How do you 'get over' stuff?

[PS10]

I believe like many other that have responded already that she should see her GP for a referral to a psychologist. It will help greatly.

I also believe from what John has mentioned, that her boss has acted in her best interests according to his judgement. With these sorts of things there could be numerous options within an EBA, at my workplace, our EBA is 100 pages long, and you cannot expect your manager to know the inside outs of the whole document, you will need to do some of your own due diligence.

 

[Piston Broke]

Just another case of women making themselves unemployable.

 

[dan c]

WTF!

she wasnt sick, but used her sick leave but is complaining it wasnt enough to cover it!

she wanted to stop and stopped, but is complaining becasue someone else was able to work when they wanted, but she didnt???? WTF WTF WTF

geez, I might tell my boss I want to go for a round the world trip for a year or two, and expect a payrise, airfares covered for, my job to be there, and I might use some sick pay and get the boss to pay for my drinks

That's a bit harsh. I doubt a high risk pregnancy is equivalent to an around the world trip. The OP was after any strategies to help his friend, not to hear your opinion of her predicament. It's not about you.

 

[Truly Exotic]

These sorts of conversations - as an employer - make my blood boil.

The fact that in this Country we get paid to not go to work because we choose to have a baby, and then get your job held over for 6 or 12 months until you are ready to come back is a huge enough bonus in itself.

Being able to go into another role doesn't mean you will - especially if the girl has told her boss the pregnancy is high risk.

The girl asked for a meeting about stopping work due to the high risk, and probably explained it thus.

So, the boss said ok, and paid her early - if the girl has explained to the boss that her pregnancy is high risk, the last thing he/she wants is a risky scenario which will ultimately bite HIM or HER on the @rse if and when it goes pear-shaped at the workplace, and the Boss may have been showing genuine concern for his employee. Most bosses do - unless they find that an employee shows no concern for the job/business, then it is reciprocated.

The boss may have known about the third option - and probably would have suggested it if he/she had known, but I kinda think the boss didn't know.

She can look it at many ways; my view is move on and get over it, or leave.

One job is not your whole life path.

Well said,

being a former employer myself I have no problems in children, In fact its beautiful (even if the kids are brats)

if the government wants to encourage population growth for whatever reason then they can give larger baby bonuses, dont expect employers to have to bear the cost, when there are alternatives

Having children is a choice, im sure the employed women with 2 kids who have had their workload increase because their colleague who is on maternity leave for their 8th child will be the first to complain about workload

With choice, there is responsbility, why do people expect others to pay/take responsilibty for their choices I still dont understand to this day, especailly when it comes to kids

 

[TMNT]

That's a bit harsh. I doubt a high risk pregnancy is equivalent to an around the world trip. The OP was after any strategies to help his friend, not to hear your opinion of her predicament. It's not about you.

once again you have missed the point,

its not about me, its about HER! its not about the fact she has a high risk or low risk pregnancy, she wanted to stop work, so she did, boss went out of his way to help her out, she got what she wanted, and despite all this help/effort, she feels betrayed and is playing "anxiety/depression" angle

thats what everyone, such as bayview is referring to

my strategy to help his friend is "stop playing the victim, you got what you wanted, your boss helped you out with good intentions and now you think badly of him, readjust your attitude"

 

[MTR]

I thought some of you strong / tough minded people may be able to share how you 'get over' things.

A friend of mine had a high risk pregnancy. She had a meeting with the boss to discuss when she would finish work. Her boss suggested that if financially they could cope that she leave asap and use the time before baby comes to rest. Finding her current role too physical she took the well-meaning advice and left 3 weeks later. Her employer paid her mat leave straight away instead of waiting until baby arrived.
After the fact she discovered that she had a third option written in the EBA but not exercised by her employer. Her workplace agreement said that they had to put her in a different role until due to go on mat leave. This equated to 4mths pay or 12000 after tax, plus super, plus that time would have contributed to long service leave - then she would have gone on mat leave. (The alternative roles were equal and not difficult to interchange so she still would have been a productive employee)

She feels betrayed by her employer and this eats at her as she has returned to work and causes her anxiety. She asked how me how to get past this 'block' in her head, but I don't know how to help. She explained it to me as like having to see a partner who cheated on you everyday. Some days you forget but in other moments it stings.

Any psychologists on here?

Hi JohnA
Your friend does not need to see a psychologist over this, unless she wants to analyse it to death, and then perhaps end up on anti depressants.

There is fault on both sides.

That's life and lesson learnt, next time she will be prepared to take the time to ensure she understands what her options are.

If she wants to raise this with her employer at some time she should but of course it will be a matter of how she delivers this, in other words not an attack.

Cheers, MTR

 

[sanj]

My concern is someone as fragile and as much of a drama queen as your friend is going to be responsible for raising a child.

Might be time for her to grow up?

 

[Aaron Sice]

i see a boss who cared for his employee - and thought that bedrest and ease of life would be better, and sent her home with full pay.

is it possible the boss didn't know about said condition? he who never asks, never knows.

i think a good pregnancy and healthy baby is worth more than the $12k - but then again, some peeps can't see the wood for the trees.

it's just money - more is printed every day.

