My mother who's background is from the 'it takes a village to raise a child' school of thought, and worked with her own children (I was a child of a working mother) also thinks it's a very normal thing to have children and get on with life and doing what you have to do.
So in my family that's NORMAL, but I also don't judge another persons choices like you do
.Generally if we say we don't understand something, it means we don't know, and should refrain from making insulting comments like those you made.
These children are not less wanted or loved and they're not less adjusted than ones who'se parents stay home. Choosing to stay home or to work is irrelevant - it's how you parent.
So in my family it's NORMAL, but I also don't judge another persons choices like you do
Generally if we say we don't understand something, it means we don't know, and should refrain from making insulting comments like those you made.
My remarks were not meant to be insulting.
I'm sure I have only stated something, many others are thinking.
Being an employed parent, unless you have a maid, does not free you up to do anything.
There is still the cooking, cleaning, bill paying etc that still requires to be done.
But now you have less time to do it in.
You'd be surprised what 'super' skills you develop as a working mother. I'm sure some here would know what I'm talking about.
1. I became a stay-at-home Mum but also, in the early days, I did the odd day of casual work for my previous employer and a bit of temp work. Staying home for those years was great. Personally, I loved it. I still love it, although things are a bit more 'balanced' now as, although my youngest is only 3, I have returned to work just a couple of days per week in retail.
2. I was out of the 'permanent' workforce for about 10 years.
3. I never wanted to have to put my kids in a childcare centre or any other type of paid care. Sorry, 'to each their own', but I just don't like them. For the days when I work, my hubby adjusts his flexible work roster to be able to care for the kids - if this is not possible, I am lucky to have my parents live close by (although this is a last resort). Besides, paying for care would probably cost me more money than I'd make anyway
!4. If I'd wanted to return to the same kind of job that I had prior to having children, I would have had to update my skills. Last year, I applied for part-time jobs that involved the same kind of work that I'd been doing before I had children - on a few occassions I made the interview stage but didn't get the job as the successful applicants had 'more recent experience and references'. The reason given was always the same. It was understandable. I think it would have been impossible to return to the job that I'd been out of for so long without updating my skills and, possibly, volunteering my time free in order to get that 'recent' experience and references.
I then decided that a small role with as little stress, responsibility and training as possible would probably suit me and my family better. By working just a couple of days a week in my little retail job, I feel that I have regained some self-confidence and independence too - not so much 'financial' independence as my $350 weekly income is not really much in the scheme of things
, but in that I have a little piece of life of my own outside of the home. And there's still five days a week to enjoy with the kids... With my oldest son I had no option but to go back to work straight away as mortgage rates were 18% and my husband was a student. We left home at 5.30am, dropped him to my mothers (she took him to and from childcare during the day) and we picked him up at 7.30pm. I never saw him, and our weekends were spent cleaning/cooking/shopping etc. I sufferred severe PND and never really bonded with him. He will be 25 this year, and I have never hugged or held him-its just not there although we are friends.
My second son was born 18 years later-a miracle as we were told after the first we would never have more children. This time I have been a stay at home mum, quite content to join mothers groups, watch playschool, peppa pig etc. No depression, no desparate desire to join the workforce. I have woked at several contract part time positions once he started kindergarden and school. We have a close and loving bond, and I now realise exactly what my eldest son missed out on.
If I had my time over, and could afford it, I would cherish the time at home.
My second son was born 18 years later-a miracle as we were told after the first we would never have more children. This time I have been a stay at home mum, quite content to join mothers groups, watch playschool, peppa pig etc. No depression, no desparate desire to join the workforce. I have woked at several contract part time positions once he started kindergarden and school. We have a close and loving bond, and I now realise exactly what my eldest son missed out on.
If I had my time over, and could afford it, I would cherish the time at home.
1. Returned to work - tried to organise shifts little or no babysitting required as expensive which meant I worked Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights 10 pm - 7am.
2. Out of workforce - First baby 7 months, Second baby 4 months.
3. Childcare - paid mother and mother-in-law, then a friend's mother.
4. Employablity - In my profession 12 months is about the limit to have off and you must now do CPD (continuous professional development = study) points each year,
Warrioress
Our mothers' were not interested in babysitting our kids so we found someone we were happy with. Hubby lost his job 2 months after second child was born but I would have gone back to work anyway as second child was a "shocker" until 17 months old.
When our 2 adult kids have kids we plan to helpout with babysitting and housework.
There is a possibility/opportunity when our daughter has a child for her to change employment away from having to work weekends and we would help while she studies if she wants to.
Cheers
Sheryn
Do what you feel is right for you!
I stayed at home with kids for 10 years until the youngest started school.
Like all situations in life, things are what you make of them. Yes, some find staying home with kids mind-numbingly boring, but I didn't. Those years went by so quickly and I have never regretted it. I made lifelong friends, read widely and coffee meetings consisted of lively discussions on issues of the day and toilet training rarely got a mention.
