^^^^ lol !!!
Acceptable Behaviour?
- Thread starter luckyone
- Start date
We're talking construction workers here.
Sadly, a large majority of them are neanderthals.
Move on and rise above.
Oh, if you wanted to be as childish as them, a good comeback is, 'I can change fat, you can't change ugly'
ha ha ha - that one made me laugh
It's funny that you say this actually. I was having a discussion with with a psychologist a few weeks ago and it finally hit me how this all started (I mean getting obese). I recalled that I started putting on weight at about 12. It was slow at the start and I wasn't too worried about it, but my mum and grandmother certainly were. After a year I had put on about 5 kilos, which is pretty significant for a kid of that age. Mum immediately put me on a diet.
Later, I was round at a friend's house. His mum, my mum and a bunch of their friends were in the next room. I remember going to grab a piece of chicken (kfc) from the table and overhearing his mum say "She'll never lose that weight, she's stuck with it for life".
What was so significant about this statement was that this particular woman was a nurse. I immediately believed her. I had always been told to trust people in the medical field. My psychologist explained that because of this it had kind of caused me to 'give up' on losing weight. The sad thing is that when I last saw my mum, I asked her about this and why her friend had said it. She said they knew I was in the next room and had setup the conversation in the hope to spur me on to lose weight. Charming!
I know this doesn't entirely explain putting on weight, but what if that one comment has just haunted me (which it has), thus hampering any real chance I've ever had of losing weight?
I do agree however that it has become acceptable to be overweight. I don't think that's right. It gives the wrong impression to kids. After going through all the crap I have over the last 20+ years, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But I don't think the answer is to make fun of someone, or to put them down. This doesn't help, believe me. All it does is make you depressed and eat more. And believe me, it's not going to be the healthy stuff
This approach may work for you Strannik, but for someone who's suffering from being overweight I would put my money on it that this approach would not work for themSorry for the rant guys.
You've got nothing to say sorry to us for Luckyone
I think that one comment you mentioned, was just one of the negative and incorrect comments you've heard. As you explained, the weight had started being put on about a year before that.
With every kilo you lose, you are proving that nurse wrong
I wouldn't avoid that construction team, i'd walk past there again ASAP
They've been rude once and gotten away with it, so unless one or more of the group have told the offensive ones to watch their mouths, they will probably do it again. If you do hear any sort of insult, then you have another chance to confront them!
I wouldn't give them a chance to tell you any pathetic reasons or excuses, all you want is an apology. I wouldn't mention anything personal like thier siblings or whatever, as for all you know the guy is from a broken home and would say such an insult to them aswell.
I'd just say "I'm going to give you guys a chance, apologize, or I'm reporting all of you"
Chances are one or more of them will tell the rude one "apologize d'head"
I think that one comment you mentioned, was just one of the negative and incorrect comments you've heard. As you explained, the weight had started being put on about a year before that.
With every kilo you lose, you are proving that nurse wrong
I wouldn't avoid that construction team, i'd walk past there again ASAP
They've been rude once and gotten away with it, so unless one or more of the group have told the offensive ones to watch their mouths, they will probably do it again. If you do hear any sort of insult, then you have another chance to confront them!
I wouldn't give them a chance to tell you any pathetic reasons or excuses, all you want is an apology. I wouldn't mention anything personal like thier siblings or whatever, as for all you know the guy is from a broken home and would say such an insult to them aswell.
I'd just say "I'm going to give you guys a chance, apologize, or I'm reporting all of you"
Chances are one or more of them will tell the rude one "apologize d'head"
I've worked on plenty of building sites and the guys are mostly yobbos. Judge an insult by where its coming from, don't let it get to you and move on.
Regarding the comment made when you were young. Isn't that not taking responsibility for your life and blaming someone else for your situation?
I can sort of understand your predicament, but i don't think we can blame anyone for our life forever.
Regarding the comment made when you were young. Isn't that not taking responsibility for your life and blaming someone else for your situation?
I can sort of understand your predicament, but i don't think we can blame anyone for our life forever.
It's not about blame, it's about recognising that this comment has - rightly or wrongly - had an undue influence, and by being aware of it, making a decision now that it's not going to continue to affect you in the future.
Like it or not, everybody is heavily influenced by the sum of their experiences, it's just that most of the time we're not aware of what those moments were, or what message (often self-destructive) that we took away from them. We just decide that we're lazy, or ugly, or clumsy, or stupid, or whatever it is that we learned from our experiences, and "live down" to those beliefs.
Every belief that we have about ourselves - that we're intelligent or stupid, outgoing or shy, confident or not, aggressive or timid, good with money or not, etc - is a result of the aggregrate of experiences we've had in life. We usually tend to just assume that we have these beliefs because they're factual, rather than questioning them and choosing to change them.
Good for luckyone for becoming aware that she's taken on this belief, and challenging it.
Agree entirely Tracy. But when the aspect is a negative influence on our lives. Do you think its ok to use a minor circumstance in our life to not change or as a reason why we have become what we've become?
