Online Dating

[TMNT]

ha ha - no. She actually said that she "hated camping". I couldnt understand how anyone could hate camping (esspecially an Australian). I just thought it was a figure of speach. Why on earth she ended up saying yes is beyond me - though I can be very persuasive when I want. Or maybe Im just such a great catch Im worth a weekend of torture...

I have taken girls out on the boat, and they have spent the whole time green and curled into the foetal position, occationally (sometimes regularly) revisiting the previous weeks menu. At the end of it they were happy to get to dry land. They didnt appreciate any of the effort that I went to to bring them lobster and fish (hunter gather points???). Doesnt mean they have a crappy personality - they just get seasick. They are not about to thank me for the effort I put in, they dont care. They just want to get to dry land, and I want to get to a pub.

As Weg says its probably why "coffee" is so popular. Its very safe. Im more of a risk taker, jump in feet first. If you can enjoy a weekend together there might be something there. I can bluff my way through an hour of so of coffee to get a girl to like me...enough... .
But convincing a girl you met on the web to spend a weekend camping with a complete stranger is not really going to happen before coffee, dinner, drinks.

Blacky

You sound like quite the ladies man!!! Good for you

I would never but would like to be in a financial position where I can have a convertible car, and a yacht while serving lobster and fFrench champagne

 

[Blacky]

ha ha - no quite. Im a long way from being a ladies man. I am just a "career dater". At 31 no girl has managed to pin me down yet (my current GF is the closest). So I have a long string of failed relationships.
The only consistant thing with my failed relationships is me. I dont change, I wont change, I am who I am - take it as it is or leave it. This is where people call me selfish and immature - maybe they are right. Many people have said "you will change when you meet the right one", and I just dont. I have had plenty of girls say "I dont want to change you" - but not long after they do. It doesnt take long before they become a fond memory.

When I say I take girls out on a boat - dont get the wrong idea. There is no luxury here. Its an open boat. You get cold and wet, and there is no where comfortable to sit. You would never be served champagne - you would just spill it. Fresh lobster though is often served - usually sushimi style as there are no cooking facilities on board.

Blacky

 

[geoffw]

I dont change, I wont change, I am who I am - take it as it is or leave it.

This is the reason a bride thinks about the church service as she enters the front door.

"Aisle, altar, hymn".

 

[wylie]

So I have a long string of failed relationships.
The only consistant thing with my failed relationships is me. I dont change, I wont change, I am who I am - take it as it is or leave it. This is where people call me selfish and immature - maybe they are right. Many people have said "you will change when you meet the right one", and I just dont. I have had plenty of girls say "I dont want to change you" - but not long after they do. It doesnt take long before they become a fond memory.

As a woman, I'm curious to know what your long string of prior partners were trying to change about you? Did they try to turn you from an outdoor loving, rough and tumble (?) man into a smooth, urban type? That just isn't going to work, is it?

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying you will not change, as long as you don't mean "I will not stop hitting my girlfriend" or "I will not stop belittling my girlfriend" or "I will not cheat on my girlfriend" something similar.

I'm hoping you are not refusing to make any compromises at all for your partners, just as they no doubt would be making some compromises for you. That is what a partnership is all about. I just accept some things about hubby that annoy the dickens out of me, and vice versa.

But if there was something I really could not accept, then we wouldn't be still together. Have your relationships have all faltered over the same one insurmountable issue or have they just run their course, as most relationships do until you both decide to give it a long term commitment?

I think trying to change the type of person someone is (male or female) is pretty futile.

