Online Dating

[wylie]

I don't think there is any need to mention what kind of car you drive or where you live at all.

I agree. Would you put up the truth if that truth was that you rent from the housing commission and you drive a 1974 Corolla?

If you wouldn't go into this detail in your profile, why on earth would you do the opposite except to be a bit of a show off, and possibly attract a gold digger?

 

[geoffw]

Maaaate, just fly north for a few hours and grab a mail-order bride...

Guaranteed to be married within a month, no matter how ugly, old, fat you are.

Love you long time.

When you have married somebody from another country, especially somebody with a darker skin, you always get those knowing looks from people who assume that your wife was a mail order. Especially when you're as ugly as me.

 

[vbplease]

Mate, do yourself a favour and give RSVP a wide berth.. You'll just meet a collection of bunny boilers, time wasters and superficial airheads.

Try eharmony.. Try singles events for young professionals.. It's a gold mine of doctors, lawyers, and various executive go getters who may be short on time or just not meeting the right bloke travelling in their circles.. You should find plenty of interesting, intelligent, attractive girls out there without baggage.

Paranoia of gold diggers proves you're looking in the wrong place. Sisters are doing it for themselves these days. There are plenty of go getter girls who seek similar with a bit of drive and ambition..

 

[Shaneelastic]

Mate, do yourself a favour and give RSVP a wide berth.. You'll just meet a collection of bunny boilers, time wasters and superficial airheads.

Try eharmony.. Try singles events for young professionals.. It's a gold mine of doctors, lawyers, and various executive go getters who may be short on time or just not meeting the right bloke travelling in their circles.. You should find plenty of interesting, intelligent, attractive girls out there without baggage.

Paranoia of gold diggers proves you're looking in the wrong place. Sisters are doing it for themselves these days. There are plenty of go getter girls who seek similar with a bit of drive and ambition..

My experience on rsvp was good.
Met females lawyers, doctors, accountants, bankers, business owners etc. all late twenties, early thirties.
Currently been seeing someone for 12 months off rsvp.

I had 5 photos up, I always found u had to ask them questions, females love talking about themselves

 

[geoffw]

You could always try naps.

Coz when I asked a friend about online dating he told me he uses a nap for that.

 

[D.T.]

You could always try naps.

Coz when I asked a friend about online dating he told me he uses a nap for that.

Sunday afternoon I might try a nap

 

[cu@thetop]

This has been an insightful thread for myself as a male who has been off the scene for 20+ years.
From my cohort at school that I still keep in contact with or know of their lives I am one of 2 who remains married-the other has no kids which probably makes it easier.

I think there are big differences in the expectations of people. A friend of mine 48, single, self employed with some assets, good looking and he dresses well (which women seem to like) relates the horrors of online dating. He tells of the 47 year old dentist of Asian heritage who said he must first defeat the "4 dragons" (her father and 3 brothers) before she will marry him and have children! She now stalks him , driving past his home every morning in her Porsche Boxter and slowing down. Then there was the other nutjob (41.y.o)who would ring the mobile, then the work number, then the mobile etc etc. She wants to start a family too.

The balance of power switches to the male as time goes on. A 20-25 y.o female can have who she wants but that changes over time. A 35 y.o. male doesn't want a 35 y.o female as that ties his options down to start having kids very soon. He wants a 25-30 y.o instead. Many women think at 35 that they will only accept a 8 or above- but if they wait a year or two they are now realistically looking at 6-7 and before long when they hit 40 they should take anything above a 4 or 5 if family/kids is a priority.

Sadly, many women have been deceived into thinking that they can have it all- a fulfilling career, enjoy the single life, meet mr right (with no baggage thank you very much) and settle down mid 30s and then kids at 35-38. The problem is many men don't want to fit to that timetable. Many of the good ones (men) have already been taken or don't want women in their mid 30s.
Many men still single at 40 are probably so for a reason so women need to accept men on the 2nd cycle- with kids and a divorce.

I know a single 37 y.o female who met and married on her first choice on RSVP. He was wearing a red hat in his profile photo which got her attention. They are now working on popping a kid out. He was a good catch- 40 y.o no kids coming out of a 9 year relationship that had kept him off the market. So it is not all bad news for the ladies.

My 2 cents worth:
1. Get a toy poodle. The number of females of all ages who approach me (and my boyish good looks faded a long time ago to be replaced by balding fatish middleaged looks) is incredible. If I were minded I can get a conversation going with about 70% of the people I walk past- 95% if they have a dog.
2. Try speed dating- face to face and you can burn through a number of candidates quickly to see if there are any you like.
3. Break your current routine. Do something completely different as what you are doing now isn't working. Go on a boat cruise, help out at a charity over Christmas, go indoor rockclimbing, join a cycling group,shop at different times (in my local Woolies there are some nights where it seems to be mostly young, single/unaccompanied females there) take up an arts subject at Uni or Tafe part time.....just do something!
4. Keep mention of past relationships to a minimum and don't ***** about ex girlfriends.
5.Don't mention money. But if a girl is 30+ and has nothing to show for it you need to think long and hard about taking her on board.

