How to invest with your partner?

[spludgey]

I was wondering how people here invest together with their partners, when outlooks and goals might be different?

With me for example, I've bought a house with my fiancee and she knows that I have 5 IPs and accepts my goals. And while she's good at saving, now that we have a house, she wants all this new stuff. Like a dinning table for >$2k, a lounge (we already have one, but two lounge rooms) >$2k, a mirror $300, etc.
This is on top of the new house, a deck to go with it, an engagement ring, an overseas holiday that we just came back from and 5kW of solar (though that one saves us money).

I really want to fly to Adelaide to buy two IPs in 5112 or 5113, but she doesn't want to go before we book a wedding venue, even though we're planning to have the wedding in October 2015!

She's also not really interested in investing, but is happy for me to do so. And I'm not allowed to tell her how much debt we have.

I don't really want to argue about money with her, especially when we're more financially secure than most of our friends, but lately it has happened a bit more.

Does anyone else have the same issues? How do you go about it?

 

[Brady]

Got to find what works best for you guys.

By the sounds what's happening now it's not working.

Usually common goals helps.

 

[Neptune]

I've been investing with my partner for a bit. Fortunately she is almost on the same page as me (a little more conservative though) with our long term goals which makes it easier.
She wants to have investment properties and can see the benefits but is not really that interested in doing all the research and dealing with property managers etc so she leaves that side of things to me but she is happy to help fund the purchases.
In our case we worked out our end goals and a plan on how to get there so it makes it easier.

I think in your case if the interest in not there on her part it can make it tricky. Maybe work out your end goals together, x properties in y years and get her onboard. If you can afford it then why not let her buy some furniture but keep in under control.

 

[nhg]

She's also not really interested in investing, but is happy for me to do so. And I'm not allowed to tell her how much debt we have.

I don't really want to argue about money with her, especially when we're more financially secure than most of our friends, but lately it has happened a bit more.

Does anyone else have the same issues? How do you go about it?

TBH sounds like a recipe for disaster. One of the things I look for in a partner is someone who is financially aware/responsible.

Now my ex had a much larger portfolio than mine, yet in the time we were together, our expenses were astronomical. It got to a point where I put my foot down and tried to add measures to control expenses. We didn't date long after that (literally 2-3 days. I'm sure it ended for many other reasons).

She was also not pleased with the time I took off to go and find properties interstate (that was something I could have been more PC with).

Now there is a difference between being a tight **** and being financially responsible. Where the middle ground lies is entirely between the two of you, but best to figure it out now because the biggest cause for tension in a marriage is financial.

 

[Nemo30]

My husband and I have very different views on money and investing. It can work, having said that, sometimes it annoys the hell out of me.

I've made some mistakes - when we got together I had my own house. I sold this thinking we would invest together. Turns out I was wrong

We dont share our money - we have a joint account we both put a set amount into each payday. This pays our PPOR mortgage and bills and over time any surplus is spent on joint purchases such as holidays, furniture etc. If we need to put more in, we do.

We have separate savings. He does what he wants with his, and I do what I want with mine. He is very frugal and I like to buy things I want.

He is a very good saver and prefers his money in the bank.

I like property and have bought in my own name without husband. (Also bought with him, but kind of regret that as it limits my ability to buy myself - joint and severally liable issue).

We rarely argue over money. It's a bit weird I guess, but it can work. We both earn the same amount which makes this work.

 

[Jamie M]

Got to find what works best for you guys.
.

I work - she spends

Cheers

Jamie

 

[Nemo30]

I really want to fly to Adelaide to buy two IPs in 5112 or 5113, but she doesn't want to go before we book a wedding venue, even though we're planning to have the wedding in October 2015!

I'm on her side re wedding venue - October 2015 will come around sooner than you think. Places book out years in advance. I'm sure you only need a small deposit to book.

 

[Bandita]

I asked (made) my husband (serious boyfriend at the time) to read Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Hubby has never been a finance/numbers person, but that's not really necessary to understand the basics. Basically you need to understand the concept of your money working for you instead of working for your money, and the difference between good debt, bad debt, assets and liabilities. I believe Robert Kiyosaki explains it really well, and in a way anyone can understand.

Once she's read it, I think she'll be more conscience of what you both are spending your money on, or at least understand where you're coming from. I honestly don't think you can read that book and it not change your way of thinking, even if it's a small change.

When you buy your own home though, it is fun (and important) to really make it a family home, and get furniture and all those great things that you will have together for a very long time. Not every purchase needs to be towards an investment. So understand where she is coming from in that regards. Doesn't mean you need to spend a fortune, but maybe you can look into ways of getting that lounge or dining table cheaper (waiting for the sales, shopping around abit more, using your negotiating skills, etc). It's always best if you can make a situation like that (or any situation) win-win. Makes marriage much easier

 

[neK]

I really want to fly to Adelaide to buy two IPs in 5112 or 5113, but she doesn't want to go before we book a wedding venue, even though we're planning to have the wedding in October 2015!

