Acceptable Behaviour?

[luckyone]

Just thought I'd write to you all to get your opinion. Basically I am pretty seriously overweight. I have managed to lose 22 kilos in the last year but still have at least another 40 to go, so as you can see my situation is pretty bad.

I have been on a constant diet for the last year in an effort to improve my health (mainly as I was sick for 4 years and didn't want to go through all that again) and as a secondary consideration to lose weight.

Anyway, today I didn't bring in my lunch so went down to the cafe attached to my work to buy something. I was good and bought something healthy. On leaving the shop I noticed some construction workers from the building next door were sitting outside of the cafe and kept on walking the opposite direction back towards my work. As I got just a few metres away (and clearly within hearing distance) one of them yelled out "That *** should have it's own postcode!". Of course, all the other construction workers just started laughing. I turned around to see if he was talking to me, and since there was no other "fat" people around, I can only assume that it was. It was further confirmed to me by the fact that they broke out in laughter again as I turned around.

I want to know, do people really think this is acceptable behaviour? I mean, I can't believe that in this day and age that anyone could possibly believe that that is an acceptable way to behave. I was absolutely mortified, not only because it is a humiliating experience to have had, but also for the fact that there were a few people from my work around who would have also heard the remarks and so it might just become a joke about me at work. I really wish now that I had gone back and confronted the jerk, but unfortunately that's not what I do, and I don't honestly know what I would have said anyway.

You may think that this is a one-off and that I should get over it, but I'm telling you that this kind of thing happens to me all too often. When I was at my largest it was at least once a week, now that I have lost a bit it has reduced to only about once a fortnight and each time it happens I usually just walk away thinking its not worth it.

The only time I have ever stuck up for myself was when there were two guys just up the road from my work and one said a very unkind remark to me as I was walking past him. I immediately stuck out my leg and tripped him over. He landed on his face and ended up with a blood nose. I don't feel this was necessarily the right thing to do, but it was my gut reaction. His friend found it very amusing anyway.

Anyway, I don't want anyone's sympathy, I just want to know if this kind of thing ever happens to anyone else, cause right now I feel very alone and depressed.

Thanks for reading,
Luckyone

 

[Peter 14.7]

Hey Luckyone

You are not alone and have no reason to feel bad. Having lost so much you should be immensely proud of your achievement. Many, many others could not lose 10kg if they tried let alone stick with a diet for over a year.

As for the construction worker, anyone who needs to comment on some else to gain favour with “friends” is doing so because of his own inadequacies. Maybe he is not liked or he needs to be “joker” because work wise he is below par. Most “comedians” have self worth issues.

Should you have commented?

I don’t know. If it helps your self esteem then you should. You could point out what you have done and ask him do you think you could have done that?

Or you could actually ask for the project manager and put in a formal complaint. As someone who runs construction jobs I would take it very seriously from what I have read. They don’t want problems and few guys are not expendable.

The culture of abuse overweight people get is totally unacceptable. But it does happen. Hang in there. The opinions of “yobbos” are not worth anything.

Regards, Peter 14.7

 

[putanerd]

Often when people feel insecure about themselves they will lash out at others - unfortunately that might make you a fairly easy target for them.
If you have a look at the group the person most likely to have said it would be the one with the biggest wingnuts or the most deformed head - no offence intended to wingnuts or others with deformed heads in the forum.

Some people just don't understand that your weight might be your lifestyle choice or beyond your control and unlike other lifestyle choices you can't easily hide being overweight.

I certainly don't think that the behaviour is acceptable and nor would I expect any of my friends to make such remarks.

Sounds like you have put a bit of work into losing weight (for the sake of your health). So I say keep it up, if you are feeling better from your diet you should make the most of it - think about when you get to your target weight how good it will make you feel.

J.
AKA Doctor Phil

 

[wish-ga]

I am so apalled that you have this sort of thing happen. Construction worker huh? Yeah, I am sure he is a bastion of fashion himself.... especially in an industry known for inflicting b*m crack on an unsuspecting and undeserving public.

Karma luckyone... he will get his.

You have done so well with your health. I think that is tops. You should make a "so there" tape/cd/ipod mix of songs to keep you motivated while you go for your walk or are on the treadmill or whatever is your chosen exercise. Imagine your heel squashing those remarks into the pavement... "eye of the tiger" or whatever does it for ya

Don't let the turkeys get you down..... keep going, you are doing so well.

