What kind of world are you thinking of? The days of slavery? People who would have beaten their wives back then would still do it today - only now they tend to be caught.
How do you 'get over' stuff?
- Thread starter JohnA
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What kind of world are you thinking of? The days of slavery? People who would have beaten their wives back then would still do it today - only now they tend to be caught.
No, I'm not thinking of slavery. I'm thinking of the good ole days, 40 / 50 years ago, before there was a thing as a stress diagnosis.
Some would, but not all.
Truish, and it's less accepted in today's society than it was back in the day. So I stand by the statement that the good ole days weren't always good.
Depression and anxiety don't exist in Africa.
This sounds like a first world issue to me. She is looking at what could have been, what she dreamt was, or what she could have got - while ignoring the great things which she already has.
She is pregnant, she is about to bring new life to this world and that is a wonderful thing.
I think she needs to look at what she has and be happy for it. Not what she doesn't have (or didnt get).
Blacky
This sounds like a first world issue to me. She is looking at what could have been, what she dreamt was, or what she could have got - while ignoring the great things which she already has.
She is pregnant, she is about to bring new life to this world and that is a wonderful thing.
I think she needs to look at what she has and be happy for it. Not what she doesn't have (or didnt get).
Blacky
Lovely words, PT_Bear. People are built differently and cope with things differently.
I reckon she needs to see her GP or a specialist. Depression is real and, it is not a first world problem, it's only because it is and can be diagnosed in a first world country, compared to a country that does not have the resources for it.
Hope she can dig deep and find it in her heart to have peace about what had happened, and, with that peace, comes freedom.
It usually works for me fairly easily but sometimes I have to dig a bit to rationalise it. I'll admit it sometimes fails utterly.
A few years ago someone tried to go after my business for about $15k. It took about 2 weeks work to assemble evidence and write a 60 page rebuttal (the complaint was 1 page long). Then I had to wait about 6 months for the obmudsman to determine I'd done everything in her interests and there was no reasonable claim to answer.
My Zen approach worked once I'd done all the work, but during that 2 weeks I booked a holiday to look forward to, and played Lily Alans, "F*** You" on repeat! I was in a very angry place that fortnight.
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Hehe PTBear! That's a great song for letting off steam! It's a great song to play out loud and sing along to when your neighbours annoy you.
One of my friends was misdiagnosed with cancer. Her and her family were angry about it. They decided they were going through enough and to accept it rather than be angry and try to make the most quality of life they could. Another friends 6 year old was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. She has to wait another 3 years before he gets the all clear. Sometimes I compare my dramas with what some of my friends have been through and I realize how small they are. Especiaally when I think of how brave and how hard they fought through operations and chemotherapy.
Depression is different though. It can make you unable to rationalize and see life differently.
One of my friends was misdiagnosed with cancer. Her and her family were angry about it. They decided they were going through enough and to accept it rather than be angry and try to make the most quality of life they could. Another friends 6 year old was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. She has to wait another 3 years before he gets the all clear. Sometimes I compare my dramas with what some of my friends have been through and I realize how small they are. Especiaally when I think of how brave and how hard they fought through operations and chemotherapy.
Depression is different though. It can make you unable to rationalize and see life differently.
For your friend it is a time of huge change - I was working from home before I fell pregnant, so the transition wasn't dramatic - but for your friend, moving from the workforce, earning money, being stimulated by outside activities, feeling as tho she contributing, socialising (even if just around the water cooler) ...
... and then going to being stuck at home with a screaming baby that doesn't sleep when you need to ... no social life ... no interests ... isolated during the day when everyone else is at work ... no matter how wanted the baby was, how much it was loved, very easy to start regreting what you've given up ... realising this child is dependent on you for the next 18 years ... longing for your old life back ...
... when the mind is not stimulated it tends to focus on nitpicky things that wouldn't normally bother you ... you have time to dwell ... time to stew ... blow things out of proportion.
I think it's not enough to tell her how blessed she is ... or tell her to get over it ... she needs to feel more than a nappy changing milk producer
Um; my wife has done this x 3, as I'm sure many other mothers have done........
next problem.
Having said that; PND is a real concern, and should be referred to the correct people to help.
Most hospitals can suggest who to turn to.
Zillions of women have done it ... doesn't make the transition from full time work to stay at home mum easy to accept for all.
True, but the lady needs to look at the wider pic; it's an event done by millions, so it can be done by her.
This is true of many issues we all face on a daily basis, and once we see how tough everyone else has it; we can move forward with the proverbial half-empty cup of concrete, and guzzle the rest.
Yes, I think it sounds like she has returned to work, juggling demands of baby and working, child care etc, and would, if she had known of the EBA, have liked to have had the option of staying at work longer, thus delaying her maternity leave so she could stay home longer with the baby, as another collegue has probably done.
The fact that it is in her EBA means that her workplace agrees with it. Some people may not agree, but that's the way it is. Hopefully she does get some medical advice counselling etc and is able to see that she made the best decision to leave work when she did, for her health and for the health of the baby.
Exactly, but unless she has some disability or no support group, it's HTFU
As bay view said, first world problems,
One of my friends recently said that he doesn't think he can handle working full time, he is in his early 30s, do you think we gave him any sympathy?
Everybody needs to work, everybody needs to work full time, everybody does it
Unless you've actually experienced a similar situation, then it is nothing but naive opinion.
I worked from home and still found the transition difficult - the major part being that I had absolutely no family closer than over an hour drive (and that was the in laws) and if I went for a walk during the day there was not a single soul to be seen as they were all at work - combine that with a screamer who would only sleep 2 hours at a time for the first year.
I tried play group but the intelligence level of the women there (and the level of conversation) drove me insane after two sessions.
I could go days without seeing or talking to another human asides from my hubby - thanks goodness for the empathy of my special friends who took time out to indulge my need for adult human contact.
Yes, I think it sounds like she has returned to work, juggling demands of baby and working, child care etc, and would, if she had known of the EBA, have liked to have had the option of staying at work longer, thus delaying her maternity leave so she could stay home longer with the baby, as another collegue has probably done.[/QUOTE]
Agree.
I think she's looking at things with the benefit of hindsight. At the time she was probably happy... relieved even... to be able to leave work and it's stresses early and spend those last few weeks of her 'high risk' pregnancy relaxing at home. Now, that the baby has been born and everything worked out fine, she's wishing that she hadn't left so early and used that earlier time off with bub instead. Mother guilt. Every mother feels it when they return to work. Men, even the father of the baby, will never understand how it feels. I likend it to the fear/anxiety felt by mother wild animals when separated from their young in those David Attenborough documentaries
. It's very natural to feel that way. But she's trying to pass that guilt on to somebody else (her boss) so that it makes her feel less responsible, and that, is not fair. She had the baby. It was her choice. She took early leave. That was also her choice.
Agree.
I think she's looking at things with the benefit of hindsight. At the time she was probably happy... relieved even... to be able to leave work and it's stresses early and spend those last few weeks of her 'high risk' pregnancy relaxing at home. Now, that the baby has been born and everything worked out fine, she's wishing that she hadn't left so early and used that earlier time off with bub instead. Mother guilt. Every mother feels it when they return to work. Men, even the father of the baby, will never understand how it feels. I likend it to the fear/anxiety felt by mother wild animals when separated from their young in those David Attenborough documentaries
. It's very natural to feel that way. But she's trying to pass that guilt on to somebody else (her boss) so that it makes her feel less responsible, and that, is not fair. She had the baby. It was her choice. She took early leave. That was also her choice.
