Tasers!

[Tizzy]

I've been stewing about this since the weekend. My 16 year old son slept over at a friends with a number of mates and the friend's Dad brought out a taser. Yes they are illegal, he brought it in from Thailand it seems.

The instrument was being shown around and my son decided it would be fun to see what it felt like, so he gave his permission to be tasered!

I am furious that this has happened and can't believe an adult would be so irresponsible. What if my son had a heart condition or something?? As it is he is very impulsive, constantly engaging in risky challenging activities and this is just one of them, but this particular activity shouldn't have happened!

Son knows I'm not happy but doesn't want me to talk to the parent who tasered him because he was a willing participant.

What would you do to follow up?

 

[Kristine..]

What would you do to follow up?

Tizzy

Some years ago the Primary School Concert included a skit where the teachers were hill billys and pulled a gun on and shot the Bank Manager because they couldn't pay the mortgage on the farm.

This was in an auditorium full of children, parents and grandparents.

I spoke to the Police the next day and they paid a Courtesy Visit to the School.

I also wrote to the School Council expressing my serious concern that the skit had been included in the Concert and that senior teachers and staff members had taken part.

To my total disbelief I received a letter from the School Council saying that the skit had been 'tongue in cheek' and that the teachers and staff had their 'full support'.

Some time later, a friend approached me and said that she was sorry that she hadn't supported me at the time, as some years earlier her younger brother, calling in to a friend's place after school, had been shot dead by his friend with a gun kept under the father's bed.


Tizzy, I appreciate your concern. The Tazer is illegal, the father has 'shown off' in front of the young men and if this had occured with my children I would definitely be having a word with the local constabulary.


The father does not deserve your silence and protection. Your Son does deserve your protection and if harm comes to someone else by the irresponsible actions of this father, and you did nothing about this, you would always feel that you had a part in the harm.


Needless to say, the friendly welcome at the school vanished immediately after the Concert, but I could live with that. I certainly could not live with the stupidity of the skit and the reprehensible example it held up to the children

Cheers
Kristine

 

[Perp]

Wow, Tizzy, that's so reminiscent of "Judge Judy" yesterday... A 16yo girl went for a sleepover and came home with a TATTOO done by the neighbour of her hosts, with the knowledge of the father of the family.

Judge Judy took the hosts to the cleaners; ripped them a new one as only she can... They had to pay thousands for tattoo removal.

Given that going on Judge Judy probably isn't an option I'm not sure what I'd do. From a completely neutral perspective, you should probably go to the police, because they have a Taser (which is illegal), and because I think they'd be found to have assaulted your son (I'm not sure if a 16yo can consent to being assaulted).

I'm sure you'd be made out to be the bad guy for having "dobbed", but seriously, what sort of idiot not only let his kids know that he has an illegal weapon, but USES that weapon on minors?

 

[fokas]

Did you son open up and tell you about it? I'd be worried that the ramifications of doing something about this would mean that he would never tell you anything ever again, and learn how to hide his future risk taking behaviour from you.

 

[Perp]

Did you son open up and tell you about it? I'd be worried that the ramifications of doing something about this would mean that he would never tell you anything ever again, and learn how to hide his future risk taking behaviour from you.

Yes, I share that concern, too. Good point!

 

[Ms Jade]

O...M..G. I cannot believe that an adult would use an illegal weapon on a 16yr old boy. What was this guy doing? Trying to be the big man in the group?! Seriously. If it were me, I would never forgive myself for doing nothing and I know it would always be at the back of my mind that I should have. I wouldn't want to set an example of upholding the ridiculous Aussie "not dobbing" culture; especially if it shows a 16yr old that this kind of illegal behaviour is OK. Doing nothing means that we give our tacit agreement that what happened is OK. It's not. Luckily your son does not have a heart condition, but the next person who gets tasered by this man, or his son when he gets a hold of it, might have. The fact that your son wasn’t hurt (thank goodness!) is immaterial to the principle. Is it OK for a friend’s parents to give drugs to a kid ‘cos the kid said it was OK?
I don't have children BTW, but that's not the point. I would probably go to the parents rather than the police in the first instance and suggest that they hand the thing in or I might tell the police for them. This man is an ADULT (supposedly) and should have more reasoning power than a 16 year old. 16 yr olds cannot legally give their permission to have sex with a teacher either, because the adult is in a position of responsibility and is supposed to do the right thing REGARDLESS of the recklessness of teenagers. I would talk to your son about why you have to do something. Apologise for embarrassing him but tell him that one day he will hopefully understand why you can’t stand idly by.

 

[vbplease]

Tizzy, although its pretty irresponsible of the father... I think your energy is better spent teaching your son to be responsible for his own actions.

Soon enough your son will be old enough to go to Thailand himself and there's not much you can do to "dob in" the illegal traders, drug smugglers, etc etc.. You can only rely on the common sense you instill in him.

 

[vincenzo]

I agree with your concerns Tizzy.

If i was in your situation, i would want to go over there and put the guy in hospital or worse, for tasering my child, but i would try and do the sensible thing instead, which is immediately reporting the incident to the police.
They will go over there, confiscate the taser, and he will most likely be charged. I would be more than happy to be the one to press charges if neccessary aswell, if i was in this situation.

An adult is supposed to be responsible for children in his supervision, not do things like give car keys to a child and then ask them if they want to go for a spin, etc.

It is important to teach children about things like irresponsibility, consequences, and everything else, but if you were to let this incident go, then you aren't doing your job as a responsible parent. This immature adult also needs to be taught a lesson.

I most definitely would not be apologizing to my child for doing my job as a parent either!