That said and done I take things to heart all too often. We are all human but support from others is really helpful (I hope)

 

[Monopoly]

Karma luckyone... he will get his.

Yeah and in the meantime, we are all getting way too much of his as well!!

Eewwww.....nothing like an eyefull of hairy b*m crack to put you off your lunch!!! Oh I get it, now I know how you lost weight!!!

Seirously, Luckyone don't worry his behaviour is indicative of a small brain (I was thinking something else but I'm using discretion as this is G rated forum).

It is appalling behaviour, and sadly all too common of yutzes like him in our society towards anyone who is different be it in size, colour, religion, race, physical/mental ability.

You cannot control his behaviour, but you can your own. You walk passed him/them and hold your head up!! You have done a fantastic job losing all that weight and that is a major achievement.

Keep up the good work, don't let this pea-brain rain on your parade; he is so not worth it!!!

Cheers,
Jo

 

[kissfan]

Hi Luckyone.

Like the others have said, try not to let these type of dimwits get you down, and for not responding, I take my hat off to you. These type of jokers are not worth the effort.

It it were me, I would use any negative comments as fuel/motivation to help me achieve my goal/s, i.e, turn a negative into a positive.

Having already lost 22kg's, you are obviously doing something right, so, stick to it and don't let anyones negativity get in the way of what you are focusing on.

Regards
Marty

 

[Kristine..]

Hello Luckyone

Congratulations on your great weight loss!

I lost 28.5 kilos this year so I particularly know what a great achievement 20 kilos is.

Some people express their own insecurities through insulting other people, and unfortunately we do not know where and when the next ambush will occur.

You may find these links to be of some help

http://www.somersoft.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24215&highlight=investment+reduction which was my weekly postings while on the Cohen’s program

http://weight-loss.fitness.com/cohens-lifestyle/ a website with a dedicated Cohen’s forum

http://newyouforum.com/forum/ particularly as some regular Somersoft members started this forum and contribute regularly here – one of our ‘very own’ has lost more than 50 kilos this year, with a target of 93 kilos by the completion of the program.

and this is what started it all:

http://www.lifestyleclinic.com.au/


You will need a few hours to get through all these links. Even though I finished the program 5 months ago my weight remains steady at 60 kilos.

But as for today’s events, well, you will have the last laugh. You are feeling bad and angry now, but just ‘light a candle’ and forgive them. They are not worth another thought.

Best wishes

Kristine

 

[The Y-man]

Anyway, I don't want anyone's sympathy, I just want to know if this kind of thing ever happens to anyone else, cause right now I feel very alone and depressed.

Thanks for reading,
Luckyone

Happens all the time to many, many people unfortunately - and not just because of weight. It can be the colour of your skin, the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you walk..... pity individuality is not valued.

Anyway, keep right at losing the weight for the sake of your health.

I used to be a "bit" over - discovering I had liver problems and developed Type 2 Diabetes got me motivated a bit!!

You'll hit a "wall" on your journey - possibly about now - when your rate of loss seems to slow right down no matter what you do. Don't fret - keep at it.
The "initial" weight loss stage can be significant - as most of this is your liver and other organs dumping fluids. As this "fluid retention" phase ends, your body will start metabolising fat - but this is when it send alarm signals to your brain (saying "food shortage!! We are now going into the reserves!"). The brain react with - HUNGER..... that'll be your toughest time. Get over that wall, and you'll be great (you probably know all this anyway.... )

Cheers,

The Y-man

 

[Kristine..]

Hi Y-man

Just a comment if I may - (and without diverting Luckyone's post to Cohen's) at no time at all did I experience hunger with Cohen's program, and the weight dropped steadily all through the 20 weeks that it took to lose the 25 official kilos.

I think there is a world of difference between the DIY approach and actually consulting professional advice. I had never been 'on a diet' before and had no intention of doing it twice.

The success of other Somersoft Forumites in the past few months - chronic dieters, all of them - on the Cohen's program does, I think, speak for itself.

Witness Person "A" (who shall remain nameless unless she cares to identify herself) started at 168 kilos, as of today has dropped more than 50 kilos in about 4 months, and is moving confidently towards her goal weight of 75 kilos with absolute confidence that this will be achieved, and maintained.