Oct 2015 is just over 1 year away..... for weddings thats really not that far away.

While both things are important, you need to determine whats more important. Simple terms, you making money or her.

I had a similar situation years ago. I was being super tight and trying to save every dollar to pay down our place so we could invest.

<Me> I'm doing this for us
<Wife> Keep this up there won't be an "us"

People say money cannot buy happiness. This is some what true. If you cannot compromise, this is not going to end well.

Being with someone is sharing your life with them. That means you accepting their decisions as well as them accepting yours. It is NOT a one way street.

That said, money can buy happiness.... if you let it. By that i mean find that middle ground you're both happy with and work on the goal together. If you simply do it to keep your spouse happy, you'll end up resenting your spouse, and it doesn't how much money you have due to your investments, you WILL BE UNHAPPY.

 

[The Y-man]

Like a dinning table for >$2k, a lounge (we already have one, but two lounge rooms) >$2k, a mirror $300, etc.

You need to find out if this is a once off "new house" thing or a seasonal refresh.

(If it's a seasonal refresh, might want that table off you when you are turfing it.... )

Also, does the other half-to-be work?

In a way, if it's "her money" might be ok?

The Y-man

 

[nhg]

Oct 2015 is just over 1 year away..... for weddings thats really not that far away.

Really? In my religion you have 3 months between engagement and wedding.

Sister and in law only took 2 months between deciding to get married and the wedding. Beautiful venues for 150 guests and all, 2 month overseas honey moon sorted etc. Mates were the same. I think the rule is to prevent those 5 year long middle east engagements.

When you gta hustle you hustle.

 

[neK]

Did they have difficulty finding a venue?
A lot of popular places book out close to a year in advance, same deal with the photographer.

Different people, different cultures, i guess. Me and my wife were told the "best" wedding date was 2.5 months away. We both laughed and said no. Told our parents to find a date closer to 12 months away

 

[Waldo]

My husband and I have very different views on money and investing. It can work, having said that, sometimes it annoys the hell out of me.

I've made some mistakes - when we got together I had my own house. I sold this thinking we would invest together. Turns out I was wrong

We dont share our money - we have a joint account we both put a set amount into each payday. This pays our PPOR mortgage and bills and over time any surplus is spent on joint purchases such as holidays, furniture etc. If we need to put more in, we do.

We have separate savings. He does what he wants with his, and I do what I want with mine. He is very frugal and I like to buy things I want.

He is a very good saver and prefers his money in the bank.

I like property and have bought in my own name without husband. (Also bought with him, but kind of regret that as it limits my ability to buy myself - joint and severally liable issue).

We rarely argue over money. It's a bit weird I guess, but it can work. We both earn the same amount which makes this work.

Respect Nemo - this is how I reckon I may have to go forwards. Finding someone who shares my exact spending habbits isn't required, we just need a mechanism in place so if one of us wants to be frugual we can & if the other wants to spend the money they can too.

That said, money can buy happiness.... if you let it. By that i mean find that middle ground you're both happy with and work on the goal together. If you simply do it to keep your spouse happy, you'll end up resenting your spouse, and it doesn't how much money you have due to your investments, you WILL BE UNHAPPY.

This is also very true - dont let money come between you. The resenting the other person for not spending money the same way you do is a very easy trap to fall into.

Edit: as for the wedding debate & time required to book a venue I'm steering way clear of that one!

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

She's fitness testing you (also known as s__t testing - google it) to see how far she can push you and whether you fold like a deck of cards or be a man and take control. If you don't want to end up in Family Court I suggest you take the latter option. If she wants crazy expensive furniture, tell her you'll either compromise with her by finding a middle ground you're both okay with or she can buy the crazy expensive furniture with her own money.

Also, if you want to go to Adelaide to buy more IP's, then go to Adelaide and buy more IP's. Don't allow her whims to dictate your decisions.

Also, read this: http://therationalmale.com/2014/08/24/back-to-basics/

 

[nhg]

She's fitness testing you (also known as s__t testing - google it) to see how far she can push you and whether you fold like a deck of cards or be a man and take control. If you don't want to end up in Family Court I suggest you take the latter option. If she wants crazy expensive furniture, tell her you'll either compromise with her by finding a middle ground you're both okay with or she can buy the crazy expensive furniture with her own money.

Also, if you want to go to Adelaide to buy more IP's, then go to Adelaide and buy more IP's. Don't allow her whims to dictate your decisions.