When the youngest started school I felt lucky to get a job as a teacher aide in a school library so I worked school hours and had the holidays. The pay was woeful (still is) but hubby had a highly-paid but demanding job. Family life was important to both of us so for me to go back to full time work or a demanding job was not an option for us.
The hardest thing was (often still is) public perception that stay-at-home mums were dull and boring, drank coffee all day and could only discuss kiddie topics. It was disheartening to see the glaze come over people's faces when I said I was staying home with kids, and often they could not escape quickly enough, clearly to find someone more interesting to talk to.
Marg
Like all situations in life, things are what you make of them. Yes, some find staying home with kids mind-numbingly boring, but I didn't. Those years went by so quickly and I have never regretted it. I made lifelong friends, read widely and coffee meetings consisted of lively discussions on issues of the day and toilet training rarely got a mention.
When the youngest started school I felt lucky to get a job as a teacher aide in a school library so I worked school hours and had the holidays. The pay was woeful (still is) but hubby had a highly-paid but demanding job. Family life was important to both of us so for me to go back to full time work or a demanding job was not an option for us.
The hardest thing was (often still is) public perception that stay-at-home mums were dull and boring, drank coffee all day and could only discuss kiddie topics. It was disheartening to see the glaze come over people's faces when I said I was staying home with kids, and often they could not escape quickly enough, clearly to find someone more interesting to talk to.
Marg
I started my own work from home business before conceiving my daughter (archaic industry my profession and they basically told me to leave if I was going to attempt falling pregnant by medical means). Had 3 days off after she was born and continued to work from home til she was 2.
Realised at the 12 month mark that work/life balance would be better if I worked for someone else away from home. Started daycare 2 days per week when she was 11months old.
Took me 12 more months to find employment in my old industry and had to accept full time work. Little one in day care 3 days per week and with my mum the other 2 days. I find I am a better mum as I have adult time and we are not stressed financially.
Only a few weeks til the next one is due and I am about to hang up my hat for a few weeks prior to the birth, then have 6 weeks off before returning to work. As I've been employed for less than 12 months and it is difficult to find work in this industry, hubby will be taking 6 months off. Daughter will remain in daycare 3 days per week and future son will head off with her for those 3 days once dad is back at work. I am intending to scale back to 4 days per week so can have a day at home with the kids.
I also agree with the notion that it takes a village to bring up a child. My daughter loves her daycarers like they are family. They teach her different things/activities to what I do and I feel she is a more well-rounded kid by having lots of special people in her life.
I expect having 2 children our life will become very busy but unfortunately if I want to continue working in my industry I can only work a minimum 4 days per week. I guess in time we will see how things go.
Long term, I'd love to sell off half our portfolio in 4 years time when our eldest goes to school. That would then open up options for more flexible worklife and give us both the opportunity to be home for after school pickups and whatever else is involved in primary school life.
Realised at the 12 month mark that work/life balance would be better if I worked for someone else away from home. Started daycare 2 days per week when she was 11months old.
Took me 12 more months to find employment in my old industry and had to accept full time work. Little one in day care 3 days per week and with my mum the other 2 days. I find I am a better mum as I have adult time and we are not stressed financially.
Only a few weeks til the next one is due and I am about to hang up my hat for a few weeks prior to the birth, then have 6 weeks off before returning to work. As I've been employed for less than 12 months and it is difficult to find work in this industry, hubby will be taking 6 months off. Daughter will remain in daycare 3 days per week and future son will head off with her for those 3 days once dad is back at work. I am intending to scale back to 4 days per week so can have a day at home with the kids.
I also agree with the notion that it takes a village to bring up a child. My daughter loves her daycarers like they are family. They teach her different things/activities to what I do and I feel she is a more well-rounded kid by having lots of special people in her life.
I expect having 2 children our life will become very busy but unfortunately if I want to continue working in my industry I can only work a minimum 4 days per week. I guess in time we will see how things go.
Long term, I'd love to sell off half our portfolio in 4 years time when our eldest goes to school. That would then open up options for more flexible worklife and give us both the opportunity to be home for after school pickups and whatever else is involved in primary school life.
I'm home with kids. Took 12 mths maternity leave. Then had to either return full time or resign. So I resigned. Hubby earns a good wage, so we do it comfortably. I am not too concerned about being out of the paid work force. We are hoping to earn an income from rentals in the not so distant future, so I will always work at home no doubt.
Rehashing a thread from earlier this year - just wanted to thank those who contributed.
I'm about to return to work part-time after 12 months off using a combo of childcare and family. Looking forward to it.
I'm about to return to work part-time after 12 months off using a combo of childcare and family. Looking forward to it.
Hope it all goes smoothly.