 

[willair]

I think there are big differences in the expectations of people. A friend of mine 48, single, self employed with some assets, good looking and he dresses well (which women seem to like) relates the horrors of online dating. He tells of the 47 year old dentist of Asian heritage who said he must first defeat the "4 dragons" (her father and 3 brothers) before she will marry him and have children! She now stalks him , driving past his home every morning in her Porsche Boxter and slowing down. .

Tell your mate to stand outside in his underwear with a stubbie in his hand with a blow-up Doll that may fix the problem,btw I know a few Asian Dentists in their mid 40's un-married who drive black and white boxers i'll ask them at the predrinks Christmas party that should get me thrown out..

 

[TMNT]

The balance of power switches to the male as time goes on. A 20-25 y.o female can have who she wants but that changes over time. A 35 y.o. male doesn't want a 35 y.o female as that ties his options down to start having kids very soon. He wants a 25-30 y.o instead. Many women think at 35 that they will only accept a 8 or above- but if they wait a year or two they are now realistically looking at 6-7 and before long when they hit 40 they should take anything above a 4 or 5 if family/kids is a priority.

Sadly, many women have been deceived into thinking that they can have it all- a fulfilling career, enjoy the single life, meet mr right (with no baggage thank you very much) and settle down mid 30s and then kids at 35-38. The problem is many men don't want to fit to that timetable. Many of the good ones (men) have already been taken or don't want women in their mid 30s.
Many men still single at 40 are probably so for a reason so women need to accept men on the 2nd cycle- with kids and a divorce.

spot on, unfortunately feminism hasnt helped, along with gen Y's attitude, as gen y are now approaching or have reached 30,

they still believe that everything in the dating world should be handed to them on a platter combined with self entitlement, along with everything else in life. and now that the tables have turned against them, they arent happy and/or are very bitter about it.

its unfortunate to say that basically every woman ive been with and for my female relatives (who I have heaps of) you automatically get labelled immature, no good, useless, dont know anything about women if what they want is not what you want.

eg if you dont want kids you are labelled useless
if you dont want to buy a house with them, then you arent mature enough
if you dont want that payrise so she can have more money to spend on herself, then you arent good enough

etc. etc. etc.

unfortuantely, many of the women I meet (unfortuantely not doctors or lawyers or dentists, maybe I should look elsewhere) are stone broke and proud of it, they've have spent all their 20s in their crappy job on make up, clothes, while getting men to pay for their drinks. Its almost like its a battle scar to them, but yet they are very interested in my assets and what Ive been doing in my 20s and 30s in terms of a financial plan

yet if I mention that I was broke, then im automatically labelled as "not worth the oxygen".

 

[weg]

From what I've seen from couples i know that got together through these sites, most end up with someone very similar to themselves even when they appear outwardly different.

One is a friend who is great guy in every way - what i would consider a great catch - and he's ended up with an equally great lady, in every way.

Even their kids from both sides took to the new partners from day one - we see them regularly.

Another, a 45ish colleague, who I can only describe as a 'bad catch', would only accept a younger, good looking woman (made derogatory remarks about those that didn't meet his expectations), ended up with a much younger, good looking ice addict, with a criminal history. It was hardly a surprise to most that new him.

He has since lost his house, left his job to cash in his entitlements to pay her debts (he was that desperate), has a child to her, and is separated.

 

[TMNT]

From what I've seen from couples i know that got together through these sites, most end up with someone very similar to themselves even when they appear outwardly different.

One is a friend who is great guy in every way - what i would consider a great catch - and he's ended up with an equally great lady, in every way.

Even their kids from both sides took to the new partners from day one - we see them regularly.

Another, a 45ish colleague, who I can only describe as a 'bad catch', would only accept a younger, good looking woman (made derogatory remarks about those that didn't meet his expectations), ended up with a much younger, good looking ice addict, with a criminal history. It was hardly a surprise to most that new him.