But you are very right that abusers do not care who or what their target is. Anyone who is 'different' that is, not them or their immediate family and friends (if they have any) is considered fair game. They are cowards who know that their hapless targets will not fight back.

Really, these pond dwellers are not worth thinking about. Sticks and Stones may break my bones but Words will never hurt me! Is what we were taught at school. I appreciate Luckyone's post and her obvious hurt and humiliation, but some twit making a rude comment will be forgotten by tomorrow - and that is many hours too long!

Anyway, now that I wear size 8 (started at 16 - 18, with some clothes at XXL just to get some looseness in the fit), people (who are not size 8) now tell me that I am too thin and 'not to lose any more weight'. If I can do 'it' - whatever 'it' may be - lose weight, buy property, sing in tune, whatever - I understand how challenging that may be for people who chose not to lose weight, buy property, or sing in tune.

Bah, humbug! Let them eat cake! Pfft! I move on.

Cheers

Kristine

 

[asy]

/me identifies herself as "Person A".

Please know that IT CAN BE DONE.

I'm sitting here eating a fantastic Chicken Salad for dinner, knowing later tonight I'll have a Peach and crackers. I've been on the programme, thanks to being inspired by Kristine on this forum months ago, since July 1, and have lost over 50kg. Never have I felt deprived. I've gone from a size you-don't-want-to-know (coz they don't make them that big) to an easy 18, and am losing steadily, around 2-2.5kg per week.

When you lose this much weight you ralise just how biased the world really is toward 'thinner' people, even in the little things, like public chairs...

The thing is, you can't do it until you are ready. I've had many, many many failed attempts, but this one will succeed, for two reasons, 1: I'm ready, and 2: I've got the right programme. I have, in my turn, brought quite a number of people into the programme. It's a little like being a zealot, when you KNOW something works easily and correctly, you can't help but spread the word.

Be sure there IS light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to be ready to walk down the tunnel.

Size 8 still seems hillariously ridiculous to me, because I've been some multiple of that size for so long, but, I'll be thrilled when I'm finished and can't wait to find out what size I'll end up!

asy

 

[Les]

G'day Luckyone,

Many have given good words - but I particularly relate to these words from Peter 14.7 :-

The opinions of “yobbos” are not worth anything.

One of the things I used to repeat to my two "young blokes" (not so young any more) was how EASY it is to be a yobbo. No brain power required, just open your mouth and say whatever, often hurtful to others.

To be a decent human being requires a fair bit more than this. A bit of thought, some assistance to others when required - not as easy as "just opening your mouth without engaging brain" - but FAR MORE rewarding.

And I love my Mum's words too - "live, and let live". I find it easy, having been brought up that way. I can only guess what OTHERS might have been through in their lives (especially yobbo's who don't know HOW to be decent human beings - downright scarey what THEY might've faced to be the way they are - poor sods).

Luckyone, feel sorry for them - I reckon their lives must be pretty empty to conduct themselves the way they do. And STICK WITH your plan. Sounds to me like you have found the way forward - they probably don't have one yet... More power to you,

Regards,

 

[Xenia]

Hi Luckyone,

Just remember that when anyone points a finger at someone there is always 3 fingers pointing back at them. It is nothing but a reflection of their own inner insecurities, not about you at all.

People come in all shapes, sizes, colours, genders, races etc. The inability to accept a person because of the way they are is a huge limitation to oneself. Anyone who is well balanced, happy and fullfilled in their own lives will not have a problem with another person because they happen to be a different weight, age, sex, colour, race etc.

You are probably seeing that there are alot of imbalanced people out there, we all see it in all sorts of different ways. Just keep living your life, choose to be happy and remember that no one can offend you without your permission.

PS, maybe one day you could have your own post code, just buy ALL the real estate in that area

 

[The Y-man]

People come in all shapes... genders.... etc.

Errr......crickey Xenia, I only ever seem to come across 2.... ok I may have run into the odd hermaphrodite and a neuter without realizing....

Cheers,

The Y-man

 

[skater]

Good on you. To lose over 20 kilos is a huge acheivement. Keep up the good work & don't let the turkeys get you down. If his comments upset you that much, then maybe a formal written complaint to his project manager may be of help even if it is just for your own piece of mind, to know that you have done something about it.

