....this "friendship" that I refer to, is only relatively new. Call this personal relationship due diligence. /
Does a 10 year old age gap make a material impact?
- Thread starter buzzlightyear
- Start date
Oi! That's my member title you're abusing there
My goal this year is to try very hard to not go tooooo far over 65kg. Might be pushing it there ...Statistically the more similar you are to your partner the better the odds are. Similar in looks, tastes, beliefs, education, finances etc. That's why a 'young' older person and an 'old' younger person can get on so well if they match up.
My partner and I are very similar looking (although he's trying to get rid of the pot belly he's developed lately and mine just keeps getting bigger), reasonably similar backgrounds, very similar values and beliefs. The age gap is just close enough we had similar childhoods, similar TV shows, music tastes etc. I'm overeducated and had assets when we met, he is a uni dropout (of almost the same course I graduated from). The funny thing is, I'm the one with a handful of exes and a previous child, he has none, but he's the one with all the baggage and is in therapy at the moment and I'm giving him advice on how to be all happy and well adjusted and stuff. We (including his shrink) blame it all on his mother.
We met accidentally on the internet in a computer game
The bitter women don't just think it.
Classic example a few years back when coming through customs in oz.
IO: Tells my wife to stand back when we both crossed the line together to hand in passports and mutters another plane load that can't read English. I explain we are together. Without battering an eye lid the IO then replies bride to be or daughter? My wife responds to her I think you and I are the same age would you like some beauty tips. IO comes back with you will learn what aussie men are like. Wife, yes I have and much nicer than some aussie women. A few more exchanges followed.
Cut along story short IO refuse to stamp wife's passport and wants her to go join the long line of foreigners coming in. I ask for the shift supervisor and after a quick discussion the IO is removed from her desk and we all go to an interview room and apologies are given by IO and shift supervisor. After the IO leaves shift supervisor explains IO has recently been through a bad divorce and would I take that into consideration before filling out a complaint form. Both my wife and I replied the apology was enough and no complaint form needed.
Classic example a few years back when coming through customs in oz.
IO: Tells my wife to stand back when we both crossed the line together to hand in passports and mutters another plane load that can't read English. I explain we are together. Without battering an eye lid the IO then replies bride to be or daughter? My wife responds to her I think you and I are the same age would you like some beauty tips. IO comes back with you will learn what aussie men are like. Wife, yes I have and much nicer than some aussie women. A few more exchanges followed.
Cut along story short IO refuse to stamp wife's passport and wants her to go join the long line of foreigners coming in. I ask for the shift supervisor and after a quick discussion the IO is removed from her desk and we all go to an interview room and apologies are given by IO and shift supervisor. After the IO leaves shift supervisor explains IO has recently been through a bad divorce and would I take that into consideration before filling out a complaint form. Both my wife and I replied the apology was enough and no complaint form needed.
Is it ever anyone else?
buzz - just jump in head first and enjoy the swim. If it doesn't work out, big deal. At least you'll never die wondering.
The "30 Flip". Until they hit 30 women let men do the chasing, once they hit 30 women do the chasing (whether they make it look that way or not). Have seen it the past few years with several female friends hitting early 30's and suddenly no longer being commitment phobes or that guy who wasn't good enough two years ago suddenly seems an amazing prospect (if they can manipulate a situation to catch his eye)
I"m sure some women are commitment phobic, but as for me, I was so insecure, I always assumed men were not interested in me. So, if they smiled, or showed any interest, I fobbed them off.... not because I didn't want them, or wanted something better, but simply because I couldn't fathom anyone being interested. A few years ago, I met up with a guy I went to college with, and he told me he was keen on me at college.... I had NO idea.
Actually, even when my husband first asked me out, I was so shocked that I said no........ and after a few days of feeling bad, had to crawl back and say I'd changed my mind.
So, don't assume all knock backs are the result of arrogance, or bitternes. Some of us just don't get it, and you have to persist!
Pen
Actually, even when my husband first asked me out, I was so shocked that I said no........ and after a few days of feeling bad, had to crawl back and say I'd changed my mind.
So, don't assume all knock backs are the result of arrogance, or bitternes. Some of us just don't get it, and you have to persist!
