How do you tell your kids the truth and when?

[vincenzo]

I'm the same ianvestor & skater, i don't treat mine like a little baby anymore, he's a little boy now. I don't like seeing people encourage sulking either, i much prefer seeing a happy child.

I've found that making a joke about an accident or injury is often a quick way of stopping a child from crying, even make them laugh. Something like 'did you try to fly like superman?' etc once they are happy i'll remind them how silly that was, & ask if they are going to do that again.

Vincenzo, you said my reading was poor, but am I not reading this correctly? He is three years old. Why burst his bubble by telling him his colouring is messy?
Did your parents do that to you?

If this is still how you interpret what i've posted, then perhaps you just think the worst of me?
It's one thing to state an opinion, such as 'i think it's cruel to lie' or 'i feel sorry for a child who is being put down', but to tell a parent that you feel sorry for thier child, is getting personal.
Bad manners combined with poor interpretation skills is a bad mix imo.

Now who can't read.

You think that my opinion stated in bold was me misquoting you??? I'm trying to explain that every month can be filled with activities, not just xmas, easter & bday, or less as too many kids unfortunately have it. When every month is awesome, full of fun and educational activities for them to earn and keep them occupied, xmas is then just another good month.

I never said that xmas shouldn't be enjoyed, it just doesn't need to be lied about.
Adults still celebrate xmas, even enjoy the wonder of not knowing who gave them the present when it's marked from santa.

Kids want to be treated with respect, and want a little responsibility too, they don't want to be treated like a toddler forever.

All 11yo should be educated and confident enough to keep themselves out of trouble. If the 11yo girl hasn't been told the ugly truth about some of the risks she faces out there, then whos at fault? The parents/guardians of course.

 

[INVSTOR]

By the way, do any of you tell your kids that the 'chicken' they're eating came from chopping up an actual chicken?

We've had 4 pet silky bantam chickens for about 8 yrs. I bought a hot chicken the other day. My kids are going through this phase that they have to have exactly the same thing as eachother. One of them says, "mum can I have a leg"? Other child quickly says it too. They ate them and I was outside and my daughter says to me, "Can I have another leg"? I ask her how many legs have been eaten and how many does a chook have. She says, "oops, can I have a wing"? I give her a wing and tell my son that his sister's having a wing and ask him he wants one. He says, "yes" and eats it. Then he asks for another wing. I said to him he couldn't. He starts winging, "It's not fair, I only had one wing, my sister had two wings." I asked him how many legs and wings a chook has, and he laughed and said, "2 legs, 2wings, oh yer there's none left".

 

[INVSTOR]

All 11yo should be educated and confident enough to keep themselves out of trouble. If the 11yo girl hasn't been told the ugly truth about some of the risks she faces out there, then whos at fault? The parents/guardians of course.

Just because I haven't told her about Santa doesn't mean I haven't taught her about the ugly truth about some of the risks in life. I started teaching her about "Protective Behaviours" since the age of 3. If a pet dies I tell her the truth. She has always been a very mature, sensible girl and way beyond her years. I've had to encourage her to be a kid. She was never a baby and very different to most other babies. I'd have other mothers in my baby group asking how I got her to mature so much because she was the first to do everything,etc. I never wanted her or encouraged her to not be baby-like. When she was about 3 or 4 she would say she wanted to be a grown up and I'd have to try to encourage her to be a kid. I guess it's kinda hard to explain if you never met her!

 

[wylie]

Vincenzo, I wanted to apologise if I upset you. I don't think you are a bad father. I have written more in the "can opener" thread (that sounds rather strange, doesn't it) instead of repeating it here.

 

[INVSTOR]

My girl found a couple of her recently lost teeth in my husbands wallet. I thought it was time to come clean on everything, she's 12 soon, and that was my limit. She was quite excited at first to be in-the-loop. For the next couple of days she was distraught, she said she loved the surprises, we were amazing to keep it up, but it would never be as exciting again. Maybe i didn't need to be so blunt, but it was time.

 

[kathryn d]

My girl found a couple of her recently lost teeth in my husbands wallet. I thought it was time to come clean on everything, she's 12 soon, and that was my limit. She was quite excited at first to be in-the-loop. For the next couple of days she was distraught, she said she loved the surprises, we were amazing to keep it up, but it would never be as exciting again. Maybe i didn't need to be so blunt, but it was time.

Just tell her if she needs wisdom teeth pulled, they are bonus teeth, and worth double.

The week before all our kids had braces put on, I also gave them 10 chocolate bars to eat...as it would be a long time before their next.

 

[eXc]

I always told my kids............. those that don't believe don't receive.

That's what my mum tells me still...I am 30

When I have kids, I won't be 'doing' Santa. I don't have an issue with it personally my but wife does. Her parents didn't 'do' Santa, but she knows people that had some issues with their parents, because their parents lied to them. My brother still has issues because mum and dad lied to him about Santa.