 

[sailor]

Luckyone, congrats on your weight loss. With your determination and committment -- you rock!

I too find their behaviour apalling. It really says heaps about them and their values.

Their behaviour says:
They are rude.
They are discourteous.
They are ignorant.
They are smart-ar$es.
They don't know how to show common decency.
They show no respect for themselves.
They show no respect for others.
They have to put other people down to feel good about themselves.

Their behaviour says nothing about you.

Focus on what you believe to be true about you.
You are a person losing weight.
You are a person making healthy eating choices.
You are a person who cares about your health.
You are a person who is motivated to succeed.
You are a person who respects yourself.

There is such a huge difference between you and them!

 

[alwayscurious]

22kg = fine effort!

Well done on your effort so far.

In regards to those juvenile construction workers.. Someone once made a comment to me about yobbos-

these people are more to be pitied than hated..
after all - what more can you expect from a pig, than a grunt?

Don't worry about it - forgive him and let it go.

As the good book says: "Revenge is mine saith the Lord"!

Life has a funny way of dealing with these issues. That guy will probably end up fat, broke, and lonely with stretched tattoos and a beer gut, bitter at the blows life has dealt. His reward.

So take heart! you are improving your situation - while he is only making his worse...

Like I said - more to be pitied than hated.

If you let it go - the insult stays with him. It doesn't rest on you and fester.

 

[luce.rocks]

i'm not quite so well balanced and philosophical as most of the people here. if for no other reason than the fact that they're gonna be working close by and you might have to see them again, i'd say something to their boss. behaviour like that is completely unacceptable, and it shouldn't be your responsibility to have to live and let live, or ignore, or be above it all, or understand that maybe they had loveless childhoods, or whatever. your responsibility is to look after yourself, and support yourself. if they think they can get away with it this time, maybe they'll make further comments another time. i'd do whatever it took to pull them up right now. if you can. i mean, if you know who's in charge of the site and stuff. if there's nothing you can do, that's when i'd fall back on the other stuff (ignoring the yobbos, etc.).

and way to go with losing so much so far! it's gotta be one of the hardest things in the world to do.

 

[geoffw]

Luckyone

20kgs down- you rock! Well done!

You have shown by what you have done that you have far more character, achievement, and "stickability" than any of them could ever hope to achieve. Most of them will gradually get bigger beer bellies over a number of years- and then, one day, they will realise, too late, that they are too far down the same path to turn back.

BTW, I do appreciate that you have dropped by at my Subway. I really do appreciate when people come to say hello- though I don't always have time to stop.

And Asy! What a fantastic achievement! Well done to you too.

 

[lizzie]

lucky one - wow - what a sensational weight loss and congratulations on reaching this far. go girl!!

in regards to construction workers .... as a slim body size, believe me, it's just as bad to be on the receiving end of the crude, sexist comments about your figure. i supposed they think they're being flattering or funny, but it is just disgusting. not to mention pea-brained

you know you're doing great, those who know you think your wonderful and that is all that matters.

 

[luckyone]

Hey Guys,

Thanks for all your support. I've managed to lose another kilo since I last wrote, so I'm down 23 kilos all up. For about the first time in my life I didn't resort to eating junk food to deal with the anger that was caused by those comments. Instead I went and did a boxing class at the gym. Much more rewarding!

Yes, I will have a look at the Cohen's diet, it sounds like you've done really well on it Asy. That's amazing to have that continuous amount of weight loss. You must be so proud of yourself! Thanks for the links to it too Kristine, I shall have a look now.

Thanks again guys. I've been feeling much better with all of your support, it's good to know that I've got friends out there who don't judge me based on my weight. I really appreciate it

I didn't end up reporting the construction workers, mainly because there were too many of them there so I figure it would be hard to decipher exactly who said it and I really think in the long run that it wouldn't make me feel any better if that person lost their job over it, or got suspended from work or whatever. I'm not thinking of that worker exactly, more like his wife/partner and any kids he might have who depend on his income. May sound like a bit of a cop-out, and maybe it is, but I just feel it wouldn't be worthwhile pursuing. Mind you, if any of them (I would recognize the group) ever said anything again I would then go and report it straight away as I know I've given them a "free pass" already.

thanks again guys!