Ive seen people never change using something that's happened in their past as an excuse.
I understand that we are a product of every experience weve had, but at some point, dont you think, we can rise above that and consciously be the person we want to be. Rather than being an non participating, passive product of our past.
Ive seen people never change using something that's happened in their past as an excuse.
I understand that we are a product of every experience weve had, but at some point, dont you think, we can rise above that and consciously be the person we want to be. Rather than being an non participating, passive product of our past.
It's not about blame, it's about recognising that this comment has - rightly or wrongly - had an undue influence, and by being aware of it, making a decision now that it's not going to continue to affect you in the future.
Like it or not, everybody is heavily influenced by the sum of their experiences, it's just that most of the time we're not aware of what those moments were, or what message (often self-destructive) that we took away from them. We just decide that we're lazy, or ugly, or clumsy, or stupid, or whatever it is that we learned from our experiences, and "live down" to those beliefs.
Every belief that we have about ourselves - that we're intelligent or stupid, outgoing or shy, confident or not, aggressive or timid, good with money or not, etc - is a result of the aggregrate of experiences we've had in life. We usually tend to just assume that we have these beliefs because they're factual, rather than questioning them and choosing to change them.
Good for luckyone for becoming aware that she's taken on this belief, and challenging it.
I didn't think that's what luckyone was implying. I think she's realised that she formed a belief all those years ago that "I'll always struggle with my weight", and has subconsciously sabotaged herself ever since, ie it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I suspect that now that she's aware of it, she may have more luck in making a permanent shift to a healthier weight.
I don't think she's blaming those people, but recognising that she responded to that incident in a way which hasn't been productive for her, and can now choose to respond differently and form new beliefs.Anyway, your question is really two questions... tackling the latter half first, yes, I do think that minor circumstances can play a profound role in influencing who we become.
As to whether that influence is something that you can use to justify not changing, well, that's ultimately up to the individual. If it's an unhealthy influence, it would obviously be in one's best interests to work at reducing that influence, but not everybody has the emotional intelligence / strength / desire / skills to deal with their past.
I can't affect whether other people change or not, or what other people do; I can only change what I do, and how I respond to what others do. And I find that judgement really doesn't contribute positively to either of those, so I'm trying to reduce it.
Yes you are right. btw: I was talking more in a general sense then luckyone's particular case.
I didn't think that's what luckyone was implying. I think she's realised that she formed a belief all those years ago that "I'll always struggle with my weight", and has subconsciously sabotaged herself ever since, ie it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. I suspect that now that she's aware of it, she may have more luck in making a permanent shift to a healthier weight.
Anyway, your question is really two questions... tackling the latter half first, yes, I do think that minor circumstances can play a profound role in influencing who we become.
As to whether that influence is something that you can use to justify not changing, well, that's ultimately up to the individual. If it's an unhealthy influence, it would obviously be in one's best interests to work at reducing that influence, but not everybody has the emotional intelligence / strength / desire / skills to deal with their past.
I can't affect whether other people change or not, or what other people do; I can only change what I do, and how I respond to what others do. And I find that judgement really doesn't contribute positively to either of those, so I'm trying to reduce it.
gee my sarcasm reads pretty much like a manual....wow....might have to tone it down a bit.
Doesn't the fact that she's succeeding in ovecoming this problem sho w that she is nt falling into the trap other peopel youv'e described have fallen into refusing to sovle their problems ?
How many beers did you drink at lunch?
I must have had too many beers
Maybe you could explain Mark, how Luckone losing 23kg and sharing what she has experienced with everyone, is not succeeding with solving her problems
I think Luckyone is doing an excellent job, and many people will benefit from what she has shared, including encouraging parents that thier children deserve to be treated with respect, instead of dishonest schemes.
Maybe you could explain Mark, how Luckone losing 23kg and sharing what she has experienced with everyone, is not succeeding with solving her problems
I think Luckyone is doing an excellent job, and many people will benefit from what she has shared, including encouraging parents that thier children deserve to be treated with respect, instead of dishonest schemes.
I don't think Mark was making any such suggestion. I think he was referring to jaycee's typing, which I agree has been particularly skittish today.Maybe you could explain Mark, how Luckone losing 23kg and sharing what she has experienced with everyone, is not succeeding with solving her problems
I must have had too many beers
You must have. I was referring to the numerous spelling errors. Reads like listening to a drunk person talk.
Looks like you've sobered up now, jaycee.
Just in time for beer o'clock! (Well, over east anyway... unless you West Aussies take beer o'clock on Eastern time, which isn't too bad an idea now that I mention it.... )Nup, the last thing I want to imply is that this one comment shaped the rest of my life and "made" me put on weight. I know that I was the one to put all that food in my mouth, I know I was the one who was lazy and didn't exercise for many years. I'm just saying that I think this comment from my mum's friend didn't help and maybe was when I started losing the belief that I could ever really lose the weight I had put on.