He has since lost his house, left his job to cash in his entitlements to pay her debts (he was that desperate), has a child to her, and is separated.

and thats what I say to all people both male and female who seem to want to settle down with first availalbe fertile partner for the sake of breeding

is that, fast forward 10 years, you've got the offspring that you so desperately wanted, but will you be happy if you are broke, miserable, single, a single parent, paying child support, fighting for custody, fighting everyday about the kids???? if you are happy with that very likely scenario, then go for it

some people will never learn

edit: oh weg, your friend sounds like a royal loser, being no catch himself and only willing to accept young hot ladies, so many men are deluded in that respect

 

[weg]

and thats what I say to all people both male and female who seem to want to settle down with first availalbe fertile partner for the sake of breeding

is that, fast forward 10 years, you've got the offspring that you so desperately wanted, but will you be happy if you are broke, miserable, single, a single parent, paying child support, fighting for custody, fighting everyday about the kids???? if you are happy with that very likely scenario, then go for it

some people will never learn

edit: oh weg, your friend sounds like a royal loser, being no catch himself and only willing to accept young hot ladies, so many men are deluded in that respect

He was just a narcissistic, pea brain, that's all. They come in both male and female, although narcissism is (?was) statistically more prevalent in males.

As far as I know -haven't seen him for a while- the son is with him most of the time.

He has another son, now grown up from another partnership who spent a lot of time with him too. I worked with him then so know this was the case.

I don't think he's ever had to fight for these children. Quite the opposite in fact.

 

[BayView]

So what happens if the truth is you do drive an E class merc and live in a Sydney waterfront apartment? Should this truth be well hidden in an effort to appear "normal"?

I simply wouldn't mention it.

If the lady asks what you drive, or where you live, she will be categorising and judging you, and not know you yet.

It would be a nice surprise for the lady a bit further down the track to see you are a man of means.

The first date could/ should be a meet them at some public and mutually interesting venue/event.....neutral territory, so to speak, and no doodads to take the focus of either of you.

Go there by pub transport, (or drive to a spot near there and park the Merc well hidden from her view), meet her at the venue, have the date and see how the chemistry goes.

Then, when it seems to be going well, offer to pick her up at her place, or meet her somewhere to pick her up in the Merc.

Might seal the deal that way.

 

[Jen_PFR]

I agree with Bayview. I wouldn't mention my asset base in the first conversation. It'll come up at a later and more natural junction, if things go well. If not, well, at least the guy wouldn't walk away talking about the cashed up chick he wasn't interested in. It's not withholding information, it's more about the appropriate time and place. You wouldn't introduce yourself to someone and then say, 'Oh and I'm a member of Mensa' either.... at least, I hope you wouldn't

 

[geoffw]

You wouldn't introduce yourself to someone and then say, 'Oh and I'm a member of Mensa' either.... at least, I hope you wouldn't

I wouldn't ever say that ;-)

Btw mensa is a Spanish word- meaning stupid- in the feminine form.

 

[gottabespotless]

The gold digger paranoia is interesting.

Wealthier men seem to be afraid that a woman will only be interested in them due to the lifestyle their money and assets can provide her. Yet so many men want the little 'hottie' chick to make them feel like King **** to their mates. How superficial on both parts. Not saying anyone in particular on this forum - just in general.

A woman with good looks is like a man with money. Both have to be very careful that the motives and intentions of any potential partner are genuine.

 

[TMNT]

Fair point

Shallow as it may sound
Beauty is an asset and characteristic
Money is just a number

You can lose and gain money easy
Beauty you cannot unless you get hit by a bus

 

[Blacky]

Fair point

Beauty you cannot unless you get hit by a bus

I disagree with that. Physical beauty can be lost with time.

I know this may sound corny but the beauty of a person is rarely external. How many "hotties" do you know who you just struggle to talk to. And how many "fuglies" do you know who are your best friend?

I know all my friends say Im the one only a mother could love - Im the "fugly" best friend. But Im just such a nice guy girls fall over themselves for me.

Or maybe its cos they think Im rich... its hard to tell sometimes.

 

[TMNT]

I disagree with that. Physical beauty can be lost with time.

I know this may sound corny but the beauty of a person is rarely external. How many "hotties" do you know who you just struggle to talk to. And how many "fuglies" do you know who are your best friend?

I know all my friends say Im the one only a mother could love - Im the "fugly" best friend. But Im just such a nice guy girls fall over themselves for me.

Or maybe its cos they think Im rich... its hard to tell sometimes.

Yes I agree u will lose physical beauty over time

But that's part of life
You get old
You lose beauty
You get more sick
Men lose hair
Your eyesight gets worse

Relationships are about taking the good and the bad


Also I'm gonna cop flack for this comment but I think prettier people on average have far worse personalities

That's because they get awAy with it in life in many aspects. People who lets say are uglier and have car. Personalities will be single for ever hence they will adjust when they need to

Its human nature to get complacent with things that you don't need or feel the need to addrrss

Just like online dating, so many female profiles are full of demands, criteria lists and attitude

That's why once you get to 30s or 40s the majority of the arrogance and attitude diminishes greatly

 

[Ed Barton]

I would have thought truth should be of paramount importance at the commencement of every important relationship.

I've got a pic of my companies annual report and my tax return as my main photo.