Pen
Amazing what those ovaries can do, eh
I've chased many men in my time. In fact I was the one that asked my now husband out for the first time and I was only 21! No point being shy I reckon. What's the worst that can happen - they say no. So what? I've been rejected more times than I care to count, but I still kept going back for more.
Great attitude!
Edit: Blah!
Good for you, Savanna100!
Great attitude, and largely true.
Another good point!
My hubby's brother has been married for 20 years to a woman 13 years older than him. They got together when he was 25 and she was 38. She had two teenage sons and they decided not to have any children together. She was able to retire at 55, where he'll probably have to work until 60, so she'll have 20 years retired before he joins her in retirement. It seems to work for them.
As so many have pointed out the 10 year age gap is no biggie especially at this older age.
If it doesn't work out it will be because of issues not relating to age.
My aunt was engaged to be married to a 28 yo when she was 46. That marriage ended up not going ahead because he was such a 'dead head' and my aunt liked travelling, enjoying a large social group and going out.
I was only a bit younger than him at the time but remember we were a generation (or two) apart.
If it doesn't work out it will be because of issues not relating to age.
My aunt was engaged to be married to a 28 yo when she was 46. That marriage ended up not going ahead because he was such a 'dead head' and my aunt liked travelling, enjoying a large social group and going out.
I was only a bit younger than him at the time but remember we were a generation (or two) apart
.
When I was 42 I was involved with a 29 yo girl.
It was flattering and fun at a time when I needed it,
But the major issue that probably precipitated the downfall was our different ideas of what was important. She had a great job but didn't save a cent. More shoes than anyone I have ever met. She acted as though the future would never happen or maybe some fellow would solve all of that. She maybe wanted a baby in the distant future but wasn't sure really. At least wanted the possibility. I told her that wasn't happening with me - esp in the distant future.
This attitude was prevalent in more single women I met than not. Maybe it was why they were single.
I'd excuse the women who read this forum - the ones I met just thought investing was what guys did and thought clothing was their major investment.
But I must admit I find it hard to keep my eyes off the younger women
It was flattering and fun at a time when I needed it,
But the major issue that probably precipitated the downfall was our different ideas of what was important. She had a great job but didn't save a cent. More shoes than anyone I have ever met. She acted as though the future would never happen or maybe some fellow would solve all of that. She maybe wanted a baby in the distant future but wasn't sure really. At least wanted the possibility. I told her that wasn't happening with me - esp in the distant future.
This attitude was prevalent in more single women I met than not. Maybe it was why they were single.
I'd excuse the women who read this forum - the ones I met just thought investing was what guys did and thought clothing was their major investment.
But I must admit I find it hard to keep my eyes off the younger women
But I must admit I find it hard to keep my eyes off the younger women
Why would you not want to? Perving is Australians' second favourite pasttime after drinking beer.
Women look too, we just don't call it 'perving' that's all.
going back to the op's original question - age doesn't matter, you gotta have that passion for each other, to want to make it work. Every relationship has its positived and negatives, but if you both don't want to make it work, it won't work. If you both do, nothing can stop it from working out
BTW, Buzzlightyear, you still there? I'm sure we'd all love to hear from you about how it's going.
Okay, so it looks like we have the traditional Aussie thread on dating and relationships, the general ballet goes as follows:
So, guys, grow a pair. You went and spoke to a woman and she wasn't friendly. So then you stomped your feet, started to sulk, picked up your ball and hollered at the top of your voice: "If you're not going to play nice, then I'm not going to play at all" and stormed off of the playground.
Result: You're not happy, she's not happy.
Look, I used to be in that camp. No girls and I blamed them for making it hard for me. Don't do that, it may give you some sick sense of comfort (as it did for me) to play the victim, but it's juvenile and won't help anything.
Look, rejection is not personal. And if it is, so what? So she wasn't into you, great. She's just saved you an incredible amount of time you would've otherwise wasted if she didn't reject you out of being polite. Besides, rejection doesn't exist, take it as valuable feedback.
Now, this statement may get me in trouble, but I don't believe women are ever saying "no", I just believe they're saying: "not yet". So, if I go to kiss a girl and she turns me down. I smile, laugh, tell her she's into me and try again later. I don't sulk, I don't get upset, I just understand she isn't ready yet. If she didn't like me, she would leave and I would read it in her body language. I don't try to kiss girls who don't like me.