 

[TMNT]

I agr're wylie
Relaittionships are all about give and take within your boundaries and within your limits

But what really gets to me about a lot of women regardless of age is the notion of "changing someone"

In my books, trying to change someone arrogance at its max. What gives you the right to change someone let alone think that you are better or can change for the better

I find this more and more common once a woman gets married. They seem to get this sudden explosion of knowledge once they get their ring from health, economy, politics to brain surgery

Edit: My sister does it to her husband, luckily he just tells her she is full of it and laughs it off, and she is fine with it, but she has tried to change his fashion sense for the better, she thinks he should change jobs, she diagnoses all his and his friends medical problems, she always has something to say when it comes to politics, raising kids, education, medical, government, council, economical, religious, property prices, shares...........and she wasnt like this before she got married, she was a normal sweet girl

maybe he gave her one of those magical rings like in the hobbit movie

 

[wylie]

In my books, trying to change someone arrogance at its max. What gives you the right to change someone let alone think that you are better or can change for the better

I find this more and more common once a woman gets married. They seem to get this sudden explosion of knowledge once they get their ring from health, economy, politics to brain surgery

I'm wondering if you are looking at this having been "burnt" by such a woman in the past. I don't know any women like this, and I also don't know any men who have tried to change the woman in their life. My close friends who I know well enough to know what the marriage is like respect each other. But I guess with around 50% of marriages failing there has to be something going wrong.

I really do think that many people expect the fairytale, don't want to work on the relationship, think if there is a hiccup or problem that they mustn't really love that person, and need to start again and find that lust/love again. That first flush of lust/love doesn't last forever, but I think some people try to chase that, and they are doomed to fail because nobody can keep that sort of feeling long term.

I recall very well when I allowed a man at work to weasel his way into my heart, and I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. I was about 23 and I believe I was ready to break up with him anyway, and the attention from this other man was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Right from the start I knew he was a tosser but I was in love (which was really just lust) and I knew all along he wouldn't be a "keeper", but like a moth to a flame I couldn't keep away.

It was a very strange relationship (a couple of dates really - didn't last more than a month or so). He broke up with me and I do wonder if I would have at some stage acted on the knowledge I certainly had that he was a liar and a bit of a rotter, or if I would have stayed with him whilst he treated me so offhandedly, but I don't think so. I knew it wasn't "right" but it had to play out until he dumped me... (thank goodness).

I know deep down it was me making a fool of myself and I'm fairly sure I would not have gone on with it, but maybe a different woman would have thought she could change him, make him love her. He did marry and is still married as I've seen him recently (and I'm thanking my lucky stars he dumped me, because he looks like Homer Simpson now ).

 

[TMNT]

I'm wondering if you are looking at this having been "burnt" by such a woman in the past. I don't know any women like this, and I also don't know any men who have tried to change the woman in their life. My close friends who I know well enough to know what the marriage is like respect each other. But I guess with around 50% of marriages failing there has to be something going wrong.

men generally dont try and change women, its just not in their nature or social expectations,

and a quote from quite a famous guy....

?Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.?

― Albert Einstein

I know deep down it was me making a fool of myself and I'm fairly sure I would not have gone on with it, but maybe a different woman would have thought she could change him, make him love her. He did marry and is still married as I've seen him recently (and I'm thanking my lucky stars he dumped me, because he looks like Homer Simpson now ).

We do some pretty stupid things when we are young..................unfortunately, I still havent grown up

 

[luce.rocks]

So what happens if the truth is you do drive an E class merc and live in a Sydney waterfront apartment? Should this truth be well hidden in an effort to appear "normal"?

You say your interests are tennis, good food, that you're training for a marathon, that you're well travelled, that you like reading autobiographies (of politicians), cartoons from The New Yorker, etc., and put a photo of yourself in a polo, sweater and jeans. That's the online dating code for 'well-off'

 

[china]

You say your interests are tennis, good food, that you're training for a marathon, that you're well travelled, that you like reading autobiographies (of politicians), cartoons from The New Yorker, etc., and put a photo of yourself in a polo, sweater and jeans. That's the online dating code for 'well-off'

Thank you. I best start travelling, look up the New Yorker and purchase a polo shirt.

I suspect that this is not just the online code but probably real life as well.