How to deal with -ve people

[spanna]

I'm sure most people on here have come across it at some stage in your investing careers . But how do you deal with negative people who no matter what there relation to you can't seem to fathom what your trying to achieve through property investing! I would just like to know how you guys deal with people who try an empose their fears and negativity onto you?

Is it a case of just wait and I'll show you?

 

[Jamie M]

I don't talk to people (friends/family that is) about it - that sorts the problem out.

If they come to me asking for my thoughts/opinions/advice - I'm happy to provide it.

Cheers

Jamie

 

[Spades]

Hi spanna,

Best not telling negative nellies what your doing.

Just keep on doing what your doing quietly and keep your cards to yourself.

Cheers Spades.

 

[Player]

Love your family........choose your peers.

Don't share with those who aren't on the same path or journey. Enjoy their company in other social ways and if those who know what you're trying to achieve bag you and are all limits talk and risk talk, then change the topic or if that doesn't work limit the amount of time you spend with them.

Keep social things social and share you investing process/goals with who celebrate you, not tolerate you or want to chop you down.

You're in good company on this forum

 

[skater]

I don't talk to people (friends/family that is) about it - that sorts the problem out.

If they come to me asking for my thoughts/opinions/advice - I'm happy to provide it.

Same here! Most of our family know we have property, but that's as far as it goes. We learnt early on that discussing it with those who have no interest is a bad idea.

Here's a run down on how we were viewed:

Many years ago now, at a family gathering, we let it be known that we'd purchased an IP. Lots of congratulations, pats on the back, etc. You're doing well for yourself, coming up in the world, good for you....... All good!

A little while later when we purchased IP2, the comments changed to "Oh gee, you are doing well", "So soon!" "how can you afford that?" etc, with an expectation that our disposable income had also increased because we were 'rich'.

After IP3, it changed again to "Really?", "Don't you think you're being greedy?", "How many properties can you live in?" etc.........

Well, we went past IP3 a long time ago now. We don't mention it anymore. A couple of our family know we've got a reasonable amount, but they have an IP of their own. Others have no idea at all. They assume we've got a few, but the only time we talk about it is if someone is interested in it, & then it's basically only to answer their questions.

 

[chilliblue]

Same as the above. Only a few family members and a lot less friends know about our investments.

 

[Tigger]

As with everyone else, I say little to anyone except those who are like-minded. Some others know but I don't discuss with them unless they ask and then I keep it generic.

 

[MTR]

I'm sure most people on here have come across it at some stage in your investing careers . But how do you deal with negative people who no matter what there relation to you can't seem to fathom what your trying to achieve through property investing! I would just like to know how you guys deal with people who try an empose their fears and negativity onto you?

Is it a case of just wait and I'll show you?

But is it negativity or jealousy???
I have a German friend who always uses that word "Schadenfreude", perhaps there is a little of that in all of us.

http://yoganonymous.com/7-signs-your-friend-may-be-jealous-what-you-can-do-about-it/

 

[cimbom]

Same here! Most of our family know we have property, but that's as far as it goes. We learnt early on that discussing it with those who have no interest is a bad idea.

Here's a run down on how we were viewed:

Many years ago now, at a family gathering, we let it be known that we'd purchased an IP. Lots of congratulations, pats on the back, etc. You're doing well for yourself, coming up in the world, good for you....... All good!

A little while later when we purchased IP2, the comments changed to "Oh gee, you are doing well", "So soon!" "how can you afford that?" etc, with an expectation that our disposable income had also increased because we were 'rich'.

After IP3, it changed again to "Really?", "Don't you think you're being greedy?", "How many properties can you live in?" etc.........

Well, we went past IP3 a long time ago now. We don't mention it anymore. A couple of our family know we've got a reasonable amount, but they have an IP of their own. Others have no idea at all. They assume we've got a few, but the only time we talk about it is if someone is interested in it, & then it's basically only to answer their questions.

I think we'll be taking this approach as well. We got the "how can you afford that" question after a PPOR and 1 IP and only a very small number of people know about the latter

 

[weg]

But is it negativity or jealousy???

http://yoganonymous.com/7-signs-your-friend-may-be-jealous-what-you-can-do-about-it/

It could be both or either but it could also be that the subject keeps getting raised and others aren't interested.

If someone kept raising their or their childrens accomplishments, the details of their work/business projects, their hobbies (that others don't share), or pastimes that others find boring, etc. eventually people will roll their eyes and maybe even avoid you.

Most people wish others well but if they don't share that interest, feel it's a boast (even if it's not) or you are trying to convert someone and they're not interested, and you go on about it, then it's natural that this will happen.

Part of successful social interaction is working out what interests you AND the other person.