So, go over, chat to the girl and know that if you're doing your job properly, you'll get 3 flat rejections out of 10, 4 so-so reactions, 2 girls who are interested and one girl who will be really damn keen. Oh, and it doesn't matter how negative their body language is when you walk up.
Even the mean ones, they're glad you tried and you'll make a lot of girls feel desired. Aussie women like it just as much as European women - they're just not used to having it happen, so stop blaming them.
As for the ones who are rude or mean, they may have just had a nasty breakup, they might be lesbians, they might be in a horrible mood, they might have been raped a week ago, they might... it could go on forever, just stop making it personal to yourself.
It's wonderful being a guy so it pisses me off to hear Aussie guys playing the victim card. Guys, we can do whatever we want and chase girls and we're not judged negatively for it. This isn't true for women. If you think how this effects everything else, then you should realise that the deck is stacked ridiculously in our favour.
We can go up and talk to any woman and she'll love it. Women constantly have to worry about being labeled a sl*t (unfairly, imo, but that's simply the reality) and have to protect their reputation and worry about what friends/family will think. We don't. They also have to (from evolution) deal with all the negative consequences of sex which, until very very recently, had a significantly high chance of leading to death during pregnancy for women.
So can't you imagine why women want to test you to check you're a legitimate guy with good intentions.
Oh and look at how their body language is responding, not what they're saying. My personal favourite is when I hear: "We shouldn't do this" that's when I know it's on. I prefer to say that first, it always gets a laugh and they know two things: that you really know what's going on and that it's on.
So, I know that covered a lot of ground. But I honestly feel like slapping Aussie guys with a but hefty mullet across the face when they complain about Aussie women or the difficulty of meeting women.
Guys, it is far trickier for girls and you just have to grow a thick skin - it's worth it.
For girls, I don't know what to do if you can't find a guy. I'd just say to adopt a hobby that has a lot of guys there - like rock climbing, it's also a good workout and you'll have your pick of the blokes. Otherwise I'm pretty useless. The website I run is designed for helping men not women.
Oh and if you see a cute girl you want to meet, here's your default:
Go up to the girl, get her attention and look around like you're really confused and say: "Hey, did you invite all these people? I thought it was just going to be you and me" works well in any public place with people around.
If she's with another girl, walk up and say: "Oh, this is so cute, first date?" and point to both of them.
If they;re rude, they've disqualified themselves and you can just say: "No sense of humour huh? That's a shame. Pleasure meeting you." and walk away. Always be polite, it's not her fault if she wasn't raised with good manners or is having a bad day.
Okay, so it looks like we have the traditional Aussie thread on dating and relationships, the general ballet goes as follows:
- It kicks off with an innocent question involving dating and/or relationships and/or sex
- Next we have some genuine advice and fresh questions
- Then enters some politically incorrect and maybe even gender biased advice,, either way, something not strictly mainstream in thinking
- Then enters the counterpoint to the previous advice.
- Then, and this one is not optional, a man will complain about the difficulty of meeting Aussie women, or the woman will complain about the difficulty of finding a decent guy.
- In response to the men, the women will say it's easier for guys and the men will say Aussie women are stuck up and impossible to talk to
- Some men will say they meet women from other cultures, the women will say they're just as happy alone
- The men will scoff their disbelief that women could be happy alone and the women will accuse the men of choosing a dimwitted woman who is only interested in their money
- Next the men defend their women of other cultures and cite their intelligence and warmth as their strong points, they'll counter that the older single women are not truly happy and will recall real-life observations that prove older women are secretly desperate
- The happily married or long term relationship people will pop their head up, scan the terrain and conclude that both sides are nuts and way off, then they'll log off to watch tele with their significant others
- The debate gets more heated as men start blaming women for the undesirable characteristics they find in men and women will claim it's mostly a myth and those behaviors don't apply to them. Specifically, the women will say they are friendly, warm and open to guys and that they don't know anyone who is rude to men.
- Someone will pipe up, tell the men to grow a pair and to take responibility for their own happiness and to deal with rejection and not to take it personally. They'll admit that they don't have any answers for women.