If childcare is a struggle for you or your baby, my advice is to have a clear pattern of how you say goodbye, and do the same thing every day.
Dont spend too long on the goodbyes, and be very positive.
Morning all! I read this thread with interest as I have been out of the paid workforce for approx 8 years now.
My son is doing his second year of 4-yr old kinder and although I don't want to wish time away, I do look forward to him starting school so that I can maybe find work.
My husband is a shift worker with a roster that changes every month so I need to be the one who can drop everything for the kids when required. This really limits my employment options. The workplace needs to be fairly close to the school and really only between 9.00 and 5.00 M-F for 2 or 3 days per week.
I've looked into working from home but that's not what I'm after. I need the social interaction. It's definately not all about the money but also feeling like 'me' again.
I'll revist this thread in a year or so with hopefully good news.
My son is doing his second year of 4-yr old kinder and although I don't want to wish time away, I do look forward to him starting school so that I can maybe find work.
My husband is a shift worker with a roster that changes every month so I need to be the one who can drop everything for the kids when required. This really limits my employment options. The workplace needs to be fairly close to the school and really only between 9.00 and 5.00 M-F for 2 or 3 days per week.
I've looked into working from home but that's not what I'm after. I need the social interaction. It's definately not all about the money but also feeling like 'me' again.
I'll revist this thread in a year or so with hopefully good news.
I have stayed at home for the past 10 years. I lost my job when I was pregnant with our first. I was about to start looking for a job when we found out I was pregnant with our second. After the second turned one, our first was diagnosed autistic. Then the next 2 years were busy with taking one (dragging 2) to various therapies, school etc. Everyday I spent driving around to these places plus make sure no2 still gets good naps, outings etc. Then found I was pregnant with no3. So spent the a year with 2 under 5 and a school child. The first day I sent no2 to kindy, a thought came to my mind 'gosh...I was BUSY'
Personally, I don't think I can cope with kids & house if I have to go to work too. We don't have those relatives around to help us. We are fortunate that we can afford me to stay at home to look after kids & house. Those therapies are not cheap. And once they heard 'autistic', i can see $$ in their eyes. No goverment support either. No, my house in not clean & tidy, it's rather mess. Now my focus is our investments, kids education & retirement.
I do volunteer a lot at my kids school. But I found it insulting when a guy who delivered stuff to the school canteen and making remark about stay at home mum.
I did not plan to stay at home when I was at uni & at work. I did very well at work. I know lots of mums who don't go to work (lawyer, doctor, etc). We do lots of volunteer at school, scouts, etc. I am not complaining, but I don't like the general view of stay at home housewives (desperate?)?
I end up staying at home because there is no way I could leave 3 kids to daycare/after school care etc. They cost a lot and the quality of care is poor. And no1 would not cope well in those centres. Also, my skills is outdated and if I could go back to my old job, it involved lots of travelling too.
We live very modest, no overseas trips etc But we are happy & healthy. We don't have to have expensive gadgets etc. I do see lots of parents @ school have the latest gadgets or fashion, but don't have much time to spend helping out.
Personally, I don't think I can cope with kids & house if I have to go to work too. We don't have those relatives around to help us. We are fortunate that we can afford me to stay at home to look after kids & house. Those therapies are not cheap. And once they heard 'autistic', i can see $$ in their eyes. No goverment support either. No, my house in not clean & tidy, it's rather mess. Now my focus is our investments, kids education & retirement.
I do volunteer a lot at my kids school. But I found it insulting when a guy who delivered stuff to the school canteen and making remark about stay at home mum.
I did not plan to stay at home when I was at uni & at work. I did very well at work. I know lots of mums who don't go to work (lawyer, doctor, etc). We do lots of volunteer at school, scouts, etc. I am not complaining, but I don't like the general view of stay at home housewives (desperate?)?
I end up staying at home because there is no way I could leave 3 kids to daycare/after school care etc. They cost a lot and the quality of care is poor. And no1 would not cope well in those centres. Also, my skills is outdated and if I could go back to my old job, it involved lots of travelling too.
We live very modest, no overseas trips etc But we are happy & healthy. We don't have to have expensive gadgets etc. I do see lots of parents @ school have the latest gadgets or fashion, but don't have much time to spend helping out.
Hi 1234
<<We live very modest, no overseas trips etc But we are happy & healthy. We don't have to have expensive gadgets etc. I do see lots of parents @ school have the latest gadgets or fashion, but don't have much time to spend helping out.>>
Seems to me you are doing just fine, I sincerely believe that in years to come you will be so pleased that you have chosen your present life style.
<<We live very modest, no overseas trips etc But we are happy & healthy. We don't have to have expensive gadgets etc. I do see lots of parents @ school have the latest gadgets or fashion, but don't have much time to spend helping out.>>
Seems to me you are doing just fine, I sincerely believe that in years to come you will be so pleased that you have chosen your present life style.