 

[AlmostBob]

What if::

Parent of friend brought home a Chinese manufactured AK47(easily available, now safely decomissioned & unworkable hangs on mess bar wall) from Thailand, what then would the demonstration look like on the children.

striped sunlight the bugger

 

[Tizzy]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I really do appreciate them. I'm absolutely rung out and I've hardly slept because of this so I will be taking some action.

There are going to be ramifications whatever I do. There are long term friendships involved here too, this is not just a new friend of my son. My son tells me most things and is mortified that I could take this further.

It probably wasn't a good idea for me to raise this on a forum, but I felt it was being dismissed too lightly by my family and that's raised another issue in itself.

 

[vincenzo]

A couple mention that doing the right thing will ruin the trust between you and your child.

That depends on how you go about it. If you give your child and everyone a hard time about it, then it probably will make your child regret telling you.
But if you come across as the supportive carer, that won't let anyone do wrong by him without paying for it, then you'd be just re-enforcing him to come to you whenever he wants to.

Doing nothing, encorages situations such as a friend damages his car in a small parking incident, and the son doesn't want to make them pay for it, just to avoid confrontation.

Or a coworker thinks it's funny to play pranks on him, such as removing some bolts from his chair, etc. No point confronting the prankster and then reporting the incident to his superior, better to just let things go?

So i guess the decision is do you want your son to get used to letting people walk all over him, or give him examples of how to stand up for himself?

 

[Aaron Sice]

i wouldn't worry what your son thinks. you're his mum - and that's that.

he is 16 and under the eyes of the law is not legally allowed to make decision for himself while he is under your care.

while bringing in the taser itself from Thailand - while illegal - is still a silly and trivial matter for referral to the law, but for an adult to say "yeah sure, no probs mate, i'll shoot you with it" is just plain stupid.

then again, 16yo's are bigger and smarter than they were 10 years ago when i was one.

i think you need to lay out in front of you who you are more angry with. the above advice is very good IMO.

i can see the macho side of it - the "proving yourself to your mates" side of things. having mummy step in and get huffy about it - from his POV - is poor form when it comes to face with his friends again.

i don't know what i would do. with boys it's never clear cut as to what ramifications will be laid down socially as a result of a parent stepping in. but then, exercising your authority is still your right at your discretion.

that's a difficult one.

 

[BayView]

I've been stewing about this since the weekend. My 16 year old son slept over at a friends with a number of mates and the friend's Dad brought out a taser. Yes they are illegal, he brought it in from Thailand it seems.

You just know that the Dad is a total bogan drop-kick when they do stuff like go to Thailand and buy illegal weapons and show-off to the kids to make himself feel like a real man.

Unfortunately, as you say; the son was a willing participant. Kids will experiment unfortunately, and teenage boys are bullet-proof; just ask them.

Better off to encourage the son to get away from that household and find some intelligent friends, or friends with intelligent parents.

 

[Simon]

You are the adult.

Act like one and your son will one day respect it.

This isn't a popularity contest where you have to be the child's best friend.

Yu know what the right thing to do is. What example are you setting your son if you do otherwise.

Too many people take the easy path.

 

[depreciator]

I would let it go. Your son has spent several days terrified of you doing something. I'm not sure what going through with it will achieve - apart from getting the dopey dad in trouble.
I reckon you will achieve more by telling your son that you are not going to take it any further but making him understand the risks he exposed himself to.
And of course, if there were a few kids there, maybe word will get around anyway.
Scott

 

[ermen]

Yeah I agree - you really don't have much to gain by going to the police. If I were you, I would probably just speak to the Dad involved and make him aware of the potential liability if someone dies using it.

But on the legal front I am not sure if you have a duty to report the weapon?

 

[Y33]

Don't want to worry you further but have you taken your son for a medical check up.

Electric shocks of this type can cause damage that may not show up until a few weeks later.

I would pay the father a visit and remind him that he may be up for any medical costs that could occur as the result of his actions. No matter what he says do not get in to any debate or argument. Just let him know you are taking your son for a check up and will be doing so every 3 months for the next year and the bills will be shared between the two of you as your son is also accountable. The hospital staff may or may not report the incidence. This then takes the blame off you if they do.

Explain to your son that the check up are a necessary precaution. Although he may feel okay now he needs to watch for signs of headaches, dizziness, tingling or numbness in fingers or toes, and tiredness after light exercise or any memory lapses. Make sure the hospital does an ECG each time and that this is checked.

 

[eXc]

My concern would be why does he have it at all? If they had an illegal gun, would you report it? If so, this is no different.

The fact that he has it is a concern, the fact that he will USE it, shows he doesn't just have it for collecting purposes.

*shrugs* your call, but without knowing the situation fully, I'd report it. It's not gonna be nice when the kid decides it's funny to take it to school one day...

 

[depreciator]

Not sure I would bother confronting the dad. He'd be an idiot, so nothing you say will worry him. And your son will be a pariah.
But it's a good idea to get your son checked out. The chances of there being a problem are incredibly remote, but dragging him to the doctor may make him appreciate the potential danger of those things. It would be handy if the doctor could put on his stern face.

 

[kissfan]

and teenage boys are bullet-proof; just ask them.

Even taser proof .

Difficult one Tizzy.

Do you actually know the parent yourself? If so, perhaps a 'friendly' phone call or visit to express your concern. Even if you don't know the parent, it still may not hurt.

Personally, I don't think I'd be contacting the police etc as son is alright and as already mentioned, maybe he has learnt a lesson from seeing how (rightly so) concerned you were/are.

Regards
Marty