I am not trying to provoke argument, just saying my views

 

[lizzie]

Junior has always known there is no Santa - but she likes to pretend that she believes.

I think that's really important - imagination and believe against the odds - and to be encouraged.

 

[kathryn d]

Our kids were raised in an atheist home, so we never did the religious part. We did allow them to enjoy all the make believe funs such as Santa, Easter Bunny,Thanksgiving,Tooth Fairy etc.
They always got old enough to know it wasn't true....and then I had fun telling them that Santa killed the Easter Bunny by accident (I have a warped sense of humor, at times)

 

[weg]

Both of my kids loved these lies and acknowledge they made times like Easter and Christmas very special (we're not a religious family but still celebrate the holiday and family aspect of it).

They particularly enjoyed the traditional yearly visit to the Botanical Garden's where Easter Bunny lived and dropped a lot of the eggs before setting off for his yearly chocolate egg round.

I found they had no problems understanding the difference between that kind of lie, the type where you tell Grandma her new dress is nice when it's hideous, and the sort where you intentionally lie to decieve for malicious reasons.

 

[jaycee]

Holy crap !

You mean my parents bought me those gifts ?

 

[Deltaberry]

My almost 11 yo was asking some Q's this morning about the real santa and the pretend santa's in the shops and conflicting stories she's been told. I think it's time to explain, but I don't know how or what to say. What do others do/say?

Should've told them when they were 6/7

 

[Aaron Sice]

Should've told them when they were 6/7

i know a 13yo (next door) who still believes in Mr Claus. The older kids encourage it and so do the parents so why not?

nothing wrong with a bit of magic in our lives.

 

[INVSTOR]

Should've told them when they were 6/7

My son just turned 9, we told him the tooth fairy isn't real when my daughter found the teeth. I won't be telling him about the bunny or santa just yet. We have so much fun. The kids get so excited for weeks before and after. Hopefully my daughter will get as much excitement watching the joy of her little brother.

 

[mary&mat]

Being brought up to believe in the magic of the universe is wonderful. Let kids be kids & believe in fairies, aliens, Santa.

If we have no dreamers in the world, we would have no great inventors, no great story tellers, no believers that the world can be changed by just one person.

When they're old enough to be told the truth, perhaps they can be an everyday 'Santa' to another child in an impoverished country & sponsor them? I think Santa's about the joy of giving & receiving...mostly receiving when they're still lil ones.

 

[skater]

Should've told them when they were 6/7

I think that is a very mean spirited thing to do.

Either they don't believe from the onset, or you bring them up believing and let them ask questions when they are ready. Some may be ready at that age, but some won't. Don't steal the magic from them.

 

[wylie]

My mother told me years ago about being in the car with my brother's wife, helping to mind five kids whilst his wife looked at houses. She was frustrated, tired and cranky. Kids were playing up, bored and not behaving well. One of the kids asked something about the Tooth Fairy.

Brother's wife (mother of the five kids) was getting frustrated that they were not sitting quietly, so stopped the car, turned around and shouted along the lines of "there is NO Tooth Fairy, there is NO Santa Clause, there is NO Easter Bunny".

She no doubt felt better for having burst five bubbles all at once, and getting them back for daring to be annoying whilst being dragged from house to house, but my mother said the looks on their little faces registered such shock at being told in such a nasty way. She said it was horrible to witness and something she would never forget.

The older ones possibly already knew but the younger ones certainly didn't and to have all the fairy tales stomped on in such a manner was just really sad.

We let our boys "believe" for as long as possible and the older ones were told that if they spoilt the magic for the younger one/s then Santa would no longer bring them something. It worked. I don't believe it does anybody any harm. Real life steps in soon enough.

 

[jaycee]

Real life steps in soon enough


Agreed

 

[Deltaberry]

I think that is a very mean spirited thing to do.

Either they don't believe from the onset, or you bring them up believing and let them ask questions when they are ready. Some may be ready at that age, but some won't. Don't steal the magic from them.

Good point.

I think you tell them that it's not real from the outset, but let them know we'll still do all the customary things associated with it (eg swapping money with tooth). That's how I was brought up.

Don't think there was ever a moment I was told/believed any of this was real.

 

[bdc]

My almost 11 yo was asking some Q's this morning about the real santa and the pretend santa's in the shops and conflicting stories she's been told. I think it's time to explain, but I don't know how or what to say. What do others do/say?

I remember as a very very young child...kindergarten age I told my mum I didn't believe in Santa, it didn't make any sense etc, she just said "Well, if you don't believe in him he won't come" ....so I left it at that....I'm pretty sure she didn't want me to spoil it for my older brother and sister (6 & 3 years older)....he is more intelligent than I am, but I think he just WANTED him to be real much more and convinced himself he was ; )

It was already our family tradition that santa stopped coming once you hit high school anyway, but by the yr5/6 the presents had started getting pretty lame anyway as it was obvious I didn't believe and being the youngest there was no longer a point to the charade ; )