Infact, sometimes even if both parties own properties I find the other person (I'm like this also) doesn't want to talk property because a social situation for them is a break from things work.

It's a bit like talking about your PAYE job or business to people who don't work with you or aren't in the same industry. Investing is no different, imo.

 

[EN710]

But is it negativity or jealousy???
I have a German friend who always uses that word "Schadenfreude", perhaps there is a little of that in all of us.

http://yoganonymous.com/7-signs-your-friend-may-be-jealous-what-you-can-do-about-it/

If I meet any of you in SS, I will be quite jealous , not obnoxious (hopefully)

Negative family members are different - they're usually questioning your capability (because apparently you're not good at making decision) and feel they have the right to be heard and followed when they say you can't do it.

I tell few trusted friends that I'm investing - and only one family member.
The rest, not telling.

 

[MTR]

It could be both or either but it could also be that the subject keeps getting raised and others aren't interested.

If someone kept raising their or their childrens accomplishments, the details of their work/business projects, their hobbies (that others don't share), or pastimes that others find boring, etc. eventually people will roll their eyes and maybe even avoid you.

Most people wish others well but if they don't share that interest, feel it's a boast (even if it's not) or you are trying to convert someone and they're not interested, and you go on about it, then it's natural that this will happen.

Part of successful social interaction is working out what interests you AND the other person.

Infact, sometimes even if both parties own properties I find the other person (I'm like this also) doesn't want to talk property because a social situation for them is a break from things work.

It's a bit like talking about your PAYE job or business to people who don't work with you or aren't in the same industry. Investing is no different, imo.

That's my point exactly.

I have also met property investors but I would not necessarily want to socialise with because it becomes boring, same old same, not to mention how competitive this could become, happens here on SS, nature of the beast.

I know personally I get excited about an investment project and that may be seen as boasting to some friends and family, fair enough I think, I need to be mindful of this, not everyone is interested or they may be jealous, that's life, every now and then the green monster comes out in all of us.

MTR

 

[AlmostBob]

connect the +ve wire as well and let the chair do its job​

Most don't know,
mum knows, she gets 8% nett on her investment
do know, found our website by google-ing themselves, and don't believe it anyway
even when email comes from @dockreyapartments.com

 

[dreamgirl]

I don't talk to people (friends/family that is) about it - that sorts the problem out.

Same here...
If they ask me, i'm happy to tell them.
Otherwise, it doesn't come up in conversation.

 

[Richard Feynman]

Biting my tongue is a skill I need to learn.

Note to self: Open the door, but force no one through it.

 

[Deltaberry]

I'm sure most people on here have come across it at some stage in your investing careers . But how do you deal with negative people who no matter what there relation to you can't seem to fathom what your trying to achieve through property investing! I would just like to know how you guys deal with people who try an empose their fears and negativity onto you?

Is it a case of just wait and I'll show you?

Well, has your investment yielded anything to show them they're wrong? If not, perhaps they're right?

 

[marg4000]

Why do other people's opinions matter so much to you?
Is their approval really necessary?

So long as you are happy with the decisions you make then surely that is the important thing.

Others will often disagree with you on all sorts of issues. That does not mean that they are right and you are wrong, or vice versa. Just a different opinion.
Marg

 

[wylie]

What I find frustrating is that I might mention that hubby is doing some work at Camp Hill or Balmoral (insert wherever he happens to be doing work on our own houses or the ones we look after in a trust for our late parents).

We actually don't have a lot of property, but now that we look after the houses in a trust that our parents accumulated, I might be having a coffee with friends, most of whom know what we have, that we have debt, are managing properties that were not ours etc, but someone who doesn't know our story might hear me say we are working on several different jobs and I think might assume (going by some of the comments and/or looks I've had) that we are loaded, or that we own half the suburb.

I then find myself mentioning that we have a lot of debt, so that they don't assume wrongly. Of course, there are some people that I don't bother to enlighten and have a chuckle to myself, and think... "if only they knew how much we owe the bank".

 

[natmarie73]

Just agree with them. By being negative, they are really just wanting justification and acknowledgement that their own choices are good ones. You will be hard pressed changing their views so best not to waste energy in trying.

 

[Player]

It is difficult to not shrink so we don't intimate or offend others (who are aware of investing activities) even when it is they who instigate the conversations about portfolio holdings and so forth. With those who have no idea, I fly under the radar and socialise normally, few beers, footy talk and other social pleasantries.

Although I try to limit interaction negative energy sapping people, I always like reflecting on the following, when I am confronted by too much tall poppy attitude from others.

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

This was also apparently spoken by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech.

And, in case Dazz has a read of this thread, no, Marianne Williamson is not an Aussie speaking words like that.