from my experience on rsvp, with women over 40yo:
- it's like walking into a nightclub. there's all sorts, and you'll have similar values to only a few, depending how conventional you are. As others have said it is a numbers game, and you need filters so as not waste your time, energy, money. Based on this, it is quite natural to be rejected 9 out of 10 times, until you refine filters. examples of filters - women who say 'I love the outdoors, going to gym everyday, and looking after myself', and not much else, are unlikely to be into high brow theatre and classical music. When reading a profile, take note of what is said, but more importantly what is not. If a profile doesn't immediately have several points of resonance, then don't let the photos suck you in.
- the written profile...
spelling mistakes, poor grammar, limited vocab, inability to write easily are deal breakers for many women.
Use a spell checker, and have a savvy friend or two read your profile.
Don't use stock catch phrases that are common to lots of other profiles.
Don't say much about past relationships. women want you living in the now focused on the future, having processed and learned from your past and moved your emotions on.
- women really do just want to have fun and be happy. so a sense of humor and light nature is appealing. Be careful not to come across rigid and narrow minded. There's no need to focus on or list what you don't like. You can communicate that by putting in what you do like...it makes you sound like a more positive person to not list out negatives.
- Women are attracted to someone who knows themself well and are self confident but don't have an arrogant or superior manner.
If a woman's appearance and physicality are important to you, and you are overweight and unhealthy, you are grossly unrealistic. get your health sorted. More often than not, lifestyle correctable health issues are indicative of poor self discipline and character, and a general sense of directionlessness in life.
Yes women lie on profiles, as do men. And they will attempt to discover your financial status, subtly or otherwise.
Once contact is established, I try to discover a little more via 2 or 3 emails, then straight to talking on the phone. The voice and chat are much more revealing. I suggest not using your primary phone. instead, buy a cheap prepaid one. It's rare to have trouble, but I know of one man and several women who ended up having to change their main mobile number.
I never offer to pay for coffee or first meal. I expect them to pay for themselves.
I don't have too much trouble reading someone's body language and sincerity. If you do, I'd suggest talking to friends about it and reading a book or two. Words hide deeper feelings too easily.
In general, I think it is too easy to waste a lot of time and energy looking for a partner this way. (but so is going to parties, nightclubs, etc.)
As for pics, avoid selfies, esp in your bedroom or bathroom. They scream lack of intelligence, imagination, and resourcefulness. preferred pics - doing something rather than posing, being with others enjoying yourself (but not getting smashed, smiling rather than grimacing, clear shot of face and eyes, in focus, well lit. include body, though don't do the blatant hard bod expose. have several pics and include one very well dressed in suit. one in work clothes is also telling. avoid a reel of pics of you posing in front of various landmarks on your latest OS holiday, alone!
I know many over 40s who have met online and have been happily tgethre for years. I've had a couple of false starts, but n general the net s jst anthrer way to meet. You get all sorts. Don't let rejection get you down. Just keep refining what it is you are looking for, and becoming a better person yourself.