Also, read this: http://therationalmale.com/2014/08/24/back-to-basics/

I am fully aware of the concept of ***** testing, but seriously dude, the point of marriage is a partnership, kinda should consider what she wants too, you know, happy wife happy life.

 

[nhg]

Did they have difficulty finding a venue?
A lot of popular places book out close to a year in advance, same deal with the photographer.

Different people, different cultures, i guess. Me and my wife were told the "best" wedding date was 2.5 months away. We both laughed and said no. Told our parents to find a date closer to 12 months away

No difficulty, umm, I'm thinking there are a lot of last minute cancellations if you know where I'm going with that. They looked at places like Taronga Zoo, Mirimar, etc. Friends got married in Rydges? in Melbourne in 3 months, that was by far the nicest wedding I've been to, lots and lots of dancing.

Biggest wedding I've been to was 1000 people in Indonesia, it was like $200/head plus hotel rooms provided (not for everyone I'm guessing) and about $500/table of alcohol per table of 10.

I was told that was small for that particular crew, biggest was 4000.

 

[boeman]

She's fitness testing you (also known as s__t testing - google it) to see how far she can push you and whether you fold like a deck of cards or be a man and take control. If you don't want to end up in Family Court I suggest you take the latter option. If she wants crazy expensive furniture, tell her you'll either compromise with her by finding a middle ground you're both okay with or she can buy the crazy expensive furniture with her own money.

Also, if you want to go to Adelaide to buy more IP's, then go to Adelaide and buy more IP's. Don't allow her whims to dictate your decisions.

Also, read this: http://therationalmale.com/2014/08/24/back-to-basics/

Have you been s**t testing us with all your posts that are based around The Game?

Because I detect extremely high levels of s**t in all of your posts. I got over The Game and things like that when I was in my early 20's...

 

[Mr. Fabulous]

I am fully aware of the concept of ***** testing, but seriously dude, the point of marriage is a partnership, kinda should consider what she wants too, you know, happy wife happy life.

Hi nhg, a couple of things:

1. Fitness testing doesn't end when you a ring on it (as can be seen from the original post). The term 'fitness testing' comes from the Married Man Sex Life forum/blog, run by a guy who provides advice to married men who want to be more assertive in their marriages.
2. Did you not read the bit where I said try and find a compromise re: the furniture? It's the least she can do after "This is on top of the new house, a deck to go with it, an engagement ring, an overseas holiday that we just came back from". No points for guessing who paid/is paying for all that.
3. 'Happy wife, happy life' is the calling card of the manlet. As an individual, the husband is not responsible for his wife's happiness, she is. As her husband, the best thing he can do is be a good man, a good leader and a good provider. If she is still not happy after that, that's not his fault. She is an adult and should take responsibility for her own happiness.

Do you know how many people throughout history, who have pandered to the whims of another person, which the whole 'Happy wife, happy life' dichotomy is all about, have earned the respect of said person? I can tell you: zero. Basically, you are heading for disaster by adopting such a strategy.

From here: http://www.latimes.com/science/scie...er-to-be-right-than-happy-20131217-story.html

Both spouses were asked to rate their quality of life on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the happiest) at the start of the experiment and again on Day 6. It?s not clear how long the experiment was intended to last, but it came to an abrupt halt on Day 12.

By then the male participant found the female participant to be increasingly critical of everything he did," the researchers reported.

I personally have seen many many examples of the above.

Here's another link:

http://wildflowerramblings.com/marriage/if-you-say-happy-wife-happy-life-i-will-scream/

My response to any male that uses the term 'Happy wife, happy life' or some variant thereof is 'You know that dogs beg for their owners' approval and will do whatever it takes to make them happy? I didn't realise you were a dog'.

If people don't like that analogy, instead of shooting the messenger, they should be looking in the mirror. I've seen way too many manlets who kowtow to their wives or girlfriends. Without exception, not one of the women had any respect for him (the guy) whatsoever. But seriously, how do you respect a doormat?

Have a read of this thread, too: http://therationalmale.com/2012/05/30/the-abdication-imperative/

I just want spludgey to read this and hopefully he might take some of it in and take a stand.

 

[Nemo30]

If you want to hate women, fine. But start your own thread instead of hijaking other peoples - I'm sick of reading your rubbish.

 

[virgo]

Roles

Hiya

From someone who has been happily married for 19 years.....

In the early years, it was difficult as hubby and i have different viewpoints on things financial (mainly due to different upbringings) ....

it took a long while and a lot of education and encouragement (from me) for him to take more risks...

Nowadays, our roles have been distilled and simplified to just one sentence: He earns $1, it is my job to double (or triple) it!