So, guys, grow a pair. You went and spoke to a woman and she wasn't friendly. So then you stomped your feet, started to sulk, picked up your ball and hollered at the top of your voice: "If you're not going to play nice, then I'm not going to play at all" and stormed off of the playground.
Result: You're not happy, she's not happy.
Look, I used to be in that camp. No girls and I blamed them for making it hard for me. Don't do that, it may give you some sick sense of comfort (as it did for me) to play the victim, but it's juvenile and won't help anything.
Look, rejection is not personal. And if it is, so what? So she wasn't into you, great. She's just saved you an incredible amount of time you would've otherwise wasted if she didn't reject you out of being polite. Besides, rejection doesn't exist, take it as valuable feedback.
Now, this statement may get me in trouble, but I don't believe women are ever saying "no", I just believe they're saying: "not yet". So, if I go to kiss a girl and she turns me down. I smile, laugh, tell her she's into me and try again later. I don't sulk, I don't get upset, I just understand she isn't ready yet. If she didn't like me, she would leave and I would read it in her body language. I don't try to kiss girls who don't like me.
So, go over, chat to the girl and know that if you're doing your job properly, you'll get 3 flat rejections out of 10, 4 so-so reactions, 2 girls who are interested and one girl who will be really damn keen. Oh, and it doesn't matter how negative their body language is when you walk up.
Even the mean ones, they're glad you tried and you'll make a lot of girls feel desired. Aussie women like it just as much as European women - they're just not used to having it happen, so stop blaming them.
As for the ones who are rude or mean, they may have just had a nasty breakup, they might be lesbians, they might be in a horrible mood, they might have been raped a week ago, they might... it could go on forever, just stop making it personal to yourself.
It's wonderful being a guy so it pisses me off to hear Aussie guys playing the victim card. Guys, we can do whatever we want and chase girls and we're not judged negatively for it. This isn't true for women. If you think how this effects everything else, then you should realise that the deck is stacked ridiculously in our favour.
We can go up and talk to any woman and she'll love it. Women constantly have to worry about being labeled a sl*t (unfairly, imo, but that's simply the reality) and have to protect their reputation and worry about what friends/family will think. We don't. They also have to (from evolution) deal with all the negative consequences of sex which, until very very recently, had a significantly high chance of leading to death during pregnancy for women.
So can't you imagine why women want to test you to check you're a legitimate guy with good intentions.
Oh and look at how their body language is responding, not what they're saying. My personal favourite is when I hear: "We shouldn't do this" that's when I know it's on. I prefer to say that first, it always gets a laugh and they know two things: that you really know what's going on and that it's on.
So, I know that covered a lot of ground. But I honestly feel like slapping Aussie guys with a but hefty mullet across the face when they complain about Aussie women or the difficulty of meeting women.
Guys, it is far trickier for girls and you just have to grow a thick skin - it's worth it.
For girls, I don't know what to do if you can't find a guy. I'd just say to adopt a hobby that has a lot of guys there - like rock climbing, it's also a good workout and you'll have your pick of the blokes. Otherwise I'm pretty useless. The website I run is designed for helping men not women.
Oh and if you see a cute girl you want to meet, here's your default:
Go up to the girl, get her attention and look around like you're really confused and say: "Hey, did you invite all these people? I thought it was just going to be you and me" works well in any public place with people around.
If she's with another girl, walk up and say: "Oh, this is so cute, first date?" and point to both of them.
If they;re rude, they've disqualified themselves and you can just say: "No sense of humour huh? That's a shame. Pleasure meeting you." and walk away. Always be polite, it's not her fault if she wasn't raised with good manners or is having a bad day.
kudos to gary ... very true.
i said no to hubby when he first asked my out on a date (a swim at the local ocean baths) because i had only broken up from a relationship a few months earlier and felt "panicked". i then went along to where he suggested we met hoping he'd be there - and there he was.
12 years later ...
i said no to hubby when he first asked my out on a date (a swim at the local ocean baths) because i had only broken up from a relationship a few months earlier and felt "panicked". i then went along to where he suggested we met hoping he'd be there - and there he was.
12 years later ...