 

[Fifth]

At the risk of sounding like a sappy old-fashioned relic, your friend presumably gave birth to a healthy and beautiful baby. This is the most important thing. It doesn't sound like your friend is struggling financially. The fact that she lost out on some money, super and hours contributing to long-service leave is trivial in comparison. That she's being consumed with anxiety over some fine print in a workplace agreement instead of enjoying these very important years implies that she can't see the forest for the trees.

 

[HotRod]

Next time, she should read her contract carefully and then be perfectly clear what she wants. What she did was the other way round and now she is paying the price.

She should take responsibility for her actions/choices and get on with it.

 

[alexlee]

I thought some of you strong / tough minded people may be able to share how you 'get over' things.

That's the thing, though. The strong / tough minded people would just think 'ok, lesson learned, next!' and just got on with it.

 

[MTR]

Next time, she should read her contract carefully and then be perfectly clear what she wants. What she did was the other way round and now she is paying the price.

She should take responsibility for her actions/choices and get on with it.

Hi HR
That's pretty much what I said, basically take responsibility and just move on, its minor in the scheme of things

 

[dan c]

its not about me, its about HER! its not about the fact she has a high risk or low risk pregnancy, she wanted to stop work, so she did, boss went out of his way to help her out, she got what she wanted, and despite all this help/effort, she feels betrayed and is playing "anxiety/depression" angle

thats what everyone, such as bayview is referring to

my strategy to help his friend is "stop playing the victim, you got what you wanted, your boss helped you out with good intentions and now you think badly of him, readjust your attitude"

I agree, sort of. I don't think the boss is the bad guy here at all. Far from it.

But it's not just as simple as you point out. There may be other issues at play here.

My point was it's the person concerned is not helped by your post, complete with numerous WTF's. 'Get over it' is not a strategy.

"and is playing "anxiety/depression" angle"

That sums up your attitude. Anxiety and depression is not an 'angle', it's a real thing. You may disagree with the circumstances regarding the boss / job / leave, and that's fair enough, but to say someone is playing up the anxiety angle is pretty poor in my opinion. Especially as you know next to nothing about the person involved.

 

[TMNT]

I agree, sort of. I don't think the boss is the bad guy here at all. Far from it.

But it's not just as simple as you point out. There may be other issues at play here.

My point was it's the person concerned is not helped by your post, complete with numerous WTF's. 'Get over it' is not a strategy.

"and is playing "anxiety/depression" angle"

That sums up your attitude. Anxiety and depression is not an 'angle', it's a real thing. You may disagree with the circumstances regarding the boss / job / leave, and that's fair enough, but to say someone is playing up the anxiety angle is pretty poor in my opinion. Especially as you know next to nothing about the person involved.

agree, my best freind has had depression since a teenager, and the mdeication has stuffed him up pretty bad

yes that is my attitude, thinking that you have been done wrong when you have got what you wanted screams, spoilt brat attitude, she is an adult, not a cripple or disabled, she can think and learn and change all she wants,

if she decides to handle not winning tattslotto very well, she will soon realise that nobody is going to give her sympathy, like the 10million other people who bought one and didnt win

 

[weg]

If she was suffering from post baby depression I'd be inclined to think she'd be less focused on this one issue and more preoccupied with other day to day stuff like getting out of bed and making it to work, coping with a new baby, family and personal relationships, as well life in general, poor self esteem, etc.

Sounds more of a personality thing to me... putting blame on others and not taking some responsibility, extreme self entitlement, histrionic behaviour, inconsideration of others (the OP in this case), etc.

If the OP does think she has depression then he should advise her to see a doctor... but if that's the case he must not mistake the 'not taking the best advantage of maternity leave' as the problem.

 

[The Fence]

When I'm faced with something disappointing I try to take the attitude that life is a transition of experiences, some good, some bad. What's behind us can be left there or it can be remembered, it's a choice.

If in the middle of something bad, I decide that it won't last for ever, only a few minutes, hours, or days. I work through it and move onto the next thing, leaving the bad stuff behind. Tomorrow is another day and it will be a good one.

Kudos..........!

Time to move on...

 

[truong]

When I'm faced with something disappointing I try to take the attitude that life is a transition of experiences, some good, some bad.

Kudos too.

As much as the ego clings to pleasant things to gratify itself, it also clings to unpleasant things to constantly prove that it exists. The way to “get over it” is to find out by herself what the ego is and understand how it works through her thoughts/emotions/actions. Then discover that good or bad are both creations of the ego trying to justify itself.

Sorry to sound a bit odd but that’s the crux of the matter.

 

[S.T]

Probably already been said, but she needs to address this by talking to her boss. Thats the best way she can get some closure and move on.

 

[kathryn d]

The boss probably didn't want her working there, if it was a high risk pregnancy.

This woman needs to take responsibility for her actions. She asked to leave work early.

Perhaps she is setting herself up to get time off work for "stress".
How I love that. Never heard it used back in the 'good ole days'.
They just worked, and got on with life.

Tell her she should be thankful she has a healthy baby. Not everyone is so lucky.

 

[dan c]

How I love that. Never heard it used back in the 'good ole days'.
They just worked, and got on with life.

Or they went home and beat their wives, or drank to excess. Or belted their kids.

That's the thing about the good ole days. They weren't that good.